self love is important work on yourself its nice to want to look good. But don't make it something to overthink about, your beautiful the way u are, you just have to realize it. And stop going on social media and tick tock and all that cuz your gonna compare yourself to those girls, and you have to remember comparison is the thief of joy. Can't nobody be you and can't nobody be them, I used to be like that but I do my hair and put mascara on but that is all sometimes ion even wear it and guys be at me so just be yourself otherwise seek help because this been going on for a while be yourself and you will attract the right people.
You will faze out of it I promise. When I was a teen I also cared too much about my appearance and sought out validation from strangers in real life and online. I'm 25 now and I've popped out a kid. I seriously couldn't care less about how people perceive me now. I know I'm beautiful and I don't need anyone else to tell me that. 😎✌️
Haha thanks for the advice, can’t wait to faze out of it, tired of giving a shit lol
Opinion
31Opinion
You will be just fine.
First, know that you are not alone, there are lots of women who obsess over their looks well into the later years of there lives, and I mean 60 . Vanity is very prevalent pathology that you can overcome if you take the steps to properly address it.
When looking to make a substantial changes in the way one thinks and behaves one must know that it will NOT happen over night. A change in attitude requires patience and vigilance. You may be the exception, but most 17 years olds are quite short in those two traits so the work will likely begin there.
1. Social media is a psychological menace.
I don't know if you have any accounts but if you do, I'm sure this is one of the primary sources of your angst. IG, Tinder, SC and several other apps that encourage superficial engagement predicated on staus often gained by way of appearance, is a negative feedback loop you want to distance yourself from. While in that world you can find yourself engaging with people who only reinforce your poor behavior. And because you seek out validation those who have the ability to recognize that pull you in deeper with compliments and attention, some of the commenters here have knowingly or unknowingly are done so on this post. So in a nutshell quit or at least ween off of social media. Set limits and alerts of how long you're allowed to be on, and if possible quit altogether until your more mature and ready for it.
2. Stimulation is addictive.
There have been people who have struggled with vanity before home computers were invented much less social media. Although social media as amplified the condition, making it far more potent and lethal, it isn't the genesis of it. Make no mistake about it your quest for attention and validation is a stimulant, and the more seek it out the stronger your tolerance grows and the more you require. This is a cycle you must break!
I have much more to say but I don't want to take over your page. I suppose you'll respond if you find this helpful and we can discuss it further.
Thanks I appreciate your advice, I’ve been trying to quit and honestly Instagram and other mainstream social media platforms isn’t my problem (although I do try to limit myself) it’s more so bullies (usually online) who say things that make me obsessed with my looks. I could get 10000 compliments but if I get even 1 negative one, it destroys me and I hate that it does.
I have a nephew your age and I often remind not to focus on the single boo over the 100 cheers. Many people over 30 have a difficult time relating to online bullying but its pretty real.
That said people aren't nearly as bold in person as they are online. So if you were to limit there intake and access to you that negative comment likely wouldn't even be seen.
Let's say you get a job, and it is important for you to hold onto that job. Everyday, you go to work and give your boss a bowl of ice cream and then sit down and spend the rest of the day reading romance novels. You'll wonder the reason you get fired. After all, you did give your boss ice cream everyday.
I don't care how much you focus on your looks. Youth is something no one can hold onto. What will you be left with when your youth is behind you? If you want long-term results, choose long-term actions. What will truly be valued for decades rather than just the few moments it happens to be new? Let's say the most beautiful woman in the world lays down naked on a bed and says, "tell me when it's over." Though this might be functional with new partners, once the partner has experienced her, there won't be a continued draw... for she has nothing to offer other than one-time newness. You're putting all your eggs into one basket and then becoming overprotective of that basket and smothering it.
Identify what you want long-term, not just for the moment. Then, identify what is likely to draw valued people in and hold their interest long-term. I'm not saying to ignore your appearance, but don't assume that's all you need to focus on to get the life you want.
