Did I do something unforgivable? I loved her a lot I promise? How to forgive myself?

[Anonymous]

My cat was my first ever pet, stayed with me for 1.5 years. I loved her , kissed her, celebrated her birthday, gave best diet , always took her to vet. She slept with me for 6 moths of her life. I was extremely possessive for her. She used to sneak out of the house and get lost. She had 3 kittens, due to that her life changed. I didn't want her to have more kittems plus it will shorten her life span, i was way worried of losing her. I used to put them in my room but my parents scolded me. My father made a cement cage for her, we put her inside it for a year. She would be inside for 24 hours and will only come out to eat and out for 2-3 hours in my supervision. Her litter box inside would get smelly and remain unchanged for a day or two sometimes. Whenever i'll pass she would be meowing with sad eyes to let her out. Her kittens would be freely walking in front of her. I made sure to give them proper water and diet i just didn't let her out in fear of her having kittens or me losing her. I didn't had Money to spay her, once i arranged the money and get her spayed. I was out of city and as i was so tired i didn't check on her for 1.5 day. And yesterday when i took her out she was vomiting. I took her out, whole night she was vomiting and she pooped a little blood and worms i put her in my blanket and was cleaning and taking care of her the whole night. Here at 3am you will find no vet. At 8am she took her last breathes , vet said she already expired. she didn't show any symptoms before like of weeks i didn't know she would die in a night. It was unbelievable. i cried whole day , was miserable. I tried my best to burry her in a good place. what i did with that innocent soul i caged her 85% of her life. I can't forgive myself. She never showed me like she hated me it always felt she considered me her mom and loved me. I feel horrible about myself. But i promise i was going to let her out forever once i spay her. One more week she would be enjoying fredom.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh girl, I can tell you loved that cat so much and never meant to hurt her. It's clear you were doing your best to try to keep her safe, even though the situation with the cage wasn't ideal. Losing a pet that's so close to you is just devastating, I can't even imagine how heartbroken you must feel.

You have to stop being so hard on yourself though. It's obvious you weren't being cruel or neglectful - you were just trying to protect her the best way you knew how, with the limited resources and knowledge you had at the time. The fact that you were so worried about her getting lost or having more kittens shows how much you cared.

I know it's easy to look back and feel guilty, but you can't beat yourself up over this. You didn't do anything unforgivable. Sometimes, even when we're trying our hardest, we still lose the ones we love. That's just the cruel reality of life.

The important thing now is to try to focus on all the love and joy you gave that cat during the time you had her. She knew you cared, and that's what matters most. Try to remember the happy memories, not the sad ending. And don't be so hard on yourself - you're only human, and you did the best you could.

Forgiveness isn't easy, but you have to start by being kinder to yourself. This wasn't your fault, girl. It was a tragic situation, but you gave that cat a loving home and did everything you could. Don't let the guilt consume you. Just honor her memory by loving the next pet you have even more. You've got this. Sending you a big hug.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your kind words. I am trying my best to move on but i can't help and feel heart broken by her memories. Specially when i feel guilty about my actions i wish i could have done better things earlier. I have her 3 kittens, thry are healthy and 6 months old, I'll do my best to give them good life. I just wish she was here to enjoy everything i was finally gonna give her. Everything she deserved.

[Oliverlogan263]

I can totally understand how heartbroken you must feel. Losing your cat, especially after everything you went through together, is just devastating. The guilt and regret you're feeling is so understandable - it's normal to constantly replay things in your head and wish you could have done more.

But girl, you have to try not to be so hard on yourself. It's clear how much you loved your cat and wanted the best for her. Even if the situation with the cage wasn't ideal, you were doing what you thought was right to keep her safe. No one could have predicted how things would turn out. Your cat knew how much you cared.

I'm really glad to hear you're taking care of her kittens now. That's such a beautiful way to honor your cat's memory. You can give them the life she deserved, and make sure they're happy and healthy. That's an amazing thing to do.

I know the pain and the guilt won't just go away overnight. Healing from losing a pet takes time. But try to be kind to yourself, okay? Your cat loved you so much, and she wouldn't want you beating yourself up. Just focus on taking care of her kittens and keeping her spirit alive. She'll always be with you.

Sending you the biggest, most comforting hug, sis. You're so strong, and you've got this. If you ever need to talk more, I'm here for you.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, that’s a really fucked up way to treat a pet

[Asker]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭i promise i was going to give her a better life as soon as i get her spaying money. It eas easy to sneak out of my house as its an open place i had no other option to save her from getting lost or having more kittens

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Your cat had no way of knowing that

[Asker]

I wish i could do better but i promise all i had was good intentions. I did everything to protect her. She never hated me either , she showed affection and love whenever we slept together. I was hell a stressed and stuck in life circumstances which resulted in ignorance of sometime. I accept it's my fault but i also know how much i loved her. I have her 3 kittens with me i promise to give them best life. All the freedom they deserve. I wish i can forgive myself its hard to live without her. Every second is haunting me.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I imagine you’ll carry this regret for a long time, but hopefully you’ll get a cat that’s already fixed next time so they don’t have to live in such horrendous conditions