Why Guys Shouldn't Be Intimidated by Hot Girls

[monkey]

The rule seems to be the same wherever you go: The hotter the girl, the more intimidating she is to guys. This rule applies to just about every culture and really, it's almost like a universal truism at this point. Amazing-looking women scare the shit out of guys.

But it doesn't have to be this way. In fact, this is a golden opportunity, though most guys don't realize it...

Firstly, when everyone else is intimidated, it means the door is open. It means competition is a lot lower than you might expect. Lots of guys seem to think hot girls have men flocking around them wherever they go when in reality, they only have lots of guys looking at them from afar. Very rarely do you see guys approach them and that's a direct result of the aforementioned universal rule. I've known a few very hot girls in my day, and they all say the same thing- "We don't get approached anywhere near as often as people think."

It's true, too. I was reluctant to believe it at first but some years ago, one of these girls (a sister of one of my friend's, and who can only be described as stupid hot) wanted to prove her point. We went to a bar one Saturday night and the way she looked that night, you would've thought she'd have a crowd of guys three deep around her. I sat somewhere else so it was obvious she was alone but after an hour and a half, she hadn't been approached by a single guy. But if you look close, just about every guy in the place looked at her, and kept looking at her. None had the moxie to talk to her, though.

After, she just shrugged and told me it was par for the course. She has to initiate most times because guys are scared off by her looks. She doesn't dress like a slut, or anything, and she doesn't appear "closed off" the way some girls do in public. And yet, girls who are half as pretty get approached three times as often. I guess guys are playing the averages; i.e., "Why waste my time approaching her when I'll probably get rejected, anyway?" Guys don't like getting shot down and in their minds, the hotter the girl, the less likely it is she'll say "yes."

But if we want to play the averages, we should do the opposite. Obviously, not many guys are approaching these girls, so the law of averages states that we'll have a better chance with the gorgeous women simply because guys really aren't beating down their doors. Guys are proving themselves to be big-time pansies and as such, there are hordes of hot chicks out there waiting around for someone, anyone to make some sort of move.

Lastly, the stereotype that all hot girls are bitches, or they're all just looking for hot guys with money, or they'll be "bad people," is just dumb. This stigma only exists because people can't seem to leave school behind, even as adults. This isn't high school where the most popular girls are by default the hottest, and they lord their superiority over everyone else simply because they're hot and popular. Seriously, leave the teenage mindset behind. Many great-looking women weren't all that attractive when they were in school, for example, and many others are perfectly normal, and even might be nursing a slight inferiority complex because no guys talk to them.

And by the way, a girl who speaks up and has a personality isn't a "bitch." Yeah, some hot girls really are bitches but just because they've got something to say doesn't turn them into a bad person, and one you don't want to be around. Ditch the stereotypes, realize that even if you do get rejected it's hardly the end of the world, and take that law of averages into account...but not the law of averages you've been using. Use the one where the hot ladies are sitting alone because guys are just a bunch of pussies, and realize that the door is wide open for you!

[Bandit74]

I wouldn't say their beauty is intimidating, its more the competition that is intimidating. Hot girls may not be approached by tons of guys, but when they are approached , it is usually by really hot or popular guys. Realistically, I assume if a girl is hot, she's either going to want an equally hot guy or a guy who is average looking but wealthy/popular.

Cute/beautiful girls seem more kind and approachable while hot girls tend to have more of a "resting bitch face" that makes them appear more conceited and unpleasant. Plus I have heard of hot girls being really bitchy to guys when rejecting them.

I will say that hot girls are unfairly stereotyped as being the most promiscuous. Generally, the sluttiest girl in your school or social group is not going to be the most beautiful or hottest one. The most promiscuous girls are often average to maybe slightly above average looking.

