My mother used to abuse me as a kid, does that mean I could be abusive as well?

[Anonymous]

My mother emotionally abuses me and physically abuses me and always humiliates and bring me down in front of other people whenever possible. Now that I grew up I easily get irritated, easily get mad and I like to be alone most of the time, Im also short tempered.

[StarWarGirl]

I tell you a small story.

There were two brothers. Their father was alcoholic irresponsible towards family and abusive.

Time passed by and both brother grew up to adult.

One brother became alcoholic abusive just like his father. One man asked him what's the reason you turned out like this. He replied that because of my father. He was like this he runined our future didn't cared about us etc etc etc...

Another brother became very successful and very kind gentle man. The same man asked this brother also same question. This brother replied that because of my father. By seeing my father i decided not to become like him.

So there is your answer. No matter what's going on with you or you are in what situation. Who you will become how you would turn out it's totally upon you and your choices whatever it would be.

[Asker]

But how can I do I have anger issues? I have no idea like Im so mad because maybe I was abused in the end I tend to be like kinda mean because of my anger issues. I cannot control it Im just irritable

[StarWarGirl]

You can do. With practice and practice and practice and self awareness and rectifying yourself. It's not easy but ofcourse it's not impossible even. If you would notice you will notice that no matter how much boss irritate then we don't say anything we are able to control ourselves our words our actions then because we know the consequences would be very bad for us but we explode easily over the person with whom we don't have much harm. So we can control our emotions we can choose how to react. It's tough but it's very much possible.

[StarWarGirl]

Also you should find a way to throw out all of your bitterness or suppressed emotions away. It could be by writing or by expressing before anyone by physical exercise like punching bags or running or abusing cursing all when you are all alone or before some friends. Whatever works for you. You need to find out yourself. And make yourself free from all your inner bitterness. Then it would be more easier for you to do so and you will feel relaxed will not have any temptation to hurt or abuse other. As long as it's all inside you unconsciously you would have temptation to hurt other through words or physically.

[GunFhulangas]

@StarWarGirl - an extremely good story, you are very smart. Respectable.

@Asker - you have to work on yourself, you have to acknowledge that you are NOT your mother instead of using her & her behavior as an excuse for your own behavior. You are just shrugging your shoulders and saying my mum was like this so I'll be like her too and there's nothing to change it.

There's plenty to change such ideology. Look in the mirror. Cast aside the toxicity of your mother. Speak to your doctor, get psychological help if necessary.

[HelpfulWoman]

Just what you've said doesn't make you abusive. But it is worth noting it can become a wheel type scenario. Best to seek therapy to work through any potential issues.

[Mynameisbobby]

I was physically, emotionally and verbally abused by my older sister and mother. I have chosen to channel that anger into something positive. Kids that have been abused I have become a mentor too them, I hang out with them and they open up to me about what they went through and I tell them my story as well. I never was afraid that I would be abusive the only people I'm angry with are my mother and sister. I relate to kids that have been abused and know their pain so I've always wanted to help them. Of course I had to be in therapy first, you can't help anyone unless you help yourself first.

[lightbulb27]

how you process that emotional trauma is individual, but it certainly has an effect on your life, how you respond and treat others. you'll need to take time to heal that trauma.

your great wounds become great strength and gifts when healed, so it doesn't have to be a sad story of despair.

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering, but hope you find your way to healthier place.

Know Christ... that is one such place to heal emotionally. Guided imagery meditation heals the brain and calms that response. Learning about trauma and healing it helps.

such is the human condition...

[BoopBoopBeep]

You are asking why the drapes smell weird and the room is cloudy when your house is on fire. Please get help.

[Hawkes_Lady]

No matter what you've lived through, no matter what life has dealt you... what you become is your choice. It is the choices that you make that define you. Every person makes choices, some are good and some are bad. Your mother made bad choices, but you are not her. Only you get to decide what choices you'll make. Will you choose to get therapy, talk things out with a stranger on a forum, talk to a friend, and deal with the abuse that was done to you... only you can decide. Or will you let the anger and resentment boil and build within you... only you can decide. Always remember that it is your life... your choice. You can choose to stop the cycle of abuse or you can choose to continue the abuse and damage the person next to you, be that a child, partner, or a stranger.

