My friend's boyfriend has cheated with me but I really don't feel bad about it... is this bad?

[Anonymous]

We're all in our last year of HS and this has been going on for 3 months I guess. She's only a friend (for a short time) but not a close friend you know for years.

He worries about getting caught and has expressed guilt. Well to be honest, I actually don't feel that bad about it. I'm kind of detached towards some people, not all but some I don't really care too much about. Is this bad?

Updates

+1 y

I just feel indifferent towards what we've been doing. He feels bad and guilt over it but I really don't.

[Ozanne]

Aside from your post and the comments you and others have made about it, let's get to the real issue. You ask if it's bad, that you don't feel bad.

In my opinion, yes. It doesn't matter if the friend means nothing to you, or that the guy doesn't either. The question is: Should you feel bad that you don't feel bad?

People who have no care for others when it comes to their private lives or how their ups and downs affect them is one thing. Sometimes it's good to keep people at arm's length, not get involved -- because you don't care. But when you are directly responsible for two people's problems, and claim you don't care, then that shows you have no empathy.

A better way to look at this is why don't you care? Is it because you felt you were owed since you were cheated on in the past? Is your guard up with people from being hurt, so now you have developed a way to not care as a way to cope?

There is nothing wrong with feeling bad, especially when making a mistake. It's meant to allow you to grow as a person, and learn not to do something that puts a wedge into people's lives. If not caring is a common thing for you to feel, maybe consider the good that it can do you when you start caring about people, and not seeking out ways to get what you want even if it hurts others. These things can come back to bite you, and you don't even realize it until it's too late.

That job you wanted, might not be yours because someone you screwed over is part of the management team. The seller of a house in town that you have your sights on has the pick from you or someone else they want to accept an offer from -- but since you screwed someone over that they knew, they chose the other person. That guy you wanted to go out with, has a friend who learned that you willingly cheated with someone and doesn't want anything to do with you. The list goes on.

Your relationships and how you treat people are important to help you in life when you learn from things, and if you constantly burn bridges, you hurt no one but yourself. So should you feel bad? I would say yes. Stop doing this to this couple, and come to realize that though you may not care about them, you do care about yourself enough that respecting yourself will mean more in the end.

[Asker]

To be honest even when I got cheated on last year, that still didn't really faze me much. I've never experienced the ''falling in love'' stage. Perhaps that might be why I'm not able to empathize much with her.

[Anonymous]

What if someone did that to you? Wouldn’t that hurt? What if life seemed to be going all so well for you and years later when you did get emotionally invested you got cheated on too? It’s not right to do that to someone. He should leave if he’s unhappy. There’s no point in stringing another person along. Why be around too if you’re not being a respectful person and friend overall?…

[Asker]

I've been cheated last year and it didn't really fazed me too much. Then again, I don't think I even love the guy either. I've never experience the ''falling in love'' thing.

[ohsheeT]

So are you the person that he's cheating with is kind of sounds like it the way it's written

Sometimes we are in a relationship to have a relationship

Sometimes we're in a relationship just to get our needs meant

Sometimes in a relationship you know what's going on but you also know your future and it's just a moment in time and your time will come when you walk away

Maybe in your subconscious you allow it to happen because you would like something like that to happen with you to experience something new and different

But yes somewhere you have a disconnect with him if you are the girlfriend right now

But it kind of sounds like you're the side chick not really for sure

[inhua]

society tends to be anti-cheating via words but pro-cheating via actions

and actions speak louder than words

[Asker]

I just don't feel bad nor guilt about it. If she discovers this, I actually find myself walking away easily without even apologizing. Ironically I have way more empathy towards animals and babies than towards several people my age or grown-ups.

[inhua]

as long as you're ok with being seen as untrustworthy then you should be fine

[boggboss]

Shows your a shittier person with looser morals I guess meh

[Asker]

But I can't help what I don't feel. I don't feel guilt at all for doing this with him and this is making me wonder if this is even normal.

[boggboss]

Clearly ita bot normal that u don't feel guilt maybe shows a lack of empathy but that dont matter that u would do that to someone u classed as a friend no matter hoe long u have known them shows u are a pretty shitty person

[Asker]

I've noticed over the years I do indeed lack empathy towards several people meanwhile bonding only a selective group such as my family (well it's the basic rule of not hurting your own blood) or someone very close. Yet I have way more empathy towards animals and babies. I don't harm them, never did.

[boggboss]

I see

[Anonymous]

It's still cheating and yes it's wrong. Would you want someone to cheat on you?

[Asker]

I've been cheated on last year and it really didn't faze me much. Then again I wasn't in love with him.

[Anonymous]

You're in the slut admission phase

[Asker]

I don't have a boyfriend though. I've been cheated before last year but strangely it really didn't faze me.