Why does he care so much about me when I know he isn't attracted to me

[Anonymous]

I am starting to be friends with this guy. He really cares a lot about me for whatever reason. He cares about what I think of him and always respects what I say and he even says wow a lot when I say something even if it’s not that profound. I started liking him and as a result I acted all moody and started pushing him away. I apologized for my rudeness but I am keeping my distance because I am trying to deal with my feelings because I don’t think he feels the same and I don’t want to ruin the friendship. Thinks are a bit odd now and I think he might suspect something. He is still very sweet though. I even called him my brother to emphasize that it’s okay, we are just friend and when he tries to hug me, I would give him a high five or something like that, he gave me my high five but then hugged me anyways. The other day, he caught me looking at him and I didn’t look away and neither did he, it was awkward. Any ways, no matter how rude I think I am to him, he always says hi and hugs me wheb he sees me. I don’t get it. It’s not like we have known each other for that long. I am a bit upset and jealous now because he started hanging out with this girl. We were at a party and I left earlier than everyone else. My friend told me that he and this girl were the last people to leave and they were talking the whole time. I know she likes him, she has always liked him but he didn’t like her before but he might now, I don’t know. That is one of the major reasons I keep my distance in case he likes her and I don’t want to be heartbroken. Lol! Yeah I am feeling a bit insecure in this situation. Why does he care so much about me if he likes someone else, it doesn’t make sense. I decided to let it all go and be friends if he decides to date this girl.

[Anonymous]

Ok babe, get a grip.

He's a nice guy. period. you assume that he doesn't like you but what is your proof. You then start saying 'brother' pushing him away from hugging you, etc but he still remains nice. Has it ever occurred to you to be honest with him. You don't need to say you like him upfront but reciprocate his actions. Don't bury them as if you develop a 'reaction formation.' ( Acting differently to how you really feel)...it won't get you anywhere. There are two things which could have happened between him and that girl whom you're jealous of and think/believe she likes him...

1. He may have liked you and may still do, but you've been rejecting him. So, that's his cue to get to know someone else. If you decide to be honest, he will respond to you in his true colors.

2. He knows she likes him and as he knows, he has to get to know her better. That is, if he wanted to take things further.

It's UP TO YOU, hun to stop faking and being real. Say nice things to him, make him feel special, be there for him as a support when he's playing a ball game or whatever hobby he's into. Be nice, be honest. Don't hide. Love is about taking a risk. If someone won't take it, then, they've missed out on an opportunity of love...that's just how life is...

Please best answer me.

[Asker]

Wow! This really is the best answer. I didn’t expect such truth and sense. Thanks a lot! OK one more question, I also found out that he and this girl went to have drinks with a group of friends and I think they are chatting now. Do I still say something or do I let it go since I have ruined my chances? I honestly do not know how to deal with these situations. Thanks again for the brilliant answer, hehe!

[Opinion Owner]

As mentioned, it's up to you. What do you want. He can go out with anyone. He could go out with her alone and it may mean nothing. You really can not deduce anything from them chatting and going out for drinks with friends. It's when people start saying 'Ahh they're dating'...then, it's official. Before that, it could be just platonic, it could be casual.

The game is still on until they are married, in practical terms...so up to you!

[DaKila]

Why would you think there has to be sexual attraction for him to care about you? I mean, he clearly cares about you because you are his friend.

And how do you know he doesn't find you sexually attractive despite him being with another girl? You don't clarify these things in your description.

I think you are mixing romantic interest with just attraction I think.