Why Flirting is a Waste of Time...

[Peopleschamp]

I've been thinking a lot about this, because as a 20 year old college guy, I inevitably have women on my mind quite often. I've asked questions about flirting on here before and hardly anybody seems to be able to answer me. I really started to think about it and I think flirting itself is actually a waste of a lot of our time. It seems like the point of flirting is to playfully tease somebody or show that you're interested. However you can simply show somebody that you are interested by asking them out on a date and getting straight to the point.

The biggest problem that I actually see with trying to flirt with people is that none of us actually know how, everybody thinks that they do but in reality nobody is James Bond or Channing Tatum from the movies. Most of the time girls don't even realize that I'm trying to flirt with them and they're actually quite oblivious to it. Basically what ends up happening when you're flirting is you're trying to send an indirect message to someone who doesn't actually get that message 80% of the time. We spend weeks sometimes months hoping for that person to either flirt back with us or to get the message that we like them instead of just telling them or asking them out on a date. The other scenario is that both of you are in fact flirting with each other but you're going back and forth back and forth for weeks sometimes months and none of you are making the move to actually ask one another out so nothing ever happens between you two.

I think the only reason we flirt is because we think that we're supposed to and that's what we see in basically every movie ever. I truly feel like the majority of us are awkward at flirting and focus more on that than asking for dates or bringing up what we truly desire from someone. I believe that instead of flirting people should actually be a lot more blunt when it comes to how they feel about someone.

Cutting out the flirting part might not seem very romantic to a lot of girls out there but here's the thing at least it doesn't waste anybody's time to just get straight to the point and figure out where you two stand. I keep looking back at myself and realizing how many times I've gone back and forth with a girl flirting with her teasing her all day or all night only to never actually ask her out on a date and this sometimes goes on for weeks wasting both of our times and the crazy thing is I keep thinking to myself how many more dates could I have gone on if I just would have asked a girl out straight away instead of flirting with her.

So in the end I think that flirting is something that should be cut out of our lives because all it is is trying to send this indirect message to somebody who never gets it , instead we can just ask right away if they would like to go out on a date and if we get rejected that's okay because there are so many people on this Earth that if we just keep the same formula of asking people out on a date right away imagine how many more people you're actually going to be able to connect with and that's really all I have for my first my take :-)

[Levin]

I agree with what you're saying, however, you're forgetting something. Flirting is actually supposed to be enjoyable, a natural function of the play in human relationships. The dynamic interplay of the two egos, where one ego comes to the fore, lights up, and takes the piss out of the other, trying to imply one doesn't want the other. It really ramps up the tension. It really ramps up the pleasure of the interaction. Because one becomes independent for a moment, not just wholly boring and passive, wrapped up in universal consciousness and goodness. I'm talking about the teasing aspect of flirting. Another aspect of flirting is the whole conscious and unconscious body language. The lip biting for example. Which should come *naturally*. It should be fun. But the problem is that we've all become unnatural and over-analytical beings. This is why there is such little joy in relationships. After all, relationship is not just about getting the deed done, just for the sake of getting it done. One should enjoy the process. One should learn something from it.

[jarman125]

that's all well and good if the underlying intent is genuine. however, men waste a considerable amount of time dealing with women who have no intention other than a 3 second ego boost.

[thesongwentonforever]

I see your point; unless it's extremely obvious flirting (or sometimes even then), it's rare that I actually get the message; whether I like them back or not determines if I flirt (well, "flirt") back.

Although in theory I like the idea of straight up asking and getting asked out, I know that in a real situation I don't want all of it thrown at me at once. Their flirting gives me time to think and and I feel safer testing some waters first. And by testing waters I mean doing nothing but just being nice, because I'm honestly a horrible flirt which is why I don't do it, but I also am not one to show a guy interest until I know for sure how things are going.