[nalaa]

I agree in general but I also think it's important to be realistic. If you're a donkey and she's a racehorse, she's probably gonna want a another racehorse.
I'm not saying you shouldn't approach pretty women, but if you aim for people way above your league, be prepared to be reject. A lot

[john52461]

unless that donkey is also rich, I've seen it with my own eyes and with my own friends who are high earners, a donkey with a bag of money can get the "racehorse"

[Giacomanzo]

@john52461 I don't think she was entirely referring to the physical aspect. I guess she meant "racehorse" as an individual in general.

[nalaa]

@john52461 What he said

[Idonthaveausername]

Not necessarily true. The only guy I ever let have a chance with me was not attractive, and my friend even called him ugly. But he said he like my hair, liked me, and had the confidence to put his arm around me and show me what he was interested, so I gave him a chance. Turns out I have more in common with him than 99% of the population. Some racehorses like donkeys because it makes us look even better.

[Primemutton]

This reply is right on the money , it's possible but very unlikely. When I see posts such as this I often wonder if it's more to do with stunningly pretty girls wanting more attention and admirers. Sorry to be so cynical but I just don't see them going out with joe average.

[Idonthaveausername]

@Primemutton The reason why you don't see it is because the average Joe doesn't try. That's what makes him average. If you got out there and tried, it might be a different story.

[Primemutton]

@Idonthaveausername would you say that this is also why the 80:20 theory holds true? If all the average joes did come up to a hot girl we would have a long line of admirers queuing for her affection , it's also a case of someone that good looking probably being attached anyway. I also hear about women complaining about being constantly hit on. there is avery very fine line that men have to tread and it's like threading thick cord though the eye of a needle. What I have read here suggests that the mating game is actually very very skilful and difficult , to the point that it seems that those who don't understand it ( seemingly the vast majority here) probably need coaching. getting a description of a successful approach here seems harder than pulling teeth though! Please anyone who follows the authors advice and succeeds. Drop me a line.

[Idonthaveausername]

@Primemutton Probably has something to do with it. I lived next-door to a guy for a year who had four different "girlfriends" in that time. He called all of them sluts behind their backs. Obviously the rules are different when you're talking about the 80:20 rule because not all of that 80% can become considered hot, and a large portion aren't looking for a real relationship.

Women complain about being hit on all the time to make you think they get hit on all the time. This tells themselves and tries to convince you that they're desirable. Reverse psychology. If they really got hit on as much as them say they do, they won't be single.

Most guys would benefit from coaching. That's why dating advice is a multi-million dollar industry.

[nalaa]

@Idonthaveausername I'm not saying it never happens. But guys on here already think they deserve a super hot girl, irregardless of how they themselves are holding up. And then they get all upset and bitter when they get rejected.
In general relationships are most successful if the couple is within a certain bracket of attractiveness and income. If you want to date someone who is a 10, you should be an 8 at least. Again not saying there aren't exceptions but it's generally true.

Otherwise you'd see models dating overweight plumbers all the time, but they don't. They date football and movie stars

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...c44528187d.jpg

[nalaa]

@Primemutton Now in fairness you're a little older than us and I do think it maybe a bit different when you were young. Times have changed, men have chaged. Most women regardless of looks these days get hardly every asked out.

When women complain about being hit on too much it's usually about guys catcalling, grabbing your butt, being wasted or sending dick pics or crude comments on the internet. Not a genuine approach

[Idonthaveausername]

I wish I could like this one right here. Boys these days growing up with feminist mother's don't know how to talk to girls, let alone ask one of us out. They have no confidence in being men. And this whole social media being the main channel of communication has only hindered them.

[Primemutton]

ok i consider myself educated , didn't realise they were complaints about crude approaches

[Primemutton]

@Idonthaveausername the answer about the way boys are brought up is the most insightful i have seen on this thread. if i ever have children i will definitely not suppress this topic. would i be right in thinking that a lot of these dating and communication skills are learnt in a natural environment in ones teens? i went to an all boys school and i wonder if it affected my abilities in this regard.

