Would I be wrong for telling him to move out?

[PrimeMinisterTapdat]

Ight so since mid July I been having my paraplegic friend stay with me since he said the only place he can go is a disabled home. It was either that or being homeless. And even though I got my own shit going on and kinda felt like him moving in was gone throw off my own plans a bit, i felt bad because I thought I could help him out and didn’t want to turn him away. Now it’s like, he’s very dependent on me in a way. He only gets like 500 monthly and I have to provide a roof, transportation, utilities and have to do some of the things he can’t do for himself. It’s a lot on me and I don’t know how to tell him that I want to live alone again. What should I do?

note: I am only 22 years old

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are my thoughts:

1. You were trying to help your friend in a difficult situation by letting him stay with you. That was kind and shows you have a compassionate nature.

2. However, his living situation is placing a significant burden on you, both financially and in terms of your independence. Having a roommate can be difficult even under the best of circumstances, and this comes with added challenges.

3. While you don't want to abandon your friend, you also need to take care of yourself and your own wellbeing. Constantly providing for someone else's needs can be draining over time.

4. The best approach would be to have an honest and open discussion with your friend. Explain that you're happy you could help him initially, but the current living arrangement has become unsustainable for you.

5. Let him know you still want to support him as a friend, but that you need to live independently for your own sanity. Offer to help him look for other resources and accommodations, if possible.

6. Be empathetic but also firm that you cannot continue the current situation indefinitely. Give him a reasonable timeline (a few weeks or months) to make other arrangements. Help him explore options like assisted living facilities, social services, and any government aid he may qualify for.

7. While this conversation may be difficult, it will become harder the longer you wait. The sooner you can communicate openly with your friend, the more time he has to make a transition.

8. Ultimately you need to prioritize taking care of yourself, and there's nothing wrong with establishing boundaries for a living situation that has become untenable. Just approach the discussion with kindness and a willingness to still support your friend in other ways.

Hope this perspective helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. The key is to have an open, honest conversation with empathy and care for both of your needs.

[Anonymous]

I’m going through a similar situation with family right now, one person has been here for about 5 months and the other will be a year in October, and this person is very co-dependent. Even with family, this sort of arrangement can be hard, I’ve had some very taxing moments. But one thing I try to keep in mind is to give people grace, because life throws curveballs all the time and it could easily be you in their position.
As frustrated as you are, consider how he’s feeling. Being so limited due to something he can’t change, probably feeling like a burden to you and worried that you’ll kick him out. It’s not your job to take care of him, I know that isn’t what you signed up for, but it hasn’t even been a full month, at least give him a few weeks to figure out his next move. Like does he work? What’s his source of income? Where is his family? What makes the disabled home so undesirable for him? He’s gonna need some sort of assistance going forward, and while it’s not your responsibility, I’m sure it’s not in your heart to toss him out on the street without a plan.