Is Revenge OK when friend stole my GF?

[RogueMaverick]

My girlfriend and I were having problems. She was very insecure and often had low self esteem. She is attractive but had very bad upbringing. I realize now she was just waay too immature and I was foolish and thought she would work those things out.

She never did and our relationship suffered. We got distant in the last month of the relationship. AT the same time she started her new job and my friend at the time was also flirting with her. Which I didn't think he would do...

my friend got my girlfriend a job at burger king (he was the supervisor). He then went to work flirting with her being charming and suggesting we had problems. planting seeds we should break up for an entire month in December.

She broke up with me and waited maybe a month before dating my friend. they have been dating a month now. I am hurt and alone. and angry.

2 things. 1) my friend had been single for like 2 years and from the day he met my girlfriend he had been crushing on her. I have known this guy for 10 years going back to high school. He has had many relationships and never once did I go after his girlfriend or Ex GFs. Never.

So believe me when I say I surround myself with great friends and family I trust... I NEVER thought this guy or anyone for that matter would do this try and steal my girlfriend away...

2) I want nothing more then to bash this guys face in. but obviously I would go to jail and could lose my job too. I'm not stupid and not going to do that.

HOWEVER another very good friend (these 2 friends don't know each other) offered to basicly put this guy in the hospital. I of course wouldn't be there. have little chance of getting caught.

Should I take my friend up on the offer?

I don't believe in the bible or karma really. But I have always believed in standing up for myself and my friends when the need arises...Im not out to make enemies here but I'm having a hard time finding reasons to not accept the offer

He did steal my girlfriend away

The thing is sooner or later his behavior is going to catch up with him for taking someone else's girlfriend away right? if he did this again somebody with less self control then myself is going to beat him anyway right? so why not let my other friend take care of it?

Updates

+1 y

I never resort to violence. I don't like violence. I am just mad he betrayed me. the guys might more understand then girls. yes. cut them out of my life but seem like they don't care. I'm really open to reason. I don't want this but he doesn't' seem to be suffering. He did BETRAY me.


PLEASE don't just yell violence is bad your bad person for even thinking it.. It is about standing up for myself

Updates

+1 y

And NO I don't want her back. Not after being with my friend. Its not about gettinng her back at all. I just feel I was dishonored and betrayed by close trusted friend...so I'm trying to understand what to do and WHY.

There is a chance in the future this might happen again and some other guy beats the living daylights out of him. But that isn't a very satisfying answer. Is that karma? I guess I don't understand karma and how this might come back on him or her? Can someone explain this? Thanks

Updates

+1 y

I forget to mention this. Probably important. When my Girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago she said she wants to be friends. I told her "No. I don't do things that way. I'm not friends with my ex's it’s too hard" So its been 2mos and NO contact. Blocked her and him on Fb. never text or called. nothing, Zero. what she did was horrible, but I am alone and miss her. I don't want her back. but I wonder if she misses me even now that she is with new guy...love is so strange...

[samhradh_leannan]

It's natural and understandable that you're mad. I get it, I really do. But think about what you are saying. I can give you SEVERAL reasons not to accept your other friend's offer.

1. The "friend" who "stole" your girlfriend was a pathetic friend. What he did was wrong and hurtful to you. However, that doesn't automatically mean he deserves to be treated violently. If you MUST punish this guy, at least make sure the punishment fits the crime. I'm never a fan of violence, but I think it's especially inappropriate in response to non-violent wrongdoings. Hurting someone physically for "stealing" your girlfriend is hotheaded and unjustified.

2. You say you never resort to violence. Well, is that true or not? Just because someone else would be actually committing the violence doesn't mean you wouldn't still be responsible for it happening. Giving a friend the okay to beat someone up on your behalf is most certainly resorting to violence, because you are condoning violence to be committed on your behalf. So if you don't want to be the type of person who resorts to violence, don't do this.

3. Allowing someone ELSE to beat this guy up doesn't count as "standing up for yourself". It is letting a friend stand up for you. If you really want to show that you can stand up for yourself, hold your head high and don't let this situation drag you down into unsavory business. This is hardly a positive way to show that you can stand up for yourself. And don't let someone else do something risky for your sake. Your friend could be the one to go to jail this way, and that's not good either.

