Why does being a "good guy" have such negative consequences? Always left in the dust?

[Anonymous]

Ok so here I am. A "good guy." I'm not into the drug scene or drinking. I live by the rules and I treat everyone with respect and I'm nice to everyone. If a friend asks for a small favor, I'm happy to fulfill it. I'm pretty selfless... It's just not who I am to reject people or to treat them poorly or whatever. I'm a very mature person, but I can joke, laugh, and have a good time with people. And like I said, drugs and alcohol aren't needed for me to have a good time.

Now here I see all these girls with all these "bad guys"... And I don't understand why they're attracted to them and all the BS drama that comes with it.

"Oh its so exciting!" Well... wouldn't being in a happy relationship with a "good guy" be more exciting? To know that things are going great all the time and that the girl is loved and doesn't have to wonder?

I know that's how I approach relationships, despite ever being in one... :( The girl I'm with WILL be loved and appreciated all the time. She won't have to wonder how I really feel about her. And I will NOT ever pull some lame move like cheat on her or whatever. No drama. I just want to be happy and I want my Girlfriend to be happy.

Also this sucks about being the nice guy... I've totally fallen for this amazing girl, but she's gotten with another guy and here I am left in the dust. I expressed interest in her, it was taken well it seemed.

But she's with another guy and sometimes I just wonder, why? It's not that he doesn't treat her well, but its just the decisions he makes aren't smart exactly and I just wonder what is so attractive about him to her that wasn't attractive about me. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me... And I know that this guy is NOT for her, yet she's with him and I know that I'd be a great guy for her.

I've never really wanted to date until I met this girl and I'm 19. I've just found someone that I really like for all the right reasons and that gives me that special feeling inside. Something I've never had before. But it's like being an all-round "good guy" never gets me anywhere in life.

Girls: What is it that is so unattractive about guys like me? I'm not too forward with being interested in someone, but I do drop pretty clear hints from time to time. It's not that I'm bad looking or anything. It's like right away though, girls sense that I'm not a "bad boy" and don't give me any attention whatsoever. I don't give off that "bad-vibe" I guess.

Why does being "good" have such "bad" consequences? It's not in me to be a "bad" person, nor would I be just for the sake of getting a date, but how do I attract girls given the info I've shared? It sucks knowing that you're a great guy and you'd be a great Boyfriend to any girl that would go out with me, but I just can't get a date.

What do I need to do? I'm sick of being left in the dust, but I take pride in being the kind of guy I am, and I'm not gonna change for the sake of getting a date.

Thanks

Updates

+1 y

All the "good" girls around me aren't attractive to me in the slightest... The girl I was talking about? She gives off the impression that she's a "good" girl. I know she is, but she hangs with the "bad" crowd. I wouldn't like her if she was "bad."

Updates

+1 y

Good guys can be a lot of fun too! How is a good guy boring?

[aly-marie]

I agree wholeheartedly with Simple-Simonette. You can't waste your time wondering why this girl didn't choose you. The fact is, she probably just didn't feel that 'connection', that attraction.

You have to grab a girl's attention when you're young, because most of them are more concerned with that than your inner good qualities at first. If you don't excite them but the next guy does, they're going to go for what seems more appealing, whether it's "better" for them or not.

All I can say is, you need to concentrate on the areas of your life that make you feel happy and competent, and everything else will come to you. If you spend all your time wondering what other guys have that you don't, it just worsens your problem.

You'll be happier with yourself if you let it go, and that will be more attractive to girls.

Stop making comparisons. You are not a "good guy" because there's no such thing as someone who's completely good or completely bad. You have your amazing qualities and you have your flaws, like everyone else.

When you can accept that and learn to care more about just enjoying life, you'll be able to open your eyes more and see opportunities that you've surely been missing.

[Simple-Simonette]

You can't put men it just two categories - good and bad. And you can't assume to know a person by a few dumb decisions they have made; people are deeper than what they show to the world. This guy your girl is with may have a poet's soul or a sweet side only she is aware of.

It's more than just being a "good" guy - it's making a connection, it's the sincerity of your attraction. There has to be chemistry as well as compatibility - that has nothing to do with being good or bad. Women have individual needs - just because you don't fulfill them doesn't mean they are wrong.

