How do I deliver the bad news?

[Anonymous]

For the past month and a half, I've been talking to a girl I met online who lives in Ukraine and as luck would have it, she's already applied for refugee status to enter the country and begin her path to citizenship.

Unfortunately though, she was attacked at night and was hospitalized. In this time, I met the closest thing she has to a father figure since her grandfather's passing, Artem. He informed me of what happened and he was very helpful as we worked together to raise the money needed to pay for her medical expenses. Her grandmother has also needed help with her medications, so we helped there as well, my girlfriend was very scared she'd lose her grandmother. Then tragedy struck again, when Artem's mother in law had a stroke and died.

Tragedy struck again when Artem was wounded in Bakhmut, the surgeons tried but were unable to save him, the news delivered to me by his wife. My girlfriend is still recovering from surgery as she had to be put in a medically induced coma for severe head trauma, she's been taken out of a coma and things are coming along nicely. A fundraiser has also come along to repay me for the money I sent to help with medical expenses.

Artem's wife has told me not to tell my girlfriend of Artem's demise as her focus needs to stay on recovering and coming to me hopefully in October. I'm scared to deliver the news to her, he was a great man and he meant so much to her. I've been a very cold person for a very long time, my parents were very abusive throughout my life, and I never felt connected to my family, so I've become very distant from them.

So much so that if I was told that one of them died, I'd reply "thanks" and continue my day as if nothing happened. While Artem was different, he wasn't a family member but a great man, I don't really have any connections to him. I know I have to be the one to tell her, but how do I go about that? I want our union to be happy and exciting, but at the same time, it's my duty to tell her

[petitedollbabee]

Will she not find out whether you tell her or not? If she was so close with him, surely his wife will tell your girlfriend about what’s happened after she’s recovered? I think that’s it’s smart to allow your girlfriend to recover first before she’s informed of what’s happened, but yes, you’re truly in a dilemma. Let my girlfriend heal, and then break the bad news, and risk her being mad at me for not telling her sooner? Or tell my girlfriend the bad news asap, and risk her delaying her recovery and being heartbroken and grieving while trying to recover? Either way, it’s going to suck! No one wants to be the bearer of bad news, especially not to a partner. But you’re the only one who can decide when, and how, you will deliver that news. Or you can take the weight off of your shoulders and tell his wife that she needs to inform your girlfriend, because that’s unfair on you to be the one needing to do it.