Shy guys, help me out! Was he saying he's not interested?

[Anonymous]

So... I see him at Lecture. He says hi again though didn't use my name like last time. He sits in back behind me... I did look from my eye corner and saw him look at me a few times. I was alone for first time ever. He looked at me when I walked by briefly. I came up to him and he almost backed into me. I then asked for some of his time... he said hang around and l couldn't so he said next time... I said text me. To which he said he didn't like to have girls numbers so as not to give wrong impression... But he said he could give me some time. I said why didn't you reply to my invite. He goes into this long spill about he's bad at that but getting better... Sometimes he just shows up. He put his hand on my shoulder as he said it... I then asked if my invites bothered him... I wouldn't send any... He didn't say no... But when I mentioned a play he thought a minute and said that wasn't his thing really... So I'm confused.. I can swear that was a reject but he was doing some stuff... Talked to me for longer than he said he could and stood pretty close... So... What the heck?

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+1 y

It seemed pretty mixed... That's why I'm really confused.

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+1 y

Come on guys...

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+1 y

He apologized for his sister not being there and kept apologizing for upsetting me. After we were done talking... He put his hand on my shoulder again and said it was nice to talk to you girl.

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+1 y

No, he is not gay... He's old fashioned and hasn't had a gf in many years... We are both out of college... no school.

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+1 y

He has my number from when we met and be took a business card from me.

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+1 y

I'm backing off. I am not gonna drive over to his lecture hall for a while. He has a invite to something else. We have mutual friends so he can send a message if he chooses.

[eugwara]

Huh. Not quite sure about this.. If I want to get close to a girl, then I'll say yes to her invite, and look calm, but be seriously panicking inside about me doing something wrong to mess something up, but people react differently, so I think that he might have social anxiety. I have that and I'm shy so it kinda sucks. Shy guys don't make moves and tend to play defense, meaning that if someone makes a move, he'll be in a position to try to avoid it or if he is pursuing a relationship, agree. I was lucky enough to get both of my crushes' numbers because they asked me after I made an Instagram comment to try to talk to them a little, because I work better online than in person. It gives me time to formulate an answer, but at the same time, I can make a move if I think it will work. He seems either super, extremely shy to pursue a relationship or there's a chance that he doesn't like you and is afraid to say something. I've done the same thing, do my best to passively avoid someone, while trying to be nice by avoiding them, but being nice if I do have to associate with them

Also, asking a shy guy about his feelings puts us in the most difficult position ever. We're deathly afraid of revealing anything and we know that we can't avoid answering so we panic. My crush asked if I liked anyone and it would've been the best time to say that I like her, but I panicked and said I didn't like anyone.
I told her when she said that she would, "Pity the fool that marries me", so I said, "What if that fool is me?", so that's how I told her. She liked me back, but was in a bad position, and a relationship wouldn't work, so if I told her when she asked, it would've worked. Not telling her was my worst decision to date

[Asker]

He's never had a gf. Its not that he avoids me when I'm around, he just won't make any moves other than hi. If we had a way go talk via text or email, I'd feel better but he won't do it... He also said he likes sports and basically I'm afraid that may be all he does which limits what we can try to do together... Whatever. If he won't try something, then its pointless.

[eugwara]

But I didn't avoid someone when they were around either because I try to be nice to everyone, but I avoided further communication with them whenever possible

[Asker]

Which is where I'm at a lost. He isn't actually doing that. He just doesn't look to be putting any effort in. We spoke for a while even though he was in the middle of something and he could've ended the conversation a couple times. So... I just don't know. Very hard to read but like I said. He has latest invite. He can choose to do what he will with it. I'm staying away for a while at least.

[Joker-Beast]

Thats extreme shyness, the most common symptom is indecisiveness. He really likes you, but then he rejects your requests to him. I used to be like this with girls. All the girls I liked I turned them down. He is scared.

