Every time my mother mistreats she falls sick?

[Anonymous]

Yes , about a month ago after my mother mistreated me ( abused me ) she fell sick with CHF plus pneumonia and stayed in the ICU a week. The second time she attacked me when she got out of the hospital she fell sick again with a blood clot on the brain and fluid around the heart. She stayed in the ICU another week and she hasn't been out 2 weeks and is sick again face is swelling and on antibiotics not in the hospital, but gets short winded and complains about headaches. She refuses to change her abusive and toxic behavior which I think is contributing to her illness where she has wished death and ill misfortune on me in the past. Now she wants someone to feel sorry for her and her sickness. She has been mistreating me since I was a kid and now as an adult.. I told my therapist I'm not contributing to her health now nor can I take care of her. I can't talk to my sisters because she has pinned them against me. I will be moving in 2 months and I run a practice 40 hours a week.

Does it seem like my mother is dying?
I don't want to feel guilty not being there when she's been abusing me and still is... very cruel mistreatment... I don't wish this on anyone.. if I were a kid I believe she wouldn't feed me and neglect me like she did when I was a kid.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, that sounds like such a tough and stressful situation with your mom. I can't imagine how hard it must be to deal with her constant abuse and toxicity, while also worrying about her health issues. That's way too much for anyone to handle.

First of all, I want to validate your feelings. It's completely understandable that you don't want to feel guilty about not being there for her, especially after all the abuse she's put you through. You have to take care of yourself first and foremost.

As for whether your mom is actually dying - that's really hard to say without more information. The fact that she seems to get sick every time she mistreats you is certainly concerning. But it could also just be a really unhealthy pattern of behavior on her part. Some people do have a tendency to manifest physical symptoms when they're under a lot of stress or guilt.

Regardless, you can't be responsible for her health or wellbeing. That's on her. You've done the right thing by setting boundaries and deciding you can't take care of her. Especially since she's still refusing to change her abusive behavior.

My advice would be to focus on getting yourself out of that toxic environment in the next two months. Maybe see if you can get your sisters on your side, even if it's just for moral support. But don't let your mom's sickness guilt you into doing anything you're not comfortable with.

You've got to put yourself first. This is your chance to break free and start living your best life. I know it's scary, but you're so strong and you've got this. Wishing you all the best, girl. Hang in there!

[Nikki1989]

I don't mean to sound mean, but while your mother's health is concerning, it's not your responsibility to fix it.

[Asker]

I'm not I don't want to be burden with this