Stop Using Introversion or Shyness as an Excuse!

[genericname85]

Just stop. Everybody is shy to a degree. Lots of people are introverts. Think about how and why you use it as an excuse.

How:

That typical situation. You like that person you regularly see or it's just that person at the party that is really attractive to you but what do you do about it? Nothing. I mean what can you do? You're shy or introverted, right?

Some even claim to have social anxiety disorders that were never diagnosed. You don't wanna do it. You feel scared of it so you use anxiety, shyness or introversion as an excuse not to do it.

Why:

Now why do you use that excuse? It's because you convinced yourself that you can't possibly attract the person you're after because you convinced yourself that your shyness, introversion or anxiety will be an issue that takes any possible chance away from you. It may not even feel like an excuse to you. Maybe you have tried some time and had no success, thereby you positively reinforced your own assumption that you are too shy for this.

Ask yourself, how often did you actually try? How often did you fail even though you gave it your very best? Did you really give your "very best" or did your prejudice about your shyness make the failure a self fulfilling prophecy?

Fight your shyness and introversion.

So you're shy or introverted. I get it. I am too, in fact I am partly writing this very take as kind of a reminder for myself. Who said you have to be shy or an introvert all the time? Who said you can't take the role of an extrovert, confident person once in a while? You may not feel comfortable in those roles but you can sure take those roles for some time and then fall back to being shy. Put yourself in situations where you consciously try to act out the confident extrovert role. If just for a brief moment at first, that's a start. Do it more often. Step out of your comfort zone of hiding behind shynes and introversion for longer and longer periods of time.

You can stay shy or introvert at your very core. but nobody has to play one role their entire lives. Experiment with the other side. Learn to be the other side. It will bring you much closer to that person you are attracted to, because believe me even people who aren't shy or introverted often don't dare to go up to them and speak to them.

Stop making your shyness and introversion an excuse. Learn to leave them behind temporarily and step out of your comfort zone.

[Vyxzuw]

True.
Most people that are saying they have social anxiety only ever have that anxiety when they are talking to a girl they like.

Which isn't what social anxiety is. That's just being nervous.

True people with social anxiety would almost have a panic attack from talking to ANYONE they don't know. Guys, girls, kids, the elderly, anyone.

I agree that sometimes you just got to YOLO/Leryo Jenkins stuff, and just go for it.

I used to hate talking in public. Then I interned as a 9th grade Math Teacher.
Nothing helps you get over a fear of public speaking like a bunch of bored 9th graders.

Plus, even if you have problems approaching girls, find a way to talk to them that you are comfortable with.
If you can't cold approach, then find something that gives you an excuse to talk to them.
What was the homework assignment that the teacher gave?
Do you know if we have a test in Math on Monday?
Is this pen yours? (Of COURSE it's actually mine, but now I can to talk to you.)

After doing that a few times, you get used to talking to her. She may even say Hi.

[genericname85]

i love the leeroy jenkins approach. it exactly reflects what happens in your head. all your reasoning and logic tries to convince you that you are shy and therefore you can´t do it but you just have to let your inner leeroy jenkins charge in and take control of the situation even if that vipes your team, cause your team wouldn´t ever have gone either way and chances are that this little moment of pure crazyness opens all the doors for you.

[genericname85]

wipes*

[Ladyslipper]

People shouldn't feel obligated to talk if they don't want to. I hate talking to people so I usually just don't.. Call me a chicken whatever but I guess I like to keep life simple for myself and I don't really care what people think about whether I'm shy or not

[genericname85]

If you genuinely ndont want to, then it's not a problem for you anyway.

[freakyzeaky]

Yeah, but for guys who want to meet women, make them feel good in conversation, sexually attract women with their confidence, possibly get laid once in a while, and to find an awesome woman to have a relationship with, it requires taking many risks.

Trust me, I don't want to talk, I can feel rather peaceful just enjoying my surroundings and listening to others. But to many people that is BORING, especially women. To build the kind of social skills that connect you to others, including the opposite sex, you need to practice and that requires talking even when you don't particularly want to.