The best advice I can give you, is take it slow with him, do not push him into anything, it will force him to reject you. Once he gets to know you, and feels comfortable with you, I am sure he will come around.

I am afraid, extremely shy guys, do act very weird, sometimes I can't understand it myself.

[Joker-Beast]

He is not rejecting you, because he doesn't like you, He is rejecting you, because he is scared of being in a relationship with you. He probably has these thoughts flying around in he is head, thinking she will dump me, because I am not good in bed, or I am bad kisser etc. That's how I used think, when girls asked me out I thought might as well reject them anyway, because once in relationship, she dump me anyway, because I am not good at kissing or something. Its what you call defeatest attitude.

[Asker]

Its frustrating. I feel he needs some space since he doesn't want either me or others to get the wrong idea. I plan to back off and not visit for a while. He has an invite to something else. I made it clear in the note I sent with it, he's welcome invite whoever he wants and he can go if he needs to. That's the best I can do.

[Joker-Beast]

Well you have done the right thing. God bless you, I wish most girls were like you, towards us extreme guys.

[Asker]

Thanks. I hope he decides to come.

[Joker-Beast]

You will just have too wait and see. But don't get too upset about it, if doesn't. Never take it personal with very guys. They are very fustrating, and hard to understand. Its requires a lot of your patience.

[Asker]

Yeah well. I want to have kids. I'm almost 30. I don't have forever to wait on him. Its been a year as it is.

[Joker-Beast]

well that's something you too decide. i don't blame you, you do decide to move on. cause you might be waiting a long time.

[Asker]

I can see why he's not married. My friend who originally introduced us said he wants marriage but if he won't try to do things or at least suggestion another outing, he'd never gonna learn enough about someone to get to that point. Surely he sees that?

[Joker-Beast]

He probably does see that, but its easier said than done. Extreme shyness is horrible thing, if you suffer from it. Its caused me a lot of missed opporunties in my life with women. Its a very hard thing to understand, even tho I suffer from it, I don't understand it.

[Asker]

Yes and I can be patient IF he gives me something to go on...

[Joker-Beast]

Just try and going and talking him about it. or maybe get the friend to talk about it. Or could write him a nice letter explaining things to him, and state how you feel, and you would like very much to be in a relationship with him. But also explain to him, if you are interested, I feel your not giving me anything to go. I would like to know where I stand with you, in terms of, if there anything going to happen between us, so can move on with my life. But hope we can still maintain our friendship.

[Joker-Beast]

If you do write a letter to him, try and make it a sort a heart felt letter. make it so he understands you, not that you threatening for answers. Just state your position to him. Tell your 30, your not getting any youngers, your looks are fading, and for a women, chances of having kids get as they get older. Just say I hope you understand where I coming from.

[Joker-Beast]

I suggest you try all avenues with him. If nothing works with him. then I really do suggest you move on. Cause you have think of yourself, as a 30yrs old women, you haven't got much time on your side, sorry to say that. At least if you tried your best with him, then you can move on, with no regrets.

[Asker]

I did write a letter and said. Well I said I cared but couldn't tell what he wanted or if we were even friends and we should talk. That's when he came up to me and started saying hi. And then we had the aforementioned conversation.

[Joker-Beast]

Well what did he say?

[Joker-Beast]

If he is still giving no answers after that letter. I think you should move on. trust me, I think you are hoping for too much, too soon. Take it from a guy, that was extremely shy.

[Asker]

What I wrote in the question. The letter was like a month ago and I saw him briefly at a party where he said hi twice but we couldn't talk due to all the people and being taken up by helping out and I went to the lecture and had the conversation I wrote in the original questions!

[Joker-Beast]

Well then just move on. You done everything you can. His loss.

[Asker]

I know. I am backing off. He knows by invite and 2nd letter he's welcome to come and all. He knows how to tell me and I'm leaving it at that and I. God's hands. I got other things to worry about.

