Is it hypocritical to say you have unconditional love if you still have conditions?

[Anonymous]

My father continues saying that once in a while but he has conditions in the end. If I cheat on a boyfriend or wrong others, whatever. But if I were to directly betray him (ex: empty his bank account or hire someone to assault him), I'm disowned instantly and suddenly he doesn't have a daughter anymore. Where is so the called ''unconditional love'' talk then? He once tried to throw me out of the house when I was 19 for doing things online. My mother talked him out of it but he wouldn't speak to me for weeks. Unconditional love huh? LOL

My mother however at least keeps true to her word and unconditional love to her means literally unconditional even if I were beat her or attempt against her life. Off course she would have me arrested afterwards but still visit me. She's there till the very end. She's the only person I'll still have in my life no matter what. Literally unconditional.

I've made a promise and my stance has soften regarding how I would be if I had a child. I like my mother's stance, unconditional till the very end with your. This doesn't mean I'll support their bad choices or be permissive. It means loving them while not loving the action. Seriously is it hypocritical to say you have unconditional love when you still have certain conditions?

Updates

11 mo

Just like my father has conditional love towards me (as long as I don't betray him), I have conditional love for him too.
If hypothetically speaking my mother went crazy and killed my father, I would forgive her and visit her. If it's my dad that did that, he's dead to me immediately.

Updates

11 mo

If you can disown your child for even one single reason (regardless of the reason), then you don't have unconditional love. It's either conditional or unconditional. There is no in between.

[ohsheeT]

You can love somebody unconditionally but when they pre-meditate something and do something let's say to harm somebody and he can still love you unconditionally but it doesn't have to like you he doesn't ever have to see you again he doesn't have to talk to you again it's unconditional you can love somebody without liking them or wanting to be around them

If you go out of your way to hurt some one he can love you unconditionally forever he might not even want to talk to you again he might disown you but that does not mean that he does not love you

[ohsheeT]

When my son was growing up and I had my talk with him and I told him I love him unconditionally if something happened to him he goes to jail I'll be there put out your hand and I'll pull you up if something happens again you go to jail put your hand out I'll pull you up the third time it happens and you go to jail if you put your hand up I'm going to break it and I'm going to smack you straight in the face I'm going to tell you that I love you but if you didn't learn from the first of the second time you're going to have to stay here and learn the third time that's unconditional love

[Asker]

Disowning is showing indifference (the opposite of love isn't hate but actually indifference) towards the child, rejecting your love towards them and denying their existence. That's what you're doing by never wanting to hear nor speak to them again.
It would be different if the parent was distancing themselves but telling the child that they're there for them if they have a change of heart, that if they want to speak the door is open for them. That's different than straight forward cutting them out of your forever, and not wanting to speak to them ever again not even if they apologize.

[Asker]

There may be times the relationship is troubling and you need to take a step back and remove yourself from that person because of a situation that came about, or something they did, but if they ever needed anything, or were in danger, you would be there if you truly love them. That's different than ''forget you ever had a father'' thing.

[ohsheeT]

Yeah I agree with you I the best part about my relationship with my kids is that they're always going to be my kids no matter what. When I raised him I never yelled to them I never hit them I never put them in time out or discipline them like most parents do I put my first finger in the air and said pssst and motion with my finger to come here.. they would get about 5 feet away and say yes dad.. and what every there where doing I would ask them if they could pay for it if the broke it. Oor just what ever was going on I would take about a min explain why they shouldn't do what there were doing. They would say ok I would say pay attention and respect other people stuff. They would say ok .. I would go have fun.. they know now matter what happens I will be there for them but they also know I'm not going to get angry. It's on them and they have to deal with it.. it kinda sounds like you and your father have deeper issues

[Asker]

You're a great dad and more kids deserve to have someone like you. Meanwhile some people don't deserve to have kids.
Even though I'm 36 and childless, if I were to make it on time to be a mother... I would be unconditionally till the very end. It doesn't mean supporting their decisions, obviously not. In the hypothetically situation that the child commits a crime, I would turn them in myself but still visit them and provide my neverending love.

