Should the grandmother of your child make an effort to reach out to her grandchild without you having to reach out for her?

[graacceey]

I get that the paternal side of the child’s family, unless you’re still with your child’s father or married, don’t get to see or be around around the child as much but if they want to see him or her, shouldn’t a effort be made especially when they have your number and other ways to contact you?

[Avicenna]

Yeah, but that relationship is often collateral damage

[KrakenAttackin]

Why should the "paternal side" not be expected to interact with their grandchildren? That's a shit attitude on your part.

[DownInTheDumps]

I think you read the question wrong. She is asking should the grandparents make an effort to reach out and make contact to see their grandchild and not her always having to reach out and make contact with the grandparents to see if they want to see their grandchild.

If the grandparents want to see their grandchild then they should make an effort to reach out and ask to see their grandchild.

[midnightmoon05]

Why are these situations so complicated.
If I want to reach out I do or don't. It’s in my control. If I take the kids to them and they treat them well I will continue.
If they are not welcome … that’s the answer.
Who cares who reach out to whom all the time.

[DownInTheDumps]

@midnightmoon05 I would care because if they can't be bothered to make an effort to reach out then to me it shows they don't care about their grandchild.

[midnightmoon05]

@DownInTheDumps
How do they treat the kids?

[DownInTheDumps]

@midnightmoon05 my child dad and his parents are not in my child's life. It was their choice to not be there and I have the proof to back this up and to show I did everything I could to have my child's dad and his parents in their life.

If you want to be in my child's life regardless if you treat them well or not, I'm not going to be the one who has to be the one who has to constantly reach out to you even if you treat my child really well. To me it's 50/50 effort

[midnightmoon05]

@DownInTheDumps It's never 50/50. Not even in a loving long term marriage. You made a choice to have this kid even when he doesn't want to be a part. so you must take full responsibility. Again, it's your choice to want them to be involve or not. However, you can't control what they do. They treat the kid well! Thats amazing! Give yourself some free time when kid is with dad/grandparents. You are allowing your negative emotions to make decisions, its not healthy. Do what's best for the kid. You can't be in control of everything. Thats a misery to live by.
Love your kid and give him/her the best life you can as a single mom.
I see women at my job being extrmemly vicious and not wanting the kid to see the father at all. Kids deserve both healthy parents... in fact, a whole village to raise one... they need good role models.
I am a single mom... when my ex. husband decided to leave the marriage... and didn't want to pay a dime, even though he mades double than me... the court wanted me to fight... I decided to fuck the court system and not take a dime so that I can make sure our kids have love... money I can teach kids to live with the little we have and teach them how to budget and make better money choices.
I called him weekly to tell him how the kids are,

[midnightmoon05]

how the kids feel, their school work, explained the illness they have if that was the case. I called... he didn't want to hear from me. But because of that... kids are raised by "both" parents with similar goals. Eventually, he found it helpful to be on the same page even when it's in 2 separated homes. We still talk often even though kids are older. we discuss school work, holistic medicine, organic foods. travel plans, mental health, even about problems in his house or mine. 13 years. later, our kids are thriving, have two very well balanced households, they view things with a positive attitude about the world, about themselves, about their friends, school work. They would say they have 2 homes, 2 dads, 2 moms. they are more privileged than 80% of kids who are raised by single or dual parents who chose to not do it for the well beings of their kids.
When kids grow up with one healthy, loving parent, they will be okay. With both, they will thrive with goals and purpose and succeed and take over the world so to speak.
We need moms who are well to raise kids who will become well. We lost all that... but as a woman, you have the power to change that. Do what's best for the child. Give every opportunity for the child to learn, to grow, to love, be loved to succeed!
Like everything else, its never easy, but it's well worth it!

[DownInTheDumps]

@midnightmoon05 why are you throwing the whole I must take responsibility bs at me I'm raising my baby on my own with no help do you really think I'm not taking responsibility? Not only am I taking responsibility but I am also protecting my child and doing everything I can to make sure she never has to experience or go through the crap I went through growing up

to me it is 50/50 I don't give a damn if you don't believe in that. I've dealt with a lot of BS in my life where it was me who always had to make contact with people because they didn't really bother making contact with me and I promised my child I would never allow that to happen to them like I said if you want to be in my child's life I won't stop that at the same time you better be prepared to make a 50/50 effort because i am not going to be the one constantly chasing you up to give you updates about the baby or to ask you if you want to see them especially if you weren't there during the pregnancy and when I gave birth.

I would have a different attitude if I lived with the person but since I don't live with them. It's 50/50 effort

[midnightmoon05]

Exactly what KrakenAttackin said…bad attitude.
I don’t blame these people not wanting anything to do with you.

Nothing about the well being of the child.

Good luck getting 50/50…