For example, lets say I really just want to get laid. That is a okay goal. We are all sexual creatures. Women, for the most part, just need to doll up and wait around for a hot guy to approach them and lead the encounter. Men? We have to be charming and that requires social skills, which requires tons of practice, which means being awkward, at least for a while.

[freakyzeaky]

And yes, it is scary, yes it can be painful, especially when you see opportunities you have missed rather than focusing on the successes, no matter how small. Yes, it feels like you have been left behind by many of your buddies who either get laid consistently or have wonderful wives and families of their own.

If women were more empathetic to shy men and at least gave them avenues to improve, not so much to pity fuck them or pity date them, but just to allow guys like us to feel awkward, get that out of our system, so that we can improve and be the kinds of men you women want.

We have the good guy part down, now we just need a bit of edginess to build attraction.

[anniisa]

There's a difference to being introverted, and having social anxiety, and not being confident in yourself.

I'm introverted and I've never had social anxiety. I've always been confident in myself. Being introverted is a personality type. I'm shy when you first get to meet me but after that I'm an open book.

Even one of the guys I dated was an introvert and even he approached me quite confidently after a few smiled and gazes at one another.

Bottom line is: there's a difference to having low self esteem, and social anxiety. Stop getting it confused with being introverted. Those people who are self diagnosed with social anxiety actually just have low self esteem. They feel better on blaming it on being introverted but that has nothing to do with it.

[genericname85]

I know there's a difference but some people throw the term social anxiety around as an excuse without ever being diagnosed like people use shyness or introversion as an excuse. That's why I mentioned it. I know if you really have those anxieties it's a greater issue for you.

[anniisa]

Thanks for clearing that up.

[genericname85]

yeah, i can´t add it to the take anymore -.- i wish i could, cause lots of people are complaining about it. they took away the "update" option from takes.

[Logorithim]

I think the potential payoff for overcoming it (getting a girlfriend) is so enormous that it's worth it.

[genericname85]

Yes definitely! I mean you don't need to permanently change. Just for the few seconds when it counts.

[Logorithim]

Exactly, It's not like she won't figure out quickly that you're introverted anyway. If she's nice and likes you, she won't let that prevent things from happening.

[Swiss_Tengu]

It is an excuse, but it is a viable one.
There are reasons why one feels like they can't attract the person of desire. These reasons might not be existent or might not matter to the other person of desire at all, but the possibility of it is there. That's called self awareness and shows intellect.
Shyness and introversion aren't issues, but the effects of some.
Lot's of people are too stupid to realise they can harm someone with words, and some are are simply assholes and do so intentionally.
Shy and introverted people usually have experienced that at some point along the way, and subconciousely want to prevent themself from experiencing it ever again. If you haven't experienced it, you can't argue, since you don't know how much it can hurt.
Approaching someone (making a move) involves baring your intentions, your emotions and therefor your heart, to that person and everybody witnessing the act, aswell as possible third parties hearing about it later. Once revealed, you can not make it undone.
Making a move isn't simply about stepping out of ones zone of comfort, but about giving everybody a knife, showing them how to stab you, and jumping into at least that held by the person you approach.
Who can blame someone fearing to do so?
Rejection alone already feels like you aren't worth being with, and even if that isn't universally true, it hurts as if it were.

So, instead of critisicing, how about helping them overcome their issues, back them up if in a pinch, and console them if they get hurt?

[genericname85]

thanks for this comment. this is the first one actually worth discussing... you really hit home with what you said there for me personally as what you said is exactly why i turned to be a shy person. i was a bubbly open person before i went to school where i was continuously bullied.

however if i´m shy because of this particular history or not, i still need to get my shit together and overcome the issue at hand, no matter if it´s my own fault i have that issue to begin with or not, don´t you think so. and i think what i said here is the way. to get yourself out of that shell you built around you. for me personally, i noticed, that people are actually mostly nice and i´m slowly becoming more open and less shy again. this wouldn´t have been possible if i had not started getting myself out of the comfort zone which was created by other kids back in school fucking my psyche up by being mean to me.

[Swiss_Tengu]

I may hold a bit of an opposing posture but I don't disagree with your thinking.
The way I read your post gave me the impression you take it on a light shoulder, although now I see you aren't.
Yes, it takes courage, and yes it is necessary for a healthy social life. But it isn't easy and takes time. So, small steps, on your own accord.

