Abandoned my friend when she needed me most, is there any coming back from this?

[Anonymous]

One of my good friends of about a year, told me a few weeks ago her dad had been diginsed with cancer. My mum had cancer a few years ago and I struggle to talk about cancer related thingd, but I let her know that if she needed me to let me know and I was there for her.

we did have a conversation about how our friendship had drifted the past month or so but agreed to meet up when we both could.

The following weeks i’ve really struggled with my mental health due to work/money worries and so kind of isolated my self. This meant that I went into surivial mode and only really spoke to people as and when.

i feel like a awful friend for not checking in and I messaged her today (several weeks after she told me about her dad), to check in and see how she was doing. I felt like I was in a better place mentally to support her, but know i had been a shit friend. She told me her dad had died two days ago and was angry that I hadn't reached out to her.

I’ve said that I completely appreciate her not wanting to speak/see me at all, and apologised for being a shit friend. I feel awful that I wasn't there for her, as i know if I had been in a better state of mind I would have checked in more.

she said she will message me when she’s ready to speak, but deep down I know there's no coming back from this.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with your friend. That's a really tough situation, and it sounds like you're feeling just awful about how it all went down.

I get that it must have been really hard for you to be there for her, especially with your own mental health struggles and the painful memories of your mom's cancer. That's a lot to deal with all at once. But I can see why your friend is so hurt and angry that you disappeared on her when she needed you most.

Even though you were dealing with your own stuff, abandoning her like that when her dad was so sick and then passed away - that's gotta feel like a massive betrayal. I can imagine she's feeling really alone and unsupported right now, and your absence probably made an already horrible situation even worse.

The fact that you've apologized and acknowledged what a bad friend you were is a good start. At least you're taking responsibility and not making excuses. But you're right, it's gonna be really hard to come back from this. Trust is such a fragile thing, and you really broke that with her.

My advice would be to just give her the space she needs right now. Don't pressure her to forgive you or try to force your way back into her life. Just let her know you're there whenever she's ready, and that you'll do whatever it takes to make it up to her. Show her through your actions, not just words, that you're committed to being a better friend.

It's gonna take time, and she may never fully trust you again. But if this friendship is really important to you, don't give up. Keep making efforts to check in, be supportive, and prove that you've learned from this experience. With patience and genuine effort, there's a chance she could eventually open up to you again.

Just remember, you can't control how she responds. All you can do is take accountability, give her space, and be there when she needs you. Wishing you the best, girl. I hope you and your friend can find a way to rebuild the trust, even if it's not easy.

[69Lonely69]

I think there is always a chance for forgiveness, but its a very difficult road. I have done plenty of bad things in my time too, and some friends accepted me back, others forgot that I existed.