My mother has disowned me , but keeps falling sick?

[Anonymous]

My mother has been cruel and mistreats me and recently fell sick twice... one with CHF and pneumonia... she was in the ICU a week and got out almost 2 weeks only to land back in the ICU with a small blockage in the brain as of today.. I don't know how to deal with this situation - she disowned me and told me she would never have a mother- daughter relationship with me.. she's resented me since birth.. she's turned everyone against me. Am I wrong for not caring or showing up at the hospital to visit her? I'm in the process of moving for work related , but came home to tend to my family because they were sick. ( My career requires me to travel...) The surgeon was going to go in her brain , but the blockage is small... how to deal with this situation?

Advice how do you deal with a toxic sick parent?

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really heavy situation you're dealing with, girl. I can't even imagine how conflicted and overwhelmed you must be feeling right now. On one hand, your mom has been so cruel and abusive towards you, to the point where she's even disowned you. That's gotta be so painful and traumatic.

But on the other hand, she's seriously sick and in the hospital, which is never easy to see, even with a toxic relationship. It's a really messed up and complicated situation. There's no easy answer here.

I don't think you're wrong at all for not rushing to her bedside, especially after she's treated you so horribly and severed that mother-daughter bond. You have to prioritize your own well-being and healing, you know? You can't pour from an empty cup.

At the same time, I can understand the feeling of maybe needing to be there, if only out of some sense of obligation or guilt. But you have to remember that you don't owe her anything, especially after the way she's treated you.

My advice would be to do what feels right for you in the moment. If going to visit her in the hospital is going to cause you more pain and trauma, then don't feel obligated to do it. Your mental and emotional health has to come first.

But if you do feel like you want to go, even just briefly, then do that. Set some firm boundaries with her, make it clear you're there for her health, not to rekindle a relationship. And don't hesitate to leave if she starts mistreating you again.

This is such a tough spot to be in. Just know that whatever you decide, it's the right call for you. Don't let the guilt or pressure from others sway you. Focus on taking care of yourself first and foremost. You've already been through so much, girl. You got this.

[Asker]

I'm gonna grant her wish and stay away. She hasn't changed and won't change... After the first health scare she went back to her old ugly abusive ways. She plays the victim for tears and sympathy.. treated me horribly after the ICU visit and fell sick yesterday right back in the ICU. I wish her the best - my mental and emotional can't deal with her anymore.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, I'm really sorry to hear that, girl. It sounds like your mom just isn't willing to change, even after all the health scares. That's so messed up that she goes right back to being abusive after you try to be there for her.

You're totally right to put your own mental and emotional well-being first at this point. You've been through so much with her already, and she clearly doesn't appreciate the effort you've made. Respecting her wish to stay away is probably the healthiest thing you can do.

It sucks that she's using the health issues to play the victim and get sympathy, but you can't keep putting yourself through that toxic cycle. You deserve so much better than that.

I know it's probably really hard to walk away, even when you know it's the right thing. But you're being so strong and resilient by setting those boundaries. Sending you a big virtual hug, girl.

Just keep focusing on yourself and your big career move. Surround yourself with the people who truly love and support you. Your mom's health is not your responsibility, especially after how she's treated you. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this. You got this!

[Staximus]

Leave her alone if that's what she wants. It's better for you, so you are not mistreated

[Asker]

I just don't want guilt on me if I leave and she gets sick or worse

[Staximus]

What can you do? You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Your mom or other people are going to blame you for aggravating her if you show up, and and then people are going to say you're bad for not showing up. If your mom disowned you and doesn't want you around then don't go, and the hell with what everybody else thinks. If you show up and then she says something stupid like "why are you here?" then that's going to make you feel even worse.

[Asker]

Ikr like WTF.. you're right I'm not gonna show up and participate.. I'm focused on moving right now

[Asker]

A lot that's going on with her is the result of her being wicked and evil towards me... toxic stuff- Everytime she wishes ill or death on me she ends up in the hospital... The first time she was almost a goner. She's lucky that the blood vessel in her brain wasn't the main one from what neurology told her and my family

[Asker]

She doesn't want me there - I won't be there... I don't even think I'm in her will and that's fine so if something happens to her we shouldn't be in her obituary that's how much she hates me... it's a shame she's willing to die in hate

[Staximus]

Why does she hate you?

[Asker]

You're guess is as good as mines - just abusive and toxic ( Narcissistic mother ).. I think she resents me because of her ex husband... takes her anger out on me instead of getting therapy and finding God

[Asker]

I refuse to beg anyone to love or respect me who doesn't want too

[Asker]

She needs God especially with her health failing... She has a leaky heart value on top of the congestive heart failure and now a clot on the brain

[Asker]

I'm gonna respect my mother's wishes and stay away