If it really is a problem, first thing is to accept it.
Recognising it's your gutfeeling that is preventing you from acting is probably the most essential. If you wan't to overcome it, spite is a good attitude to get you going. Think of the worst, set your mind to accept that, then bite the bullet. You can worry as much as you want later, just make sure you can't back out.

In case you don't have any friends, join small associations involving your personal interests, you'll find some in no time. Just make sure you let people know, that you need time to open up. That is the best recommendation I can give.

[Swiss_Tengu]

Don't force yourself to be something you aren't, it's backfire sooner or later.
Rather try to make the best of what you are and get comfortable being yourself around others. Making friends is the easiest and most natural way of getting out of your shell. It just takes a little initiative.

Tackling dating is something that I recommend putting off until afterwards. Otherwise it'll just get more complicated.

[genericname85]

i personally just started the dating thing. i mean it wasn´t sucessfull for me but i ended up being super easy about seeing girls on dates now. now it´s only about finding the right one. though i still struggle with asking out. i prefer doing it via text, cause i still fear the "in person" rejection xD

[BrileyCat]

Shyness
some of the possible causes of shyness . often working in combination may include .
Genetics . aspects of personality can be decided in part by the individual's
inherited genetic makeup . Next Personality . emotionally sensitive and easily intimidated
babies are more likely to grow up to be shy children .

Introversion
so, the main causes of being an introverted person can be because that's simply how
your brain works . and by the way introverts and extroverts brains work, write, differently
and or bc the surroundings you grow up in and the people and experiences in your life
influenced parts of your personality .

So you see
these two 2 dimensions (if i can call it that) of ones personality can run verrrrry verrrry deep
into the psychological and genetic makeup of an individual .
for you to say *Stop making your shyness and introversion an excuse* is arbitrary and
suggests a lack of sensitivity and understanding the depths these characteristics
are ingrained and affect people and often paralyze them from functions others consider easy .
that's right . shyness and introversion is not an excuse . it's an explanation!

[freakyzeaky]

I wish I could simply turn my jerk brain off and stop him from working against me. Shyness isn't something you simply overcome at the flick of a switch. A person who has a fear of something, whether it is being judged, socializing, speaking in public, not having enough experience, not being lovable, etc. needs to be gradually exposed. That is what psychologists called "exposure therapy". A person who is irrationally afraid of cats will not be able to handle holding a cat in her arms. She will need to first be in the same room with a cat for a few minutes, and gradually increase that time. Over time she may be able to sit close to the cat, then after a while she may be able to pet the cat, until she is able to finally hold the cat in her arms.

For shy people, the exposure needs to be positive, as with cognitive behavioral therapy, thoughts needs to be retrained and that can only be done with positive reinforcement. If you throw a shy person in a crowd of people and somehow it goes wrong, people point out their nervousness, or they end up telling themselves a negative story about it even though nothing happened (they just sat in the corner) then it will just reinforce their own fears and can actually make it worse!

A shy person's best bet is to gradually expose themselves and gentle push their limits. You don't have to approach that hottie at the book store if you are super shy. Own the fact that you are shy and that you were able to even go there and talk to the cashier who you weren't interested in! See it as a success even though you haven't reached your end goal yet. Maybe next time, hold a longer conversation with the cashier, or ask a quick question to an attractive woman you see at the store. Build yourself up. Confidence shouldn't be a house of sand you piled up in a hurry and can be pushed aside by the tide. Confidence is a foundation that needs to built brick by brick, solidified by positive experiences and success.

[genericname85]

yeah that´s what i said. do it a little bit and graduate from there. of course you won´t solve the issue in one day or even in one month.

[freakyzeaky]

I was mostly agreeing with you. It is true, the shy should should stop the negative talk and fatalistic ideas like "I will never get a girlfriend", "I will be forever alone", "I am not good with women", "I am unlovable", because once you define yourself, then you absolve yourself of all responsibility and that leads to bitterness. There needs to be an internal locus of control so that changes can be made.

