I really don't like hanging out in big groups.. is that bad?

[Anonymous]

I feel like whenever I am in a large group of people, even if they are my closest friends, I still can't fully be myself! I can be myself one on one with them so easily, but all of them at once? That becomes difficult. I would rather just sit there quietly and watch. Is that bad? What do I do to fix this? Sometimes it leads to me feeling like I'm being ignored because no one is noticing that I am being quiet when I am usually very loud around them! :/

[lami421]

Haha! This happens to me too. I see it like this: every person shines a different light on you. Part of you is hidden in shadow. This causes you feel a certain comfort with each person, and as a result, you act a certain way with them as well. When you're surrounded by a bunch of people, you have more lights on you, and less of you is in shadow, so you're more exposed. You can't really combine all those ways you are around different people so you kind of lock up like a computer does when it can't process all the commands.

This is bad in a way because some people might think of you as a hypocrite. However, that is not true. People might think that if they don't know you, so you shouldn't worry about what's on their mind anyway. You simply are a person that likes to be one on one with people. There are many people like you, just as there are many people who are the opposite. As long as your friends (and other people who matter) know this and can accept it, you should be fine.

I can't really give you good advice on how to "fix" this, as I sometimes struggle with this myself. I just say something every now and then. I try to relax and have fun. Besides, if they are your friends, they will understand and they won't mind it.

[Asker]

See, I wonder about that, but I don't know if I actually do any of that on purpose. My friends are fine with it, I don't think they even notice haha. I just feel left out of the group when everyone is loud and talking and I can't even get a word in edgewise because there are so many people saying things. I get distracted by everyone's word and I don't even say anything

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean so well. I don't like it in big groups either, I remember I felt like no one cared whether I was there or not ... It's terrible, but then I found todays best friends a small group of 3 (now 4) and we are great together. Those friends I had before, yes, I could be myself with some of them when we were alone, but I felt ignored etc so I moved on, found new friends and voila me today :)

I hope I helped you a tiny bit :) Good luck :)

PS. Even in my little group we have troubles because sometimes some of us feels ignored because we can't talk to everybody at the same time all the time :)

[Asker]

Thanks! So maybe with the right people it works? I suppose with my two really close friends it's totally fine, but when I throw people I don't know as well into the mix it changes

[Anonymous]

I am exactly the same. I suppose the only thing we can do is improve our confidence and self-esteem.

[Asker]

I think my confidence and self esteem are fine. I just get reallly distracted and have a hard time following the conversation haha

[mjrosen]

No, that is not bad.. it's completely cool and you have a huge advantage actually. You are an introvert. All that means is that your brain is programmed differently than extroverts. You cannot choose what you are.

Introverts normally think, act and think again,

while extroverts act, think and then act.

Sometimes an Introvert can be really loud if they feel like it. But in order to recharge, they need to think.

Whatever you do don't try to be something you are not, just adapt to your ultimate self.

A misconception is that this is an unattractive, or bad thing... but a ton of attractive, and most of the intelligent people are introverted. ex.. Ryan Gosling, Gweneth Paltrow, Johnny Depp, Meg Ryan.

It's quite an awesome thing.

[Asker]

Yeah, I think you're right. I actually really do enjoy being alone, but at times I really really want to be around people. It depends on the situation. Like, sometimes hanging out on Friday nights by myself sucks! Other times, it's a relief from other people. I tend to be in my own little world unless I am provoked with a question. I like listening to people talk, but I hate being ignored (if that makes sense).

[mjrosen]

Makes perfect sense. No one likes being ignored. And it is necessary to have social interaction, otherwise it would be pretty bad. You just don't need it as much as extroverts do, who get there energy from constant socialization.

[Asker]

yeah, exactly! how do I make them not ignore me though? haha

[mjrosen]

It is difficult to persuade someone who is close-minded or arrogant. In what ways do you feel you are being ignored?

[Asker]

they just keep talking and they hardly even even look at me. I'm just kind of there... I think they're used to be being quiet, but I do like it when they talk to me/ask me a question every once and a while