[alphadoggystyle]

this is not true, its women who usually expect to date a guy way above her league, due to hypergamy. Women use makeup to improve their looks and somehow think a guy who is on her level looks wise before she put makeup on, is now below her league even though she "cheated" to make herself look better. Also women who only have looks think their looks somehow equals the value of someone who is very wealthy. I can understand if the guy is old and ugly having to compensate with money, but if a guy is already on your level lookswise then you shouldn't expect him to also have more money and status than you. But women think there is some hidden extra value in being a woman, so they are usually not interested in the men who are her equal, which is why we have the 80/20 rule.

[Idonthaveausername]

@alphadoggystyle I see you don't get the. Point. I agree with you completely. If the average Joe wants a hot girl, he has to go for the genuinely hot girls who are confident enough to go to the club without a lot of makeup on.

[Idonthaveausername]

@Primemutton That could have something to do with it. Confidence is your biggest asset when asking a girl out. If you spent little time communicating with girls during your developmental years, then it only makes sense that you would have a disconnect when it comes to communicating with one as an adult.

[Primemutton]

@Idonthaveausername you could well be right we would have to ask a psychiatrist to know but it could well have condemned me to a life of solitary confinement

[Idonthaveausername]

@Primemutton If you have problems talking to women, then start with some basic steps to improve that. Coworkers are a great place to start because you can always say "I don't date coworkers, I was just being friendly " if they get sketched out. Talk to the waitress when you go out to eat or the cashier at Walmart. Simple conversation about how their day is going. Once you're more comfortable engaging in everyday conversation, it will be exponentially easier to actually ask a girl out. Most guys who are confident in talking to women have a lot of women in their families, so of course talking to women comes more naturally. We're not a different species.

[Primemutton]

@Idonthaveausername I have more problems in that regard than the worlds agony aunts all out together. I have basically given up or thrown in the sponge in terms of dating but thank you kindly for the advice. I still maintain an interest in the subject though and would at least like to know how to even talk to women politely without causing offence , which is something I am trying to avoid so every piece of advice is welcome. Keep it coming i am absorbingnit all! :)

[Primemutton]

@Idonthaveausername must also point out mother is only
Woman in family

[Primemutton]

Yes for me too only one woman in the family.

[Primemutton]

@Idonthaveausername if I complemented someone on their hair and put my arm round her I wouldn't expect to meet the love of my life, I'd expect security to be called. Did you really go around letting strange men touch you up?

[Primemutton]

@Idonthaveausername I also have to say there is a terrible double standard here. Men having to find exactly the correct way of wooing a woman with a skilful initial approach , and women just sitting there with a line of suitors that they can just pick off one by one till they find one they like. They may not get what they really want because the guy the want doesn't know how to approach the matter. I'd like to see a documentary where women try it on instead to see what the reaction/success rate is. If one exists please let me know dear readers.

[Primemutton]

@Idonthaveausername sorry to keep bombarding you with questions and comments. But in your opinion, given that there seems to be a substantial number of males who don't understand the dating game and don't approach much or not at all, is the dating pool for women then shrunk by the number of males who are "out of the game" making it harder to find somebody?

[nalaa]

@Primemutton "I'd like to see a documentary where women try it on instead to see what the reaction/success rate is" -- Actually I think we'd do quite well. And no I don't think it's because men rarely get approached. In virtually all mammal the male is the pursuing sex and the female is being pursued. The male is the aggressive party, the female the passive. That makes it more easy for women to be successful when approaching.

But you know, it is what is. It's natural selection. We're descendant of men who did approach and women who didn't jump in bed with the first guy that came around. And as long as that strategy is working, roles aren't just gonna reverse

[Primemutton]

I'm not suggesting it will reverse but I think it would be good for both men and women to see how the other half lives. When it comes to natural selection aren't we supposed to be more concluded than adhering to the law of the jungle and select in a rational manner?

[Idonthaveausername]

@Primemutton I absolutely do not make a habit of letting anybody touch me, men or women. I even refuse to shake hands unless in a professional setting. But I let the one guy do it because of the way he did it, slowly enough that I could have brushed him off if I needed to. He also put his arm around my shoulder rather than the waist. Honestly, I usually threaten to kill those guy (alcohol involved). No it's not going to work every time, so you can't expect it to, but it does work every once in awhile.