Girls are taught all they need to do is look pretty, and someone will appear and provide them with whatever they wish. Believing this fantasy, a girl focuses on her looks. Someone actually does show up and fulfills her fantasy... till he gets bored with her. He then passes her down to the next guy... till he gets bored with her. She continues to get passed down, till she has no looks to offer. She finds herself bitter and resentful. After all, she did what she was supposed to do. Identify and focus on what holds a person's interest rather than just what attracts a person's interest.
Daaaaum you are beautiful.
You need help. You are about to step in adult world as in being independent female.
Your main focus will be career and your job. You won't have time for looks. Doing essays and running to classes, trust me looks is the less thing you want to know in college. Back in my days I've seen girls that always care about the looks but always trying to find someone to do their homework or pass their test.
Results, is bad. Depending what career you choose and stepping on the field you study. Well, guess what... can do sh*t 🤷♂️. The only option you are able to use "THE" Bachelor degree, in a retail store but the salary won't be the same. When you main goal was to pursue a better life with a better paying job. All because of your looks.
Seek doctor attention about your addiction.
Stop watching to much Tick Toks or YouTube videos about looks or new ways to look. Whats the point working for a retail store, get paid every two weeks and returned your money to the store by buying beauty products? Just buy the necessary beauty products that you need for your daily. Buying different brands and have the same results 🤷♂️. All because the ads claims is good? Ads is just a bait.
1. Get your heart broken
2. Realize you ain't shit
3. Make something of yourself
4. Appreciate your accomplishments
5. Notice the shift in how you value yourself
6. Continue to put effort into your appearance
7. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself
8. Realize you can support yourself emotionally
9. Be filled with confidence
10. Distance yourself from social media
The order doesn't matter so much, but I think you've got to have a fair number of these pieces to fully understand and feel peace. Hope this helps
I did all that, and it worked temporarily and then I found myself kinda insecure again. Plus I don't know how to be confident lol but thanks
That's because your brain operates on synaptic pathways. It's natural to compare yourself and you're used to it. You're going to fall back on old patterns of thought sometimes. That's what it's like to change your mind. If you have trouble working it out, a therapist could be helpful.
To start believing you're beautiful, do this exercise:
1. Choose an idol - can be anyone - an actress, a sportsperson, a politician, an author - you get the idea, just choose any woman as your idol.
2. Try and learn as much as possible about your idol - her life, her work, challenges she faced, her motivations - just go through as much material as you can for as long as you want.
3. Try imbibing her qualities and her values in yourself - that's all there is to being beautiful - having your own set of values and living up to them.
And once you start believing that, you won't care about your appearance.
Do let me know who's your idol!
Pro tip: Don't choose any social media influencer/makeup artist as your idol.
I appreciate this advice thanks! I don't know I find myself getting envious everytime I find an idol, I always compare myself to them whether it be their successes or looks.
As a woman in her late 20’s I can say that you will grow out of this eventually.
Maybe start with a few steps in the meantime:
1) do a social media cleanse - no apps for a while
2) take 2-3 days of just being at home, no makeup, with yourself doing things you like. Reading, drawing, watching tv etc.
3) start a positive journal. In it, write things you like about yourself daily that have nothing to do with vanity.
Hope this helps!
Thankss I appreciate your advice, I’ll try it out!
Get off of social media. As someone that has gotten off myself, I found myself not looking for validation. There’s too much competitive bs on looks on social media and I think it’s completely toxic.
That’s wise, thanks for the advice. Hard to get off social media tbh but I definitely wanna try to limit myself
It was very very hard. I did it to mostly benefit my relationship in a sense me and him are both off social media. I’ve been finding myself not seeking out for attention over selfies
It sounds like an addiction. The only 2 ways I know to beat an addiction are:-
1) Get professional help, or help from friends
2) Beat it by yourself by stopping what you know is causing the addiction.
Question is, do you REALLY want to stop or are you just saying it?
Well I obviously wanna stop, it’s making me depressed and it makes me hate myself and I don’t think anyone wants to feel self hatred all the time lmao
So the first step is to close all your online accounts that give you the ability to post photos of yourself. STILL think you really want to stop? It was why I emphasized the word really in the first place.
Addictions aren't easy to break, but to do so requires you to make big decisions.