[Lman3000]

Yes it is, Well here in the U. S anyway, Let me explain myself, From what I have seen Women here in the U. S have a different mindset for dating here and it's the worst type of mindset, Few Keywords: Standards, Looks, Mind Games, Certain Types, And probably more words but this what I can think of in the back of my head, in this country, Most women I notice or speak to I always hear this, " Oh when I saw him for the first time I thought he was cute so wanted to meet him..." Or "My Ideal guy is...", This is by far all I ever hear a woman say it's mostly summed up by this "Looks" This is the only that apparently what is important in this place. Example, I'm an average guy the only way that I can get the girl I desire the most is to have a really kick ass personality than compare to guy who is 10/10 on looks and has an average personality, Cause here in the U. S Looks dominate everything here and I'm pretty sure that is fact I mean think about do the research, Do I think flirting is a waste of time, To average people yes if you have an average personality, if your attractive as hell with an average personality than go ahead flirt away

[Dim1213]

Flirting is more for warming a girl up to the idea that you like her. Instead of just flat out asking her out and making her suddenly realize that you like her and are asking her out.
Flirting gets the realization that you like her out of the way so she only has to think about 1 thing and that would be if she wants to go out with you.
Flirting should not go on that long just enough to let her know you like her and the next time you see her ask her out.
It has its place especially in places where guys and girls don't usually couple up or they are not expecting someone to start liking them.
School, Church, at the mall...

[NJ_Casanova]

True... Flirting with no end/purpose is a waste of time. If anything it just gives the person that "wants to feel wanted" a confidence/ego boost.

Also true that if you don't have the nerve to walk over and ask.. it's a waste of time. In my experience (ALOT) of girls flirt that aren't interested. I'm not sure if it's a tactic to get a free drink or a game to lead guys on. I got so feed -up with it that if the girl doesn't make the move I automatically "Friend-zone them" and look for a girl that is interested.

The fact is... It's a WOMAN's world and 99% of the time they are the ones that make the final decision (on what happens) so THEY should make the move. I also get turned off by submissive girls that can't make up their mind/don't know what they want... it just wastes everyone's time.

[Anonymous]

i honestly am super bad at telling if a guy is flirting with me as i am usually very friendly to everyone. so like i'll be talking to a guy for a while and i think he is just being friendly and wants to be my friend but he ended up having feelings for me that i don't share. likewise, i have made a nervous idiot of myself trying to drop hints to a guy that i AM interested in and they seem super oblivious to all of the flirting. all in all, i think if you have feelings for someone it is better to just ask them if they feel the same way.

[Z-Spark]

I dont remember ever flirting with women a lot or trying to flirt them into dating me, i threw a few words few times but nothing that falls under flirting, usually i try to know more about a girl and just bluntly tell her " i wanna get to know you i think you're interesting " and most of the time that is enough to buy me few more days if not weeks of her time.

basically i realized at some point that flirtings purpose is to seduce girls and show interest in them, but if i can just do it any other way its just as good right? of course

[HonestGirlAlways]

No, flirting is testing the grounds, checking if the interest is mutual before asking them out and making things unnecessarily awkward and/or avoiding rejection. If things don't go any further than flirting it's either because the interest is lost or both people are just too shy. Obviously straight up asking people out saves a lot of time but people will always want to study their chances in the situation before doing something so bold.

[SteppingOnRoses]

but most people dont notice when they are being flirted with XD

that's why...

[Anonymous]

I have liked a guy for about 4 years now, I tried hard to hide it cause I thought he'd never feel the same. but I decided recently "ahh screw it" and I started to flirt with him, well now we confessed to eachother that we like eachother TODAY. And I'm so happy now. So maybe flirting isn't too bad after all

[MrNameless]

I think its all about timing. You flirt with someone to tell them you're interested, though of course they won't always get the message. But a soon as you do anyway, you can't do it for too long (the longer you wait, the more they don't think you're really all that interested in them) and you have to make a move and ask them out sooner than later

[AdamThomas]

I don't think that's entirely true. I can be quite flirty but I'm also pretty direct with it, as in I make it clear that I'm interested and there's no indirect bullshit. Flirting doesn't have to be indirect.

So then in the example where you go for weeks just flirting and not making a move, the problem isn't the flirting - it's that nobody is making a move. As a man, that's your job. You can flirt after you've asked her out, on the date, while you're dating etc.

[Poppykate]

The best flirting is where nothing is said! I remember getting my hair cut recently and walking out of the hairdresser, feeling like hot Shi$. A guy gave me 'a look' of appreciation. I returned a look and smile of thanks. Great flirting!

