Are you better at expressing your emotions in speech or writing? And what about reading the emotions of others?

Question

I text with many people and really enjoy it, but lately, I started paying more attention to how I express myself. I'm relatively easy with words, and writing and expressing my ideas never was a problem.

But emotions are not ideas. They have a real impact on us. And I noticed that I sometimes struggle with describing what and how I feel to the point that I sometimes give up describing my emotions. And it happens more often in writing. Somehow seeing others, their body language, and this encouraging look helps a lot...

With reading emotions I have no problem in general. In speech or writing doesn't matter... I just can see it... feel it somehow.

How about you?

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Interesting q, Isla. I don't have a simple answer, but I'll try to explore this with you. When I first read the invite and was thinking about this, I had several random thoughts, so apologies that this may not be organized, but I think it's a deceptively complex topic that warrants approaching it from a few angles.

As to your first question, we are all far, far better at reading the emotions of others in person, as have a mere fraction of the information via the written word, so in the case of the latter, we must rely on what the other person chooses to tell us. It takes many, many conversations, over a long period of time, to really get to know a person in writing. It is possible, but we will always be hobbled and partially in the dark. Our only countermeasure to this is to be on the lookout for consistency, and no human is entirely consistent over time.

Via writing, people have time to concoct and construct carefully, and they, too, are gauging you, and they have their own motivations for how they want to be perceived. Everyone cares about their image and what others think of them, to varying degrees. Some are willing to go to despicable levels and immoral lengths to maintain a more pristine or ideal image of themselves than is factually true. Most people care about being liked, and supported, more than they feel obligated to present an accurate depiction or account of who they are. But there is much variance in this and people, as they decide, on a daily basis, how honest to be, and with whom. People can be strategic, to put it mildly. Digital communication has amplified this to degrees never before.

Emotions are not ideas? Hmm. I'm not sure about that. Certainly, ideas can be expressed through emotion, or perhaps with emotion. And what about ideas that are created by, or rooted in emotions? Think of a large, boldly coloured painting on a wall, rife with paint splatters and aggressive strokes. We may not know exactly what prompted that artist to create it, but we can fairly safely guess that there was intense feeling, and can hazard guesses like anger, passion, frustration, fear, longing, disenfranchisement, isolation, or even unbridled joy. Maybe they were using that canvas as a place to act out their idea, or conclusion they arrived at, about something they read or heard or experienced, and then it turned into emotion, which fused together, and later, maybe into a memory stored indefinitely, that is strengthened by the fusing of all these things at once, especially the act of painting about it, because now there is a tangible representation of an idea.

Anyway, you probably mean that you feel comfortable and capable expressing yourself through words when the idea is not 'laced' (some might even say 'tainted') with emotion, which is true, we are often more articulate when not in a heightened state, or trying to express something complex. But my thought here - the more years click on, the more I am aware that many things are, in fact, laced with or associated with emotions - often, what another may deem as an irrational feeling - and they are influencing, and even, guiding, that person's actions and what they say. People are not as logical and calm-headed as they think and want to believe they are. I think men struggle with this even more, as we females live pretty much our whole lives being told we are the more emotional sex, and to "calm down", but males are not actually less emotional, really, nor immune to feelings, either. They are just more limited (trained to inhibit themselves, from an early age) in the outward expression of them. And when they do, it's more socially acceptable for certain ones, but not all, to be expressed. So they have a bit less practice in doing this, and when they do, there are more potentially negative repercussions. So they can feel trapped in stoicism, because it is valued in men. Until men are asked what they are thinking, which provides a more open floor with greater chance of accepting what they might say. Still, it's risky, in their minds. Whatever sex, self-expression is challenging.

What interests me most about this topic, or should I say concerns me, is the inevitable miscommunications, misinterpretations, conflicts, and often unnecessary stress that occurs because of attempts re: complex things such as emotions, beliefs, and the principles and values by which we live, or try to live. "They have a real impact on us," is absolutely right, and cannot be overstated. They are often relationship killers.

So, to answer your q of which way I/people are better, I think needs to be qualified with what types of emotions. The more in turmoil a person is, the more difficult it will be to express themselves clearly and in an organized fashion. Think of life or death situations. They don't really have full control of their faculties, and t's also taxing to have to try.

But let's say they know how they feel, and do have clarity internally, but they want to couch how they feel in a diplomatic and sensitive way, to the receiver.

Then we have the scenario where a person is feeling quite calm, but they don't entirely know how they feel about something. The act of trying to verbalize or write it can help to add some structure to their thoughts. And it creates a situation where they need to pull back, pull out, a bit, and try to have at least some sense of objectivity, in order to explain or organize it all. It removes a small amount of the subjectivity and 'personal-ness' of it all.

For me, the more complex the ideas, and if the scenario is not about delivery some news to another person ABOUT the person, the more I would prefer to be able to speak in person. If it's about that person, then I'd prefer to have the time to write it down instead. But that can create a situation where they then feel obliged to respond via the written, and a lot of people simply cannot do that, so they may be silent, and the silence creates its own issue. Ultimately, it degrades, or even ends, the relationship.