What you're experiencing is something almost every person experiences in life. We all fall for the ones we'll never get. Placing blame isn't going to do anything but make you bitter, I guarantee that you won't attract many women that way.

I think you need to look at yourself objectively - maybe you're falling for the wrong girl, maybe you aren't giving other women the chance they deserve. Maybe you're not all that perfect and need to be more aware of your flaws. Shoot - maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Suck it up and keep trying.

Good luck.

[Asker]

I'm not trying to come across like I'm complaining. I realize that what happens, happens... But knowing that there was a connection there, knowing that you are compatable with someone, and knowing you COULD be with someone but you just aren't... It makes it more difficult I guess. I know I'd be a better choice for her, but I haven't REALLY put myself out there enough for her to REALLY know where I'm coming from... I'm shy.

[Batsy01010101]

i'm gonna say this one time and one time only to you so you better listen up and listen carefully if not you're on your own. Forget the whole good guy bad guy thing it's a bunch of bullshit. Women will go for looks which majority of them will NEVER admit AND they go for personality what SKILLS TALENTS TRAITS HOBBIES etc do you bring to the table? Have you ever once shown a woman your skills or traits or talents? most likely not.. Here's a story I know women who are damn well attractive enough to be fucking supermodels BUT i will NEVER give them the time of day for a few reasons 1. I'm already deeply in love with someone who means the world to me and i'm head over heels crazy in love with her/them 2. Those women who are as gorgeous as supermodels are BORING all they do is post a bunch of selfies on tiktok and have NO ZERO personality or skills or traits and zero hobbies which makes them BORING. To get a girl you need BOTH LOOKS and TALENTS/SKILLS/HOBBIES/ some sort of personality. If you're into video games then post that online to get some gamer girl chick if you're into motorcycles show videos of yourself riding and pictures of the ones you own and you repairing them if you're into music show yourself singing or playing the guitar or making music something anything just show what talents you have. If you're into cooking show what you baked and cooked and the recipes to go with it. Do SOMETHING to show yourself to a girl. Look peacocks they puff out their tails to show women they're attractive well you're not peacocking and that's your problem. It has NOTHING to do with bad boys and good guys and all that bullshit if a woman finds you boring then you're screwed no matter what you do

[Anonymous]

Okay, my theory is the "good" people should get with the "good" people but they always want the "bad" people...maybe you're only seeking "bad girls" when "good girls" are right there for you? You sound great! Where are you? I would date you! I'm always being pushed aside for "bad girls."

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I would not advise that you become a "bad boy" as that is not something that happens overnight and you would also be compromising who you are and therefore being someone you are not. People should not change for other people. If someone does not like you, you need to move on. I'm sure there are plenty of other girls that you would find attractive who will also like you.

[Anonymous]

i know my boyfriend is a bad boy and I love it. The thing is that good guys tend to be very clingy, and most girls aren't into that kind of thing. Bad boys are just hot, and they make me feel special, and safe. I know that's weird but I do feel safe because they are big and tough and can stand up for me and protect me. Plus, bad boys are sweet too, they just don't go out and advertise it to the world. That is why I think bad guys are soo hot!

[Asker]

Well I guess "good guys" are "clingy" because they actually care for you?

Maybe your Boyfriend does care, but I know that in my experience, a good guy just wants to be around a girl because he enjoys her company, cares for her, and all that. I don't think I'm clingy at all. But I just know that I really enjoy spending time with the girl I like.

Maybe I don't understand, like I said I'm inexperienced with the whole "dating" thing.

[Opinion Owner]

Well good guys do care for you, I can't explain t that well, but bad boys are so hot, because they aren't afraid to do anything, and that is as best as I can explain it, its just like guys who like tomboys I don't get it, but they do, so I've learned to deal with it. Bad boys don't do drugs or drink they are just cool and hot

[Anonymous]

Good guys are boring to most of us. yes, yall treat us right and have good qualities but we want fun too and bad boys give that more.

[suckydancer]

Thats what I forgot to say in mine

[Asker]

Well give the good guys a chance to open up and have a little fun with them... I think girls miss out on the good guys because they don't give them a fair chance.

I wonder how many times girls throw true love away, when a "good" guy is showing them attention and they aren't given the chance. All it takes is an open heart and being willing to discover the real person inside of that "good guy."

[Anonymous]

They're different and too nice