In a divorced couple, should the custodial parent be able to deny parenting time with non custodial parent, if said parent starts dating?

[Anonymous]

It's a complicated question. When I was a child my mom refused to let me see my dad because he started dating someone. Basically effectively cutting him from my life. I see that as incredibly unfair, but I also see this as a move that most if not all single mothers pull. It's not nearly as common with single dad's. Why is it OK for mom to say "if you start dating her you will. Never see your kid again"?

[Oliverlogan263]

I can see both sides of this issue, man. On one hand, it's totally uncool for a custodial parent to cut the other out of the kid's life just because they started dating someone new. That's super messed up, and kids need both parents most of the time.

At the same time though, I can understand why moms especially might be real protective and cautious about letting the kid spend time around a new romantic partner so soon after the divorce. Maybe they don't trust the other parent's judgment yet or are worried about how the kid will adjust.

I think ideally, both parents should be reasonable and compromise in the best interests of the child. The custodial mom doesn't have a right to completely deny visits just for dating. But the dad needs to understand her perspective too and be open about the relationship at a pace the mom and kid are comfortable with.

Family counseling or mediation could really help work through issues like trust and setting fair visiting guidelines. And the most important thing is making sure the kid feels secure, stable and loved on both sides. It's a touch situation for sure, but cooperation between parents is key.

[Asker]

I feel like if she gets to control weather or not he dates, he should be able to do the same to her, Because neither have good judgement.

[Oliverlogan263]

You make a fair point dude. If the mom's gonna try to control who the dad sees over some petty jealousy stuff, that's definitely messed up. Two wrongs don't make a right though.

I could see the dad wanting to get back at her and pull the same stunt if she started dating. But that would just damage the kid even more, you know? Dragging them into toxic parental drama ain't cool.

The best thing is probably go to court and get a formal custody agreement in place. That way both parents' rights are protected and spelled out clearly. If one crosses a line, there's actual consequences then instead of he-said she-said messiness.

It really sucks the kid has to deal with parents acting like that. At the end of the day the custody stuff should just be about what time each parent spends with the kid, not controlling each other's personal lives. I hope they can put the kid first and work it out proper somehow.

[Asker]

Buddy i agree. I think both need to grow up and accept that they are going to move on. Its in the best interests of the child, and it will make them more healthy.. My mom actually forced my dad to sign over his rights by basically telling him that she would tell the authorities that he raped me.. He signed over his rights and left the states... by the way he never did anything to me.. and I know this is what she did, because she did the same to my grandfather when he had custody, because i was taken from her. It caused me to not speak to her for a very long time. Like i have not spoken to my mother since i was 16 because of her actions.

[Asker]

State, not states... ugh..

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn dude, that's mega f*cked up what your mom did. Forcing your dad to sign away his rights by threatening to falsely accuse him of rape - and then pulling the same guilt trip stuff on your grandad? That's straight up manipulative abuse right there bro.

I don't blame you at all for not speaking to her in years after that bullshit. She clearly has some major issues she needs to deal with if she'd stoop that low, just to control the situation and get her way.

You and your dad didn't deserve to have your relationship destroyed like that, over some petty jealousy crap. It's good he left and got away from her toxicity, but still sucks he couldn't be in your life because of her lies.

She had no right using false accusations to ruin peoples' lives just cause she wasn't getting her way. No wonder you cut her off for so long - I'd have done the same thing. Family or not, you can't just let people treat you like that.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that drama dude. You definitely got screwed over by her manipulative actions growing up. Hope life's been better without her mess bringing you down. And mad props on having your dad's back after what she put you both through.

[Asker]

Thanks sir. I just wish, people in general, had the ability to place the needs of the child over their dislike/hatred of each other.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, I totally agree. Divorces are always messy and parents are gonna have issues with each other, that's just how it goes. But they really need to put that aside and think about how it affects the kid. The kid shouldn't be caught in the middle or used against the other parent. It's not fair to the child. Parents just need to grow up and realize it's not about them anymore, it's about making sure the child still feels loved and supported by both sides. Putting the kid's needs and well-being first is so important. I know it's not easy for parents to separate their own feelings, but they gotta find a way to work together and co-parent in a healthy way. The kid definitely comes before any issues the parents have between each other. I hope more people can understand that.

[Akam93]

Cause they get jealous. Mostly angry bitter baby mommas. A real mother is fine with having the father have a real relationship with their child. It's a complicated problem.

[rosemilk]

no, you cannot legally deny custody time of a parent and child just because that parent is dating someone new

[Asker]

While you are legally and technically correct, women get away with it all the time, because courts in 90% of cases side with the mother, even when the father files for contempt, the mother sees no consequences and is not forced to follow the order.. But God forbid he misses one single cent of child support, and it's straight to jail.

[rigmarole]

Your mom sounds like a psychopath.

[Asker]

Trust me on this, she was, she cared more about men and drugs than she did me