I think that words all come from the same part of the brain, whether written or verbalized. So, the more you write, or speak, the more it aids the other form of communication. While a lot of people may feel more comfortable, and adept, at one or the other, I find both or either is improved by the other. I have long-used a phrase that's just made up, 'got the talking ball rolling' (it's a play on a stone gathering no moss when in motion). While I will say, often, that I am not articulating something well in a conversation, I do enjoy all those opportunities to shape, correct, and hone subsequent words to clarify and expand on the ideas discussed. And there is no record of it (unless they're sly and recording you for some f'd up reason). There's a certain freedom and liberation in that, the spontaneity of those types of conversations. Plus, how great is the ebb and flow, as two people react to one another, in real time? I love that. Misunderstandings and misinterpretations that I can, in retrospect, clearly see the through-line to, are one of the banes of my existence, if not the number one, nowadays. It's frustrating and exhausting; in large part, because I see them as entirely preventable, should both people be aware, and want to prevent or repair them. This brings up the ideas of tolerance, emotional intelligence, patience, and a willingness or stubbornness to accept the messiness and fallibility that is people. Yet, many relationships are destroyed and lost because of a lack of awareness of the delicacy and fragility of the choices that we all make, daily, in communication.

7Phoenix7 · Accepted Answer

For me, it's harder to explain and express my emotions in person. In my mind there will be soooo many thoughts, words, sentences... but I'll just say something simple. And then later I'll over analyze the situation and the conversation.

Then I usually go back to them and share my new thoughts lol..

When im writing and I'm really trying to get you to understand something, it's much easier for me...

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

I am a very expressive person, in person...

from the tone and the volume of my voice, mannerisms, facial gestures... my posture, body language, even the "vibes" one can transmit, all of this... this is how we were meant to be and to mostly communicate with one another

it became my nature to be the most genuine about expressing myself and to convey most of my emotions, and when I say that I am a VERY expressive person, I do not mean that in the sense of being overly animated, lol... I'm not like a mime, what I mean is that everything about my expression is all very consistent with one another and that leaves very little room or chance to mistaken me on what I say, and how I express my emotions or sentiment... and that is the one thing that makes it better for me, in person and with speech, I am much more clear and there's just so much more to communicate for sure... and with texting, well... we do have to ways to compensate for that, there's much more to clarify and to add, so it is a fuller projection of what I am trying to communicate and/or express... so, from this approach... speech does a lot more for me than writing does

as for the reading the emotions of others... there's a similar situation presenting itself, it become natural to me, to pick up on all these signals and projections of a person, and for me to construct a fuller image and emotion itself of what a person says to me... and how they say it as well, I can read it instantly, I can actually feel it as they go, or even before they go but that is in person... via texting, I always need to complete my perceptions and give myself even if just a fraction of a second, some time to construct a somewhat fuller image, but in this case I need to make an effort to fill up for all of the things I am not getting, and this implies to assume, and in the best cases to guesstimate based on experience... for more accuracy

KrakenAttackin · Accepted Answer

An interesting question. When you say expressing emotions in writing, do you mean in a letter to someone, texting, keeping a journal, etc? Some writings are personal and others are meant to be read by others.

I think of it really mattered (i. e. an in case of death letter) to a loved one, I would be better on writing as there would be no judgement of me at the time of writing by the recipient.

sage2021 · Answer

Since I am not able to see the person I care about in person, I have no choice except the phone, writing a letter, or texting
At least with texting the emojis help to signal if something is good or bad, ot other emotions you want to share. I use emojis a lot when texting 😎

msmissydc · Answer

With Expression as well as reading, I think I am much better in speech.

Also when I try to express emotions in writing I am always scared to be missunderstood so I often dont write and wait for a chance to call or talk in person.

Lynx122 · Answer

I think I like texting more. But I can express myself with words too. It's harder though when you're talking about difficult things and things you're not sure about it makes it harder to express yourself in writing you can really take your time and think through how you want to say what you're struggling with.

fuddly · Answer

That's a good question

I sometimes can be abrupt in texts which is emotionally lacking on my part

The basic information is there in words but emotionally I'm probably saying " I don't care about you"
Then I'm surprised when they are hostile

Thinking about it, in work sometimes I'm the same. Lots of time we are on instant messenger and if I'm busy again I can be abrupt. And in person too.

As a result I'm probably not considered a good team player.

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

I WOULD Rather write to you, thinking because I don't want to forget to make sure when I 'm writing about you is when the words like SEXY, SMART, INTERESTING ALSO YOUR SOMEONE WHO HAS ALREADY MADE ME FEEL LIKE SHE IS INTERESTED IN US GETTING THE TRUTH ABOUT HOW OPEN YOU FEEL YOUR COMFORT LEVEL WHEN YOU ARE WHEN YOUR WITH ME O. K. WRITE,!!

DopeTurtle · Answer

I think I’m much more effective through speech because I utilize body language, tone, eye contact, physical touch , etc.

I do try to be expressive through texts but I’m just more confident in person/ phone.

BadApple69 · Answer

Speech by far. Since humor is my go to for everything I can be upset and type something and I’ll get a LOL back. Sometimes humor can be used in a sarcastic way but in my texts… it’s just humor.

exitseven · Answer

I write better than I speak. I am really a very shy person. I never could express my feelings to a girl. Even if I was pretty sure that she liked me I could not make a move/

thegreenyogi · Answer

I am better at expressing my emotions in writing and in relation to other people I am very cautious and careful at how I express myself in speech.

Agape93 · Answer

Speech. I'm more eloquent in typing, but I'm better speaking.  I can understand it cognitively, but not often emotionally

Simslover92 · Answer

Definitely better at writing my emotions down than orally expressing them.

CieloAzul · Answer

I usually express my feelings through my facial expressions. I have expressive facial features  Sometimes it is difficult to express my feelings in writing, for example in a text🙂

ohmyguy · Answer

I feel I do poorly at both I see this as an outlet for hopefully doing better at both eventually

MemeSupreme · Answer

it's writing for me but speech for reading others

worldscolide · Answer

Writing. Definitely not speaking.

Staximus · Answer

Probably speaking

CubaPirate · Answer

Writing and pretty good tbh

eagle1951 · Answer

no and hate reading

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