[Joker-Beast]

Good for you. Leave it to him. But don't wait round anymore. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
But with the shy guy, I don't know, anything is possible. Don't overthink this thing with him to much. It will drive you mad trust me. Take care god bless.

[Asker]

I'm trying to just leave it on gods hands.

[Joker-Beast]

Yeah but god can't help those, who can't help themselves. So if they shy guy can't help himself, you are going to the firey pitts.

[Asker]

I beg your pardon? I believe in faith. God will answer, you got to leave it in his hands and not take it back.

[becca123]

I'm afraid you need to listen to his words. He said he does not want girls' numbers so as not to give "the wring impression," meaning if he has YOUR number you could get the wrong impression. Sounds like he is encouraging the attention without really wanting to give anything back. Reeling you in with physical ploys but pushing you back with words.

If he wanted to be with you, he would gave gone to the play regardless or offered you an alternative. "Plays aren't my thing but there is this movie... . In my experience if a guy wants to get with you he will, especially if he knows you are interested as well. You gave him encouragement, ball is in his court now.

[Asker]

Thanks. I plan to back off for now and not go to his lecture for a while. Maybe that will encourage him to make his mind up.

[kaminalove]

Seems like he is sending you mixed signals... I guess that he is nervous around you, try finding out his interests, so you can find a common ground and let him come to you, dont forget that he has to feel comfortable around you.

And as for the social media, I guess he isn't the type of guy that goes on it. Since you mentioned it, he might try to go on it more often.

As I said last time, you're gonna have to be patient with this guy... Start by hanging out with him at school (like lunch time) and see how it goes. Then, try outside communication (social media/text) then hanging out outside of school.

[Asker]

We are both out of school... It is a bible lecture I go to sometimes. I am 28, he's 30.

[Asker]

I wasn't talking about social media only texting... I sent the party invite through the mail system.

[kaminalove]

Oh well.. Let him come to you, its kind of hard to see how interested he is if you keep on taking the lead...

[Asker]

I don't know if he ever will. Like I said... We don't live that close so I only sew him when I visit my friend (who knows him and has told me when I expresses concern that unless he says he's not interested.. if she knows what she's talking about) and his sister... Who is a friend. Although she doesn't want to get involved in anything between us... Naturally.

[kaminalove]

Well sweetie, you're going to have to wait and be patient. Have you known him for long?

[Asker]

We met a while back but I went to see him a year ago showing interest... Actually asked someone if he had a gf and all so he was told someone was coming... That's when he started acting nervous around me... Prob is... A person who I thought was a friend said he couldn't stand me and I got hurt and didn't go back for over 6 months... Until the lady who introduced us asked why and told me he's super shy and unless he says it.. its not true so... That was my mistake... So I'm sure that didn't help matters.

[kaminalove]

Yeah, girls tend to misunderstand shy guys a lot... You have to make sure to not jump into any conclusion and to simply ask him, I am pretty sure he'll answer. So just take your time with him okay? :)

[Asker]

So... Yeah... I know... That was the whole point of the talk.. m except I came out with more questions than answers... grrr! A simple yes or no would have been better... And I don't understand his compulsion with apologizing for his sister and repeating saying he was sorry for hurting my feelings... He didn't hurt my feelings... I hate wasting my time... Talking to him... Sending invites... When he doesn't want them (if that's the case) is wasting my time.

[kaminalove]

He must not like confrontations... Since I've dealt with shy guys before Id say that you came off a bit to strong to him..

If you really like this guy, seriously let him come to you. Keep it casual then he'll become more comfortable around you. You might say that you doubt it but you gotta lower your expectations with him.

If you're that frustrated, give yourself some space away from him and move on because you can't just assume that he isn't interested...

[Asker]

Alright... Its more that I don't want my hopes dashed... And he has yet to come over here to see me. So... I suppose anything is possible... I've been bad hurt before by a guy who couldn't just say he wasn't interested and let me think whatever.. he wasn't shy but... It hurt bad. I am trying to be nice. I simply told his sister that I wasn't sure if he wants to be included or not so unless he says otherwise... All invites I send include him. So... If he comes to something he comes.

