Why do people act so sarcastic and joke around while they grieve?

[Anonymous]

Like the first four weeks after my mom passed I was still crying so hard. I know people joke to make others laugh but when someone is grieving the first weeks it’s too soon. Don’t roast or joke around with them.

I know my mothers death hurts my dad but he’s so sarcastic and once told me to stop putting his shit on his desk. He’s like, “What? You can’t keep your own stuff on your desk? Keep you shit off my desk.”
He chuckled. I didn’t smile because I’m too busy being depressed and doing my work. He knows I’m hurting but he said, “Hey I was trying to make you laugh. You can’t walk around being sad and depressed all the time..”

I mean it’s true. My cousin roasted the crap outta me at the reception. She said my sisters look like our beautiful mom but if I look like our dad or grandpa then that’s a problem. Most people looked shocked and some laughed historically. One of my sisters was like, “Damn cousin! That was BRUTAL!!!”

I fake’s laughed. My cousin said, “Hey I was just kidding. It’s a joke.”

Even my dad laughed and then roasted him good too. I know my older sister said, “I know that was very brutal and it was wrong. You know he didn’t mean too right?”

Why do people try to joke with my right after my mom died?
I know it’s been a year and I’m still hurting. I was told to get help. I did last year, but my therapist bailed on me.

Nobody apologized for joking while I was hurting. I’m always the butt of jokes.
One of my girl pals roasted me saying I’m going to be more trouble since I’m going to be drowning her down with her tears. Trouble is already here when I walked though the door.
She was like, “GIRL IT WAS A JOKE!!! GOD!!! I gotta mess it you. You’re my bestie. Everyone is hurting but you gotta laugh sometimes. Laugh or I’m going to tickle you!”

She NEVER lets me living it down or let’s me off easy.

I want my mom back! Save me from getting roasted mama! 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔

[Valdemort]

Coping mechanism.
They're grieving in their own way. And laughter helps many cope with the absurdity of life, however painful.

People do things when in pain, that might not make sense to everyone.
However, just because it's hard to understand, doesn't mean it's wrong.

Though it might obviously be hurtful to you, and you have every reason to say something—people express themselves in different ways, for your relative... their tears happen to come out in words.

I'm sorry for your loss ❤️‍🩹

[Asker]

Yeah I guess so

[seeyounexttuesday]

The reality is your mom isn't coming back. Do you think your mom would want you to be wasting your life being sad and mopey for a year?

[Asker]

I know my mom isn’t coming back. No she’s working but I’m not sad all the time. I was mostly talking about the first weeks of her death. People don’t seem to care when I grieve anymore. Even my sister said it’s been a year and we shouldn’t be depressed all the time and nobody wants to be around a moody person. A year is long enough to get myself together.
My friends ignore when I bring up my feelings once in a while and changes the subject. My guy friend asked me out and I said no

[seeyounexttuesday]

They're right. There's acknowledging your feelings and then there's wallowing in them to the point you're not living your life.

[Asker]

I do live my life! It’s been hard and I can’t believe people are telling me that I need to pull myself together and WE am old news because we lost mom a YEAR ago. If someone lost their mom like a day or two weeks ago, then that’s different because it’s new and fresh to them. She told me I keep shitting guys down be there I needed to get myself together and grief. I know for some people it takes a while but it’s been a YEAR and a year is plenty of time.

[Asker]

I meant to say my sister said I keep shutting men down and grief should NOT be a reason to not dare again.

[seeyounexttuesday]

she's right

[Asker]

No she’s wrong. I’m sick of people trying to get me to date again. My two best friends said theirs a guy that really wants to meet me and they found him for me. I said no and they said he’s willing to wait.
Plus my parents knows my guy friend REALLY likes me and said I outta give him a chance.
I’m still trying to get myself together and I don’t care what people say.

[jahaims]

Ever hear of coping?

[Asker]

Yes but it was harsh