I asked several of my male coworkers about girls asking them out. They all said they never had and never would reject a girl for asking them out because it would ruin her confidence. (These are also decent guys I'm general, so I don't know about non-decent guys.)

I think you know the answer to that other question. If guys are supposed to approach a girl and none of the guys in the bar do (like the MyTake's friend) then her dating pool has been drained and covered with a tarp for

[alphadoggystyle]

@Idonthaveausername i did get the point, you apparantly did not get my point, its way more common for girls to expect more than they deserve compared to guys, its very rarely you will see average joes going for the hot girl or expecting the hot girl to want them. The only time there would be bitterness in such a situation is if the girl was being really condescending while rejecting the guy. Girls however are often bitter when a guy who is in shape doesn't want to date a fat girl, which in reality should be totally understandable why an in shape person does not want a person who is out of shape in most cases.

[YoyoyoHomie]

Meh, the power lays where humans let it lay.
If you don't give a sh@t about rejection, then whats the issue.
I've had my fair share of rejection and I don't really care anymore. I'm at the point in life where I feel like I can get a girl whenever I want if I put in some effort into it. I also realize that sex is optional and it is a privilege not a "right."
I actually get a kick out of getting rejected sometimes.

As a side note, I try to never be rude to a woman if I do get rejected. It's not personal and it could be a thousand different reasons (ie she has a boyfriend, she likes black guys, I didn't shower that day, I forgot to ware pants, she's with her friends and being judged, etc), so whatever it's no biggie.

[juliaaa]

I think HOW the guy approaches means even more than how he looks compared to how the girl looks. I get approached by a good amount of guys. Very rarely, however, do the guys actually seem to want to have a conversation with me. They often act like they do but it's pretty obvious when they just want to bang and it sucks.

Good approach:
Walk up to the girl. If she's turned towards her friends where the only way to get her to notice you is to poke her shoulder, probably not a good idea. It's awkward for both parties if a guy interrupts a group conversation. If she's turned in a way that she can see you, say "Hi, my name's ____, what's your name?" and shake her hand. Then have a normal conversation.

Bad approach:
Grabbing a girl's arm while she's walking to the bathroom/dancefloor/bar with her friends or grabbing her waist on the dancefloor. I can't even tell you how often guys do this and I immediately find them creepy. Don't take me away from my friends- that's sketchy! If you see me walking and think I'm cute and I walk into the bathroom, wait until you see my stopped somewhere and then come over and approach. Never touch a girl before you talk to her, ever.

Hopefully this doesn't come off as bitchy, that's not my intention. This just happens so often with guys of all different levels of attractiveness.

[HonestFeedback]

You said, "They often act like they do but it's pretty obvious when they just want to bang." I'm wondering what cues guys give off to suggest that we only want sex? One of the problems we have is getting friend zoned, so it makes sense that guys would make it obvious that we're sexually interested in a girl and don't just want to be her gay best friend.

[juliaaa]

@HonestFeedback immediate compliments are a huge cue to him just wanting sex. I'm not saying you can't compliment a girl, but when I'm interrupted three times with the guy saying "I just can't get over how beautiful you are" it's rude and clear that you're only interested physically. I do get that though that you don't want to be friend zoned, that makes sense! Or, there's the guys that just grab me while trying to dance with me and ask my name as if they want to know me. No, your dick is just rubbing on my ass.

[HonestFeedback]

I can see how that would be annoying. One thing I've noticed is that it seems like really beautiful girls are complimented so much that they don't want to be complimented on their appearance. However, when I'm first meeting a girl I feel like I need to express physical interest in her, especially if I'm a random guy to her. If I don't say something like "I thought you were cute and I want to meet you" I feel like she would be confused as to why I randomly walked up to her. This is why I think really beautiful girls are so hard to talk to: they don't respond well to compliments about their beauty, and I have to connect with them without getting friend zoned. Plus, they often seem disinterested when I try to talk to them (and no I'm not ugly).

