Boyfriend rarely initiates contact and NEVER asks me out?

[Anonymous]

I'm getting a bit frustrated with my relationship. I've been seeing my other half ( in his early thirties) for a couple of months now. We spoke and met a few times before that. He is a very affectionate and lovely guy, but I get confused as to where I stand in his life when we don't meet up. I am always initiating contact, I call him usually once a day.. Sometimes I'd send him a text. He usually picks up my calls and calls me back if he misses them, and always replies to my messages. But it's always me chasing him. He only asked me out once right at the begining. I only get to see him because I ask him out once a week. He had an arranged marriage before, which didn't work out. Before that he was never involved with anyone.

In person, I feel he really wants me, he always hugs and kisses me first, but all other days I am left feeling confused. I understand that he has never been in a relationship, had a bit of a tough life and a bad marriage. I make him feel wanted and show him I care. He told me he loves me and that no one has ever been so nice to him like I have. I'm the only person he says he has opened up to.

I don't know how to bring it up without sounding dramatic, but I would like to feel wanted too. I spoke to him about the phone situation a few times, and he said he will start calling, but never does. He did mention before he just isn't a phone person, but then he always checks his phone to see if anyone has called or sent him a message.. He doesn't hang out with friends and is currently looking for a job, which means he can't be busy 24/7 can he?

How do I make him chase after me? I really feel he's taking me for granted now, and I'm in tears. I feel that if I don't contact him he won't either... Is there a way to make him realize my worth and that it takes two people's equal effort to make a relationship work?

[Anonymous]

Sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend. He doesn't like phones. I did the same thing you did. I text him once a day, I talk to him about it ( He said he will start calling, but never) etc...I was depressed in the relationship because I feel he doesn't put efforts. I know that's his personality. When we are together, we are great but when we are not together, it seems that I don't exist for him. Anyway, I was really unhappy to the point that I was near nervous breakdown because of too worried of losing him. He broke up with me because he felt that he can't make me happy. He is insecure of himself too and was afraid that I might dump him someday. Although, I still am in love with him, I am glad that he broke thing off because of how depressed I've become. At least now I'm not near nervous breakdown but I do miss him a lot sometimes. I believe things happen for a reason and if we are meant to be, we will get together again someday. For now, it is not the right timing,

[Picopa]

My boyfriend is the same way. He hasn't really been in that many relationships and he's older, so he's set in his ways. He says he doesn't do well with mushy things. I feel like I don't exist when I don't see him either, but I don't mind texting him everyday. I feel like it's the only way we'd talk. And if he didn't want to talk, he'd tell me. I hope I don't start worrying like you guys because I really like him. My dad was the same way though, and they say you date people who are like your parents...

[udolipixie]

Stop initiating and see if he does.

If not dump him.

After all communication didn't work & neither did action.

You shouldn't be looking for him to chase after you but to put in equal effort.

[cavmanier]

Coming from a lot of experience with women and in relationships you gotta learn that you can't change people. He is wired this way. It sounds like he may be socially awkward and will probably get better over time if he makes an effort. Will he ever be really outgoing and attentive like you want him to be towards you? Probably not. Also do you want to wait for years for his personality to improve?

No guy is perfect, you have to weight his pros and cons and decide if your really happy with him.

I'm actually more social and talkative than my girlfriend which is kinda rare but she's not even close to how you describe this guy.