[kaminalove]

Okay well youve got to trust him :) I know it'll be hard because of your past relationships but you can't control everything... So let him :)

[Asker]

I will try but we have been 'talking' for months... Not everyday or every week... And obviously not any way but in person... But I would have thought he would have made some sort of move.

[Asker]

Sorry. I'm just a little depressed. Had a good cry... I think maybe some distance. I won't send his sister any emails and just be silent for a couple weeks. Maybe then I will be ok.

[kaminalove]

Oh.. Take care! Message me if you have any concerns okay? :)

[Asker]

Thanks. Its just awful to get rejected by every guy. It makes me feel soo ugly.

[kaminalove]

Did he actually reject you or you are assuming so?

[Asker]

He said he wouldn't text me because he didn't want to give the wrong impression. I don't see how that can be taken any other way. Its ok. Guys just don't like me.

[kaminalove]

Dont say that! You will find someone else, just take care of yourself first okay? I know it hurts, really. Its not fun when you get all these positive signals then you get rejected... Just forget about him. You can try to find another place where you can distract yourself from all of this..

[Asker]

I haven't had one guy ever to be interested in me. No bf.. nothing... I'm almost 30. They just don't like me.

[kaminalove]

Id say to continue to put yourself out there and to not give up :)

[DarkHorse24]

Ugh, I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I'm crushing on this shy guy and he's always sending me mixed signals. I'm guessing that their shyness sorta creates this sheild around them and they're just scared to tell us how they feel. But I honestly don't know.

[Asker]

Its ok. I'm pretty sure it was a rejection.

[someguy78]

HE IS NERVOUS.
Guys do fumble it sometimes. Shy guys have a parallel world in their mind. In which you would be so close to him that he can behave so comfortable to you, but in real you two are not that close. He mixes up the real and his imaginary world.. he gets confused.. and so nervous, besides he might want to have a tough guy impression to you. It shows that by not catching chances to get close to you, he is sure about his this one wanting - he do not want to be your just some guy friend.
Belive me. He wants you, but he wants you as he has desired you.
So here's what you gotta do.
1. Don't loose hope, mind or interest.
2. Next time you interact with him be calm. let him Feel that he can be calm and candid too.
3. Let him feel that you know him and you don't mind how he is...
4, He put his hand on your shoulder. 100% he is into you.
5. He is shy right? So this is the thing thats gonna work the most. - Pet him on the shoulder when he seems not intersted in anything. As if you are sealing a bond of you two forever by that taping. See? he must know that even if he walks his confusing path, you are to follow it.

[Asker]

Hmmm. He didn't seem nervous. Like he usually is. Its just so upsetting when he makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk. I mean he said he doesn't like to give girls wrong impression but I really wanted to scream... Its only me you treat this way. (wanted to. I have more self control than that.)

[someguy78]

Yeah.. Shy guys Do that... I did that.. making her feel like I don't want it. Only god knows why.. but I Did behave like that. It's nothing. It's just that he gotta get clicked that 'Okay, I don't NEED to do this actually.' and that will happen when your presence makes him happy. Can you tell where this play is going on? It dose matter which country and culture he belong to.

[Asker]

Huh? Its a Broadway play. What's that got to do with it? We are Americans. He's just not into that apparently.

[redbay19]

Honestly, you're over thinking it. over analyzing how he reacts to see if he likes you or not, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what a glance means. Have faith that if he likes you he will come to you. If not it's not a loss but really more of a gain, when you find out someone isn't interested, you could waste years chasing to find out after all it wasn't what they really wanted. My advice is to be the same person you always are, have the confidence that people will naturally be drawn towards you, and if they aren't it's their problem. If all else fails just tell him "hey idiot! Pull your head out of your ass, I want to jump your bones!" Or whatever it is you want to do lol

[Asker]

I doubt he would ever make a move. He's shy and as far as I know never had a gf. So... Whatever. It sounded like a really nicely worded rejection to me.

