If you are a good looking guy, who is confident in yourself, financially successful, caring, loyal, and all these other great traits why do you still not have a girlfriend? This is something that has really been bothering me recently, I know two great guys who are incredibly awesome people who certainly deserve the most beautiful girlfriend in the world, but who are incredibly lacking in that department. I'll provide a little bio on these guys and then explain a little more.
The first guy is my best friend, we will call him Mark. He has been my best friend since elementary school, and throughout middle and high school I was always super jealous of him. I will readily admit that he is much better looking than I am, he is more athletic, he has a six pack, comes from a very wealthy family, and he is such a nice guy. I remember I always wished that I was like him throughout high school, he always had my back, was always there for me, he always let me come over to his house and swim in his pool or play tennis on his tennis court, and I felt like the girls would always love him because of his looks, money and niceness. Then we got to high school and I went through 3 different girlfriends from 9th grade to senior year. He had a whopping 0 girlfriends, in fact I almost never saw him even talk to girls. Occasionally when we would be out hanging out I would get him to approach girls, but he was a super shy guy when meeting new people, and so he never did well. Even though he was so good looking, and so nice he just never succeeded with women. This absolutely baffled me, because up until that point I had been led to believe that women wanted a rich, attractive guy, who would treat them like gold. But here I was best friends with such a guy and he was hardly succeeding with women. At one point he actually broke down crying to me(it was becuase of some other stuff, but as we were talking he let some of his long held insecurities be known to me). He told me that he was always jealous of me that I could always find a date to the school dances, and how I always had these good looking girlfriends, he told me that he didn't know what to do to get a girlfriend, and kept asking me for advice and I really didn't know what to say. I told him that he should just keep being himself because he was a great guy, but I had my doubts about that advice since it didn't get him anywhere in high school.
Exhibit 2 is my brother who we can call Tim. He is 3 years older then me, and I was always jealous of him growing up too. He seemed to get all the good genes, he played quarterback for our high school football team and was super athletic, he never had acne(I had terrible acne), he looked way better than me, all of our family members and friends gawkwed at how great he was, he graduated summa cum laude and went on to a great college, and he has still not had a girlfriend(that I have met). Maybe he's gone on dates, but he hasn't had anyone who he's serious enough with to introduce to our family. How can this be? As I said I had 3 girlfriends in high school and my parents met all of them, I've had 2 more since college started and my parents met one of them. My brother Tim is a great guy, obviously he's my brother so I like him a lot, but he just never had a lot of girls. Why?
I read a very compelling mytake yesterday that helped me get a little closer to answering the paradox that has bothered me for years. Maybe its my low self esteem talking, but I dont think I am that good of a guy at all, there are times where I question why women actually like me. I certainly am not as great as Tim and Mark when I compare myself to them, so why is it that women like me? Reading through this take yesterday made me realize most of the reason. You could be the greatest guy in the world, but if you dont ask a girl out, you are not going to get a girlfriend. I know this might be shocking to some of you(this is sarcasm if you didn't notice), but its true; you miss 100% of the shots you dont take. Through my long talks with Mark, and through observing Tim, I can see one thing that they both have in common. They are too shy to actually ask women out. Even though I am not very good looking, and dont have a lot of self esteem, I still am more successful then Mark and Tim combined. And I think that part of it is actually linked to my low self esteem. For some reason women these days say they like "confidence" but that confidence is more outward confidence then inward. So on the outside people look at me as a confident guy, but on the inside I have a lot of insecurities and problems with myself. Because of this, deep down, I think "well I'm not that great anyway so there isn't much to lose if I get rejected by this girl", meanwhile these other great guys dont necessarily have this, I dont really know exactly what their thought process is because I am not them, but it makes me wonder if they are maybe more inwardly confident then me which actually hinders their ability to take risks(like ask a girl out). Anyway though here are these two good looking, athletic, fantastic guys, and an insecure, average looking, plain guy. One of those guys has had 5 girlfriends and the other two have had 0. Can you see why I had questions? I think that part of this is Mark and Tim's fault for being too shy, but even as I say that and try to justify it, I just question, can I really blame them for their personalities? At some point girls have got to realize that these guys are fantastic right? And they have to realize there is more then a guy then his ability to ask her out right?
I am publishing this myTake because I was really just shocked by this whole paradox, of one of the most attractive guys succeeding the least in dating(that sounds weird to say even because you always assumed that the best looking guy has the most girls). Girls are missing out on such a great opportunity here by not asking out guys like this, for some reason they place more emphasis on a guy's ability to ask her out then their other traits. For instance, the take I read put it very well, the author said something along the lines of: If an ugly jerk asks a girl out he has more of a chance of getting with that girl, than the most attractive man in the world who doesn't do anything. That is really sad isn't it? In the context of Mark and Tim though that makes complete sense, women are actually more willing to say yes to some plain guy like me because I approached, then go approach an awesome guy like Mark themselves. I completely recognize the importance of guys asking girls out, and maybe thats because it comes easily to me, but seriously? This is a little crazy, attractive, nice, loyal, guys not getting girls simply because they didn't ask the girls out. This isn't the 19th century any more, women are no longer cleaning, cooking, and listening to their husband all day, this is the 21st century, why are we still letting gender define interactions?
What Girls & Guys Said
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1Opinion
Well... it may not always be true. I have been in two relationships, and in both cases, the girls themselves asked me out. As you can see through my profile picture, I'm strictly average in terms of looks. And back then, when those girls approached me (it was over 5 years ago), I was actually a fat, unattractive slob with severe self esteem issues.
But you may have a point, though. I haven't even been on a date, let alone a relationship, after my last relationship ended (5 years ago). I never even attempted to ask women out. I just approached one girl during this 5 year period, and she rejected me.
I don't know if I can ever approach women. They scare me, to be honest.
Read my mTakes bro
@NightmareNeal
I did read them. Unfortunately, they are not applicable in the highly conservative third world country I stay in. Women here are averse to dating.
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