How did your parents relationship affect you?

[melanieeeB]

It's kinda the first view of a relationship that we learn from.

I'm actually still trying to figure this one out.
My mom hated my father and left him when I was like 2, I got away from him when I was 6. Long story. Anyways he was violent and I thankfully never dated anyone that was close to that. So that's good.

Later my mom met a new guy when I was 8 and always acted like she and my stepfather had the perfect relationship but I always found their relationship just stupid and he is a loser.
As so my mom, she is so naive and tolerates so much bullshit! It's really sad to witness.

I tried to learn about relationships from my own experiences, from others, etc and trying to stay true to myself and what feels right. I'm still learning tho

[Anonymous]

My parents have a terrible relationship. They started fighting before I was born, it was a petty one but it soon got out of hand. The fight escalated quickly when I was about 5 years old. They started fighting EVERY DAY. I don’t know what exactly it was about even though I have a vague idea of what it might have been.. but I’m not sure if it’s true. I don’t want to drag them down in a public forum so I’ll keep it to myself.

They used to yell, cry and throw stuff at each other. I once remember them breaking a vase in front of me and my brother.. it was extremely traumatizing for me as a kid and it’s affected me a lot. My mum used to ask my dad to promise on my head about something.. they used to do it everyday. My mum used to cry and bad mouth about my dad to me and my dad used to be mad at my brother, he used to yell at me and shit talk about my mom. I still don’t know who I should believe. My mom started forcing me to pick sides when I turned 13. It was awful and I just wanted to run away from home.

They pretty much just ignore each other these days. They still rant to me about each other.. you could say that I’ve always been “the therapist” of my family. I don’t have anything against them, I don’t resent them.. no hard feelings. I just wish they had divorced. They thought it would be best if they stayed together for me, but it only fucked me up. I used to have a distorted view about love and marriage until 2 years ago.. I realized that their life isn’t mine. Just because they fucked their marriage up, does that mean that I will let that happen to me in the future? They were practically strangers when they married each other. My parents are South Asians, and they had an “arranged marriage”.. I have a strong suspicion that my mum wants the same for me when I grow up. She can be as stern as she wants, but I’ll never marry someone she chooses.. or have an arranged marriage. That’s fucking regressive and many just have an awful relationship. Almost all of my friends’ parents who have had an arranged marriage have a shitty relationship.

They were never really much around for me or for my brother.. all 4 of my grandparents raised me and my brother until I was in my early teens and he was around 18. They used to fight whenever they were together. I’m sorry for the rant.. gosh, I got emotional now.

[Opinion Owner]

To be honest, I’ve learnt how not to be in a relationship, ya know, the dos and donts, after seeing them together. It’s better to be happy apart than be miserable together.

[melanieeeB]

No worries, you can rant as much as you want!

Uhm it's great that you're playing therapist for your family and have a ear for everyone but I'm sure that must be really hard!
please don't forget about yourself!🙏🏼

Also your parents relationship does not need to effect your future relationship, don't get a arranged marriage and marry out of love and then I'm sure you will already have better cards to start with, than your parents did back then.

[Apple1996]

My parents are such love birds that almost never fight so honestly it was crazy difficult when I got in a relationship and had to be in a fight. Didn't know how to handle that stress or what to do. I had to learn those skills and still trying to learn those skills.

[crossdressingrihno]

My parents relationship caused me to go through almost hell

I had a home burned down and I've lost everything I've owned multiple times because my parents relationship

My parents relationship caused me to have sleepless nights and gave me insomnia as well as poor tendons at school because of sleepless nights and insomnia which in turn made school a little more difficult

My parents relationship also meant I learned almost nothing about how to live life about hard work or the importance of anything I have learned nothing my father taught me very little and my mother just yelled and screamed at me all the time so I honestly have no clue about how I should live life and that's mostly their fault

Sometimes I get auditory hallucinations which are also the fault of my mother

I have severe PTSD guess who's fault that is

Yeah I am not happy with my life and I know who caused it my parents relationship has ruined many aspects of my life and made it near impossible for me to finish high school which I still did by the way

[NathanDavis]

if I wanted to see them as an example... then they would be a great example for both, some things you should and things you should never do, and I got to see why you should or shouldn't, the consequences of it...

but the most amazing thing about them is that after 40 years or so... they're still like best friends to each other, and they still spend some together almost every day, no matter how busy or difficult a situation, at least one cup of coffer they'll share and it will be just them... laughing at this, at that...