4. Even if someone else might beat this guy up in the future, that doesn't mean it is justified for you to do it now. You can still be the better man and NOT be the one to sink to that level. Resorting to violence says something about you, and once you do it you can't take it back. This isn't something you want to be involved in.

5. There is a reason why I've put "steal" in quotes. I would agree that what your ex-friend did was wrong, but ultimately it was your girlfriend's decision to leave you. Nobody made her do that. The fact that she was influenced by that guy's encouragement shows that she wasn't fully invested in your relationship in the first place. This means what happened wasn't really the guy's responsibility. But that said, was it "wrong" of your girlfriend to break up with you? People always have the right to end relationships. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

At the very least- if this idea still sounds good to you- at the very least wait a few weeks to cool down before you get involved with this. Don't do anything rash.

[CuriousRoses]

Do I think revenge is okay in this situation? No. It's not that violence is bad or that karma can take care of it. I just think he wasn't much of a good friend and she wasn't a good girlfriend. Neither of them deserve any attention that you give them. By setting out for revenge you are just asking for enemies that you clearly said you don't want. Even though your friend did offer to take care of this guy do you really want to be the reason he loses his job or gets put in jail or his family not want anything to do with him? Besides if the guy ends up dying because your friend didn't just put him in the hospital then they are going to suspect you because you have a reason to be mad, and ANYONE can crack under pressure. (even a really good friend). I say just leave it be and find a girl that will care enough about you to not even look at your friends.

[angel1142]

Just move on...that's the best you can do.

Who's gonna want to be with you if you accept to let a guy being beat up...for basically a girl who wasn't even worth it? But even for anything, I think it is very bad to put people in dangerous situations, regardless what they did to you...it makes you a bad person too.

Like you said you were having problems and would have probably broke up anyway...this guy made you a favor. You should forget about it and find a nice girl right for you.

Oh and revenge is never ok! It just makes you a bitter angry person who thinks he's powerful when in fact bad stuff will happen to him in return at some point...!

[Themrastakissah]

Do it. If it was love, and if he was a strong friend, then I don't know why you had to ask the Internet before beating the shit out of him. All this "living well is the best revenge" shit is coming from people who aren't feeling your feelings, people who don't know what it means to stand up for love and friendship, and people who heard that catchphrase on sitcoms and have no idea how to think for themselves. I was once doing political work and a man asked me, "Would you die for this? Don't ever devote your strength and time to something you wouldn't fight and die for." And our culture as a whole is becoming scared of love because it is real. Our culture ignores love and friendship because they aren't quick fixes like text messages, sitcoms, or thoughtless phrases like "Living well is the best revenge." Your sotuation very nearly happened to me once, I beat the shit out of him hard and ever since he has been more careful with the way he treats people, respecting friendship and love more than he ever did before he slept with my darling girl. If you give a shit about love, don't give up on these people. You cared about them once--show them people in the world still care. That is the best revenge. Everything else is vapid fear.

[PhilaPenn]

Look man, with all due respect...any woman who can be stolen away isn't worth the time to get her back. But really, I'd let it go just because Karma will take care of him...anyway, what does he really have going for him? A $10/hour job at a fast food franchise? And a girlfriend he'll never really trust, who's damaged and who smells like fries?

[RogueMaverick]

Thank you. this is the kind reasoning I'm looking for...I should have mentioned no I don't want her back ever. Maybe if we had just taken a break but now that she slept with my friend I can't stand thought of being with her...and ho he dosen't have a lot going on for himself. I don't really understand karma? how would it come back on him...? like what I said he might maybe possible do this again and someone else beats him? or you mean something different by karma you could explain. thanks :)

[PhilaPenn]

Karma is kind of like the idea that what goes around comes around. So, it's highly likely that she'll cheat on him and break his heart. Or, he's reached the pinnacle of his professional career at Burger King already. What she did was bad. But what he did was worse. The best revenge would be to go to their Burger King with a SUPERIOR girl and make them serve you. And be a d*ck about it lol. I'd be like "Cashier, come take my order" lol

[CatholicVirginia]

Your friend can't STEAL your girlfriend. You already lost her.

Why aren't you more mad at the woman who decided to get between two friends?

Better yet, why waste your time and energy being mad at all? Is she really worth all of this effort?Personally, I think it would give her the ultimate satisfaction to know that you're not even trying to move on. You're just trying to hurt them. If I was trying to get back at you, I'd love knowing that you were wasting all of this time and obsessing over my new relationship.

