How do you cope when your dad is in the hospital and may not be coming home and you are to blame?

[Anonymous]

I had an argument with my dad because I truly forgot my dad is forgetful, and I snapped about him for not telling me about something important, and I left the house. He failed to tell me that my sister who has an AVO against her for assaulting me was coming to the house. I personally don’t care if she comes to the house as I would never stop her from visiting dad, it’s was a rule however that I must be given plenty of notice that she is coming so I can leave with my daughter and not be there to avoid any further drama. I was given 30 minutes notice she was coming which left me little time to get out of the house with my daughter, especially with nappies and formula for her since I didn’t know how long I would have to be out for.

i found out today that not even 2 hours after I snapped at Dad and left the house to take time to cool down, that he had been taken to the hospital for a suspected stroke. I want to go and visit him as I have been told he was awake but I don’t know if he wants me to visit. Even more so as he has not responded to my message.

i feel like such a pos for snapping at dad and for not remembering how forgetful he is. I feel so heartless and guilty. I truly love my dad and I want him to be okay but my gut and the information I’ve been given so far I don’t feel dad will be pulling through.

[slatyb]

It's nor your fault on any way. Strokes are not caused by stress.

[Asker]

I feel guilty and blame myself because this happened directly after I had snapped at him. If anything happens and he doesn’t come home. The only memories he will have is me being going off and losing my cool with him when he should be having nothing but loving memories. I never should have gone off at him

[slatyb]

Conflict is a part of the human experience. You were justifiably and and said so. This does not cause strokes. They are random events brought on by various underlying conditions. Id you can't get past you feelings if guilt, you might want to talk through it with a close friend or a professional counselor.

[Asker]

I honestly don’t have any friends. Today alone I’ve been wondering if maybe me going off was a blessing in disguise because it forced dad to get help. He had been a bit unwell in the past few weeks but I assumed it was him just getting the flu as it’s the middle of autumn here and both me and my baby have been unwell ourselves.

Appreciate your help

[jahaims]

Definitely not your fault. He is in poor health and or doesn't know how to manage stress

[Asker]

Surprisingly dad is one of the calmest people you will ever meet. He doesn’t like stress or drama. I just completely forgot how forgetful he is because I’ve been sleep deprived and snapped. I never should have snapped. You are right dad health has been poor. I just put him being unwell down to him having the flu as both me and my baby have been sick and I thought him being forgetful was him having signs of dementia as his dad had dementia. I had no idea that that his symptoms were the signs of what was about to happen.

Thank you

[laly520]

not ur mistake
seek therapy if needed

[Asker]

I did seek therapy and have done it multiple times over the years and gotten screwed over every time. No bs I went while I was pregnant in tears begging for help just to have everything dismissed as pregnancy hormones. I also begged and pleaded for help after having my baby and pleaded with them to not contact my family because my sister had sent me messages threatening to harm me even while I was pregnant which she did carry out those threats but the mental health team went and contacted my family and breached my patients confidentiality. They even contacted the very sister who made the threats towards me and disclosed information to her. I sat there breaking down in tears when they informed me they had contacted my family.