Why do some people idealize a strict authoritarian parent over a gentle one?

[Anonymous]

My father for instance places candles over his deceased mother's portrait, still honoring her. She was authoritarian and used to force him to go to church and the marketplace as a kid; the two things he hated. He's way more defensive if anyone talks bad about his mother than his loving father.

His father (my paternal grandpa) on the other hand was gentle and loving towards him; described as even permissive. He was the sweet, gentle parent. Yet, he gets no credit. It's all about his mother, his mother, how she guides us, etc. Why would anyone love the authoritarian more even the sweet one?

Updates

3 mo

He treats her as if she was some type of god to him. Too much credit given to her and little to his father, whom he used to bond with on an emotional level and was also a good provider.

[OneViewpoint]

I don't have any answers for you but I've seen the same behavior. My father was an only child. My grandmother was a full on manipulative psycho control freak. My grandfather was a sincerely chill, nice guy who was emotional and read poetry. My father turned out to be a monster who worshipped his mother and had zero respect for his father. In fact he viewed his father as humiliating.

If you figure it out, let me know. 🤣

[Asker]

yeah it seems like the world is upsidedown. If you're a sweet person, you don't get the credit and if you act mean and harsh (even place fear upon the person) you get worshipped so much. It should be the opposite.

[Asker]

Sadly my father turned out to be a good provider but with a violent streak at times. Even though it was seldom times, it still affected me. He got the temper from his mother. I wish he could've copied from his father.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Why don’t you just ask him why he feels the need to defend his mother?