Does my exboyfriend/ boyfriend still love me and Regret taking a break?

[Anonymous]

Long story short: my boyfriend and I were together for just over a year, we’ve both been there for each other to doctors appointments, he helped me lose weight and encouraged me to get my drivers license and was always cooking for me... always very affectionate as well... his parents really love me as well - especially his mom... she was even inviting me over for the holidays and teaching me about Judaism and baking with me and driving places with me... my boyfriend and I were also living together at his parents house for 5 whole months as well and everyday I was visiting him at the hospital when he ha surgery and he was ther for me when I had a minor surgery as well... he was in jail for 3 months cuz he drive with an invalid drivers license and I waited for him and everyday he was calling me and his mom and telling. Me that he loves me and wants a future with me and was making future plans with me... also was encouraging me to spend time with his family... now when he retired back, we had some miss understandings and a fight and we took a break.. he met this aggressive bitchy goth chic who always fights him and abuses him... he was begging me to come back for 2 whole weeks and even gave me a mermaid necklace cuz he knows I love the little mermaid...
he always hugs me and kisses me in his sleep and whispers that he loves me so much and sometimes even holds my hand in his sleep... but that other abusive woman is still around and he tells me he doesn’t love her at all and that I have better qualities than her... his mom even tells him that she prefers me over the other woman and his dad can’t stand her either... his parents tell him I’m more suitable for him as well... this other woman bruised him and beat him up as well...

he someotimes gets into bad/sad moods when I leave his place... does he still love me and seem to regret the break we took?

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

We still see each other and he stays in touch with me

Updates

+1 y

He tells me he still loves me and doesn’t love this other woman and that she’s abusive...

[SteveSmith1985]

I think it's very very clear that he does still love you and regrets taking a break. It sounds like he's actually been very clear about that.

This situation is pretty fucked up though.

I'm not going to lie. In all my years of having all kinds of people confide things to me, that I've ever come across a male in an abusive relationship with a female. I'm aware that it happens, I've just never personally run up against it.

Underlying a "traditional" abusive relationship is the reality that: at the end of the day, the man can physically overcome her... were she to assert herself... she can ALWAYS be brought back in line physically.

The psychological aspects are always huge in why women stay in abusive relationships... but it's always based around the ultimate reality that he can physically overpower. There must be some differences in the case of a guy.

I would do a little research into abusive relationships with a female abuser... it might help you understand him and get him out of the abusive situation.

I'm not gonna lie... there's something you might want to consider: is it possible that he was abused while in jail?

Honestly, this doesn't add up to me. I don't know where your from... but... I don't know of anywhere in the world where Jail isn't fucking ROUGH... like way rougher than most people realize. I live in Canada. Nice, safe, friendly Canada... and Jail here is no Joke. Anywhere in the US... Even worse... Jails are usually even more violent than prisons.

What I'm getting at is:

There's no way he went to jail, survived without being abused. Only to have some girl establish physical dominance over him in a short span of time...

On the other hand... I can totally see a guy who went to jail and went through some serious shit, come out so fucked up mentally he's physically afraid of this girl.
Obviously, I could be wrong. But I'd be willing to bet.

It just doesn't compute for me otherwise. If you're tough enough to fend off jailhouse predators, you're not gonna let your girlfriend beat you up. It's impossible.

Your problem isn't whether he still loves you--he does. Your problem is someone you care about is in an abusive relationship. You have to get them out.

[Asker]

He’s not the type of guy to hit back and he doesn’t like trouble... so U think being in jail traumatized him?

[Asker]

He was hit when he was in jail by the way and he was crying when he couldn’t be with me during the jewsish holidays

[Asker]

I wish I could show u photos of me and him, and of me and her for a comparison... inbox me

[Asker]

Also what indicates to u that he still loves me and wants me back?

[SteveSmith1985]

Hi there. I'm afraid I can't message you because you're anonymous. You can, however, send me the first message and then we're good to go.

But yea... we should talk... from what you've just said... there's really no question that he went through something in Jail. If you are "not the type to hit back"... you WILL be victimized by EVERYBODY. They're like sharks, if you're seen as weak everyone's gonna exploit you. The ONLY way to avoid that IS TO FIGHT AND NEVER EVER EVER NOT FIGHT if anyone tests you. Everyone is tested. You don't fight back that first time... you're now what's known as "food". Which means, the powerful groups in that particular jail work it out amongst themselves to divide up everything you've got or are gonna get in the future. Poor guy didn't eat a single dessert for 3 months. Guaranteed. Honestly... I can't even imagine how awful jail would be if you're not the type to hit back.

To me it sounds like he's been through some trauma (in jail or otherwise) which has left his psyche warped in a way that's allowing this abusive girl to tap into all the psychological part of him that's been damaged. Otherwise, I just can't understand how a guy, who COULD exert more physical force, would allow himself to become submissive to a physically weaker person. I might be totally wrong on that.

I''m not gonna lie... I'm very sympathetic to women in abusive relationships. I find myself somewhat less so in this case. I feel a bit guilty for that. I think that might just be because I don't have much (if any) understanding of the dynamic.

[SteveSmith1985]

A big part of me just wants to say "man, are you kidding me? you're gonna let a girl physically control you? what's wrong with you?" And I feel guilty for that. I feel like there MUST be a whole lot more going on with this guy's past to explain what's going on here.

There clearly IS something wrong with him. But something has caused that part to "go wrong" in him. If I think about a guy who was food in jail... who's now with an abusive woman... my sympathy comes flooding back in.

Anyway, send me a message, and we'll talk.

[Asker]

I followed u... my username is thelittlemermaid333

[SteveSmith1985]

ohhhhhh cool. I'll message you

[Asker]

Yea I have a photo of the little mermaid and a Star of David

[Supermosh1990]

I dk think he still loves you and regrets taking a break. That much is clear

[Asker]

Does it sound like he wants me back?

[Supermosh1990]

Yeah

[Asker]

What indicates that he still wants me and loves me?