I'm an Indian girl. My parents are making me do arranged marriage cuz my boyfriend and I belong to different religion. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm Christian and my boyfriend is Hindu. We have a healthy relationship. He respects my beliefs and I respects his, but we never force each other to convert. But my parents are trying to split us up just because of religious differences. I can't say anything about him cuz he is 20 and still building his life and career. They told me to stop all contacts with him a year ago but I still talk to him cuz before the relationship we were best friends. Him and I are in long distance relationship and we can't even meet in person cuz I'm in US and he is in India and our situations. Everything just hurts. Both of us are always stressed because of this and he is trying his best to become successful but everything is getting out of hand. I can't imagine anybody else in his place. He is everything I have ever asked god. I can't hurt my parents and can't put shame on them in front of everyone especially relatives. by the way my dad has high BP so he said if anything happened to him, it will be because of me. I can't hurt my boyfriend either. If we breakup he will never be the same. It would hurt him so bad it might affect his future. Him and I would never be the same. Hey what should I do. Im crying right now and I can't sleep. I have 2 months left..2 months. I feel like I'm gonna die and I really wish something bad would happen to me ( if that will give us any chance to prove our love). We are perfect for each other in everyway and the only thing keeping us like this religious difference.. Please reply an give your views. Help me.

[Anonymous]

There’s just a few conflicting things that are vital in this situation. You said he’s everything you asked for but did you really want him to not be liked by your family, him to be a completely different religion, and for him to be long distance? I know it sounds dishonest here but I would go along with what your parents want. This isn’t going to settle itself once you get married - you will always be in conflict with your parents if you go ahead and marry him anyway.

Also, since he is long distance, there is the reality that he or you will need to move closer to be with each other and the little things that you never noticed while you were long distance could shock you once you are together.

On a side note, you said you are a Christian and he is Hindu but you respect his beliefs. I don’t know if that’s possible - you believe in one risen savior and he is worshipping multiple gods. How do you respect that if you worship only one God?

[Stickykuza]

Have an adult talk with them, tell them to listen, tell them you're not a thing that has to do everything they say, don't fight or argue with them, Indian parents don't like it, talk in a calm manner, and talk about all your feelings to them straight in the face... parents are human too they don't understand everything and they won't unless you tell them and confront them on the subject properly, if they shout or try to argue tell them to calm down and behave like and adult.

[IBSiam]

True
Respect your parents
They are more important than your 2 days boyfriend

[Stickykuza]

@IBSiam but still parents shouldn't tell her what to do, they can give advice and only should see how it goes... they aren't suppose to control us and a good parent will always understand if their kid says something in a serious and respectful manner, though they will steal taunt you and make fun of you if you fail🤣 but they still love you. Except for some creeps or some monsters who are an insult to every other parents, like the one who raped his own daughter for fk sakes.

[watercolor_lions]

Your father is manipulating you with the high blood pressure thing... He is not going to die. And if he doesn't, it is because he failed to take care of himself, not you. He is putting a lot of weight on you to force you into something he wants. Which is kind of abusive.

You are over 18? You need to set strict boundary lines between you and your parents. Think about it, what is more important: being happy with the one you love, or appeasing them? Your dad is not going to die...

You sound like you come from a controlling family. It is time to forage your own path and push away. If you don't, this will be the pattern of your life and you'll never be happy again.

[IBSiam]

Give back the money they wasted on you years after years
The mothers pain to give you birth
Years after years not sleeping because of you
If your parents didn't rise you then you would be nothing but a street begger
And your boyfriend wouldn't have gave f about you
Give back the sweats your father dropped to work to rise you
You are nothing without your parents
Even this mobile that you are using is given by your parent's
Even your dresses are given by your parents
Respect your parents
Don't disrespect them even if they beat you up
Just leave the house that they are letting you stay if you don't like them

[melanieeeB]

Don't listen to your parents 💁🏽‍♀️
Do what makes you happy and stop letting them control YOUR life smh

[IBSiam]

Give back the money they wasted on you years after years
The mothers pain to give you birth
Years after years not sleeping because of you
If your parents didn't rise you then you would be nothing but a street begger
And your boyfriend wouldn't have gave f about you
Give back the sweats your father dropped to work to rise you
You are nothing without your parents
Even this mobile that you are using is given by your parent's
Even your dresses are given by your parents
Respect your parents
Don't disrespect them even if they beat you up
Just leave the house that they are letting you stay if you don't like them

[melanieeeB]

No! They made the decision to put you on this world and therefore have to care for you but that does NOT give them the right to decide about your future!

