Why is it so difficult for a disabled person to make friends?

Question

I'm sorry if this is one of the dumber questions asked on here, but I'm serious. I'm 27 and have cerebral palsy, I've struggled with making friends my entire life, and it sucks

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I haven't ever seen anybody ask this before. It's a great question (well... not great. I know you're unhappy). I mean its a great question because I find it interesting.

I've never been close friends with someone with a disability, but there was one kid in high school who was a sorta friend/acquaintance. Other than that I haven't had any friends with visible disabilities.

I don't think I have a very good answer for you. I do have some thoughts, but they're kind of amorphous. I can't articulate anything complete.

When I imagine myself say meeting a new group of people, and one of them was in a wheelchair (see, that's all I would know, unless I were to inquire about specifics).

So I'm trying to examine my feelings. I'm a friendly dude, I like meeting people.

I do feel differently about the person in the wheelchair.

(I'm figuring this out as I type. It might be disorganized or disjointed).

It's not that I'm any less inclined to want to become friends...

It's a feeling of being uncomfortable because I feel like I no longer know what is socially appropriate.

It's simply discomfort with the unfamiliar. To me, I feel awkward, because I don't know what is appropriate, and what is inappropriate when it comes to the person's disability.

It's kinda like (loosely) being dropped somewhere with different customs than you're used to... and feeling wrong and out of place because you're unfamiliar.

Except its only with one person. It's uncomfortable for fear of causing offence due to ignorance.

For example, is it even ok to ask someone about the particulars of their disability? It seems rude in a way to not ask that among the regular "getting to know you" questions. On the other hand, I can see it being straight-rude to ask about this. I do not know the right thing to do, and that makes me uncomfortable. It's a lack of familiarity.

Its not knowing how to navigate the disability in a social sense.

Is it ok to help someone with a disability if you see they clearly need help (carrying thing, or something mundane). Or is that not something you should ever do unless the person asks for help explicitly?

It seems like everything I don't ever think about (e. g. is it appropriate to...) suddenly becomes a situation I'm uncomfortable navigating because I don't know how to behave "properly" towards someone with a visible disability in a wheelchair.

Then there is just trying not to be an asshole by accident.

I think there's also a general background worry, that without thinking I'll say something that (even I already know) is totally inappropriate. I'd be afraid I'd say something like "hey, guys why don't we go swimming this afternoon"..."oh... shit"

Nobody wants to be an asshole by excluding you simply because they aren't used to thinking about what limitations the disabled person has, and say something without thinking, that makes you feel excluded. (This I think is not nearly as large a factor as the different "social rules" stuff above).

Those are my initial thoughts about some of the factors that might have contributed to your experience.

I would love to hear what YOU feel about how people have interacted with you. I would like to hear maybe some of your experiences having trouble making friends, and what explanation you yourself have for this trouble making friends because of your disability?

Who knows, maybe we'll end up GAG friends. I've made a few on here who were excellent people.

🙂

FunkyMonkee · Accepted Answer

People tend to have a stigma about anything that's not normal.
Thankfully, I was never one of those! One of the guitarists in my band came from a family that had a LOT of birth defects. I went to school with him and his "twin" brother, Mike. I have to assume they're twins because they are both the same age but, John seems to be normal in just about every aspect. The only defect that I know of is a huge brown spot on his forehead. Mike, however, has some kind of issue with his legs. They're are permanently bent as if he's sitting and it's hard for him to walk around but, I never had a problem with being friends with either of them.
Even though I'm perfectly normal, I was always picked on throughout my school years so, I'm not about to do that to someone else!! I tended to make friends with people less fortunate. It's not like they decided to be born that way!! They deserve to be respected and treated just as nicely as anyone else! I see NO point AT ALL in making fun of them or treating them like shit!! They're only fellow human beings!!

Ez-Bri-Z_v2 · Accepted Answer

I don't know why it's hard for some to make friends and easier for others. I had one friend with muscular dystrophy that was very active socially. Had a lot of people that cared for him, had a successful career and switched to become a lawyer anyway. He definitely never let his disability hold him back. My youngest brother is the same way. He has osteogenesis imperfecta ( brittle bone disease basically) and he married a high school cheerleader and has a very successful career himself with lots of friends.

I think its a matter of surrounding yourselves with the right support base and having a good outlet to meet people with in conjunction with having a great personality. It can be done though I'm sure it isn't as easy as those without disabilities may have.

My guess is that just some people are more capable of looking past what the disability is and to the core of the person they are wanting to be friends with.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

Ableism combined with that habit of judging based on appearances. If your cerebral palsy is more advanced than people expect, there’s a real level of discomfort that the neurotypical can’t handle when encountering something different, and even some able-bodied neurodiverse folks are guilty of it too

Stevepro68 · Answer

It's sad I have family that suffer from the same problems. Humans are instinctually tribal. They like the same the tens to surround themselves with the familiar. If disability isn't part of their life or loved ones they lack the tools to have you be one of their tribe. It makes them uncomfortable. It's not you it's them. You already know this. There are plenty of people that accept me that I don't want as my friend. You have a superpower. It's the ability to quickly and with great accuracy eliminate people from your life that probably aren't worth your time. Thier fear of your strangeness tells you a lot about them as a person. There may be exceptions. But truthfully you being you means you have a very nice asshole deflector screen. Take it for the advantage it is.

Blunky · Answer

It adds a layer of difficulty in all relationships. So sorry to hear you suffer from CP. People in general want relationships that compliment them and aren't willing to put in the effort or adapt to build one with different dynamics. They tend to focus on the disease / illness more than the person underneath.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Prejudice and misconceptions about disability can lead to social exclusion. It is deplorable.

Abbycado · Answer

Probably because they aren't comfortable with what they don't understand.

Rockey_the_bicker · Answer

Please be my online friend

Why is it so difficult for a disabled person to make friends?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Would you be friends with a person with a Learning Disability?

Why is it so difficult for a disabled person to make friends?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Would you be friends with a person with a Learning Disability?

We're glad to see you liked this post.