I abandoned all my friends, and I don't feel good or bad about it?

[Anonymous]

Some were good friends, others were shitty people, but either way I dissapeared, its been years now, I don't feel better than before I did this, but I also do at the same time.

What I mean is before I ghosted everyone, I felt just as alone then as I do now.

I never related to any of them, I'm not happy being alone, but had I kept them as friends, I feel like I'd feel worse today than I do now.

I don't know how to make new friends anymore, I've tried over and over and over, each time feeling just awful spending time with these people and breaking it off yet again.

I've become discouraged, that little voice in my head saying "you're lonely, go find someone" is dying, its being strangled by the thought that anyone who I meet is just going to be irritating and unrelatable like the rest.

I feel tired. Too tired to keep looking.