[Asker]

Thank you... what the other guy said was true but.. i can't trust anyone other than my boyfriend cu we are really open.. i trust my parents too but if the guy who they select has some ugly past histories or multiple affairs i won't be able to handle and eventually i would blame my parents and hate them.. i dont wanna do that.. they are too many guys out there who are willing to marry just for a US visa.. My boyfriend works by himself for his future, and he dont need me for money or visa.. Yes they gave birth to me but i feel like its my decision to choose who i live with.. because its not my parents who will live with my hus.. its me

[Guy13]

No idea but this sounds like a terrifically difficult position to be in. Your parents are arranging a Christian husband for you? Your boyfriend is Hindu? I’m not following

[Asker]

Yep they want me to marry a Christian guy through arranged marriage. But my boyfriend is Hindu and they don't like this relationship. But I still am in love with him and talk to him without their knowledge

[Guy13]

I like arranged marriage. Wisdom oversees it. Love or Lust is momentary. I think American marriages shoukd be arranged too. I understand shame, guilt, dowry, and all those processes as it relates to Standing in Community, Economy, and Politically. I do Business in SEAsia and Asia.

[serious]

Well my opinion will be a very straightforward one and I have some questions which may help me give you a better opinion, is it okay if you can PM me? I think it would be better if I replied in message rather than here.

If you are fine with that.

[Vikkrram]

So in Us also they are doin ur marriage at an early stage... as an Indian i can understand your problem , in our country love marriages are the worst that people thinks.

[IBSiam]

Divorce rate are more in love marriage

[Asker]

@IBSiam yh and arranged doesn't kill anyone.. in arranged marriage they focus more on dowry even though its illegal.. if the family can't give enough money= no wedding or domestic violence after marriage

[soe11]

Choosing life partner to marriage, indeed it's a big commitment so you must have commonality and contability.

If you reside outside of India than fine, otherwise in current situation will be complicated.

Finally you have to make a mind.

[FunkyMonkee]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/YWTJ8iZr7ro

Just this.

[Asker]

Can't and won't run away even if we wanted to cuz we gotta consider both families.. But that video cheered me up tho.. was crying so hard.. made me smile..

[FunkyMonkee]

Glad I made ya smile!! But, I just meant that YOU should run away! It should happen when YOU'RE ready!! Especially both of you.

[Asker]

Thank you soo much

[FunkyMonkee]

No problem, hun! Take care!! I hope things work out great for you!

[IBSiam]

It's hard
You have to forget your parents
That's the last option if they are rude enough

[Staximus]

This guy in India who you call your boyfriend, have you ever met him in person and spent time with him in person? Or do you just talk to him on the phone? You live in America, your parents can't make you get married. All you have to do is say "I'm not getting married"

[Asker]

Yes we have met in person.. he was my classmate.. and yes I wanna say I'm not getting married or gonna date another person but when I say no they are gonna get so mad and will start yelling at me.. I just want to convince them that inter religion relationship is ok an not to be ashamed of. But if start "lecturing" them on this now, my views won't be valued cause they still think im too young and don't know the world enough.. my boyfriend and I have q good plan of our future, lifestyles, kids and everything. And I want to give him as much time as possible to settle his life and career. But with my parents taking decisions at this fast pace.. I'm really scared and nervous about my future.

[Staximus]

Who's life is it, yours or your parents? Your parents don't own you. Wake up. All you have to do is say you're marrying who you want, and they are just going to have to live with it whether they like it or not.

[Snedger____]

Damn. My close friend have the same situation as yours. But he's 27 and she's 24. They almost broke up.

But here your boyfriend is just 20 and is too young to marry and will be immatured. How old are you? I would suggest you to wait at least until 24 to get married.

[Snedger____]

I have so many questions to ask you for a better guidance

[Asker]

We are the same age.. and I'm trying to waiting until we are 25 or 26.. And it will be enough time for both of us to get settled. But my parents are moving at a fast pace. I'm sacred about my future.. our future

[Asker]

message me.. love to talk more

[Snedger____]

How old are you and what do you do?
The best thing to do is to tell your parents strictly that you won't marry untill you're 25. I'm not suggesting this only because of your relationship issue, if you marry now, you're gonna WASTE a period of your life where you should enjoy with friends and travel a lot. You WILL NEVER GET THAT BACK. YOU WILL REGRET.