[redbay19]

Then you make the moves, and if he rejects you, well... You know what it feels like to be a guy lol

[Asker]

Gee thanks. I always wanted to know...

[Anonymous]

Hey, so i'm a shy guy myself and i think this girl likes me. In all honesty she would always bump into me, bother me, tease me, make fun of me, and i liked it and it got me talking. (kinda really did piss me off for a bih though). I Will tell you this. She's been flirting with me for 3 years now and literally just now i got away from my shyness and started to flirt with her and do what she did to me haha. SO my advice is, tease him a bit or sit beside him during class. Keep bothering him and he will hopefully do something. Ask him to go to the mall or movies or even ask what he likes and do something he likes.

[Asker]

Its been like almost that long... Not quite since we actually met. We are both older... Late twenties, thirties... so out of school. I don't see him really often...

[Opinion Owner]

in all honesty i see this girl about once a month only so i think we might be in the same boat (maybe you see him more). When you do get the chance, i guess try flirting with him so he knows you're into him. Us shy guys will break at some point lol. ask him to go to starbucks or tim hortons, something like that.

[Asker]

How do I flirt exactly?

[Opinion Owner]

Well what the girl i like does to me is, she first pushed me and bumped into me, laughs and giggles. Then she just teases me about things i do or hobbies i like.

[Asker]

Hmmm... Can you be specific? I'm bad at flirting and such...

[Opinion Owner]

Well just bumping into his shoulder and pushing him from behind would be one thing. With the teasing she would just make little jokes like say i'm not fast enough at running" and she would say she is better than me at certain things and that's when i really got out of my shy state of mind cause i know i was better at some things. That's what realy got me talking. Like a friendly competition thing

[Asker]

Ah... ok.

[genuinlysensitive]

Plays aren't his thing, perhaps a movie? Most of what you said leads me to believe he probably is interested, although the bit about not having a woman's number so as not to give the wrong impression is a bit odd. Overall I would say he is into you. Keep being social with him, and try to be patient, social situations can be stressful at first for shy guys :)

[Asker]

Yeah. Maybe he was hoping I would say something... although no clue what. Any suggestions? I don't think he does movies either. I have something in mind. A group outing which he can go off on his own if he needs to for a bit. That's the idea right? Make him comfortable?

[genuinlysensitive]

As long as he knows and is comfortable with everyone in the group that is fine, try not to add anyone new or he will clam up and be uncomfortable.

As for making him comfortable just make sure he knows that you enjoy spending time with him, even if there are long bouts of social awkwardness. Many shy guys feel on the spot like they need to constantly entertain a woman in social situations, and when they can't they think the woman is uncomfortable which stresses them out, and the cycle continues.

[Asker]

Gotcha. I've been reading on body language and all. I read that guys won't necessarily initiate a hug but a touch on shoulder and end of conversation can mean he's trying to get to do it? He did that. He touched me couple times on shoulder while talking and at end he did it and said it was nice to talk to you, girl. So is that right and I just missed it?

[genuinlysensitive]

Guys don't initiate hugs because if we do we are accused of everything including rape by women, and of course our society believes women virtually every time. Its a shame really, but that is why guys don't initiate hugs, or much other forms of physical contact with women.

[Asker]

I get that but the article said that's the guys way of saying he's open to it. I hate missing clues and all so I wanted to see what you thought on that.

[genuinlysensitive]

Yea typically that means he is interested.

