Should I forgive my parents for choosing their new families over me?

[Anonymous]

I moved in with my aunt when I was 15 because my parents remarried and started new families, and I felt like I didn’t matter to them anymore. It hurt seeing them move on without me, treating me like an outsider. I got labeled as the “black sheep” and was constantly compared to their new kids. After a big fight, I left and moved in with my aunt, who’s been my guardian ever since. She’s the only one who’s ever really been there for me, and I’ve cut my parents out of my life. Even though it’s been years, it still hurts. They’ve recently tried reaching out to rebuild our relationship, but I can’t shake the feeling that they chose a new life over me. My aunt encourages me to give them a chance, but I just don’t know if I’m ready—or if I’ll ever be. I don’t want them in my life, but it’s hard to know what’s right.

[Finchie40]

I’m sorry to hear you went through that with both your parents’ and why they both gave up on you is sad to hear. My advice to you , is to say what you need to say , just like that John Mayer song , just speak the truth , no matter what, whether it hurts their feelings or not , just speak the truth and tell them your feelings and tell them how betrayed you feel by them. If they want to be a part of your life , it will be their job to fix it , after you say what you need to say , if they choose not to fix it , then keep your distance from them and move on with your life and sadly accept the fact that they don’t want to be a part of yours. One thing I learned in life is that we can’t force someone to love us and to be there for us , we can only give what we hope to receive , if we aren’t receiving then we are best not to give. My father for a lot of years wasn’t really a part of my life , I never really felt close to my father , he never included me in anything unless my Mom told him to do so , At a young age I realized my father didn’t really want to be a part of my life , so I just accepted it for what it was , I had a lot of resentments towards my father for that reason , After my Mom passed away my father apologized to me for the way he was towards me and told me he was sorry for not really being there for me through the years , but he said he always loved me and cared about me and was happy to see me succeed. I accepted his apology , but I also said what I needed to say to him , things that I buried inside me for years , he didn’t like what I had to say , but the truth hurts. At that point he had a choice on whether like wanted to continue being in my life or not to. He chose to continue and now my Dad and I talk on a regular basis. I still have some resentments towards my father but as long as he keeps giving to me , I will give to him. So you are best to do the same thing to your parents and say what you need to say

[Lynx122]

Wow that's so sad. I don't think I'd forgive them. People who aren't directly involved always say you should forgive others and reconnect and stuff but they just see that people are happier together and want a happy family. They don't understand how you feel and what was done to you. So you shouldn't listen to other people, only give your parents a chance if you think it's the right thing to do and you're emotionally ready to expose yourself to them inflicting pain on you again. Because usually people don't change that much and their behavior even if they don't repeat something major you'll get reminded of everything they did through their mannerisms and their habits etc.

You have 0 obligation to ever talk to them again in your entire life this is completely optional and most likely it won't be worth it for you. They want to sooth their guilty conscience, maybe their kids are asking questions, but what do you get out of it? They've proven that they're heartless and they can kick you out again whenever they feel like it's too much hassle having you around so you'll never be integrated in the family you'll always be like a visitor with less rights. I think you're better off just living your life and having people around you who want to be in your life. And do therapy :)

[Anonymous]

I hold grudges not on purpose but that’s just how I am. They say it’s not good but doesn’t matter I just do. If what you say is true and I felt that way, and they were really trying to reach out to me, I would instead write a short concise letter in which I state how they both abandoned me to be with their own families. And I would never contact them again. Whether they care or not about what I said in the letter is irrelevant. Have kids and love them. Don’t look back to them if they truly did that to you.

that’s my advice. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do but that’s the best way for me regardless of what anyone else says because that’s just how my mind works.

so what would make YOu feel at peace.

maybe to others they prefer to reconcile and become a family again. But not for me. Unless there’s more to the story that you’re not adding. But based solely on what you’ve said here, I would not want them in my life but I would want to put in perspective how they tossed me out to live happily in their new families incase there were not aware of it.

[Daniela1982]

After all this time, if it were me, I would tell them to. . .

They made the choice not to include you so you shouldn't feel bad about it. For all you know their new kids probably moved away and have their own families and they want someone to take care of them in their old age.

[Cutegirl06]

That's a hard decision. If it was me I honestly don't think I could forgive my parents for doing that to me. I think it's too little too late 😕

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that seriously sucks what you went through with your parents. No kid should ever feel like they don't matter. It's completely understandable why you cut them off.

At the same time, I can see why your aunt thinks maybe giving them another chance could help with the hurt. But you also gotta do what's right for YOU, not anyone else.

If you're not ready to trust them again, then don't force it. You have every right to take all the time you need. They messed up big time and can't expect you to just get over it instantly.

Maybe you could try little steps first before full on reconnecting - like keep things casual or public when you see them, so you're in control. That way you can ease into it without diving back into a potentially hurtful situation either.

Don't feel rushed or guilty about your choice. This is your life - protect yourself however brings you peace. Lean on your aunt for support, and trust that in time it'll get easier. You've got so much ahead of you without that baggage weighing you down. I believe in you!

[lightbulb27]

What a tragic story that frankly, I've not heard... two parents breaking up and leaving the child?

forgivenes is for you not for them because this event caused you pain and still does. It's for you to let go.

Maybe meeting them will help you put this aside... process the emotions and be able to move on. After you meet and in time, you can decide if you continue or not.

I can understand it both ways and I'm not sure what I would do, such a unique scenario. Maybe get a therapist in your camp to help guide?

[Cripplingkingship]

They betrayed you once, who is to say they will do it again. I think you should move on and don't give them another chance.

The reason I say this, because if they do it you again, it might break you emotionally, that you might not be strong enough to return and resort to bad things, like suicide, drugs, prison etc. Be careful, because some people might want to break you.

They might blood related to you, but it doesn't mean they are family.

Family are people, who love no matter what, who care for you, be there for you no matter what. Family is unconditional love.

Whatever you choose you do, I wish you best of luck on your journey.

[Cripplingkingship]

I am not saying Iam right with them wanting to break you, but its something to consider. I am just saying be careful.

[kaucky1]

I wasn't born I was snot blasted trying to start family of my own mom but got these defects using my dicks on inside while I'm working with supernatural drugs chopping them off tearing them apart getting out that shine get pregnate self ewww but I scare them shine flashlight inside see nothing but surface down there ➡️↗️🚀🌞💥

[Zack-Bann]

Only you can chose this not them not your aunt
And no one can blame you if hou chose never to forgive


You were the child in this story and they failed you


You owe them NOTHING

[Sadia26]

Look I know it's hard but forgiveness will only set you free, they are humans after all and if they are trying to reach out to you I would say they deserve a second chance, maybe this time it'll be different. You will never know if you don't give them that chance.

[Nikki1989]

Whether to forgive your parents for choosing their new families over you is a personal decision that only you can make.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m assuming you’re attempting this after a minimum of one year of therapy

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t blame you. Don’t do contact until you’re sure you’re ready.

[Avicenna]

Only you can feel comfortable enough to decide to do this, and it doesn’t sound like you are

[seeyounexttuesday]

If it's something you can't get over, and aren't sure you can handle a relationship with them, at nothing else meet with them and express all of your pent up feelings.

[Unit1]

Sounds cucky to me