Ong you are very pretty. You need to work on your self confidence
Thanks but I don’t know how, I thought I did but at negative comments towards me brings it back down
Beautiful looks only do one thing "create hormonal reactions on males".
The good ones won't do anything as they can control themselves.
But many perverts will come to take advantage of you, use you and then discard once they find someone better.
I've never seen any of your questions so I don't know I think you do very very good on makeup jobs I love the way your eye looks I wish I could see you full of full face I would love to see what that looks like and this is a hard question to answer because I haven't seen any of your questions before so I don't even know how you ask them if I knew that then I could see what you're searching for and I could help you but I can't without knowing everything
You’ve commented on so many of my past questions before lol, this is just my new account
Hmm I think it’s natural, don’t feel bad for it. The people who shame you for it are just assholes. And you’re really pretty.
Thank you I appreciate it
It's good to look good, so you shouldn't stop caring. And if you seek validation from others... Well people who don't have the look will always call you insecure for that and shame you, but at the same time it shows some sort of humbleness as you ask for external feedback. It's quite impossible to be objective about ourselves, so it's normal to "seek validation" to see where we're standing. Stop being insecure about being insecure
Because you are insecure, and because you might also compare yourself too much to other instagram models like many many many many girls do.
And it's not healthy, you are stunning, but quit seeking approvements, it's not healthy,
Learn to not give a rats ass.
Go out with no makeup on or fancy clothes.
And notice how all strangers don't care. That's the thing about being a teen you think everyone is looking at you all the time.
When in reality nobody cares so why should you? If they don't like it well that's their problem not yours.
I really don't know what to say. You're a person who wasn't born this way and people still loved you. The ones who love you for your looks won't love you forever. But you already know these things. I'm sure you're smart, kind, funny and all that. Focus on thinking about others from time to time. You'll start living yourself differently
-----------Try seeking validation through other means. Find a passion and purpose in life. Let that validate you and make you feel good.
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG
I think it's natural for teenage girls to do this :) are you going to college? If yes then you may become so busy and focused on studying that those interests will take your time and attention away from your looks. If no then take time to learn another language, even if you are already multilingual, because it takes a lot of effort and will help focus your mind on something else other than perfecting your physical appearance.
Stop using social media. Consider enlisting in one of our military branches. You'll forget the small stuff, get in great shape, and you will have confidence in yourself.
You’re a 17 year old girl. Your only and I mean literally your only value is your attractiveness. If you realize this and don’t fuck around, you’ll have a good life as long as you settle in with a guy by 24, but wait much longer and it will become near impossible on a very short timeline.
Men don’t find success attractive, don’t chase it.
Bitch what the fuck. Women aren’t objects
And success is important because what if you’re a single mom or you’re not married you need to take care of yourself
Attractiveness is not important with age it’ll fade away
You shouldn't care what other people think of your appearance. You are beautiful girl.
Be confident with your body and looks. Most people who judge other people are just jealous, they do that to feel better about their looks.
Therapy gets a bad rep but it really helps. Especially since a therapist has definitely heard this same issue many times before. Hope this helps!
I do the same. You are very pretty. I'm guessing you get plenty of attention.
I don’t lol, otherwise I wouldn’t be insecure. But thank you, you’re pretty too
Yeah best case is cut down social media use as its 1 off the main contributers for women being insecure in our age with how they compare themselves to others
If you REALLY want to change & address it, you should see a therapist.
Most people care about that while single.
Just hide that you care about it, get a boyfriend (or girlfriend?) in a year or more and spend time with them. You won't feel insecure at that point.
I have a boyfriend and I love him and he gives me all that validation however, I still care about what other people think (whether it be random people online or my friends or the girls at school, etc)
Well stop then, there isn't a point to caring about what others think that much.
I vànt imagine why you are the slightest bit concerned. You are quite hot in all those pics. If I saw you w/o a guy somewhere I would try so hard to get you naked, we might not even make it to privacy. I think you are scorching hot.
u jus choose to stop giving a shit, basically stop thinking about ur looks, cos they dont matter, and they dont help u get anywhere, social skills do... u could be the prettiest girl in the world, but if u jus sit around and never approach people... guys aren't jus gonna come to you, u will still be avoided,
so looks are pointless n dont help u at all... its better to be a ugly girl with confidence and social skills
By realizing that you will grow old and that it can never be stopped.