I also say that if a person is too shy, it could also be confidence and self-esteem issues. Those need to be worked on and usually that helps tremendously with seeing things in the positive. Like take me, I am obese and working very hard on fitness to correct it. I have issues with it and know that until I feel good about how I look I will never be 100% comfortable. It will take me a year and a half, and in the meantime I am flexing my social muscles slowly but surely.

[EpicDweeb]

I would hesitate at the VERY least to call social anxiety an excuse. While not all clinical anxiety is officially diagnosed, if someone has an anxiety attack... I mean you pretty much know they have anxiety to some degree. I've known enough people with clinical anxiety to know that it's genuinely dangerous for some people to step out of their comfort zone. If someone ends up teasing them (especially if their anxiety is combined with depression) that can have a serious affect on them over time. That's the thing people with depression and anxiety can't really help what affects them and if people insult them they think about and take seriously the things that are said, and as a result some think about suicide and such. I realize this wasn't the focus of the myTake and I"m sorry for taking it away from its initial purpose, but it's something serious to consider. Not everyone can afford to take the risks of stepping out of their comfort zone. I'm not saying you think depressed people need to get over themselves or anything like that, and yes there are some people who have think they have anxiety but it's mostly just so they aren't forced to step out of their comfort zone... even so just know that there are people with genuine anxiety out there and this is a more serious issue for them than you may realize :/ don't simply assume one is making an excuse is basically all I'm saying. Be willing to take the time to understand if a specific person is truly just being introverted or if they are keeping themselves safe by not taking a genuine risk.

[genericname85]

i didn´t mean social anxiety as an excuse if you are diagosed to have that. but people just throw the term around like OCD. nobody who talks about ocd actually has ocd xD that´s kind of what i mean.

[EpicDweeb]

I gotcha, the thing is you don't always have to be diagnosed to know you have it. If you have a panic attack or something like that you know pretty well that you have anxiety in some form. Basically being anxious or easily being made anxious (which many people are) is different from having anxiety, I get the impression most people get that confused so I get where you're coming from. Just wanted to make that clarification.

[genericname85]

i understand that you don´t have to be diagnosed with social anxiety to have it. i´m not trying to down play soxcial anxiety at all. but if you know you have it, you know that you should do something about it and part of dealing with it is getting diagnosed by a professional to actually find a therapy to work on your issues. this take isn´t meant to help you with social anxiety.

[EpicDweeb]

Fair enough :) Just so long as the clarification is made that not everyone who claims to have it without being diagnosed is faking it xD (Sorry I tend to try and explain stuff so that no one can possibly take it in an offensive way because I grew up in a sarcastic household, so I'm more aware of my lack of tact in certain matters. It gives me a tendency to point out things that might be considered offensive whether or not I'm actually bothered or offended by them :) ) At any rate, well written, and a good myTake, keep up the good work.

[Anonymous]

I use to be shy as a child, people were always mean to me, my dad was also abusive before my mother left him so growing up in kindergarten to 7th grade, in 4th grade i stopped being shy, and would be the class clown and make everyone but that made me the bad kid in class, and my teachers hated me i was always in the office. But i realized all being funny did was get me in trouble, so i would just stay quiet. I did have friends though. When i reached middle school i became that jokester again because it made girls notice me and wanna hang out with me. But because of that ot made boys jealous and then they would wanna bully me. Because im just funny i won't fight back is what they thought.

Eventually one day i snapped and was known as the "crazy guy" i stopped joking and talking to people became a introvert and was always ready to fight any moment and started hanging out wuth the gangsters. All through highschool i never spoke much, teachers never called on me, cause if i did speak id be disrespectful. So thats all i knew i never ever had a issue with getting girls they always approached me because me being so intrverted and attractive just made no sense to them and they had to know why lol.
When im drunk im the biggest comedian and extrovert you will ever see.

So basiclly what im trying to say is it depends on how we grew up its not a excuse.

[genericname85]

so you´re saying you can´t possibly get out your comfort zone and try not being quiet for just a minute?

[Opinion Owner]

Unless im drunk and everyday everyone does stuff out of yheir comfortzone shy or not im just saying its not a excuse

[genericname85]

yeah i agree.