[KingOfMe1]

Unconditional love doesn't exist. The world and universe operates on value. Parents love their kids because they are THEIR kids. That's not unconditional love.

[ohsheeT]

You might be right. But there are parents out there that don't know what love is nor did they recive it. . I say I'm different in 1 million ways first i never new my real father until i was 32 . I was beat black and blue from 5 to 10 he said he lived me but would leave marks all over my body. That's not love I moved out when I was 16 I new nothing about nothing. But I'm not some one who thinks he knows everything like we all do at that age so I set firth to find it to understand it in every manner. It goes deeper that that even but any way sure why not. I just believe in what and who I am and what I have experienced. I raise my kids this way to and I belive in them even more just because of how they treat people and who they have become

[Kiran_Yagami]

Of course it is. Unconditional is just that. If you still have conditions, then yooz a liar.

[Asker]

Exactly. At least my mother makes more sense. When I was a teen, my father gave up pathetic examples of unconditional love such as still loving me even if I get bad grades at school or hit a random old lady at the streets. That's still limited. But he sure wasn't unconditional when I did some things online at age 19 and thought the worst in me for one second (a sloot) and it took my mother to talk me out of kicking me out of the house. Then my mother gave me the big lecture of how it's going to take time for him to forgive me, lol. Forgive me for being a sexual being with hormones too. I was still a virgin anyway since it was just online. I still remembered it fresh in my mind till this day.

I'm glad you were able to also catch the BS. Unconditional love would be loving me even if I was indeed a sloot or wrong him badly. At least the only single condition for my mother is that I'm her daughter but no matter what actions I were to do, at least she'll still be there talking to me.

[KingOfMe1]

Unconditional Love doesn't exist. The universe literally operates on Cause and Effect...
Many people will say, "I love my kids unconditionally" yet in their own words they speak of the conditions of why they love them. They love them because they are THEIR kids.

The universe is Amoral. God is amoral. If that isn't clear to people by now... I mean just look at the world. It all runs by value that is governed by natural laws. Good and bad don't exist. In fact, I believe the whole story of Adam and Eve reveals this. Only our thinking makes something bad or good.

Everything Jesus teaches relates back to usage of natural law and not morals.
However, traditional religions will focus so much on morals. Morals keep you out of trouble but they also cause a unfulfilling life. The key, in my opinion, is to be amoral and make decisions based on natural law and not morality. Doing that does not lead to the breaking of man's law nor violating others. It leads to more freedom and joy than morality and none of the bad things that come with immorality. It leads to a heavenly life.

Even Gods love is conditional. You can tap into greater things any time you want but if you continue sinning you will continue to go downward in life. Sinning meaning not working in harmony with natures laws. Has nothing to do with morals. The cost of sin is death as the Bible says and downward you shall go is what that means. You're either getting better in life or at that thing or going downward. If you aren't going up you are sinning. God is for upward movement only.

[Asker]

In the end, everything has conditions then. You said it yourself in the first paragraph. My mother would've kicked me out long ago if I were her step-daughter or adopted daughter instead of her daughter. Therefore I can't do anything that would make her stop talking to me or disowning me, nothing, not even if I plot against her.
About the reference of a god, what if I'm an atheist? If believing in a god is a condition, then that itself it's conditional love, not unconditional.

[CaptainOverthink]

The only unconditional love anyone's ever getting is what we get from our parents and give to our children.
I could become a serialkiller and still be loved by my mom, even if she'd disagree with everything I am. We can fight, be mad as hell and not see eachother for 30 years, deep down we love eachother.

Love of our partners are NOT unconditional. It is VERY conditional. It can be very strong and if you're up for the work you can go to hella nd back for eachother. But if I kill their family, they won't love me no more.

