I have never had a girlfriend or even dated and I'm 23.

[Anonymous]

What the f*** is wrong with me. I was a late bloomer and have always been shy. I have never had girlfriend or even been on a date.

I see other people dating and being in relationships with total easy and I get really depressed. The only person I can blame is myself, yet I cannot see myself ever getting with a girl. Ever.

Should I go to counseling?

Updates

+1 y

That really helps. But some other information I didn't reveal is that I have been depressed (self diagnosed) for years, so long I don't even remember. My doc has given me some meds, but the day I got it I threw them away. I don't know why.

[NMMan]

I don't think you need counseling, just a renewal of perspective that will allow you to improve your self-esteem - and then you can focus on the ladies afterwards. It's somewhat of a cliche, but it's true: you need to like and be comfortable with yourself before anyone else will. I was once in a similar place, so I have some identity with your situation.

I didn't have my first date until I was 20 years old, my early youth was literally filled with missed signals and blown opportunities. It wasn't until I got to college that I gradually opened up and realized that dating and relationships weren't going to happen for me unless I 1) believed in myself and the person that I am, and 2) allowed people inside to see who I was and get to know me. When that happened, I eventually started having romantic opportunities, and this time I capitalized on them. Not all of them worked out, but I gained valuable experience and learned a good deal about dating and women.

My best advice would be to talk to girls and women of all ages and descriptions when you're out or in class. Set a goal for yourself that you'll say hello or make small talk with X amount of women on a given day. With enough practice, you'll get to the point where it will become second nature. At that point, end your small talk conversations with an invitation to hang out. Not all of the women you ask out will say "yes", but your invitation WILL be accepted at some point. Shyness isn't something that's overcome quickly, only through effort over time...but it IS possible. I sincerely wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

I was in a very similar situation at the same age. Here's what I did and it worked. First, lower your standards and find a girl that doesn't intimidate you and that acts like she likes you. She doesn't have to be the most attractive person, but there should be at least some attraction. The most important thing is that you know she is lucky to be recieving all this attention from you and she should be trying to impress you and not other way around. Date this girl for a while and just have fun. You won't feel all the anxiety because you know it is just a temporary thing and it's no big deal if it ends.

Having a girlfriend and having done all the firsts (first date, first kiss, first makeout, etc.) is a huge confidence booster. It will totally change the way you look at girls and at dating. And after that just aim a little higher with each girlfriend until you are dating the kinds of girls you really like.

So basically lower your standards until you get a girlfriend. Having a girlfriend will boost your confidence and after that dating will be a lot easier.

And I don't mean lead the girl on. You don't have to tell her you love her or that you want a long-term relationship. Just keep it fun and casual.

[Anonymous]

I don't really feel like you NEED counseling, just a bit of an adjustment in how you look at yourself.

You're not the first 23-year-old to never have a girlfriend. Don't make it seem like a big embarrassing thing. Just consider it a fact. If it comes up in conversation, be cool about it. Girls honestly don't consider it weird, especially if they truly like you. If someone asks why or acts like it's odd, brush it off and don't let it affect you. Say something short like, "I just haven't met the right girl yet." and say it confidently. If you make it seem like not a big deal, other people will naturally go along with that and not consider it a big deal either.

Do not let yourself feel depressed or believe the false statement that you will never get a girl. It doesn't matter why you've never been with anyone in the past, what matters is what you're going to do about the future to change that. Take action. Work on talking to people more and overcoming your shyness. Believe that you do have confidence in there somewhere and you can bring it out in the open. Give people smiles and eye contact whenever possible (especially the cute ones you pass). Don't let small trip-ups like saying something stupid bring you down. People do that ALL the time. They'll understand and won't hold it against you.

Just relax, open yourself up, and go with the flow. You'll be fine, I'm sure you'll run into a great girl real soon!

[scotpet11]

Wow, good answer

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks!

As far as the depression, that will only bring you down if you give it the power to do so. Ignoring the negative thoughts and opening up to people you don't really know sounds terrifying, but you gotta realize that basically everyone knows how much being lonely sucks. Therefore, if you give them the chance, they will do their best to make sure you don't feel those lonely feelings either. Do the same for them back and you've got yourself a budding friendship/maybe-first-relationship. :)

[EmilaTequila]

lol no.. don't go to counseling yet...stop being a debbie downer. get positive, put a smile on your face get the courage to walk up to girls and say hey! we don't bite.. rejection is part of the process... have fun and don't over think things. talk to a girl and relate to her level. my brother's 21 he hasn't had a girlfriend yet nor really dated much... I don't think he's a lost cause, just hasn't found the right girl yet. it will happen.. have some faith man. and smile =)

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go to counseling unless you truly feel like it would help, but considering that you threw away meds that a doctor prescribe you probably subconsciously don't want to accept outside professional help. I suggest talking to your friends and/or your friends' girlfriends and see if they can help you meet new girls to hangout with and possibility date (sometimes having a person in common helps with getting over any shyness that you might have).

[Anonymous]

You should think about going back to the doctor and getting depression meds. I take depression medication and it helps a lot. I just wish I had started taking it a lot earlier. You might have to try a few different meds before you find one that works, but that is normal and your doctor will help you figure that out.

You might also want to see a psychiatrist instead of a general practice doctor. Pysciatrists are generally a lot better at treating depression.

[loddo]

are there girls that you are attracted to? what have you done to pursue a relationship? they don't usually just happen by themselves.. what have you tried and how did things go? maybe we can steer you in the right direction.

[Asker]

I am attracted to a lot of girls. I tried talking to them but it never ends well. I was a loser in high school, so in college I was missing some of the basic social interactions that most teens go through.

Honestly, there was only one girl that I think wanted me. But when she put her hand on my hand, I totally froze and didn't say anything. Needless to say we continued to talk but nothing happened.

[username13]

Dude PM me or something, I have something to tell you but would rather keep it between you and i.