[inceptin951]

In the long run though I don't believe it is worth it. Lets say you are an average guy who managed to get with a 8-9/10 girl. At least until she is 30, you will be constantly worrying about other guys flirting with her. Does that mean you don't trust her? No.

It means you know being a guy how guys think. You know that she may think she can have straight guy friends who are just friends but those guy friends are always thinking about jumping in the minute your relationship gets rough, they are there for her. It means guys with more money and better looks will be approaching her all the time.

Those are not insecurities. Those are real situations that happen and I see it all the time. Do you think when you've pissed her off and she gets approached by a rich, good-looking guy she isn't going to be tempted to leave you? She may not be but it isn't unreasonable to think she may leave you. Good-looking women know exactly how much they're worth and most of them use it to their full advantage.

I'm not saying date an ugly or average girl. I'm saying date within your league and save yourself time, money, and heartbreak. Another thing is she gets complimented all the time so complements mean either nothing to her or she may think you're just trying to get in her pants so don't waste your time on women that are 8-10/10. 7/10 is the perfect woman to pursue. I sit next to this beautiful 9/10 girl in class 3 hours every Monday and Wednesday.

She won the local beauty pageant so it's not just me that thinks she's pretty. I actually like her personality too. However, I know better than to ever flirt with her even though she flirts with me because I know it will just cause me heartbreak and set me back financially. I've done that once before with a beautiful girl and when the relationship ended I was so depressed I actually considered suicide and I'm not a negative person at all usually. Go ahead and pursue if you want but don't say you haven't been warned.

[MrMysteryMan]

I'm sure what you said has some truth to it. But I would push it further in that don't narrow your choices to the ones that are always approachable in your eyes. You have to view all women as potential, but just read how they look at you and act around you. Women show more signs of attraction than you think and we usually are too tunnel blind to pick up all the subtle, but to them, are blatant shows of trying to catch your attention. Ever have girls just want to touch your shoulder or laugh a little more than others at your not so hilarious jokes? Or some just have a look that they look straight into your eyes and are very attentive to whatever you say. Or, are overly nervous around you even though they have no reason to be. It's actually funny, but women do almost the same things as us men to try and get our attention, they just aren't as showy usually about it and you just have to pay attention and actually be a stand-up guy and not just a walking cock looking for a hole. Women pick up how genuine and personable a guy is in like 2 seconds. So just be yourself around the ones you really like and they will do the same and you will be more accepted.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

I think being intimidated by hot girls and being intimidated hitting on hot girls are 2 different things... At least for me (apparently it's the same for most dudes). Talking to girls is beyond easy. p if you have something to talk about and not entirely cold approaching. Most dudes have the issue of thinking (me included) that if I approach a girl, she's going to flat out reject me or she'll think that I'm a creeper who is solely approaching them to drop a load. On top of that, if you cold approach, you have this issue where, because you don't know shit about each other, the only thing that they have to go on is looks and girls aren't into looks nearly as much as guys and we aren't nearly as good looking on a per average basis as girls so the likelihood of us getting rejected based on looks is fairly high

As for me, personally, if I have something to talk about, like talking sports with a girl at a bar, I'll go up to her. And instead of going into the mindset of hitting on her and trying to impress her, I go in the mindset of just making a friend. Then it'll depend on how smart she is, if she finds me remotely funny (most people think I'm funny and interesting) and other stuff, I'll try and shift gears ever so slightly into a flirty mode, but not make it super obvious that I'm tryina fuck her brains out. But I should also note that, semi ironically, I've never been that attracted to any of my super hot girl friends. I mean they're stupid hot and they're cool and all, but only 1 I found really hot that I was also attracted to

[Anonymous]

Just a couple of things to consider (this takes nothing away from the fact that this was a good take though):

1. Guys have to be realistic. There's no point in a guy approaching a girl who's a 9 or 10 unless he measures up to a 9 or a 10 in some way himself. If he's below a 7 there's no point in him approaching hot chicks as even hot chicks like their guys to be attractive (physically or personality wise).

