Why do people with kids say that people who dont want kids are selfish?

Question

Laura_Marx · Accepted Answer

the revisionist communist Paul Cockshott makes an argument that goes like this: people who do not have children, in their old age, live off of the contributions of the younger generation, without having themselves expended any labour power and money to raise it, therefore childless adults are parasites. this is one of his arguments in favour of repressing homosexuals. as early an organizer as Paul Lafargue (my namesake's husband) had an entire book against this line of thinking.

a lot of the answers here run along the lines of: 'it's okay not to have children, but if you admit your reasons for making that decision, you'll admit that they are personally concerned, which amounts to being selfish.' therefore someone who says: 'i don't want children; i like sleeping in to 1pm and they would make me up' is making a selfish decision. however, it's not clear to me why making personally enriching decisions is selfish. when i have porridge i add blueberries, blackberries, and strawberries—but not raspberries or cherries as i don't like them. by eating only the berries i personally like, i act only on my own behalf. is my choice of berries thus selfish? no, we may admit, it is not selfish. why is it selfish although it is perosnally enriching? because though i am enriched no one else has anything subtracted from them. then how do i, by enriching myself in avoiding children, am i thereby subtracting from someone else?

Paul Cockshott's argument does hold in this case (let's accept it's validity for now and say we have entirely separate reasons for rejecting it). but the species of personal enrichment he's describing (consuming use-values in your old age) are very different from the ones the other answerer's put forward. those are immediate, short-term benefits: sleeping undisturbed, saving up money, and so forth. from whom are these subtracted? those are things i would have to surrender to my child, should i have them. but i didn't; they don't exist, because they were never conceived. and nothing can taken from, or given to, someone who doesn't exist. so these charges of selfishness fail to achieve all of the required grounds; though they are personally enriching they are not invidious. another word for something which is personally enriching but not invidious is 'healthy.'

i want to note two answers which are not defeated by this argument: @Finchie40's answer argues that remaining childless may allow us to wallow in selfishness while having children forces us to become selfless, and @Oncewildtwiceburned's answer argues that people who don't have children are selfish because they are (i take this to be his implication) responsible for a below-replacement birth rate, leading to the native labour market aging, to the extent that he can't hire young men without going to the city to find immigrants. i will simply note these as interesting arguments and will not try to deal with them in this post.

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

Never heard aside from here on gag.  where did you hear? Time to get new friends?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I have two kids. It's the best thing I ever did 20 something years ago

Now fast forward to today .. there is no way in this world I would want to bring a child in to this world the way it is today. We don't know what's going to happen from day to day.. . look at the foods we are eating today. Fake chicken on a stick. It's not real . Most of our fruits now are fake cloned. Are vegetables are becoming the same way look at our water if you drink water out of the tap or bottled water you're destroying the inside of your body do a pH test on each of those one day and you'll see what I mean

Our government is on a self-destruct mission to run out of money so they cannot help their own people only people from different countries to kill each other

Our government wants to become our banker that means it controls the food and it controls our money so that means they control us

Growing up I had some of the best times in the world because of who we are as people today's nothing like that. It's not bad right now it's not good it's going to get worse and if I cannot protect my child if something was to happen it would drive me crazy. ..

People without kids they're not selfish they're smart they're looking ahead to the Future and they feel the same way if they cannot protect their kids give their kids what they need to be successful to be leaders that is hard even thinking about having kids and that's sad because kids are one of the biggest joys one of the biggest best things in this world that we should all experience raising somebody up to become better than you is a blessing it's beautiful so I feel sorry I feel bad for the people that would love to have kids... but they're not going to put them through hell just because they want them... they're not selfish they're smart they're smarter then a lot of people and that's cool.. and I thank them. Because it's something happens in this world and they cannot protect their kids they would too would go insane it's bad enough right now you see kids acting the way they act because their parents aren't there and their lives for them so no they're not selfish whatsoever they're smart