Also, don't be a terrible friend by involving other friends. That's the epitome of selfish and stupid.

[Popnlock]

Lol don't bother... If you send your friends to beat him up nthe cops catch them your going to jail too lol as a accomplice that's how the law works unless your friends aren't rats and are willing to keep there mouth shut and go to jail for you but that's sounds like a hassle just because some dude stole your girl. By the way if y'all were having problems chances are she would've broken up with you anyway I know y'all were trying to fix it but it seems like y'all never did so this whole revenge thing is pointless and instead of getting your friends to beat him up what's stoping you from handling it? Is it law or you don't wanna look bad in front of your ex? I don't know but jumping somebody sounds like a p**** way to handle your business bro

[GoodManDave]

Actually, probably the best way to do revenge, as trite as it may sound, is having a kick butt life devoid of these two. He's not much of a friend if he'd start flirting with your girlfriend and suggest you breakup with that self centered motive behind it. Though I can't see that she cheated, and there was a little wait, but I know that's not much consolation.

You ignore him. He's an ass; he doesn't deserve the real estate in your head. I know, easier said than done. I have some issues with that myself.

Just keep improving, and if the girls come along, great - but if not, hopefully you'll still be having fun.

[martyfellow]

You'd still be in trouble, if this friend tells the cops he beat up the guy at your suggestion, and it won't solve the missing girlfriend problem. She will know you were behind it and hate you, and stick with him longer than she otherwise might, just out of anger with you.

She pretty much gave herself away, it's not this guy's fault any more than hers...no adult person gets 'stolen', they give themselves away, just in return for a job!

,

So just let karma take care of them. They'll no doubt get into trouble, and wind up alone, with this sort of behavior, not caring about other peoples' feelings, sooner or later. I really doubt they will be together long.

[bobbi789]

Try to let it go and cut him out of your life forever -- no contact, no arguments, nothing. It'll be really hard but a few months from now, you'll be glad that you were the better person and didn't cause any harm.

As yaddayaddayadda said, living well is the best revenge. Channel your anger into making yourself a better person, through your studies, hobbies, work, or whatever you want. Both your ex and former friend sound like losers and they're not worth the time and frustration they're causing you. Try to let it go peacefully.

(From personal experience: I was in a similar situation where a friend hooked up with a guy I was seeing. Clearly neither of them were people I wanted in my life, but I was furious just based on principle. I wanted to ruin her life and I can relate to how you're feeling. It was hard, but I followed my own advice and I'm glad I did. Don't let them take up your time and thoughts - they're not worth it!)

[TheoryOfAvarice]

Revenge is rarely ever okay.

What happens if and when this guy takes a beating from your friend? Is that it? You just want to hurt him? Are you trying to get your girl back or are you just done with her and are only trying to get out your frustration?

It sounds to me like you should just forget about the both of them... they haven't been very good to you, especially the guy. I know that can be a lot easier said than done, but still. But you shouldn't lash out, just like how you feel he'll eventually get what's coming to him, you'll probably get what's coming to you, too, if you send out your friends to do your dirty work.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend of 5 years was stolen from me by a 16 year old girl. He dumped me via text and took her out on a date that night. I'm waiting for karma to kick them; I can't wait. I may go get a deck chair and set up camp so I can laugh my ass off.

But.. I know exactly how you feel. You're upset she's gone, your upset and angry she was stolen, your angry she didn't love you as much as you loved her. Just wait though. I know it's awful. Try to pick up the pieces though, it's the only thing you can do to piss her off.

[Anonymous]

You know the saying, when you dig a gave out of revenge you must dig one for yourself as well. Revenge can only hurt you, this is not standing up for yourself. Standing up for yourself if fighting back when someone steals from you. If they stole from you and never had contact with you again and you planned to get back at them with a third party...that's not standing up for yourself, that's holding a grudge and having a chip on your shoulder. Your relationship with her was not strong enough for this test. And anyways, be the better person. You never thought he would do something like that but you're about to something just as dreadful. What kind of a person does that make you?

Move on with your life, it shorter than you think.

P.S. Even though you only want to hurt him, by hurting him you're going to be hurting many other people. His mother, father, friend and siblings. Let the pain end with you and don't continue the domino effect.

