Do most parents not react the right way when you tell them your successes and disappointments, or is it a sign of controlling behavior?

[Bethany22]

For example, I told my mother that I tried practicing a certain language that I recently started learning (out of my own discovered interest) with a native speaker of that language, and that person understood me perfectly. Her reaction wasn't full of all kinds of encouraging enthusiasm that one would expect, especially given the really difficult reputation of that language. Is that considered emotionally controlling, or am I wrong to expect others to react a certain way to what I say? Also, when I share a disappointing social interaction story with my mother, she doesn't seem to realize that the reason why I'm telling her the story is that I need comfort, whereby she thinks it's okay to change the conversation topic soon afterwards.

[SomeRandomGuy89]

I don't know what is normal.

What I do know is that when I talk to others about my own personal goals and ambitions in the early stages, they most often make me feel like I'm destine to fail because "this is who you are and who I know you to be".

I've come to a place in my life where if I have something I need to work towards, I'll do so in private until I reach a point where I've obtained some amount of success and they take notice without having to be told.

I find that in doing this I'm fostering less expectation and creating more real interest. I end up getting far more encouragement, and more curiosity from others, which makes me feel good about myself and further encourages me to seek better and better outcomes.

Someone once said "suffer in silence so you can shock the world with your success". I don't remember where I heard that, I listen to a lot of podcasts, but it resonated with me and my life has been all the more positive ever since I embraced it.

[malwins]

Yyeah…

[OlderAndWiser]

My mother was never encouraging to me. She grew up "on the wrong side of the railroad tracks" and, by her account, had a childhood filled with responsbility for her younger siblngs, isolation, and unhappiness. (That's her story.) She married my father to escape that and spent the next 34 years raising three children while he was obsessed with violating his vows. So she never expected success, but only failure, and was unconsciously afraid to encourage her children lest they also fall hard with disappointments. She learned to avoid feelings because most of them were bad feelings for her, so she never developed empathy or socal awareness.

I understand why it happened but the effect on my life was just as devastating as if she didn't care at all. I think maybe your mom is like mine.

[melanieeeB]

I know a lot of other parents who do react right.
My mom for a while also wouldn't get it, she mostly also had another mindset due to her upbringing etc but honestly with like 23 I exploded and told her that I'm just asking for her to be a mom.
Since that she and I have been working on it and now I can go to her to talk and she can come to me to talk and if I shouldn't get her or she doesn't get me we communicate and explain and I just can recommend.

[DizzyDesii]

My mom does the same. I dont think its about control. You can just see what a person does and doesn’t care about. Besides with my mom, i notice more jealousy than controlling ways. She admitted to being jealous that I went to college, that I’m closer to her parents, and that I almost married

[Bethany22]

It's when they want to be both jealous of you when you do what they want you to do, at the same time as be critical of you if you don't do what they want, that it becomes annoying.

[Guy13]

I think at some point we as adults should outgrow the required stroking of a parental figure as if we are 15. That's the equivalent of a 11 year old encased in an adult body.

Narcissists are like this in that they are developmentally "11" immersed in wishful thinking and encased in an adult body seeking the childhood centered attention as a fully physically grown and developed individual.

[malwins]

Bery good quedtion!!! My mom fir example gives me advice like: being fat!!!

[malwins]

Why would a mom not want their kid to be successful?

[EaterPeter]

That might be right. No two humans are equal.

[LemiaOfThunder]

Not sure