[Anonymous]

Wow!! That is completely confusing!!
He kind of comes across as selfish. He sounds interested... But extremely awkward... Has he ever mentioned anything he likes to do? Or do you know from other friends of his what he likes.. Maybe you can ask if he would go to something he is comfortable with.. Almost sounds like he has no idea how to communicate socially... I do remember you saying he has talke to other girls and I think you hung out with him before? Once?
Anyway.. It seems as though, something is missing in what your seeing, hearing or understanding about him.
Quite frankly... I would just ask... Do you like? Or not.. But I understand you don't want to be let down.. But all of this seems to be bothering you more than if you just simply asked him..

[Opinion Owner]

This. (he said he didn't like to have girls numbers so as not to give wrong impression) is really confusing!!! Why? Only thing that comes to mind is... He doesn't want to give you his # or he maybe hiding something else! Such as gender preference. Just extremely odd that he would refuse your #. So maybe he is interested in you as a friend but nothing more. Are there anymore details you could offer that may help?

[Asker]

I don't know. No we haven't really hung out in a social setting... He actually has my number... I did tell someone once months ago that I wasn't sure if I liked him... He were friends... So... I don't know... If he hadn't of touched me... Or looked at me... Stood so close... Or told me. No... Don't bother with sending any invites... Why can't people be truthful... I don't get it.

[Asker]

And no... He hasn't talked to any girls... That I have seen... Single ones. I've been told he's extremely shy and he did mention sometimes things come up and sometimes he feels down as to why he doesn't always reply to invites.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, so if you have access to people that he talks to like friends of his. Listen to there opinions because they will know a lot more.
But yes. As I said in older questions about this. He sounds extremely shy.. Has some kind of proble comunating with girls... That's why I say. Try to find out what he likes. If not strait asking him. (What do you do in your free time or for fun) then maybe you will have something in common that you and him can relate to!

[Opinion Owner]

... If he has your # why would he tell you (he said he didn't like to have girls numbers so as not to give wrong impression)?

[Asker]

I don't know.

[Asker]

I don't know... When I first asked to talk to him and he said that he was like next time let me know you are coming... I said I told your sister... And he said she works all over and apologized for her... which is soo weird since that's not what I mentioned that... I'm just a little frustrated... he wouldn't give me a straight answer on if he wanted invites or not... I mean I said I wouldn't bother him if he didn't... I just don't get it. And how does he expect me to give him invites or tell him I'm coming? Does that make any sense to you?

[Opinion Owner]

No sense at all!!! I think if I were you I would cut my losses.. And stop chasing!! It seems like he may be playing games!

[Asker]

I think he's a confused as me. I did let someone convince me a while back he couldn't stand me and it was before I knew him so I didn't visit for months. That was before they told me he was shy and all... So I don't know. He did smile and laugh.. and touch... Twice...

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, and the touching is a sign of affection..
But honestly... If it were me. And I'm shy!!! I would just strait out tell him what you think and ask him what he thinks. If he gives you merry-go-round answers then tell him you don't understand and can he explain differently. At this point my shyness is gone!

[Asker]

I will. Next time I see him... Whenever that is... But I swear... If he said he was sorry one more time... I would have lost it. That is not what I wanted. He apologized for his sister which is strange... And you say women are confusing... Well...

[Opinion Owner]

No, I don't specify gender when it comes to confusing people. Haha!! There is definitely something up with Him. Wither it's intentional or not. i don't know.

[Asker]

He did say he was down.. could it be he feels like he's not good enough? Or testing to see my reactions? Do guys do that? Otherwise... I don't understand at all.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think he would be testing like that... Being depressed can definitely change someone's attitude, point of views or anopinion. But it almost seems like he's playing a very cruel game. Like he's doing this to you on purpose knowing what he's doing.

[Asker]

No... He's a very nice guy... Really sweet. I think he's been taken advantage of before...

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, ok. Again if it were me I would stop the merry-go-round and be strait with him. And ask for a straight answer

[Asker]

I had a good cry. I think a little distance... From him and his sister... I doubt either will notice. Maybe then I can still have my friendship with her.

[gray_sailor]

I think what you are dealing with here is a shy guy.