[Anonymous]

Don't bother. You'll only sink to his level if you do, you'll feel like crap about it later, and while what he did was nasty, what you're suggesting is just plain illegal! If your other friend got hurt or arrested for beating him up, you'd be making things even worse. The best plan of attack is to simply let them be; if he and your ex get along, show yourself to be the better man and step asides. Just don't bother being in contact with thm ever again, as he's proven himself not to be your friend after all, and she's not much better. They both deserve each other. :P Besides , that kind of "friend" will probably get himself into trouble again later: no point in your wasting any more of your time on someone like that!

[sugarbird]

the best revenge is pretending like you don't give a sh*t. Seriously. It will drive her crazy and that will drive him crazy that she cares. It's subtle. And it takes a little time, but if she's that insecure it will bother her to no end that your "nice" about it. He might not feel the pain at first, but he will when she's all pissy about why you don't care she spread her legs for your former friend.

Trust me, It'll break down their relationship.

[RogueMaverick]

interesting. not caring is subtle but it works?...b/c I did do this automatically but for different reasons.(I updated question)I basically fell off the face of the earth.If what you say is true...maybe she is thinking of me? and I don't have do anything but sit back and watch the relationship implode? that would be nice! LOL!... but she hasn't tried to contact me either so maybe she just moved on too. I don't understand girls half the time let alone breakups with them. Please explain thanks!

[Jack00700]

Wow this is very informative, great answer

[Olibabe]

Best way to get back at them BOTH?

- Date a really hot girl, and always flirt with her and do cute stuff in front of him& her. But don't use a girl, actually find someone worth your time, eventually you'll learn to love her a lot and forget about your old girl, who's most likely realizing she had the best. But she left to find better. Little did she know you'd get up and move on so fast.

& how to get back at your ex friend? Don't talk to him. Surround yourself with other peope, and be really happy.

& I'm not sure what kind of shape you're in, but exercise DOES help. It gets everything off my mind and makes me feel acomplished and confident. Trust me, they'll both be running back once they see how well you've moved on.

[Jack00700]

Hey, what a great q, I can almost relate to you other than I never knew they guy but I know he knew she was going out with me already. I must admit I have toyed with the idea of revenge maybe a little too much. I haven't done anything and never will but it's definitely puts a smile on my face. Don't worry about your friend he will get what he deserves and as for your ex she's not worth getting into trouble for.

[twissler22]

To be honest I would just forget about them cut all ties and never speak to them again that pretty much says it all, I mean ask yourself what's the point beating him up isn't going to change anything right? Its not going to fish a broken friendship and it's not going to make her like you again obviously this and yes I know you don't want her back. I mean will you make you feel better? that all I can say.

[bijinbijinbijin]

I think you should not waste your time with this guy and obviously immature girl. Move on. Find better friends and a woman who treats you right.

Stupid people belong together anyway that's why they made there way to each other.

Things always work like that.

If you are suppose to be with someone then it will happen anyway without any planning.

[G_GTom]

Revenge is so sweet and such a high, but it doesn't last long and can have side effects. I guess my answer would be, if you don't have to go out of way to get the revenge, it's well worth it. If not, move on.

Oh, and this isn't uncommon for women to do this.

[Steelcore1085]

If I was in your position, I would make damned sure they knew how much they hurt me, and make sure they felt as guilty as possible for it! However you do it is your choice, through text, email, hell, even word of mouth. That will leave a definite scar, for sure.

Good luck, dude!

[chessqueen]

Honey, I think you just got the revenge you are looking for. How? Because they are losers working in a fast food joint.

[chessqueen]

Oh and what I have read about your girlfriend, dude that guy did you a HUUUGE favor. Otherwise you would have been miserable. So date someone with her head screwed on.

[orangasing]

it really troublesome. I understand your feeling. but why you don't let it go and find new girl. I never like my friend's girlfriend cause its weird for me but sometimes I see people do that and its normal.

[JanuaryX]

Do not waste your time on revenge, let Karma take care of it. Spend your time looking for happiness than meddling on revenge, you wouldn't want a rotting heart over them now, would you?

[why-makoto-kun]

No, that is not okay! gjrekalgsjdlBSA

No.

Just, no.

Violence is for movies and video games, not real life. Blargh.

[why-makoto-kun]

Sorry, but I don't respect men who resort to physical violence for this stuff or hire people to do said violence. That's not okay.

She wasn't into you, and your friend betrayed you. Yes, that sucks, but you need to handle this like a grownup.