[btbc92]

You're right to a degree IF you have the right target audience. However, sometimes it's not always shyness that stops people from trying to start a relationship with that person. It's the reason WHY you're attracted to that person, and what are your intentions and reasons for wanting to be with them. It really all depends on how serious you are about that person. I always say that a crush is just a crush if you have no serious intentions with them in the first place. You can't always control attraction, but attraction doesn't mean you want to date them either.

"You like that person you regularly see or it's just that person at the party that is really attractive to you but what do you do about it? Nothing." That's actually exactly what you do. If you go after a person because you like their looks, then that is not a rational and logical reason why you should approach them, unless you don't have a chance to see them again. Then that is the time to go and talk.

[genericname85]

Well we never know if we like them for the right reasons or not untill we get to know them. If we never get to know them then how will we ever find out?

[btbc92]

That's why you start off as friends first, then decide if that route is right for the both of you. Overall, people like me can tell from one look.

[fabulouspancakes]

There are major differences between shyness, introversion, and social anxiety. Introversion simply means you recharge by being by yourself. So introversion might make you want to leave the party early to go curl up with a book and your cat, but in and of itself should never be a barrier to talking to someone. Shyness can be an symptom of social anxiety, or not. Not all shy people have social anxiety, just as not all socially anxious people are shy. A shy person might not want to go talk to someone, but they can through willpower and will usually find it's not as bad as they thought. A socially anxious person will shake and sweat and come off like an idiot, go home and cry, think about it for the next year and half and make sure never to do that again.
Not saying I disagree with everything you said, but it's a lot more complex than that.

[genericname85]

ugh why can´t people stop explaining those three things to me when "if" they had read my take it´s so clear that this isn´t even what this is about -.-

[fabulouspancakes]

I did read the take, and those differences are relevant to the topic because I think your advice only really applies to people who are shy, not so much to those who are introverted or socially anxious.
Sorry for beating a dead horse though, I don't always read the other comments before commenting.

[genericname85]

xD the take is about people using stereotypes as an excuse. it doesn´t matter what of those things you are (except the social anxiety thing). you still can just not be how you´re used to be for a few minutes. that´s my point. my take doesn´t even need to deal with the differences, cause they are used as an excuse alike independend from "if the people actually are it" or not.

[Miyumi]

Agreed, despite being both intro and shy myself it's no excuse. You don't have to become an extravert all day everyday but if you want something you gotta fight for it. Sitting in the backseat of the car 'cause you're shy or intro is a terrible excuse. Get the balls to say: hey man, I want to take the steering wheel for once. 'Cause if you don't you will have not even have the experience to say: look I messed up, next time I'll do better.

[genericname85]

Exactly!

[kaylaS91]

YESSS.
I totally agree with how out of hand the number of people who use being shy/introverted as a cop out from having to interact with people in rl. It's kinda the same idea behind the whole self-proclaimed 'nice guy' movement where a bunch of people who are lazy as shit and not willing to muster up the teeny bit of effort (not even courage. A bit of effort would be more than enough at this point) that basically everyone else does to approach someone, especially someone of the opposite sex.

It's kinda amusing, yet at the same time unsettling, how much fear has come to be associated with something as basic as talking to people in person, without the safety of being able to hide behind a computer screen, has already become. 😓

[genericname85]

well the "nice guy" issue is a different beast. that´s when a guy fails making a girl feel special, cause he´s kissing all girls asses too much and has no backbone.

[kaylaS91]

true. Though similar in that, rather than realizing he's being a little bitch and has to risk being rejected like everyone else is, 'nice guys' choose to lay the blame for their shortcomings entirely on everyone but themselves.

[genericname85]

They just don't know that being nice unconditionally and no matter how they treat you is just dumb and makes you their doormat not their lover.

[kaylaS91]

.. you'd think they'd learn and be able to connect the dots once they become fully developed adults and no longer have to be taught how to behave 'normally' by their parents, though.

[genericname85]

Well it can be hard, cause you're supposed to be a gentlemen. It's hard to fullfil this role in a world full of assholes sometimes so I understand that some people may never figure it out xD girls need to earn to be treated well, just like you as a man have to earn ending up in bed with them.