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because in a sense they are being selfish. because they only care about themselves and think what’s best for themselves , it’s ok to not want kids ‘ if you choose not to want kids’ some people just aren’t capable of raising kids ‘ or ready to have kids ‘ or scared to have kids , so yes it’s a selfish decision on their part , but they are being honest about their decision. When I was younger and childless I didn’t want kids’ until I was older and had my shit together , but I met a girl and knocked her up when I was 23 years old , even though I was nervous as shit , and didn’t feel ready to be a Dad , I was still excited knowing I was going to be a Dad , once my daughter was born at that moment I was so excited to be a Dad , because she was the most beautiful baby to my eyes so at that moment I had a choice , I could choose to continue being my selfish self or choose to be in my daughters’ life and my girlfriends’ life. as well , So the truth is every single one of us has selfishness in us , for a relationship to last and for love to grow , 2 people have to remove selfishness for each other. If not? That relationship will not last. So I chose my girlfriend and my baby and did what I had to do to be a father for my child. My girlfriend and I moved in together and after a year I knocked her up again , and had our 2nd daughter , then I married her and then we made our son , 20 years later , my kids’ are older and my wife decided to be selfish and now I am back to being single. So the joys of life , but it was worth it for my children. Now I don’t want any kids’ and want to enjoy the rest of my
Life doing what I want to do , if I meet a girl that wants to join me that’s even better.

abc3643 · Answer

Well, because, in a sense, they are right.
I don't have kids. But, I have a shitload of dependents: my wife, my 7 dogs, and my cat. If I didn't have dependents, I'd be free to spend my time and money on the things I want out of life instead of maintaining the lives of others.

At the same time, people WITH kids are selfish bastards too.
They get tax deductions we don't.
They are sentencing their progeny to a life that, frankly, is pretty shitty and ends with death. So, why create another human being to suffer like that? Answer: Selfishness.
Instead, they should be helping other people raise the next generation.
That's what I've done: No kids because I knew 40+ years ago not to subject them to the current shitshow you are experience that I could see coming decades ago. BUT, I am here at G@G and in my private life happy to help those kids who were born because they were not given a choice to join this wacky shitshow.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Cause there's partial truth to it

Selfish: (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

Now ask yourself why you don't want kids?

It seems many like to turn it and try to make it selfless by putting excuses saying the reasons is for the unborn child but it's not, it's for themselves, its much more respectable to admit the reasons are for yourself than to try and hide the motive because at the end the decision is still up to the person and they aren't forced to have children but if you wanna have more sleep time or more money, just admit it, not yap that the world is shit and the child will suffer and yappy yap yap 😂

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

No one to work the fields, you have no idea how important young men are on construction jobs, tire shops, an endless number of things. And yes without women to have and care for young kids the world will just stop.

I couldn’t find any help for a particular job except disabled people (who used to do what I was doing) or teenage boys (who neither knew how to do it nor were fit or strong enough to do it anyways). And I’m too far from a city to just go to a home depot at 6 AM to pick up immigrants.

MisterWack · Answer

Those people are being ridiculous & ignorant.
People can be born without a desire to have children and no matter how much you say, “Hey! You are so selfish right now” they’ll just move on with their day since it is their personal choice not to and they have every right to. To these people, I’d like to remind them to mind their own business even if it makes you upset and annoyed since you can’t change what they are.

Fireguy17 · Answer

they do like others having the freedom to come and go as they please and the fact that they get a good night's sleep, don't have to be 3 places at once, have extra money, can drop everything and travel, go out and have fun, all of the things that they cannot do because they have a kid (s).

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

The idea is they're saying you're willfully neglecting the future and hurting society by not contributing children. Basically every developed country has declining birth rates.

It's a narrow minded view to a much more complex societal issue. It also doesn't help to single out individuals on global issues.

Ladsin2 · Answer

Depends on the reason someone doesn't want kids I suppose. If you don't want kids because you would rather be able to drink every night that's a pretty selfish reason. If you don't want kids because you don't want to deal with the hassle that's pretty selfish. I can't think of many reasons to not have kids that aren't selfish other than health reasons.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

It’s not. These are the same people who believe someone taking their own life is behaving selfishly. They just don’t fully comprehend what being selfish is. Calling it “selfish” is a defense mechanism for not understanding why the person is being the way that they are.

Juxtapose · Answer

Because they're jealous they've ruined their life.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

A lot of people who don't want kids, don't want them because they don't want responsibility, or they think that having the kid will take freedom away from them.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Because they're obnoxious busy bodies with oversized egos and no filter for etiquette and couldn't read the room if it was empty...

Anonymous · Answer

having kids means having to sacrifice for them which is an act of selflessness not having kids means focusing everything on oneself which is an act of selfishness

exitseven · Answer

I never say that. Having kids should be a choice. Kids are not for averyone.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It's just an opinion. Frankly I think a lot of people have children to try to stay together, and that seems far more selfish.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because they hate their lives and they want you to suffer too.

jahaims · Answer

Because they lack intelligence

eagle1951 · Answer

cause they wish they didn't have any

Why do people with kids say that people who dont want kids are selfish?

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