It's a bit extreme, I know. But hey, unconditional means without conditions.. none what-so-ever.

[Asker]

You said it. Just the fact that if you kill their family, they won't love you anymore it's already a condition. I actually give kudos to this man here:
www.nydailynews.com/.../...rders-article-1.1103104
Terry Caffey's wife and two younger children were murdered. That man's daughter (then a 16 year-old teen) orchestrated their murder with her boyfriend just because her parents forbade that relationship. She wanted them all dead and even the other people that were involved, they all said that she was the mastermind. Even her boyfriend insisted to just run away together but she said no, she wants them all dead.
The father was the sole survivor of his gunshot wounds but still forgave his daughter. He regularly visits her in prison. He doesn't believe she was the mastermind (maybe in denial) but did said that even if she was, well he has to forgive me because it's his daughter still. Now that man does indeed have unconditional love towards his daughter. He takes the price.

[Asker]

How can he live with the fact that his daughter wanted him dead too? He barely survived. The daughter doesn't even show real remorse. She's only remorseful that she got caught and her father is alive. Her father surviving wasn't part of the plan.

[CaptainOverthink]

Yes. It defies all reason.
It's simply our nature to love our children, even if we'll dissown them and act like they're dead, still somewhere deep down they mean more to us than everyone else. Well I'm sure there are exceptions..

[provokeesmokee]

He'll still love you, but he won't be able to have you in his life.

All love has limits.

But just because you become a total Karen doesn't mean he won't still feel love for the concept of you - just not actually you.

He'll love his daughter.

But he can't love a criminal or absolutel Karen in the same way.

[Asker]

If it has limits then it's not unconditional. My mother would still speak to me even if I were to betray her. She just wouldn't support me financially nor bail me out of jail if I were locked up but she would be there for me if I wanted to need to speak to her.

[Juxtapose]

Unconditional love is the purview of the psychotic. You're not going to love somebody if they torture you to death so there's a condition right there.

[Asker]

That's why no one should say something they have no idea what it really means. Unconditional is exactly as the word says it, loving no matter what.

[Juxtapose]

Agreed completely!

[Luopio27]

Say that to Jeesus, if you get the chance. He is the God of Forgivness.

[Juxtapose]

@Luopio27 oh yes, the abrahamic religions. Where they tell you to believe in them or go to hell! Very tolerant and loving!

[Asker]

@Luopio27
I'm not a believer and don't care about religion either.

[Luopio27]

Hands up, you got me. My point is no longer valid. It is now pointless. If non believers and agnostics go to hell, I may end up there. I dont know what to believe in.

I agree now that unconditional love is just hypocritic way of life.

[Asker]

@Luopio27
Exactly. If even a fictious super being has a condition of believing in it then that's still conditional love, not unconditional.
Come to think of, now that I'm analyzing this further even my mother has a condition; the sole condition that I'm her daughter. Just the fact that I'm her bio child is already a conditon. Nevermind, even being her child is a condition after all.

[Luopio27]

As far as love of Jesus goes, he did pray for the souls of those who tortured him to death.

But as for unconditional love, what people do for their loved ones is a hundred, thousand, million times more that what they would do for everyone else. So yes, being born to a loving family is conditional love due to being related.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Just because your parents kick you out of their lives to protect their own well being, doesn't mean they don't love you
I think you're confused about what love is

[Asker]

Not really. A parent disowning the child is removing their love and denying their very existence, not caring whether the child is dead or alive. That's not love. That's indifference, the opposite of love.

My mother is different. If I were to steal her savings or beat her, yes she can have me arrested and jailed, take steps back but she would still visit me from a distance, still speak to me. By doing that she wouldn't be supporting financially nor agreeing with my choices but she would be letting me know that she's there to listen to me and that her love has no limit.

Not so with my father. If he can disown me for anyting, that's not unconditional.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Did he say he wouldn't care if you died?