[freakyzeaky]

You never know what kind of traumas a man may have experienced that lead up to him being shy. It isn't so much a cop out as it is a real issue they are experiencing. Some guys may have been sexually abused, others may have been bullied, others struggle with body issues like severe acne or obesity, others have a variety of insecurities like how much money they make, if they will be able to sexually please their partner (not that experienced). It all comes back to confidence and self-esteem; feelings of self worth need to be cultivated through proper upbringing and positive experiences.

It is this lack of empathy that continues to put men off from even seeing any hope in trying to improve. I know not all women are going to be callous and some do sympathize.

I think these things can be overcome, but it does take a bit of self-improvement and a gradual exposure to fears and a changing of one's thought processes.

[kaylaS91]

@freakyzeaky
when did I ever say this applies only to men?
It applies to anyone and everyone, regardless of gender. Hate to break it to ya but the world doesn't revolve around your dick.

[genericname85]

well girls are usually not expected to approach so that´s why it´s more an issue for guys.

[freakyzeaky]

Um, obviously I am going to be speaking from a man's perspective. No need to get your panties in a bunch. I wasn't intending to argue with you, only to give my perspective on it. Not sure what this has to do with my "dick", but sounds like you have some misandry going on there. Bitterness isn't a good look no matter the gender.

No, being shy isn't a cop out. Neither is being depressed, although a lot of people like to see it as a weakness.

[freakyzeaky]

Exactly generic. Feminists cry for equality but in this area men are still expected to perform, dominate, prove themselves, pay for dates, "man up", etc. Women have more to risk, especially physical harm, rape, abuse, etc. from the dating scene, and have a biological predisposition to men who are more aggressive, confident, dominate, etc. So even though we all want equality, some instincts and preferences are hard to break.

[Frosteh]

I think you're downplaying an important part of personality and temperament, which is that introversion is a well understood personality trait in fact it's 1 main part of the big 5 model.

Introverted people can learn to cope better with their introversion but there's only a small amount of wiggle room, they will never master social interaction as well as someone who is temperamentally extroverted.

It's something that can get a little better with practice, so it's worth not hiding away from the world, but don't pretend that introverted people can be extroverted some of the time because that is not how personality works. And people who try that and fail will likely blame themselves and only become shy and reserved.

Remember that truly introverted people get rapidly exhausted in social interactions, they cannot mentally keep up with extroverts, they need breaks when stepping outside of their comfort zone.

[genericname85]

nothing i said contradicts with what you said. i know about it and i specifically said how it´s a training process and a process of getting better incrementally. i never said you should or could stop being an introvert for good.

[G-Daz]

A lot of people don't understand what an introvert is. It's biological, you are born with it and you cannot change it. Just as an extrovert also can't change it. They are related to what gives / takes energy.

An introverts, they can be outgoing and shy just as an extrovert can also be shy or outgoing. The difference is how it affects each. Introverts don't REQUIRE large social interactions and small talk tends to bore them. It can be draining. An extrovert tends to prefer frequent social interactions, partying energises them and they feel content, without it they can become depressed. It's a requirement.

It is much more detrimental for an extrovert to be shy vs an introvert but either can be outgoing

[genericname85]

I know dude that's the exact point here. People assume they can't be outgoing cause they are introverts. In fact they may not even be real introverts. They just assume it as an excuse like I described even though it wouldn't even be a viable excuse given they were right about them being introverts.

[Anastasiya00]

I thought this was gonna be more general LOL but anyway, I still agree with this. I used to be like that, I am still shy, but I've worked on it to the point my friends ask me on advice on how to talk to their crushes or make new friends. Also, I've seen posts on Tumblr and that crap about it being abuse to make students present in from of a class, which I used to think so too as a shy student myself but now I think nah we are all shy maybe some more than others, maybe some even sweat and stutter but its fine that is how you learn, and if necessary get help in that. But we can't let children learn to never leave the comfort zone

[genericname85]

Yes. Being shy is fine. Never doing anything, blaming it on your shyness is not.

