Only a small portion of what you communicate comes through in what you actually say. But how can you practice speaking to girls and perfect your language if you're shy? The answer is right here...
I do apologise... But this article is aimed at people who want to speak to women. This is because I use general principals of female psychology in order to compose effective language. But even if you don't want to build attraction with women, it may still be helpful for you to read this article.
Using ONLY Verbal Language?
I'm not sure how accurate it is, but it is accepted by many experts that human communication is on 7% verbal language. 38% is tonality and the other 55% is body language. And the fact that your tonality and body language is not controlled consciously (unless you study and practice), your emotional state can cause you to communicate the exact opposite of what you want to. So even if you use your language perfectly to convey confidence to a girl, the other 93% of your language can be screaming “I'm a coward”. And for the most part, girls are not attracted to cowards.
So how can you practice your verbal language alone? That's simple... Text messaging and online communication. If you're reading this article you clearly have access to the internet. So get out there and start speaking to girls on the internet. Don't think that speaking to people you'll probably never meet makes you “sad”... Ever heard of a pen pal? But I would advise you to maintain a balance between your online friends and friends you know in person.
The beauty of speaking to people on the internet is that the only way you can communicate is by using your words. So theoretically, it makes your words 14 times more effective and cuts out tonality and body language altogether!
So now we can move on to the system that very rarely failed for me when I used to use the internet to practice attraction building...
1. Absorb Her Attention
When she's online, a girl will be speaking to a few people. Some speak to around 5+, and others speak to 10+. This is why girls will often take a while to reply to you.
So what you want to do is make sure you are her highest value-offering contact online at the time. By “value”, I mean anything that the girl wants/values. Usually, when a girl is chatting online, she is looking for fun. So to be high-value, you must offer the most fun.
Generating fun – Wit And Teasing
What is wit? Someone is considered a “wit” or “witty” when they can use their verbal skill to make people laugh. E.g. “Smart” remarks. When you can make a girl laugh, she'll feel easier around you, and will find it easier to feel attraction toward you. Puns (plays on words) are a fun form of wit. The girl will laugh at you, and thin you're fun and silly... Not necessarily attractive at this point, but it increases your value.
This means that the girl will spend more time talking to you, and you can begin to build the attraction later on. If you do this well, you know that you have built you some value as the girl begins replying faster. This means she has started ignoring some of her other contacts to pay more attention to you.
Wit and teasing go hand in hand when it comes to building value. Teasing is when you say something silly, or playfully insulting. By this, I mean things that are slightly insulting, funny and non-offensive. People tend to need a lot of practice with this one... and you will probably offend a lot of people. But when you get good at it, you will realize how powerful it is. Keep the teasing mild at this point. I used to use “YAWN!” a lot. Give her a playful nickname too. Teasing always takes calibration (more on calibration later)... Something that you will learn over time.
The key in this section is making the girl laugh, without being seen as a clown. When possible, make the girl laugh “with” you rather than “at” you. It is okay to let her laugh at you a bit in this section, as you are not building deep attraction yet. Although the mild teasing begins to build surface attraction as teasing is a form of flirting.
2. Reserved Compliments
By “reserved compliment”, I mean a compliment that is also a tease...
After a while, the girl will start complimenting you. This usually means that you have some surface attraction. And when she does, you know that you can move onto this section. When the girl compliments you, compliment her back. But keep your compliment reserved. This means make it a mild compliment. Usually, she'll say something like “you're fun”. And your compliment should be less certain... Something like “you're not too bad yourself =P”. That is both a compliment and a tease. There is a lot of complicated theory about this stuff, but the “=P” is essential. It is called a release. “You're not too bad yourself” is rude. But the “=P” lets her know that you're joking, so it should stop you from offending her.
This is where a lack of body language and tonality can actually get in you way a bit. But this forces you to think of creative ways around them. Because in person, your tone would make it clear that you were joking, rather than the face.
At this point, you should keep up the teasing. “You're silly” is a good compliment if it is well placed. “You're silly” translates to both “You're fun” and “You're immature”. Yet another compliment with a tease.
Tip: Push And Pull
Attraction is based on “pushing” and “pulling”. A push is a tease or something that emotionally pushes the girl away. A pull is something that pulls her back. Each time you push her away and pull her back, you will pull her closer. This is based on a concept called “fractionation”. I go into more depth on this concept in my free adult ecourse on my site.
