How to deal with a friend who dismisses you?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who would always dismiss whatever I say when I talk about improvement techniques. Heck, this happens with some other people I know too.

Then later down the line, this same friend/person would suddenly tell me about the same improvement technique or thing I told them about weeks ago.

E. g.
Me: "I read that you gotta train so-and-so to get better at it."
Him: "Oh I am not interested in all these details, sounds troublesome."

*Weeks later*
Him: "I asked this guy and he said you gotta train in this manner to get better."
Me: (That's exactly what I told you weeks ago...)

Then it happens again and again and again...

Updates

+1 y

We have known each other for more than 10 years. We hangout together a lot like going to movies, resort, arcade, etc. I even helped him when he was on crutches for a few months.

[bobalife]

No need to take it seriously lol… people need to realize that just because you give an advice does not
Mean someone is mandated to take it… he also wasn’t rude about it? People live and learn. We all have different periods when we realized certain things and then do it. I’m sure it’s annoying, but don’t take it personal. It’s building unnecessarily resentment.

[bobalife]

And I have a good friend like yours too lol. It does get annoying and I joked with her “girl I told you that before” or other times I just validate her “I’m glad you realized that and now you can prioritize it to get to..” x, y, z. Everyone has flaws as well.

[bobalife]

At the end day it’s good to just be supportive and happy for them that they’re on a good pathway right? Lol

[Asker]

It can feel like your opinion isn't respected, especially when it happens over the years, but he listens to the opinions of others when it's the same things I said. I never belittled or shamed him for it but somehow he wants me to "bowing down to his greatness" seems to make him happy.

[bobalife]

Wdym?

[bobalife]

What implication did he say or do make you feel that way? Have you ever thought of having a real talk about how he’s making you feel? Because if not resentment will build on your friendship or you gotta let it go and maybe not give him advices if you don’t feel like he’s listening? Just know not everyone will pick and choose advices even if it seemed like something you already said but it may just hit them differently later. I remember one of my friends got so caught up about the same as you and got all heated up… but it’s truly not personal. It’s more healthy to talk about it with your good friend to resolved it.

[Asker]

I know I can sound heated in this question, but in reality I don't argue with him when it happens.

He is the type of person who doesn't communicate with people and just goes silent when people bring up to him about problems. But in reverse, he expects others to listen to him. It can feel like you are his underling, like the gang leader who expects everyone to follow him but he won't listen to anyone under him.

I have friends who feel the same way about him, so you're right that it could just be his flaw.

Although sometimes, because he only seem to listen to people outside his group, it can feel like I am not respected.

[DreamLife7]

Why do you guys call everyone friends? I think it's pretty sad and desperate and no they're not your friend

[Asker]

He and I have known each other since 12 years old. Now we are in our late 20s.

I supported him when he was on crutches. We constantly hangout at each other's house, go to gym, resort, arcade, etc.

It's just that he has this side to him that's very annoying. Others have complaint that he sometimes doesn't pay attention to what they are saying.

[DreamLife7]

Knowing someone doesn't make you friends

[DreamLife7]

He's not your friend

[Asker]

What do you consider a friend then?

[DreamLife7]

If you don't know what the definition of a friend is then you seriously are headed down a path of destruction. At your age you should be able to decipher this

[Asker]

I am asking what is your definition. Based on earlier replies, it's obvious you disagreed with what I think is a friend. I have mine, and it isn't just about "knowing someone" if you have actually read the whole thing.

[Asker]

I am here asking for advice on how to deal with dismissiveness but you're here arguing about "what is a friend". You're clearly not here to help.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Again and again and again? Nah.. It would only ever happen twice to me. The first time would be a warning, and the second? Well that would be the last time I bothered with them again!

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice

[TommyMountainFigure]

You're welcome.

[ProbablyClueless]

He doesn't respect your opinion. So you have to decide whether you want to continue being friends with someone who doesn't respect your opinion.

[Asker]

Thank you for your opinion.

[DoggyDude]

Some people are just like that. Also, some people feel they have some kind of "first" on making an opinion when really its something anyone might know or have shared.

The way to deal with it is, well, not let yourself get too egotistical about what you share and say. Rather than taking ownership of an idea, likely someone else shared to you; Give it away with a free heart and simply be glad your friend came around.

Regarding though if your friend actively dismisses you meaning puts down your ideas deliberately. Just stop sharing so much with that friend and share more with other friends, over time they will either notice your no longer such good friends (and then you can disucss why like adults) or he won't notice and you just put these behaviours down as "Oh thats just Brad, he doesn't mean anything bad by it".

[SomothErgai]

To be a hundred percent truthful man I have NO FUCKING IDEA. this happens to me literally all the time. I try to tell people things, almost always a warning not to do something or an advice on how to do something better. I get dismissed and then a few weeks or months down the road I hear back from them and it's the same god damn story every time. "I should have listened to you"

Like, ok, maybe the first few times I've told you something and you didn't listen because why should you trust me right? I'm just some guy. But then I'm repeatedly right about things over and over and every time you say you should have listened. Like, at a certain point it has to enter your head that maybe you don't make the best decisions and you should maybe start listening to the person who has been right almost every single time.

I don't get it man. I really don't. But just know that at least you're not alone

[Asker]

For your case, I'd say it's more likely that they only wanted a listening ear rather than a solution.

[Asker]

But thanks for the encouragement!

[strateguy632]

that is a trick that he knows it is a good idea but wants to get credit. go to a manager with your good ideas.

[jimmy2]

She not s friend

[Asker]

hmmmm