Also, if you wait you could give him a chance.

[dudeinohio]

You are in the US and you are a legal adult. Arranged marriage is NOT culturally acceptable in the US. Being an adult, you do not have to listen to your parents. So what if it upsets your family. Tough on them.

Now... long distance relationships do not work. It's best if your boyfriend is in the US.

[Asker]

He is finishing his bachelor's and have a plan to move but we are scared if it's gonna be too late..

[dudeinohio]

Ok. Well, still refuse your parents demands. You are an adult in the US. Those antiquated customs don't apply here.

[Asker]

Thank you for your views.. if you believe is any god.. pray for us will ya?

[dudeinohio]

I will pray for you.

[Asker]

You will be in my prayers too..

[dudeinohio]

Thank you😊

[IBSiam]

Love matters
Try to convince them properly
If they don't understand than you can do one thing
Don't disrespect them
Don't hurt them with your words
Flee with your boyfriend
That's the last choice
Some parents deserve it

[Anonymous]

Well I don't agree with what your parents are doing. However, I'd really question the "relationship" that you have. The reason being is that it is long distance, and not only that, he is in a different country on a different continent. I'm serious that you really can't get to know the full person like this. He seems perfect for you but that is only because you don't know the full person.

[lightbulb27]

2 months left... what's that mean... then you are offered up in marriage to someone else? And you are in USA?

Have you ever met him in person?

[Asker]

In 2 months I have to pick a guy that my parents choose..

[lightbulb27]

have you ever met the guy you like in person, or is it all online?
I have no idea honestly. you can run away to be with this guy and give up your family, or you can try to pick a guy they align for you. do you have the option to say "no"... none of these?

I've seen this stress before in women, I guess it's the downside of this system. Must be awful.

[ThinkerShell]

Two months to what? Do your parents have another guy to make you marry with?

[Asker]

In 2 months they are gonna get a guys for me to pick and marry.. if I deny all of them, my parents will be so upset and emotional torturing and balckmailing will begin.. its already happening.. in 2 months I will be going to India will be there for almost a month.. anything could happen.. I won't ave constant contact with my boyfriend that time cuz I will have limited access to my phone and internet..

[Asker]

They already have like a list of guys.. I'm just so fed up with life

[ThinkerShell]

See
You tell us:
Breaking up with current guy is impossible/super bad
Standing against parents is impossible/super bad
And marrying other guys is again impossible/super bad
This is the way you too us the story
I understand if you feel surrounded with no way out its obviously completely normal "for the person inside the struggle" but keep in mind that we don't have any else data about your life and by what you told us there's no any way out
You better tell us the more optimistic situations so we might rethink them alike how you do and finding new perspectives would help :)
OK?
So... Try to stay calm a few minutes and tell me what seems able to help?

[Asker]

Okay I'll make it simple
My parents' and brother= wants me to marry a Christian suitable the family status
My boyfriend= is a Hindu but comes from a family well suited for my family
Main problem to family: religious difference
What would help: if my family become open minded and accept the relationship as it is.
Problem #2: my family thinks I have no contact with him. They told me not to contact him a year ago when they found out about the relationship. So to keep me and him safe, I had to lie that there was no contact. So no way to tell my parents about our relationship now cuz I promised my family especially my dad that I won't talk to him
All problems will go: if family accepts the relationship with a happy mind

[ThinkerShell]

Thank you
Now...
Is Your family becoming open minded possible? Aside from miracles and stuff

[Asker]

Nope... need a miracle

[ThinkerShell]

Good so by knowing this well never return to this option. Its failure
Lets see what remains When they don't change their way of thinking:
Something happens which changes the situations? The guy turn out having good scores or make a move?
One of you converting your religion?
Making more space/time would help too (more than two months I mean)
What you think?

[Asker]

Well if I breakup with my boyfriend
Family= happy
Bf= will be in such a bad position that can affect his family and future.. he will go into deep depression ( I know his personality too well)
Me= never will be the same. Live a life with a man I don't truly love. Memories of my boyfriend will haunt me.. I wouldn't be myself
Giving more time
Family= seriously don't know if anything will change
Bf= will make his life and career settled. Can bravely face my family and ask my parents for me.
Me= will have a degree and a job
I would love to give him at least 5 years but my family is moving at fast pace

[LimitedBenefits101]

First time hearing about a christian indian.

[User3191989]

A christian indian? Interesting

[slatyb]

Where are you?

[jayhams]

Escape