2. Just because a girl doesn't get approached often it doesn't mean she will give just any guy a chance. Sure, the competition will be less because less guys are approaching her, but that doesn't increase a guy's odds personally. He still has to be attractive. If an average joe approaches a hot chick he doesn't have more of a chance just because he's the first guy in a month to approach her. He will still have the same chance whether the girl has 1 guy or 10 guys approach her in a month.

3. I'm sure most girls on here wouldn't just date a guy they didn't find attractive just because he was the first guy in forever to ask her out.

[AlwaysBelieving]

What if a guy doesn't think (or know) if he's an 8 or 9?

[MikkyLachae]

This makes sense. Some pretty girls did start off as ugly ducklings and were already used to rejection, so even after they've turned into a butterfly they're still accepting this "fact" that nobody would ever want them. People think these girls only want to sit off to themselves and not be bothered by an average joe like themselves but little do they know these girls actually would want an average joe, or maybe even someone who society deems unattractive. Staring doesn't help, she's only going to think something's wrong with her.

[Primemutton]

Ok interesting take on this , why wouldn't she dress down a little if she wanted an average joe?

[MikkyLachae]

@Primemutton Pretty girls don't always wear expensive party dresses and red pumps lol they wear gym shorts and white tees too!!

[Primemutton]

One other thing I might add is that this whole mytake is slightly misleading. It suggests that ordinary joes have the same chance if they have the balls to talk to the "stunners" . I don't buy that for a second , it might mean they have a tiny chance where there might have been non in their mind. Also the suggestion that there are super hot women unable to get a boy because everybody is scared to approach them seems false. Nearly every super looking girl is usually taken in my opinion and experience.

[MusicMayhem]

Here's the thing, before talking to someone you can only rate their appearance. So instinctively guys rate a girl they see out of 10 and lose their shit cause they are overwhelmed by their beauty when really it should be out of 20 if you include personality, or 30 if you also add in sexual compatibility.

So if you see a hot girl, think to yourself ok she's really hot, but she's only 9 out of 20/30 until I get to know her more. An attractive wrapper is just that... an attractive wrapper. If she has a horrible personality who's vocabulary only extends to hi, lol, and um ok, then she isn't as amazing as most guys think and you can surely find an average looking girl who is a much better rounded individual you'll enjoy spending time with more.

[Idonthaveausername]

This guy gets it 100%!

In elementary through highschool, people bullied me for being short and having red hair and also told me I looked like a guy. Since I've turned 21 and started going to clubs, I didn't think anything different until people started telling me I'm beautiful and I looked around to see all the people eyeballing me. I wouldn't say that I was necessarily ugly, but enough people told me that I began to believe it. Not all hot girls know they are because other girls can be jealous and mean.

Out of the dozens of guys who's eyes I catch throughout a night, I'll probably only get two or three who have the guts to come talk to me. Even though I might not be attracted to them, they're the only ones with the courage to do it, so I'll at least get to know them before moving on.

Guys, you have to talk to the hot girls and tell us we're beautiful because we'll give you a chance if you have the confidence.

[OrangeBoy]

The hot girls are tired of listening to that, they just don't care :p

[Idonthaveausername]

@OrangeBoy No girl ever gets tired of hearing that she's beautiful. It's actually more important as women age because they feel like they lose their beauty along with their youth. If hot girls are tired of hearing that from you, then it's your presentation.

A guy a few nights ago told me to show him my boobs. I told him I'd never shown them to anyone before and I wasn't going to start with him. Since he started with a lewd remark, I flipped him off for calling me beautiful. I appreciate the compliment, but not the presentation.

You don't have to be rude to hot girls. You have to make them feel special, just like every other girl you want to be with.

[OrangeBoy]

It's starts to get vague. Im sure you will start to share slaps or just don't give a s*** if you listen to that every day.

[Primemutton]

Can we form an orderly line please!