they've never lost that, so yeah... not that I planned it consciously but, that's one of the things I value the most in my every relationship with everyone and all kinds of relationships

[Whatthefluff]

They divorced in my early childhood, and the biggest lesson I learned is that should I divorce while having kids, I'm not going to behave the way they did toward each other/say and do the things they did in front of my theoretical children.
I didn't exactly grow up with an example of a romantic relationship and have worried a lot as a young teenager if I was relationship material, what kind of attachment style I'd have.
I am in a long term relationship now and while life is life and I don't have my stress under control causing me to be pessimistic and irritable sometimes, I think we're more or less in a stable relationship. Screw you Mom, screw you Dad, two separate but identically bitter guardians!

[Sixgunsound]

My parents split when I was 2 1/2 because my mom was convinced by a lawyer friend that she would get more money out of my father divorced than married. After it didn’t work out that way as legal fees ate up so much of both halves of their property because it dragged on and on because there was no reason for the divorce but dueling egos by the end, she became bitter and angry at all men. The lies she was told about men and women and social politics growing up in the 1970’s didn’t materialize in reality. Instead of taking a hard look at the politically motivated lies and pivoting back towards reality, she joined third wave feminist groups and let her two sons know she was angry they weren’t daughters. I was prevented by the court system from having much involvement with my father until I aged out of their ability to control that. Since becoming an adult, I’ve learned that he’s not innocent or perfect, but depriving me of a father as an ego driven calculation because she can, instead of an evidence based reasoned argument is indefensible.

[HighlyVolatile]

My parents both just seemed hopeless at keeping relationships going. My father was a bit better at it but he still ended up divorcing my mother only to remarry only to divorce some years later.

My mother was worse and took home strange guys all the time, including one who stole my prized possessions (I had an autographed Mickey Mantle rookie card which I cherished back then as a boy, and he stole it) along with our family car.

In my case, instead of repeating their patterns, I just became far more motivated to make relationships work through thick and thin. I didn't want to be like my parents. So far I've been able to stay married happily with my wife going to 12 years. That's longer than my parents ever managed to stay married together.

[HighlyVolatile]

One thing in my case is that I've developed a strong yearning to protect and look out for people. I don't take it to the point of some savior complex but as a result of all these experiences, I had to sort of look out for my little sister and play parent. That included protecting her from an abusive man my mother brought home who didn't get along with her and constantly made fun of her and made her cry and said things to her like that he would enjoy being with my mother so much more if she didn't exist. So I punched him and he screamed and cursed and told my mother that he can't stay with us because of me and my sister.

I've sort of developed a violent protector side to me as a result. Sometimes I take it a bit too far. But my parents didn't do a very good job looking out for my little sister so I took on that responsibility.

[HighlyVolatile]

My mother also punished me and my little sister for scaring away that man, and I think I've developed a bit of a rebellious streak against authority. I can usually put it aside where it counts like bosses at work and for police. Yet I don't have the healthiest relationship with authority figures since I saw my parents as so flawed.

[HighlyVolatile]

Now my little sister is happily married to a great husband with a daughter. Yet we both reminisce a lot about how horrible it was growing up with our parents, especially our mother. With my father though, I've become on good terms with him and see him once or twice every year (he lives around 4 hours away by bullet train). We've become drinking buddies although we both tend to drink way too much.

[motownplayer2000]

We all still learning. No matter what stage in life you are in. We are all still learning. At home, my mom used to nag my father. She would complain about every little thing he did. Was super ungrateful at times, and didn’t want to play her role in the home. My dad passed away suddenly and all of a sudden it was on her to take care of the kids and support the family. She struggled, a lot. Didn’t know how. Moral of the experience I had, watch out for the women in life that just want to skate through on a relationship. That is a form of abuse

[Anonymous]

I think my parent's relationship is one of the reasons why I'm scared of a serious, long-term relationship.
Now don't get me wrong, they're still together, and most likely love each other. ... But I've seen them argue, and my mother yelling at my dad and stressing at each other ten times more than I have seen them be affectionate.

I've heard my mom complain about my dad more than they have said nice things.

And I am shit crazily scared to end up like that.

I can really feel my body get scared whenever a guy is really interested, where I can see in his eyes it's for real, where they might want to be end-game together. It scares me so much. And I usually self-sabotage, find reasons to get away or something.