[proFountain]

You're awesome.

[KarinMcDonald]

I agree! Simple flirting doesn't necessarily mean that you want to hook up. I flirt with guys in stores, at the car wash, at clubs, many places when it's just a little fun. I didn't know guys felt that a simple flirt meant that the woman expected them to have sex with them. Sometimes I'll even do a little flirting with another man in front of my husband. He knows that it's just for fun,, and he gets a kick out of seeing the guys reaction.

[kitty71]

So can you tell this is flirting or not or the guy is interested in some way
Guy: It was lovely to see you today. Thanks and for being in my birthday.
Girl: It was a pleasure to see you too. Your welcome. Do not loose touch.
Guy. If you want we can arrange one of these days to go out and see "HOW Does it go"
Girl. Sure, lets arrange to go out one of these days.
Should the lady take upon that offer of going out? What does "How does it go mean" when the guy told her that.

[dmgstarfleet]

he means "see how it goes" as a date. Its awkwardly phrased-kinda thing you say when you're nervous and trying to appear cool and nonchalant-you know, like when you're trying to ask someone out whom you find attractive. If you're wondering if he likes you answer is probably yes and as more than a friend

[Machiavelli]

This is how I flirt with hot guys, "would you like to ram the back of my throat with your dick?", he replies, "why certainly my lady", sounds romantic and straight forward to me.

[ChocEyes1]

Haha MHO here XD

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Machiavelli That is not flirting. What that is called is being easy and having very little self respect if any at all. If a women came up to me saying something like that would be a turn off for me.

[Machiavelli]

@MysteriousDarkness I respect myself and you should calm down before you get a heart attack.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Machiavelli I was calm when I said what I did and I am still calm. How is asking a guy you are attracted to but not with if he would like to ram the back of your throat with his dick respecting yourself? If you ask me it seems like a desperate attempt for attention.

[Machiavelli]

@MysteriousDarkness i am never desperate, but yeah if I say that to you I just want to fuck I am not gonna propose so you don't have to sound the alarm :)

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Machiavelli No self respecting non desperate person would try to flirt with someone they are not with saying what you did or anything else on that line.

[Machiavelli]

@MysteriousDarkness Maybe your view of respect and mine differ. But I'm glad we had this talk.

[ChocEyes1]

And this is why this answer is mho material. For the reactions it causes ;)

[Machiavelli]

@ChocEyes1 You're sexy as fuck. I like your body :)

[ChocEyes1]

@Machiavelli, thank you! Glad you like. I just blushed haha :)

[Machiavelli]

@ChocEyes1 ;P You know you're sexy

[ChocEyes1]

Well, if you say so of course I believe ;P

[Asad1ONE1]

You may have a point about the direct approach. Flirting is a start and it's enjoyable to be on the receiving end. But that alone will not get us anywhere. People are too shy and unsure of how to respond to flirting. Right?

But everyone is different so it all depends. So many factors.

[JohnDoe3000]

Flirting can test the waters where showing interest directly and failing would cause problems (like in the workplace). Flirting also tests the social skills of men (and I suspect that's the primary reason flirting exists at all).

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

Considering that a lot of the same things one does when flirting are also used when interacting with members of the gender you aren't interested in... you should probably keep up with the flirting or you might not end up with any friends.

[SteppingOnRoses]

I actually prefer the direct approach.

It's what won me over lol.

also im not that big on morse code myself XD

[KnightCross]

agree until certain extent. flirting should be used with the intention to ask a girl out, it's an art that you need to polish it. and as an art, u may have some fun by doing it for itself not exactly interested in results

[Chico_brah]

Flirting is simply fun if you have decent social skills and wit.

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

Yeah, even if you're in a relationship, flirting is a fun way to pass the time.

[Phoenix98]

Basically what @Chico_brah said, if you have the wit and even humor and social skills it's quite fun and it's a decent way to heat things up a little bit.

[AlwaysBelieving]

you needed to finish that sentence: "... in the beginning stages to figure out if your interest is interested in you."

PS: I only read the first paragraph of this take.