[Primemutton]

Ok well I assume given we are on a fairly anonymous internet platform that you are telling the truth. I'm often assume such statements are platonic guff, put out because saying the opposite doesn't look at all good whether true or not. I would still be scared shitless though ( excuse my French)

[mikemx55]

"they're the only ones with the courage to do it,"

minor mistake: the only ones drunk enough to do it*

[Idonthaveausername]

@mikemx55 I have difficulty talking to people when I'm sober too. If I have a drink and show that I'm a little bit tipsy, just enough to get up and dance terribly with my friends, guys approach me at a much higher rate than when I sit there like a prude with my great posture and a bored look on my face. We're all a little bit more social when we've had a few drinks.

[rjroy3]

I agree for the most part, but I've personally witnessed some gnarly shutdowns guys went through with some hot girls that were probably just bitchy human beings. I can only imagine what that could do to a guys self esteem. Some women actually pride themselves on both being considered bitchy and the number of guys they turn down. Because she can say "all these guys want me, but I said na. Because I'm just so hot/unattainable". Obviously they won't come out and say that verbatim, but that's exactly what it is lol.

Not all hot girls are like that. I'm juat saying they do exist lol. Not enough that guys should be fearful tho. Just sharing some perspective.

[JohnDoe3000]

Yeah, nice theory... in reality almost all of them are taken (some with ordinary guys like you, but nonetheless taken... and you're too late to the party), do get approached by really hot guys (sure you have less competition but the competition you do have is elite) and/or know very well they're hot so they make a guy jump through hoops for their own amusement.

A guy's best bet is a former ugly girl with ugly duckling syndrome, she won't be as shallow, but even then the guy has to be at least slightly above average looking, and of course there have to be mutual interests and such, otherwise the guy's just being shallow himself.

[Anonymous]

I find the most difficult thing is when I fancy a shy guy. The bloke I fancy at the moment doesn't have much confidence with women, or in his looks (he's not generally considered attractive, but I think he's gorgeous). I find it hard to tell if he's interested or just being nice to me, which makes me shyer and less likely to make a move myself.

The most frustrating thing is when we're on a night out with friends, we'll be talking, or trying to get to talk to each other, but more confident men keep getting in the way. They'll come and sit between us, and start talking to me, my crush goes all quiet and moves away, and I get frustrated that these other men don't even consider that I might actually be interested in him, not them, and was enjoying talking to him. It happens quite often and it's really annoying!

[Jager66]

"They'll come and sit between us, and start talking to me, my crush goes all quiet and moves away"

That really sucks, he probably thinks you're into those guys and he is at best just a friend or that he has no desire to compete with them so why bother...

[Opinion Owner]

@Jager66 Thanks, it is frustrating! I'm going to be brave and ask him out in a couple of weeks, so fingers crossed! I'm really nervous!

[dizmuhjam]

Then you definitely need to plan a more quiet date, like a walk in the park or a picnic. A date where there is definitely no one to interrupt you guys.

[carlo]

You really seem like a super sweet girl. I'm 99.9% positive he is into you but he's just way to insecure to make any move. He is already not so experienced with girls, I'm sure he is thinking there's no way on earth he could land his dream girl. Don't forget also we guys have been shamed for our sex desires for a couple of decades now, so he may be feeling lots of guilt for finding you attractive. I bet he has his hormones boiling for you and this is messing up his head somehow, so he keeps it all repressed.

[Chief16]

Only stupid people judge others by appearances. Sure they make an impression, but, there's always more to what meets the eye.
Intimidation is only a problem to guys who think with their dicks and not with their heads.

[DizzyAster]

If they thought with their dicks, they would have talked to them. lol.

[Chiffon]

I will have to disagree I'm afraid. My brother is a good looking guy but a bit shy. He has mentioned to me that confidence is the rule of the game! The women he encountered would reject him and ignore him. However, within minutes a guy with the ability to be forward even almost ego driven, the bad boy if you will did by far better. I have to agree with him. Most women that are attractive and are aware of it will open the door. In the past I was one of them!

