Why does my boyfriend denies things he says?

[Anonymous]

Although he doesn't get very angry often when he does my boyfriend can say things that he 'doesn't mean'. Or he sort of means it but exaggerates. Like there is an idea he is trying to get across but the way he words it sounds bad. He says it's like his 'vocabulary dies' when he gets overly stressed and he isn't good at picking the right words at those times.

Well my issue is a fight we had Sunday night when he got very angry and said something that hurt my feelings. We 'made up' (more like I gave up because I didn't want to continue fighting and it was late) but the next day I wrote him a fb message (because that is often easier) explaining how what he said hurt my feelings. However when we talked today he completely denied ever saying what he did. Just asked if I was 'still upset', He admitted to saying one thing, but not the thing that really hurt my feelings. And I KNOW he said it because if he didn't then how could my feelings have been hurt? I am not delusional (though I think he would probably try to make it seem that way, if he meant he could be right). Also when relaying the events of a debate or fight back to me he will leave out key parts where he was at fault.

Why does he do this? Is he mentally insane? lol

[Myleah1995]

Two things could be happening. One, he may feel bad about what he said and doesn't want to own up. Or two, he is making you feel as if you made it up in an attempt to gaslight you. If you believe the second one to be true, be careful. He may be attempting to emotionally control you. Though, the likely option is that he probably was very regretful for what he said and is feeling embarrassed to own up. Do not let what he said effect your own self-worth. People sometimes say hurtful things out of anger. It doesn't make it true, if he doesn't typically behave like this chalk it up to a bad fight. If he does speak to you this way everytime he's angry reeevaluate the relationship. The most important thing to do right now is, try to continue to communicate the emotions you are feeling with him.

[udolipixie]

Why does my boyfriend denies things he says? Why does he do this?

Likely because he can't admit when he's wrong or doesn't want to be held accountable for his words.

Is he mentally insane?

Doubtful though he may have a personality disorder.

[christinasmiles]

Runn! I dated a guy like this before.. let me just say.. not admitting when he said something rude or hurtful was just the beginning of his mayham!

[astutefl]

Sounds like he can't admit when he is wrong. That's not good. Some guys say mean things when they are in an argument, just to "win" it. They know what they are saying is hurtful, and you'll stop fighting because of it. If you keep giving up and dropping it, letting it go, it won't stop.

[Asker]

True, but if I bring it up it will just start another fight. He will 'retreat' and refuse to talk.

[astutefl]

As long as you put up with it, it will continue. Why should he change if you condone it?

[Anonymous]

My crush has the same problem!