I have been having some issues lately that I think are deeply rooted in the fact I’m a child of divorce. All I remember is my parents being separate, arguing when they were in the same room, etc. Because their marriage ended badly, my mother never shied away from saying negative things about my father. I lived my life with my mother and sister, seeing my father every few months for school holidays, etc. My mother has sworn off men because my dad made her lose trust in men - her words.
Now I’m in a relationship with a man, I find that I look for the tiniest things to suggest he isn’t good enough for me or whatever. I have weird thoughts that my mother is just waiting to say ‘told you so’ about my man. Every time, for example, my boyfriend forgets to do a chore I ask him to do, I jump down his throat and think he’s being a lazy man - rather than the more rational thought that he didn’t forget to specifically hurt my feelings!
To the women out there who grew up mostly being raised by a man-hesitant mother in an all women household, do you find your mother ingrained her thoughts and attitude in you?
Now I’m in a relationship with a man, I find that I look for the tiniest things to suggest he isn’t good enough for me or whatever. I have weird thoughts that my mother is just waiting to say ‘told you so’ about my man. Every time, for example, my boyfriend forgets to do a chore I ask him to do, I jump down his throat and think he’s being a lazy man - rather than the more rational thought that he didn’t forget to specifically hurt my feelings!
To the women out there who grew up mostly being raised by a man-hesitant mother in an all women household, do you find your mother ingrained her thoughts and attitude in you?
What Girls Said
I was blessed to grow up with a good mother an father, but I have known a lot of girls who didn't and I have seen the effects of what they call fatherless daughter syndrome. I believe it can be overcome but it takes serious commitment. The fact that you recognize it tells me you can get past it. Best of luck.
I grew up in a family where my parents stayed married but I do understand the whole ingrained part as I dealt with that with not just my own mom but with my older sisters as well. I have never been able to have a healthy relationship because of it either.
if anything i blame more my father than mother, his behavior was bad and i have never experienced a good father figure