[yucel_eden]

Very much…Very negatively.


My father decided to go up to the mountains (you know what I mean) when my mother was pregnant, and I never really saw him again till I was 8, till he escaped to Europe. After he came into my life they had a marriage filled with problems, and my father and mother wasn’t really healthy mentally either due to what we had been through, so I never really got to see what a marriage should be or a relationship.


I did learn through practice and failing at relationships, but it took a long time and a visit to the therapist when I actually realised how broken I was at creating and maintaining relationships.

[CrazyGirl2]

I definitely won life’s lottery with my parents! I absolutely understand that crappy parents can really screw up a kids life, just as good parents can give a kid an excellent foundation to build a successful life! My parents are like newlyweds, they are completely in love and totally devoted to eachother! God bless them! I hope I have a marriage even close to being as good as theirs!

[TransAm85]

My parents divorced when I was just a kid. I was raised by my mother and my Grandma. My mother used to tell me when I was a kid "never depend on a man". She had good intentions that I learn how to be independent and take care of myself, but she downgraded men a lot. I had to find out myself many things. I got in contact w/my father when I was about 25 and he was not who my mother made him out to be. I got to know him a little more until he died last yr from a heart attack.

[Isismoonie]

My parents used to argue all the time in front of me and still do. By my parents more do my dad he gets all loud and angry. Made me resent my mom when I was younger; I thought she was weak and I never really wanted to be a weak woman when really I just hated the way my father treated/respected her.

[sheikalana]

My parents have been married for over 30+ years. My father is very dominant while my mom is very submissive. I believe their relationship wouldn't have survived these modern days if they were in their 30s. Growing up I've seen them having the wildest arguments. Never got to physical abuse tho but I still think they have a toxic relationship. In conclusion I want to avoid having a relationship like theirs.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

I no longer have any interest in listening to what anyone says being a "real man" means.

My dad put up with some petty shit from my mother, buried his anger instead of standing up for himself, and considered himself more of a man for it.

Now if any man wants to tell me what being a real man means, they can go straight to hell.

[gabby100]

They were great, strict , but fare. Mum did her thing , dad did his only time really we all spent together was on holiday in caravan.
At other times i went with dad to repair the car, some scrap yard digging out some bit for his old car.
Or going with mum shopping, i always got something. a top or a skirt.
I knew they were close, they had sex , sometimes. I enjoy the life gave me very happy memories...

[BCRanger10]

My parents have a relatively stable relationship. They rarely, if ever fought in front of us. They have been faithful to each other ever since they got married. There are some things I'd do differently, but they have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

My health is steadily declining because of them.

They do what losers love to do. They fight, blame others, become poorer and poorer, almost never go to the medics and take their anger out on me and things are never good enough.

And so I end up spending my money not for a vacation to Turkey but for medical procedures and surgeries. Sadly I've never been to Turkey. Or anywhere for vacation. I already spent a high sum of money on my health and I'm still not fully recovered yet.

I live alone. Wish I had 2 jobs.

[andreasderjuengere]

I saw no love between my parents (for individual reasons)
I saw no love between my grand parents (same reasons)
So I needed to figure out ''love'' on my own.
That makes me a... difficult person.
But one with good intentions basically :)

[ChrisMaster69]

It showed me what happens when two narcissistic arseholes get married and then decide to have kids. Then rather than targeting each other they have two others who can take the blame for everything

[josephinelcajon]

I would say everyones lives are greatly effected buy it to the extreme! Everything you do feel think is soaked up from them in how they lived. Most things they never even speak of yet you learned it from them! Take this advice parents live every second of your life exactly as you want your child to be!

[Wise4myage]

Quite a lot actually, because my father is an abusive drunk.

[humanearth]

Had the same kinda of dad

[Wise4myage]

@humanearth I'm sorry to hear that.

[melanieeeB]

That must be have been awful. Wish you two all the best now and well the future

[Wise4myage]

Thank you Melaanieee.

[Anonymous]

My parents fight a lot. I used to react at first but now I'm fed up. They easily get tensed and angry for no reason. I'm trying my best to stay cool and avoid such unnecessary tensions lol.

Sometimes I get jealous when I see how my friend's parents interact.

[exitseven]

My parents never showed affection for each other and later got divorced. As a result it was hard for me to show my feelings about anyone.