[Anastasiya00]

agree

[Dale1982]

Do you know the real reason behind shyness and social awkwardness, and this is years of experience talking; they got something to hide. Where I came from people didn't like awkward people. It was a fault they thought. I used to think we were harsh as fuck coz people can't help it until I seen a lot more. People who are spiteful and jealous and untrustworthy and are always running people down don't say a lot because they know they're going to let slip something that will have others think 'he's a prick' or 'she's a bitch' so they don't even trust their own mouths and try to hide their nature. They become introverted and repressed for fear of showing their true colours and getting condemned by their peers. Good hearted people are always bright and outgoing and open. It's usually only the twisted fuckers that are introverted and awkward

[genericname85]

I don't agree entirely with what you said. For me personally my introversion comes from being bullied my entire childhood. This branded the label of the unaccepted one into my soul, which makes me assume people never like me anyway which makes it harder for me to approach. I'm super open minded and am generally friendly to people.

[Dale1982]

Are you sure there isn't any bitterness and resentment in there? A wee penchant for vengeance? These things stifle your free spirit. It's a lot worse on folk who know it's the wrong wae to think. Then your conscience starts to punish you heavily as well.

[genericname85]

I don't even understand what you're talking about xD

[Dale1982]

It's simple. We're free and happy and outgoing till we start in on all the bad shit towards people. Others don't like that obviously and call you out on it and treat you like shit. We try and hide it so nobody can judge us to the point we don't even trust ourselves speaking anymore. Hence you get an introvert and a shy person. Usually they're hiding bad shit inside

[genericname85]

your view is too simplistic and replaces cause with effect and vice versa. i mean i´m not saying that what you described doesn´t happen. may very well be but i don´t see this as the reason for why most people are shy or introverted.

[Dale1982]

I lived it mate for a while. I went from outgoing to introverted and I was stumped why I couldn't open my mouth in company. I'd turned into a nasty wee bastard coz of drugs and drink and that. I used to carry weapons and fight everybody. Ended up doing a stretch inside. I learned a lot about myself and people in general. Trust me I've mixed with saints and psychopaths in my time. I've seen the whole spectrum of the human condition and I know there's tons of throughlines in everybody. We're generally all the same apart from a few embellishments otherwise fields like psychology would be useless. I learned it was my horrible principles and characteristics that eroded my personality and spontaneity and I set about fixing them. I lost so many good pals in my time but eventually I made so many more good ones. Given its not an exhaustive reason for shyness and introversion but it explains a helluva lot

[genericname85]

so you´re saying people aren´t different and since you were a fucking douche, means everybody is? the fuck dude? psychology doesn´t say "everybody is the same" again. the fuck dude?

i was at a psychologist for my personal problem and the reason i was bullied, which then turned me to a rather silent introverted person is because my classmates were more stupid than me and couldn´t keep up with me intellectually, that´s why they decide to bully me and make me feel like the odd one out to feel better about themselfes.

i´m not just saying that. i actually got to the psychologist to begin with because teachers thought i was retarded. turns out i´m gifted with a way above average iq and the school system was slowing me down wich made me frustrated and depressed, cause i wasn´t understood by my peers.

you see in my personal story it´s not me who was the douchebag.

not everybody is the same. assuming that everybody is the same and claiming that´s why psychology exists is dumb. sorry.

[genericname85]

it´s them attacking me cause they felt intimidated. at that age i didn´t understand that and assumed for some reason i´m just not likeable, which i am not.

[Dale1982]

There you go. Arrogance. Straight away. You don't know much then coz my ex girlfriend is a qualified psychologist and that's the gods honest truth. We are fundamentally the same. How the hell do you think we form relationships in life if we're all playing by different rules? Don't talk nonsense. I was labelled super intelligent by my teachers in school and told I couldn't anything I wanted to be but everybody still loved me in there coz I was a good hearted cunt at that stage and I respected everybody, I didn't bully people, 2 face them and I was honest and straight forward. There was no ego attached to me at all. I was a humble wee boy and happy go lucky. If you are the way you describe yourself I don't know how you can be arguing this point with me when you've never formed proper relationships with people. I've had solid friendships all my life even when I was nuts, I've been with plenty of women and done tons is stuff. I'm better qualified for this

[Twinkles88]

I'm an extrovert with massive amounts of confidence, which disappears when I find a man attractive. I'm a shaking mess.

I know men who are introverts who just prefer to be on their own.

Being this way doesn't mean you are shy, it just means you get your energy by having some space and enjoying time alone.

