What is your attachment style?

Question

Attachment style has to do with how the way you were raised affected your relationships as you grew older. For example, someone with a stable household and attentive parents will have stable adult relationships. Someone whose home life was more unstable (emotionally/physically abusive or neglectful) will have unstable relationships such as depending too much on someone or relying on no one and shying away from emotional bonds. Each of these attachments are a method of survival to the person who experiences them.
Note: there are many subtypes/combinations of attachment styles, and this is a very generalized desciption.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I definitely guessed myself when it comes to showing my emotions. I grew up in a household that was very toxic. It wasn’t necessarily abusive but my parents fought constantly and then my brother and I would fight, but not normal singling fighting, we would literally attack each other, he would throw heavy objects at me, etc. My dad eventually moved out and my parents would talk shit about the other to me. I kinda also just became use to not expecting much from either because often things we planned just wouldn’t happen. I also learned to walk on eggshells constantly around all my family members.

Long story short, I used to pretend that things wouldn’t bother me and that I was happy. Now recently that I’ve been dating I find it hard to show emotion because I fear that I’ll just be let down. I usually let the guy make all the moves and initiate things even tho I want to. I just feel like I’m too scared to fully open myself to someone for fear of being let down like I always had been growing up

natzz · Accepted Answer

I was raised mostly by my mum, my dad was absent most of my life. I would see him once a week. Later, he changed the job but it was too late, so we dont really have a relationship. He also abused me.
Thats why I rely so much on the other person and ‘beg’ for them to love me, I would make them happy by all costs. Im also really anxious. All the fights made me develop anxiety. So i dont really know my attachment style

Alcatraz452 · Accepted Answer

"Emotionally Evolved" I always told an ex, and she'd get upset because we were both the opposite.

I came from a broken home. My mother had 2 failed marriages, so obviously, I've never seen a healthy, normal relationship. The idea to me is foreign.

In relationships, I DO love the woman I am with very much, but I do not show it. I am not lovey-dovey the way a woman expects to be chased after. I am not the jealous and controlling type of guy who tells you "You can't go out with guy friends if I'm not present", or "who was he?" if I approached her at a bar/nightclub and the male she was speaking to is just leaving.

Basically, I am not clingy the way women are. What I lack in physical displays of affection, I make up for in privacy.

Bloody_Claw · Accepted Answer

Hmm probably pretty messed up I guess having a single mom as parent who did not give a damn about me when asking for help but did everything go the extra mile for my brother where ever possible leaving me to myself figure shit out dealing with issues on my own... Yepp that makes for a pretty sane and stable person no clue what else I could have wished for. (that was sarcasm by the way)
But yeah I need someone affectionate and very touchy I guess. Also capable of kicking my behind to get stuff done and knowing when to leave me alone.
All in all not easy to find and I pretty much have given up by now bad track record but who knows.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

I had a very stable household. I've had stable, (but as yet ultimately unsuccessful) adult relationships.

I can think of many exceptions in people I've known well for many many years. Quite a few people who were raised inthe more unstable home environment have been able to establish very stable, healthy loving relationships and marriages as adults. Admittedly, they had to try to counteract the effects of their upbringing. But they did it.

D3vilish · Answer

I'm Borderline Personality Disorder and form attachments very easily and often become emotionally dependent on chicks who're emotionally unavailable very much like my abusive mother. I seek comfort through security in my relationships but live in constant dread of impending abandonment. The better the relationship is, the more uncomfortable I become.
One symptom of BPD is "a frantic effort to avoid abandonment, both real and imagined". One example of how I might avoid abandonment is by hinting that I would refuse to live in a world without them. Another way to avoid abandonment is to dump them preemptively. They can't abandon you if you reject them first. This last is my most favorite and my blocked lists are FULL of chicks I find very attractive, charming and sweet.

Sensmind · Answer

I am not 100% sure that like for like attachment styles may form the majority of relationships. For example those who grew up in unstable attachments put their heart and souls into keeping present/future attachments as secure as possible. What I mean is that think is each attachment is formed by a set of unique variables, your theories have some validity and the past does inform the present and future.
My attachment style I hope is pursuit of stable and I try to work with the variables I am given.

