Life is always unfair towards me?

[Janefrost45]

So i really dont like the structure of my family, actually my family is big but because my dad doesn't get along with his siblings… so we only celebrate everything (like chinese new year) in a small family scale…

I feel very insecure looking at other people with big happy families…. So i used to not think about it…

But right now i have a partner and my partner comes from a big loving family…. I feel very insecure, that i introduce my partner a very small scale family…. Like why would my partner want me? It gives my partner a disadvantage right?

In chinese tradition, on chinese new year people celebrate it happily, the merrier the better… but in my family thats not the case….

There are other people with a more loving and big family, why would my partner stay with me right? This makes me very fragile due to my family situation, like my partner can leave me anytime…. But i dont know how to make my social status stronger with this small family…. I can't expect my family to become a big loving family for my partner, this is what worries me a lot. Like why do i have to suffer from this, its not my fault….

I feel very insecure, every time there is a chinese new year i always suffer from anxiety everytime im close with someone… Because i feel i dont give my partner a big loving family…

People in social media keep posting of their big and loving family, even my partner. And im not able to do that, its disadvantageous for my partner right?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Your partner doesn't love you because of where you come from, or the "advantages" of dating you. That's not what love is.

He's dating you because he likes YOU. The you that's suffered in a small family and felt jealous all these years, the you that makes him smile and feel welcomed because you always wanted to feel like that. YOU are the reason he's dating you, NOT your family or their lack of ties.

Family is tricky, it's not always going to be great. Your dad and his bad relationship with his siblings is his business, and in fairness he does have the right to not talk to them if he doesn't want to. You also have the right to cut out your father and that side of your family if you want, or reach out to your aunts and uncles to learn more about them without your family's consent. There are plenty of big families that come with problems that you might not hear about just because they put it aside for celebrations where it's really the only time they even bother to see those parts of their family again, and avoid them for the rest of the year until the next big holiday. You having a family you're ashamed of is pretty normal, but it also has nothing to do with why your partner is dating you. There's no status involved here other than just finding the status of happiness by being together with you.

Why not join your partner's family? Enjoy the event with everyone, learn more about your new aunts and uncles, your in-laws and new cousins that might eventually become part of your life if you and your partner are looking at marriage potentially? I'm sure it might feel like you're replacing your parents and everyone else but it's more just that your family is growing and you can learn to find joy in that life as your partner's significant other rather than just being upset that your immediate family can't meet your expectations. Look forward to the future with your partner, not back on the past of your disappointed childhood.

[Janefrost45]

Thank you for the detailed explanation.
I always suffer this way every year, like i feel this is a weakness that can make my partner leave me anytime, for another person with a better and big loving family.
Because my partner likes to post on social media on that celebration, and with his family he can post it, but with my family he can't. I feel like im burdening him. I also want to have a family that i can post, but what can i do?
I feel grateful meeting my partner, but i also have lots of drawbacks that if i think about it could be a lot of reason for my partner to leave me….. This “instagram” thing has make it more difficult for my position….

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Forget the social media, why not just be open about your insecurities with your partner? Or at the very least, find someone you can talk to that can help soothe this idea that you have to meet this hyper-specific standard to be worthy of love.

[Janefrost45]

Is it really a hyper-specific standard?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You're saying it like your social class has anything to do with why your partner likes you, so yeah. I'd call it hyper-specific. Also, maybe just see a therapist so you can address your dying inner child that's so disappointed by your family.

[caring__1]

It's easy to play the victim, but where does it take you? Your life is what you choose to create, not what's handed to you on a silver platter. If you want a large family, then create a large family. If you believe your family is toxic, then find substitute parents and siblings. I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't have any family that would love to join your celebration. Feeling sorry for yourself won't move you forward.

[RARETRAMP]

I'm a gay magnet? Life is so unfair the worst part is why this occurs I study french, italian cook interested in zodiac signs star patterns gardening decoupage noir creating doll houses. However there's not a single woman that is interested in me!! how just is that?

[Pyrofox]

Well it's pretty clear they want u to have a chance to find out what it's like to have a big family. in my opinion.