How can I make my husband realize how much he is hurting me?

[Anonymous]

We have been married for 10 years. He keep telling me he loves me but he is not happy with himself. We both gained weight because the past several months we have been going through a lot of stress. He still has a lot of issues that he just said he has to deal with. One issue I know about is he is attracted to a woman at his job. He keeps telling me there is nothing going on but this chick makes him feel good about himself. My problem is how come what I do and say does not. I cook, clean, do laundry and even the yard work. He has nothing else to worry about but to go to work and come home to a clean house and warm food on the table. I know he worries about money and bills because we have been facing some bad financial situation but so am I. I also tell him nice things but all I get from him is "yeah, whatever". He has no idea how much he hurts me when he treats me like crap but his other chick who has not been there for him in good and BAD like I have, is sweet and understanding. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Tell him! Tell him you need to feel appreciated and loved.

Honestly I would start detaching a little bit. He needs to not get so comfortable. Right now he's attracted to another woman and probably thinks it's all good because his wife is at home taking care of everything. Well I don't know how much weight you gained but I'll bet $$ you're attractive. If your husband can't appreciate it someone else will. I am NOT saying cheat, but I am saying let him know that if he doesn't start taking care of home another man wouldn't mind doing it. Don't let him treat you like that. Start doing things to take care of yourself, do your hair, maybe get an outfit and head out for a ladies night. Don't forget about keeping up with your appearances, look hot but be a little distant. He'll be back soon. His work crush is just a temporary escape from reality but nothing is better than wifey.

[Asker]

Thank you. What you wrote is so true. I did make a big change and I hope it will work. Gave us 3 months to change and turn things around. I signed us both up to a gym. We both need it and it will help (I hope) to feel better about ourself and each other. I will start getting my hair and nails done also. In the past I tried to spend it on him or the kid to see them happy. Its my turn now!

[meplusabeemer]

Maybe you both need to reconnect and make more couple time. Try to set up a date night where it's just the two of you and get a babysitter. Plan a mini get away for the weekend, go to a winery or a bed and breakfast. It sounds like you need more alone time so you can rekindle your relationship. He is disconnected from you emotionally and probably physically (I will assume). Getting close again will hopefully fulfill both of you and strengthen your marriage.

If this falters then maybe counseling should be the next consideration.

Good luck.

[Coura]

The chick at work is only an escape from his problems. Don;t give up with daily chores continue to keep the house clean. One advice try not to let go of yourself, try to look pretty, this will boost your esteem. When he reach home from work, ask him how was his day. Don''t complain, continue to be what he married 10 years ago, loving and supportive. Try talking to him / not nag and tell him that some of his comments hurt you. Just be strong, don;t give up.