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I can't believe a parent would ever get to that point unless there's sowmthkfn seriously wrong with them

[Asker]

Not really but he once said he has no problems cutting toxic people out of his life even if it involve a child. This is when he put the example of if I were to steal from him then he would cut contact with me and I'm no longer his daughter. I felt lied to for years with his ''my love for you is unconditional'' BS speech.
So we can already assume that once disowned, the parent wouldn't care about their child nor how they're doing.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I still don't think him wanting nothing to do with you means he doesn't love you.
Caring and loving usually go hand in hand, but they're not the same emotion.
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.
The fact that he would say that at all is a bit fucked though, I have to admit.

[Asker]

If I get the chance to have a child, I would never say that. I would follow through with my mother's concept of unconditional love, mean it till the very end. It doesn't mean I would bail me out of jail if they did a crime, nope (they have to do the time) but I wouldn't mind visiting them and tell them they have my love still.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I agree. It's a parent's job to stick by their child's side no matter what.
My cousin has threatened to kill my aunt and uncle many times and even killed their dog, and they still visit her in prison.

I'm sorry your dad said that to you

[Asker]

yeah and I also haven't forgotten the time he wanted to kick me out of the house when I was 19 just for doing things online. He thought of me the worse (that I was a sloot but I was still a virgin at the time, since it was just online) so yeah I forgive that but never forgot that event. My mother had to literally talk him out of kicking me out.
So my love towards him is the same, it's more flexible than if I had a boyfriend but it's conditional. It has its limits too if he goes too far and betrays me. Meanwhile with my mother, I returned the same love towards her, unconditionally till the end. So basically, you get what you give. Put limits on your love towards me, I'll return the same.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

So your love is only unconditional if it's reciprocated

[Asker]

The child after all learns to give the love that was given to him/her. After all the child started as an innocent baby and the parents are the first teachers, mentors in the child's life.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Very true. We're products of our parents, one way or the other

[LiamJHayden]

I do not believe in unconditional love. I could completely adore someone and put her first, but if she intentional murdered someone, especially someone else whom I loved, my conscious choice to put her first would end.

[Asker]

The fact that they have to do something to sever any communication with them is already conditional love. Unconditional would be still being there to the very end no matter what. I would say this man has unconditional love towards his murderous daughter that orchestrated the murder of her family since he still vists her in prison:
www.nydailynews.com/.../...rders-article-1.1103104

[Miristheiss]

Relationships are not unconditional. You only have unconditional for your kids.

Relationships are ALWAYS conditional.

[Asker]

I was always aware of that. I'm calling out on my father's hypocrisy of sometimes claiming to have unconditional love for me but still having certain conditions that he would disown me for and I would be considered dead in his eyes. Therefore, if he has conditions, then nope he's not unconditional like my mom is.

[KingOfMe1]

@Miristheiss Would you love your kids IF they weren't your kids? You just proved yourself wrong. It's not unconditional love because the only reason you love them is because they are YOUR kids.

[Asker]

@KingOfMe1
You made a point there. Yeah I gave my mom a hard time when I was in my unstable relationship. If I were just a step-daughter (dad's kid but not hers) or an adopted kid, no way she would put up with it. She would want me out fast. True.
But yeah if it's regarding what actions I can do against her that would make her stop loving me, none. Since I'm her daughter, there is nothing wrong I can do no matter what.

[es20490446e]

It is unconditional by default, except if you try to fuck people up.

This is not that you require certain conditions, but that you are adding shit to the equation.

[Asker]

You said it, ''if you try to fuck people up''. If is already a conditon. Meanwhile my mother would still speak to me even if I were to screw her over. I would never do it but it does feels good to be loved unconditionally by her at least.

[es20490446e]

I think that's asking too much to any person.

[Asker]

Then they shouldn't say they love you unconditionally if they still have conditions that if sever enough you're disowned. For me the meaning of unconditional love is exactly what the word is, endless love.