By realizing that being beautiful is just like being a flower, only to be looked at and forgotten.
By realizing beautiful people come and go, but history remembers people by not how they look but what they did.
By realizing that you simply wasted time you can never get back just to feel accepted by people who do not even know what truly matters in life.
It all starts with your beliefs.
don't use your phone or the internet for a week or two & see what happens
There is no reason to be obsessive with your looks, you are a beautiful young lady
Just a young faze you'll grow out of eventually. Older you get, the bigger picture of things you'll see.
Hmmm🤔 there's a lot more important things in live that we must focus in life that are more important than our appearances. Just keep thinking this and your brain should get it hopefully
You’re young. It’ll stop when you get older and are busy with other things and have better things to worry about…
Therapy is a good place. Nothing to be ashamed about it.
Glue a length of toilet paper to your footsole. Walk through the centre of town.
I’ve been through worse embarrassment than that, and it only made me more self aware and insecure lmao
You are beautiful. It's sad to obsess over that and seek validation. Even as a man I can fall susceptible to that. Look in the mirror and realize how beautiful you are.
What exactly is your problem? If you don't like yourself, which is ridiculous because you're beautiful.
You probably are suffering from bdd I have it too I think you should get someone who specializes in it
Find an activity to be obsessed over and be good at it, looks are just a thing if you have no flavor they are not important
First of all you're ugly...
Secondly only ugly people think about looks..
I bet you have an Instagram account too.
That's not even you. Why are u using my cousins pictures?
I’ll never understand why weird anon trolls like you claim that shit it’s so embarrassing.
I'll never get why men hide behind accounts as women. That's my cousins pic and you're a man
That’s not your cousin because that’s literally me, none of my cousins are over 24 oldie. I literally have my Instagram and tik tok as proof that that’s me, where your proof that that’s your cousin? Moron.
No I see my cousin everyday weirdo. You're a man🤣
And I look at my face in the mirror everyday, you’re a weird old troll. Ok so if that’s your cousin, what’s her @ on Instagram? Because if it’s not my name then you’re clearly a sad soul with no life.
You're a man
So you can steal more of her pictures? Gtfo
It’s me you dumbass. You’re a man. Last time I checked, I have a biological vagina so nice try
you're fake🤣🤣
No but you clearly are. What do you even gain from being a weirdo accusing people? And why’s it always “my cousin” it’s never “my friend” or “my sister” get more creative if you’re gonna claim something that’s not true 🤡🤡🤡🤡
You're a man..
I’m a girl... I don’t even look like a man, dumbass
You're a man 👨🏼..
No you are. 🤡
You're a man🍆🤣🤣.. lol lol
And you’re a male cow 🐮🥸
You're still a man 👨🏼
Nope I’m clearly a woman
Ur a man. Dude looks like a ladaaay🤣🍆
Make up your mind, am I a dude or am I your cousin? Idiot
Quite frankly your joke isn’t funny, kys :)
Ur a man
And you’re a grown ass bitch who’s stupid and immature with no life trolling kids on the internet, so embarrassing. Get a job, get a husband ffs you’re so embarrassing.
You’re a fat old 1 inch man
🤣🤣🤣🤣 ur describing yourself
I’m clearly a girl. Anyway, take a deep breath... I hope it’s your last 👍🌸 and if you respond one more time, I’m gonna assume you like to eat dick cheese. Bye dummy.
Ur a 👨🏼🧍🏾♂️
A ur a man who has dick cheese 🤡🤢
That's u remember
What are you like 12?
Are u 12? Mr man🤣🤣
I’m 17, and I’m a girl dumb bitch. Bye now, man cunt.
Where's your profile pic 🤣
Do you have a mirror? Get one
I have 3
Nice, use them daily
You’re beautiful hun
Thanks :)
Staying off the internet would help.
You can't stop lol
Lmao gee thanks that’s helpful
I am obsessing with your beauty
Lol I was obsessing over yours too, love your hair by the way
It just takes time
i hate to burst your bubble but i've seen better
Just stop god
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