How do I connect with my family in law?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,

I’m struggling with something. My family in law speak Arabic and I don’t. I’m trying to learn, because I want to be able to engage in conversation with them, but it’s really hard. I don’t feel comfortable when I visit them, because I can’t understand what they’re saying so I’m usually very quiet. My husband tries to translate from time to time and he tells me to try and connect more by (for example) helping his mom in the kitchen or his sister. I can’t help but feel like a burden. When I try to help they’ll say no. They don’t want me to work. They are very hospitable. So I’ll sit back on the couch, but that makes me feel ashamed for not helping.

Also, Last weekend his mom made a joke towards me. My husband and I came over to have dinner with the whole family. I was very tired that day, because I had gone to a theme park and drove 2 hours to get to her. She spoke to me in Arabic in front of everyone in a way as if I should have been able to understand her. It made me really nervous and everyone laughed and looked at me. My husband’s younger brother translated it to me. She basically said that I shouldn’t be tired, because I played at the theme park all day and hadn’t cooked or cleaned. It was meant to be a joke, but it didn’t sit right with me. My husband did tell her to stop and that it wasn’t funny.

After that encounter I just keep replaying what happened in my head. Maybe I’m too sensitive. I don’t know. I wish I could just fit in with my husband’s family more. And not feel so uncomfortable when I’m over there. Any tips?

[DottyGal]

Your MiL is traditional so you really shouldn’t take her attempts at homes too seriously.

I would advise being more adamant to help out. It will get you brownie points with his mother. Of course she will tell you to sit down but we anyone would do that. So try and make an effort to get stuck in in the kitchen like he said. Maybe bring over a dish for a meal. You need to get in with them and not stay on the periphery.

I think your husband needs to encourage the family to speak Arabic slower and more easily for you to figure out. They take it for granted that they all know Arabic so it’s important to remind them.

[DottyGal]

Attempts at jokes* autocorrect

[IslaTheWitch]

You married a man from a different culture. You must learn what is normal, funny, or offensive for them. Learning language is only one part... understanding the culture of your husband's family is obligatory for you...

[In_Trance]

talk to them