[Asker]

You can have it two ways. You can't say unconditional love but yet if they screw you over, they're dead in your eyes. It's either conditional or unconditional, no in between.

[Asker]

**You can't

[es20490446e]

That's not how reality works, it's fantasy.

We feel love for the people we like, not for the people that try to fuck us up.

[Asker]

Then why did Ted Bundy's mother and Jeffrey Dahmer's father still loved their children till the very end? Both were serial killers. They both disappointed and fuck up their parents so badly by committing those horrendous crimes.

[es20490446e]

Guilt.

[blueonblack22]

The only person who has unconditional love is God.

[Asker]

Not really. The person suposedly has to believe in a god and if they're atheist like me, there is no conditionally love. So basically even believing in a god is already a condition.

[Keishio]

All your examples are so extreme. Assault, murder, theft... I'm more concerned why all this is running through your head

[Asker]

I've been hearing several cases (once in a while I watch ID channel) of what unconditional love really is and then read stories on reddit about people disowning children for a lot less than those examples.
Off course I love my family and would never harm them. I was focusing on what the words unconditional love really is and that means no conditions. It means loving someone no matter what, still having them in your life no matter what. Otherwise, disowning is the opposite of unconditional love.

[Asker]

I'll give a milder example that has nothing to do with those extreme cases. Not so long ago I read a story on Reddit about a son in his early 20's sleeping with his father's girlfriend. The son's mother (guy's wife) died years ago. So anyway, the father dumped the girlfriend but still forgave his son, still has him in his life.

[Keishio]

Unconditional love can exist for someone's children and family members in general but that doesn't mean actions don't come with consequences which is why it can hurt so much for those affected. I'll use your milder example but switch it around. Say hyperthetically that my dad ended up sleeping with my girlfriend behind my back and I found out I would absolutely leave my girlfriend but my dad will always be my dad. I might refuse to see him, I might break off contact with him but I'd still love him which is why it would be so incredibly painful

[Asker]

I have a hard time believing that someone you can love someone you withdrew your love immediately and deny their existence. You gave up by then. At least if you distance yourself from them in the meantime and take a step back but are still there for them if they want to speak (leaving the door open still), they at least know you're still there for them, not giving up.

[Keishio]

It depends what they've done. Some things are unforgivable

[Asker]

Yet if someone out there wanted to forgive, they can if they want. There was a case of a mother that forgave her daughter's killer and gave her a puppy. She forgave what many of us would find unforgivable. That means it's only unforgivable base on the person but someone else can still find it forgivable.

[Keishio]

Yeah, its all relative

[JamesRandiDebates]

There is no such thing as "unconditional."

[Asker]

With my mother is different though. Just the fact that I'm her daughter, she'll never disown me no matter what. So in that case, she would be unconditional.

[virtualwasp]

everyone has a limit

[Asker]

Not this father here:
www.nydailynews.com/.../...rders-article-1.1103104
He still regularly visits his daughter in women's prison. She was the mastermind of the murder of her parents. She insisted that her boyfriend kill her parents and two younger brothers. She wanted them all dead but her father miraculously survived. He was the sole survivor and she got busted. Her father surviving and identifying the killer as her boyfriend wasn't part of the plan.
How he can handle the fact that she wanted him dead too puzzles me.

[Anonymous]

Did you do these things and discover this?

[Asker]

Nope, I didn't do any of that. I still have my parents and wouldn't ever risk doing anything to get disowned by dad. That was a general question about a hypothetical situation.

[Asker]

It doesn't make sense to say you love your child unconditionally but will disown them, never speak to them ever again nor care about their existence if they did something big to sever the bonding. Disowning a child is the opposite of unconditional love till the end and never giving up on them just like Ted Bundy's mother was unconditional even after what he did.

[EaterPeter]

Not hungry hippo

[Asker]

What does that have to do with my post?

[EaterPeter]

Just said not hypocritical in completely different words.

[EaterPeter]

Are you from US?