Boyfriend's dad in the hospital; I don't know what to do.

[nikkijoe616]

so I have been dating my boyfriend 10 months almost 11 and his dad went into the hospital a couple days ago. his dad has pneumonia and he is in pain but the doctors don't know what it is. I have told him that I am there for him and is family if there is anything they need. he is an only child and his parents mean the world to him so he has been taking on a lot of responsibility with school and his dad being in the hospital. I feel real bad cause there is nothing that I can do. I asked him if he wanted me to come down to the hospital with him he keeps saying no. I understand that he just needs time but I just hope that he doesn't push me away completely. does anyone have suggestions as to what I should do?

[Pixiann]

This almost exact thing happened to by boyfriend and he is a twin from a very close family. Its difficult because i'm not the first person he would go to, and thats difficult for me because I feel very helpless towards his situation. You just have to tell them you are there for them and then wait. Avoid calling him because that can become invasive especially if he is sitting in the hospital. Drop him a text every 5 or so hours just saying you are thinking of him and you love him, then he can read it when he likes and he can also re-read it when he feels down. Its difficult because you aren't directly involved in the situation (i. e. its not you're dad) and you are probably mainly upset that your boyfriend is so upset (but obviously also that somebody you know is gravely unwell) so make sure you have a friend to talk to you, because usually for me my boyfriend is my go to person but in this situation it really helped having a friend I could talk to because I felt pretty low as well.
All in all, look after yourself, let him be with his family, as painful as it is for you its his situation and you need to be strong and not make him feel like he needs to look out or even worry about you, he has enough on his mind.
There are lots of websites that tell you what you should and shouldn't say to a grieving person and even though he may just be ill, it follows a similar thing.
Don't tell him it will all be alright and don't tell him to be strong, two things which could be a false sense of hope and a statement that will put pressure on him to seem like everything ok. You aren't required to make him feel better, you are required to support him whatever happens, and in a completely selfless way, so It might be difficult because you aren't seeing him for a week or a month but he may never see his dad and he will appreciate that you gave him the time to spend with him weather he makes it through or not.

Hopefully he does, thoughts are with you, him and his parents!

[gleamgirl]

Honestly, you should be proud of yourself for giving him time to himself and with his family. You feel obligated to support him with his grief as his friend, as well as companion. When he does feel better to talk to you, he will still be upset and you can comfort him then, but until he is ready to feel better, be patient. He did not forget about you because you are still there for him, he just needs to get through this himself.

[jtj25m]

"I have told him that I am there for him" Other than that, you're right, there is not a thing you can do for him. And sometimes silence is loud enough to drown out everything else my dear. At times people, despite our want and almost need to 'fix' things, do not need a 'fix' they just need you right there next to them as they go through the hard times. If he needs something from you, he already knows he can come to you, don't push the issue, just be there for him.

[nikkijoe616]

Yes I know I told him that I am there for him I just feel really bad because his dad got worse today and I just feel like I should be there to support him but he don't want me there :(. I know he just needs time by himself with his family I just don't want him to push me away completely

[jtj25m]

You don't want to do the pushing either though I'm sure. He's in a vulnerable state right now, and his wishes need to be respected now more than ever. You cannot do everything for even one person, sometimes you just need to let them deal. But you sound like you know all this already its just a matter of accepting it and getting through this tough time. I'm sorry you're both in the situation you're in.

[AlanHB]

He's obviously having a very hard time, you're doing the right thing so far. If he tells you to stay away right now, you should continue to do it.

[Anonymous]

Give him a big, long hug. Problem solved... for at least 10 seconds or so =/

[nikkijoe616]

I would give him a big long hug but he don't want to see me at least not yet :(

[Jay__1232]

Im in the same boat... I can't hug him because he lives in a different country 😔