I "recharge" by being around people, they energise me.

[genericname85]

I don't know why you felt urges to explain what introverts and extroverts are xD this is not what this take is about but thanks I guess :P

[Twinkles88]

Because being an introvert doesn't mean you are shy. It is not a reason to be shy.

[genericname85]

introvert prefer solitude as you explained and as i said people use that as an excuse to not go up to the person they like to talk to them. just like shy people do.

it´s not about what you are or not. it´s about what you do or don´tand the legitimation you use for that.

[soul1112]

I'm starting to get a little sick of either of those labels, to the point I don't actually know how to answer the question as to which am I. I know that I'm me, and I don't have to limit myself to either one of those, and do what I feel like in a given situation.

I won't blow you away for writing this up as a person who claims to be an introvert most of the time, because the writing felt right, and there's something I could take from it- for whatever it's worth, it made me realise that as the older we get, we start putting excuses in front of what we say we want.

[genericname85]

well "shy" is pretty common with younger folks. adult ones use "introvert" but it´s basically the same excuse.

it´s realtively easy to figure out which you are. do you prefer being among lots of people, maybe even the center of attention? then you´re extrovert. do you prefer being alone, then you´re an introvert.

[soul1112]

It's not about figuring out what label to put on yourself, that's what I'm saying.

[genericname85]

it´s not about putting arbitrary labels. it´s about knowing yourself. you can see extrovert and introvert as a continuum. everybody falls on some point between those two extremes either way.

[Anonymous]

I use the introversion excuse sometimes. What I really mean is I just don't feel like approaching (it could be debatably because she's attractive but I'm not attracted to her). Also it could be because I know I'll have a busy schedule and have no time for dating in a few months. Other times it's because I'm actualy introverted and ended up at a party or bar with friends that may happen to get crowded and staying around my friends is a good way not to get tired out, exhausted, etc with meeting new people. Sometime we just need that little bit of space away from people but don't get much of a chance (like being at university for example. There are few places if lucky where I can go to just get away from everyone else. And if I'm trying to find someplace less busy I don't want to approach the attractive girl I'm pasing by).

[genericname85]

yeah well gotta decide if you want a girlfriend or not first. if you don´t, then just stay away from people xD

[Opinion Owner]

Eventually yes, I'd want a girlfriend. Though for now I'm happy being single. Though even if I wanted to date I don't have the time for the next little while.

[Anonymous]

An introvert prefers to spend time alone in order to recharge their inner being. An introvert may appear to be shy to others, but that is not necessarily an accurate label. Being among groups of friends, family and even strangers can be wonderfully stimulating and joyous occasions. Interacting with people and attention to multiple sources of stimuli tends to draw down an introvert's energy causing them to eventually withdraw to spend time alone to re-energize. Small talk and pointless conversations tend to draw down an introvert's energy rapidly.

- Urban Dictionary

[genericname85]

what´s your point?

[Opinion Owner]

The myTake portrays the introverts as shy people. But most of the time they like to interact with people and enjoy time with them, but just energize themselves by being alone

[genericname85]

this mytakes point is not to portray shy people or introverts at all. it doesn´t matter how shy people or introverts "actually are" for my take to make the statement it does.

and the point is that we assume our "roles" as being shy or introvert as an excuse to not advance people we´re attracted to. it doesn´t matter if that´s how real shy people or introverts are, cause we still use those traits as an excuse anyway.

[genericname85]

approach not advance*

[ACVV12]

Wouldn't say I'm shy. I'd much more like to describe it as 'terror'.

I tried to ask a girl out once, and ended up led on for a year+ emotional roller-coaster because she found it funny.
Another girl would tell me she was attracted to me about a year later and then wanted to do nothing. That "relationship" ended when she started seeing another guy
I was asked out by a co-worker not long after that. She would jump town the next day

I have no reason to believe that I won't be played again. Applying entropy to the relationships I've had with others hasn't proved me wrong yet, nor will it ever.

[genericname85]

You're more honest about your emotion. Most guys just blame it on being shy so they don't have to admit being scared. Investing our enotions is always dangerous but we have to do it in order to be happy with someone. Of course you might be played again but really not people don't want to play others.