[Raymond_Reddington]

What the he'll kind of take is this? This is just utterly pathetic. Just because smoking hot chicks don't get approached often, they'd go out with any rocky Dennis lookalike that has the balls to approach them? Wtf kind of logic is that? Those pretty princesses are just waiting for prince charming to come and save them from their single lifes. Just because they don't get approached often, doesn't mean it's more likely they'll say yes.

[Sbsbdicjf]

In my youth, I would've approached the last one. Definitely not the first two.

I believe some women have a look about them that communicatea that only a specific type of male should approach due to pre-selection. Doesn't mean women are evil, or cruel. It just biology and you absolutely can't fight that.

[smartman12]

Plenty of hot/attractive women get approached in person and messaged online. So what was said here isn't very accurate. Attractive women have plenty of options and just usually flirt with and date the hot ones. Meanwhile, the average guys like myself get overlooked or treated like crap and im not average looking in my opionion. Im 6'3", 204 lbs but never had a girlfriend due to the competition out there and womens standards. I say women approach men and experience the rejection we et on a daily basis. Women are too picky and mean these days and i wish they would change.

[Kraftmuppen]

Yeah you're right. However, I'd add that in social places like high school and college it's easy for people to contact the hot girls via social media. And they do. But still, when in person very few people will actually have the guts to approach. Also if you go to a nightclub most hot girls there get approached but mostly by dudes who are clueless. This results in these girls being harder to get to since they've already been hit on so many times. That's where guys need decent game in my opinion.

[Kraftmuppen]

Anyway, great myTake! People need to read this

[QuestionMan]

They usually have boyfriends.

Source:
Personal experience.

[mikemx55]

boyfriends that are sitting at home, waiting go get cheated on.
OR boyfriends that are cheating on them already.

[red324]

@mikemx55

I find they're never alone, always with t

[red324]

their friends*.

[GirthIsBetter]

I think this goes both ways in the sense that both genders are afraid of rejection, leading to a state where all parties involved are lonely and want more. This leads to a generation having sexual urges and hooking up and never see this person again.

If both genders were more straightforward with their desires, more relationships would work out!

[Anonymous]

I like this take. Nicely written and it makes some great points.

I do wonder if they are single though sometimes, seems like lots of women I meet are taken haha.

I have a question, what if you already met her in a context where you can't avoid her (e. g. uni, work whatever) and she had a boyfriend, then becomes single. And in your view she is very pretty?

E. g.

[Opinion Owner]

if you had two guys whom she met when she had a boyfriend, and later she becomes single ok?

Guy 1 is someone she meets at uni, who uplifts her and they naturally hit it off. She really loves the way he speaks, and he impresses her with his work, his fun attitude to life and he's different. So nice in a real way (genuine) and someone who is sweet as well as being charming and attractive. She keeps in touch after graduation. He didn't hit on her out of respect and is unsure how to tell her of his attraction since he mostly complimented her character versus looks. He really likes her. Both of them admire each other. Sweet at texts and in person, a gentle man.

Guy 2 is someone she meets at a hobby dance club. He is very in your face and it is well known he is a bit of a brash person. E. g. posts pictures of him and the girls in the club on fb and labels it "with hotties". She has occasionally posed in group photos with him too

[Opinion Owner]

He is more an in your face guy who is more a meet up in groups and also interact on fb person for her. She does like pictures on fb, but doesn't have the same sweet texting or in person interactions. (E. g. with guy 1 she poses arm wrapped on waist and also just them, versus arm on shoulder with guy 2 and mainly groups). But guy 2 definitely makes outward comments regardless of her relationship status, i. e. saying she is pretty before she becomes single, on fb as well. But he's not as close in the sense of being someone sweet.

Now in this case, guy 1 is slightly more physically attractive than guy 2. He is more like a james bond and the guy 2 like a tool guy. How would you or her perceive them (do all boyfriend material guys only have to be bf) and act when you're single? How would a guy let her know he likes her?

And is there one she would have sex with and be dirtier with?

Thoughts?

[Opinion Owner]

Can u help