Swat_ · Answer

(I've never had a relationship, but I can already guess how things will work out)

Rich family which strictly followed entiquete. If I had bad results in school or if I didn't get first place during sports my parents would tell me I was useless and that I should stop trying. My motivation was bottom floor and I am unable to love or trust my parents since. My dad nowadays is pretty absent due to a job across the country and my mother is unable to let me go.

I am unable to trust people fully, get incredibly attached, but when I'm critisized even once I'll imidiately give up. Earlier on I even planned on leaving this website because two people disagreed with my opinion, and I didn't feel welcome anymore.

creseoo · Answer

My attachment style is 'insecure'.
I was bullied and betrayed by my best friend in middle school, I never wanted to trust anyone again, and I hate it when people come too close to me.
This has severely affected my relationships tho, once the guy gets too close, or starts following wherever I go, I feel a spur of annoyance towards him, no matter how much I loved him or how long it took me to get him.
Probably why my (few) relationships didn't last long lmao.

doublemintdave · Answer

My mother was emotionally distant and my father grew to despise her due to her inattentive nature and lack of conviction, and over the years I've grown to gravitate towards emotionally damaged women or total sluts, all while vying for a nurturing dominatrix.

A lot to unpack there, I know.

311WasAnInsideJam · Answer

I actually have detachment issues, usually a lack of empathy or any true emotional connection with other human beings without conscious effort on my part. Obviously I feel emotions just fine, but sometimes it's not exactly genuinely felt, but rather on cue.

natured · Answer

My home life was very unstable, due to my Father being... well an idiot. so I was looking for a partner that has NOT EVEN ONE THING in common with my dad and now my life is super stable with this guy.
Honestly I dont think that you will come out WELL just because you had a stable household in the past. I Think that it all depends on your character and personality. ONE FINDS WHAT HE SEEKS

JDavid25 · Answer

My household was somewhat stable, I mean well besides not havin a father figure... My mother was pretty lovin, but not all my siblins had stable mentality.. I haven't been in a relationship long enough at least to really know yet.. I usually sometimes end up dependin on somebody one notch too much..

Jjpayne · Answer

I kinda need some examples I'm kinda lost can you update some clear catagories I'm lost in the paragraph of text :(

luvstoned4him · Answer

I think am more of the latter

But I do really wanna have meaningful relationships regardless of the trauma I faced as a kid

I was terrified of the idea of marriage , I still am but I really wanna give it a shot.

Eridan · Answer

I was raised in a stable household by both parents... none of my relationships lasted longer than a few weeks.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

My attachment type I'm pretty sure is "secure". I do have some anxiety, but I don't think I fit the criteria for "anxious" attachment type-- the anxiety can be attributed more to particular situations, people, etc.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I just dick them down... once achieved they are in love. If they get bitchy... dick them down. Only one thing solves all problems... my D.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, according to that description, my future relationships are gonna be rough and unstable.

Il0ve29 · Answer

I’m independent but also clingy if that makes sense? I am going to insist on doing things alone but clingy as in I crave hugs and affection a lot.

SexyAshh · Answer

Detached until they pull away then im attached.. then i lure them back in and become detached again... basically a vicious cycle of repeats

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Growing up my whole life style was unstable home life still to this day i live unstable home life i been praying for a new beginning. 🙏😇

CoffeeWC · Answer

My epilepsy plus divorced parents plus a manipulative mom ruined my social life. I'm introverted and I find it hard to stand up for myself.

JesseTheMan · Answer

I mean I was raised in a stable environment but I dunno how exactly that translates to my attachment style

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Little. I don't like to depend on anyone for anything but God.

Slim57 · Answer

I came from a reasonably stable household but have the worst luck with relationships

IlyaTheImpaler · Answer

metastable feelsWeirdMan

agamo · Answer

I consider myself pretty stable in that regard...

BlacklightShade · Answer

pdf.

Harmseygrace · Answer

Thanks a lot ‘dad’.

Lightning8 · Answer

codependant

AtramentalIvory · Answer

Glue and thumbtacs

MarketNews · Answer

fearful-avoidant

Anonymous · Answer

Dismissive-avoidant

What is your attachment style?

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