Why does my family constantly throw my past in my face? why do I feel like an outsider in my own family?

[dearryy]

I have done some wrong. I’m not perfect but I have also corrected my wrongs and mistakes with apologies and actions. I don’t look for a congratulations for doing the right thing but I also don’t want it thrown in my face. It has always seemed like my imperfections within my household family (mom, dad and sister) outweighed there’s. It’s always me that is or was wrong. It’s always me whose flaws are brought to the surface. It’s always me that’s crazy or too sensitive or a “Crybaby” It’s never the other way around. Only my flaws are gossiped about, never there’s. So much so that it feels like I’m the only one who’s ever done wrong within the family. Like I can’t fit in with their perfection.

Updates

+1 y

My mom and dad have never really invested in me beyond material things but they have even paid for my adult sister to get braces and they lie and tell me “Well she just knows how to save money.” Yet she buys useless things all the time. It’s always me that has to apologize for how I feel and “Make” things right. They never sit down and try to see where I’m coming from, no, I’m just “Crazy” and “Stressed” out.

[ohsheeT]

Let them live there. You just keep moving forward..

They have no life. And you use to give it to them. Then. And still doing it

We have all done some thing stupid. But just think where we might be now if we didn't.

There is a reason for everything.. they look at it as OMGGGG The sky is Falling. I look at it as it's apart of my up bringing it changed the course of my life and it was yesterday. .. and how dare they say anything as if they never did anything bad. And at least you learned from yours. They didn't learn anything because they are still being Mr or Mrs hypocrite because you know damn well they have done something don't look at it as a negative look at it as a plus keep going forward when they say something about you just smile and say well what did you learn from it. And then they might come back at you and say well what did you learn from it you say well I learned that another hypocrite and I don't have to pry into people's lives from something that happened 25 years ago get over it

[Mynameisbobby]

Sounds like they made you the scapegoat. That's what my mother and sister did to me after my dad died, everything was my fault my sister who is 5 years older than me beat me up everyday day and then they both said that I am the one that's too sensitive! Reading this makes me angry. I'm sorry you have to go through this 😔

[Izzy_3991]

That's very narcissistic of them. That tells me that you aren't upholding their “image” or they can't live through you. They despise you for it.

[dearryy]

Exactly and then whenever I show or let it be known I don’t need them and can make things happen on my own it’s always a “whatever” or “You’ll need me before I need you.” kind of response. They want me to be dependent on them because that’s how they see me. As a nobody who can’t do anything on my own because of a few mistakes as if they never made any and it hurts.

[Izzy_3991]

I see. You are viewed as a “failure” by them. Don't worry, I am in the same boat as you.
I would, if possible, move away from them. Narcs don't get any better. They also drag you down. They only need you when you make it big so they can play the “loving parent” role. Everyone is a pawn in their eyes and their children reflect who they are or what they wanted to be before having children.

[dearryy]

You’re absolutely right. My sister just graduated college and I was and still am genuinely proud of her. She received her bachelors degree. I even wrote a few papers for her for a few of her classes while she was attending college and got her a nice gift that I could barely afford and stood back and let her shine. I watched them post her graduation pictures all around the home and I listen to them boast proudly about her over the phone with other family members and friends and when those other family members and friends ask about me it’s just a really dull “She’s okay. She’s fine.” My sister can get away with murder practically because she’s there ”One”. I’m working on me and keeping things I have planned for myself a secret. They even took my graduation pictures down from when I graduated high school and went to prom and kept hers up but I didn’t say anything because then I’m “Overthinking” or doing too much. I’ll be out of there sooner than they may even believe.

[Izzy_3991]

I am really sorry this is happening to you 😢😢
But yeah, she’s their “golden child”. Nothing she does will change how highly they regard her. She brings them attention and admiration. Narcs love that. They love getting attention and compliments because they secretly have low self-esteem.
Narcs have a classification for each of their children. One is the golden child, one is the failure and the other is the scapegoat.