Wherever possible, make sure you are the one who leaves first. If you have worked efficiently, she won't want you to leave. Just say you'll speak to her later. Don't stay... not even for a minute. You want to put your foot down and take charge. Also, say you're not sure when you'll be back on. This way, on an emotional level, she may feel that you'll ever be back. This means that when you do come back, she'll appreciate your time more.
Closing means coming to some kind of conclusion. For example. You may get her phone number. A way of doing this is by saying something like “I'd text you if I had credit”. At this point, the girl should offer you her number or ask for yours. E.g. “I'll text you then”. If not, don't worry. It just means you haven't built enough attraction. Many girls who “never” give out their number online will give it out if you build enough attraction.
Ideally, when you're leaving, you want her to have a smile on her face. So try using the nickname you've been teasing her with. And then use it to greet her when you finally come back.
4. The Return
If you use the nickname correctly, you can anchor it to the state of “fun”. This means that when you come back and use it, something will click in her mind that puts her back into a fun state instantly. I will speak about anchoring on my site.
At this point, the girl will see you as that “cool/funny” guy. In the previous steps, you made the girl see you as value-offering and built some surface attraction. This means that you laid down the foundations for deep attraction. This time, you're going to begin building that deep attraction by flirting.
At the beginning of the conversation, you want to start the wit and teasing. But tone down on the teasing today, and turn up the compliments. Make them less and less reserved. But don't overdo it. After a while, you only want to be using your wit and compliments. But make sure you don't compliment her more than she compliments you.
You must continue to make her laugh. But not “at” you any more. Online, you must continue to absorb her attention. Because when she's online, people are screaming for her attention.
You aim for this conversation is to build a connection based upon commonalities you have with the girl (rapport). So it is basically a normal conversation, but you still have to be witty to add value.
I have already covered all the tools you will need to build attraction. There are many other tools you can use. But these will be more than sufficient for beginners.
When it comes to texting... The attraction has already been built. So texting is more used for getting into a relationship. Or choosing the direction in which you want the relationship to go. You will still want to make the girl laugh here and there in texts, but not as a tool to absorb attention. Because she is unlikely to have many people texting her.
Texts are more for sharing thoughts and feelings than “fun”, and you are way beyond surface attraction at this point. So in order to add value to texts, you should simply try to deepen rapport. But this article is not about rapport, so I'm going to finish it here... or this article will never end.
I really need to end this article... But here are a few useful tips.
* You need momentum to make things run smoothly. Never let the conversations die. The trick to becoming wittier is by saying the first thing that comes into your head when a conversation is dying...
You will start off saying the most ridiculous things in the world. But slowly, what you say will become wittier and wittier. Wit comes from a quick mind. And when you put yourself on the spot like that, your mind will have to train itself to work faster.
* Another note on momentum – If the conversation dies and you and her stop talking for a while... Before you go, you must fire it up again. Just as the conversation starts getting good, leave. This means that her last memory of you when you get back will be of you making her laugh and adding value to her day.
* I didn't get as in-depth as I originally wanted to before writing this article. That is because I have already written too much, and I don't want to overload people with technical information.
* Make sure your compliments are not based on the way she looks. Only compliment her on the way she looks if the compliments you on the way you look. And these should always be followed by a tease.
* If you keep practising speaking to girls, you will begin noticing differences between the sexes and the way they communicate. Seeing as your communication is all verbal, your use of language will naturally improve... One of the generalisations you will notice is that girls tend to use the word “feel” rather than “think”. You should pay attention to the way that girls speak, and start speaking to them in their own language.
*Over time, you will build up a collection of words and phrases that work best when building attraction. You will also know exactly when to use them in a conversation.
The beauty of body language and tonality, is that if you don't know exactly what you're doing, they will control themselves in order to correspond with your emotional state. So once you really do know exactly what to say to a girl, you will actually feel confident. So when you speak to a girl in person, knowing that you have the ultimate language tools, your body language and tonality will take care of themselves. Confidence is they key...
I hope that some of the concepts and tools in this article can help you. If you want any more information. Check out my other articles and my web site.
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