[jshm2]

No. Could be you were a fucking terrible child. Or could be she was a fucking terrible mental health patient. Could be you are both fucking terrible people.

What you are failing to understand is that you are as responsible for yourself, as others are. But you cannot fully control others, nor yourself. Hence why you're told to seek help and assurance from betters when you can.

When people fail to do this, is when they start to spiral. Your mother had her issues, as well as you. Could be she needs more help than you.

[Anonymous]

Get psychotherapy. I did. I grew up with a mother who literally was obsessed about what other people thought about her Her image was king

When I was a bit of a generic abnormality when I was born. Had different colored hair than both parents.

Now I definitely had my dads eyes and nose. But my back in the early 80s people weren’t as educated about recessive genes and my mother was VERY obsessed with putting on a proper “image” to please her own controlling family.

Long story short my mother (secretly) always felt embarrassed to have a son who looked like me growing up. Sure she did her “job” of nursing me like a mother should growing up. She did it because that was part of her “optics” she wanted people to look at.

[GunFhulangas]

You have to work on yourself, you have to acknowledge that you are NOT your mother instead of using her & her behavior as an excuse for your own behavior. You are just shrugging your shoulders and saying my mum was like this so I'll be like her too and there's nothing to change it.

A lot of people who are abused or grow up with alcholic or drug addict parents say to themselves I am having X and Y issues because I am just like my mom or father. No you're an INDIVIDUAL person and the ONLY way in which you'll become your mother is by letting her and her toxicity direct how you act.

There's plenty to change such ideology. Look in the mirror. Cast aside the toxicity of your mother. Speak to your doctor, get psychological help if necessary.

[Unit1]

That is likely the case as you have admitted yourself of your own anger related issues.

I advise you to see a therapist and take on anger management training.

But first of all you need to live by yourself or cohabit with someone, that does not exhibit anything like your mother did.

[Paris13]

You hold Resentment. Please, Seek Help. xxoo

[KorvoWintrish]

Nearly everyone has the capacity for abuse, but I would not say that being abused makes you more likely to abuse others.

[JosyJosy]

No, in the end that's a choice, whether you want to follow in your parents' footsteps. It's to you to educate yourself on what is right and wrong, because your parents didn't teach it to you because of the abuse.

[Alwayreckles93]

What I believe you shouldndo in your case is. Cut your negative mother out ofnyour life no contact nothing.

[DextroShade]

It is your choice whether or not you repeat the mistakes of your mother and continue the cycle of abuse and failure or decide to learn from the experience and do better. This is entirely a matter of personal responsibility.

[leahzrc]

The demon in me tamed my abusive mother. Now I nobody is abusive and the demon is watching my enemies.

[FunkyMonkee]

Not if you choose not to be. I was sexually molested when I was about 14 but I have no intention of doing that to anyone else.

[red-lipstick-girl]

No, you will not be like them, you will say that I will be a good person, you will move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

My wife was mentally and physically abused by her father culminating in her being thrown out of the house before she was even of age. She is the kindest person I know. Be like her.

[SoJust]

No if your mother's psychology is not right , it's not your fault.

[Sabretooth]

No. I wish I could give you some advice... but, my life isn't much better... possibly worse...

[Sabretooth]

I misunderstood. I assumed that you wanted permission to be abusive. You could become abusive.

[Anonymous]

Usually people who had abusive parents tend to be kind

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Depends on how self aware you are. If you choose to be abusive, then you will be.

[driven159]

No, it doesn't and don't use it as an excuse to be that way either.

[Anonymous]

not neccessarily but the only way to know for sure is how you treat other people including past relationships like ex boyfriends ex friends etc

[Luckycharms12]

Of course not you do everything right that they should have done

[Anonymous]

yes probably. My mother also was cruel and so am i.
i didn't choose to be i just discovered i am

[BLP11520]

Not necessarily I have a similar story I never abused my sons

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes patterns of abuse are common

[Eadioheadrox]

It means you are alive

[whistlingwh0res]

Just don't have kids. Live your life