Read this article:

https://www.succeedsocially.com/shyguys

You will find the answers you are looking for.

[Asker]

I have read it. Several times. Its just not enough.

[Amreet]

I really like to help you but don't know this answer is enough for you or not.

There is 2 answer.
1. He like you but shy. AND he scared taking relationship status. That's why he sound just like want friend with you or he never been in relationship.

2. He is not interested in you that's why he back off, sent mixed signal.

[Asker]

He's never had a gf before from what I understand. So are you saying him saying he didn't want to give the wrong impression by having a lot of girls numbers was not a rejection? I don't understand why he said it I he didn't mean it.

[DaniJ]

It is a mixed signal, which means it's not a good sign. I've experienced this enough to see it coming from a mile away now. He is definitely showing signs of interest, but seems to be yanking your chain if he won't take your number. It's like he needs to be in control of the interaction, and he doesn't like that you've taken the lead. I could be wrong of course, but if I were you, you couldn't get me to go down that road again.

[Asker]

He actually has my number. I gave him a card a while back... which is what confuses me the most. Maybe he was testing my reactions?

[DaniJ]

I highly doubt it. He seems dishonest to me (saying he doesn't want girls' numbers when he already has yours...) And controlling in an unsettling way. I've known several people like that. They play the "sweet and pure" card by saying they don't want to lead anyone on or do anything bad, but then they flirt with you just enough that you think they might be interested before backing off and being the "responsible" one. He's playing you. He has your number and could call/text anytime he wants to, but he doesn't. He wants you to stress and think about him. It's almost sociopathic the way some guys treat girls.

[Asker]

No... I know he's not like that. He's a super sweet person. He's just not interested. Prob forgot he has my number. It's been a while. It's ok. I will get over it.

[im911nc]

He's probably had a lot of bad experiences with girls. He's probably hoping a girl will go out of her way for him.

I kind of am the same, girls have tried coming in contact with me, but with all the bad experiences I've had with girls, I just don't bother because I go back into my past and label it onto that current girl. and tell myself "Just another 1, or Over and Over again, Same-Same, not different from the others." Lol

If he's shy, not too talkative, he might still be bitter and hurt. If not that, then maybe a social anxiety towards women, or he could be Bi-sexual and mixed feelings with what he wants. I don't know exactly, but he's probably either going through those things, or he's not interested in you.

I'd like to believe he's shy because he's never really been put out of his comfort zone.

[Asker]

He's never had a gf and over 30. He's not bi or gay, he's religious and doesn't believe in that.

[TakeMyHand]

I know it doesn't seem smart and its probably more of a last resort but after it goes on to long you can just ask him like, am i bothering you in some way? Are you not interested? sometimes it works and its just a way to kind of weed through all of it and just get to the point , buuttt yeahh more of a last resort

[Asker]

I did that. He didn't answer me one way or another.

[Porte40]

Ok we have to set things straight.. GUYS shouldn't BE LIKE THIS , I know i'm like that but not so messed up... I'm at least trying new things and changing my game , sorry , but i mean why can't he just go with the flow or at least try something new out with you?

Anyway , it is clear that this guy doesn't know what he wants.. why would he hesitate so much with you.. its just not comprehendable..

You should know to back off from him because if he already seems unstable in his person , vulnerable in he's choices and words when speaking to you , that means if you somehow start dating him.. your relationship with him will be unstable and seem vulnerable and you will be the one left with a broken heart...

[Asker]

I understand he hasn't had anyone show interest in some years plus no gf in a long time and I think he one gf he had dumped him fairly quick so I'm sure he's feeling insecurely about the situation. He's pretty damn shy too.

[Porte40]

Yehp i guess so.. but well.. just remember if you think he's feeling insecure then you have to have thoughts about the future and whether all that insecurities are gonna rub off on you.. and just think how is that goin to make you feel

[Asker]

So the poor man doesn't deserve a chance at love and companionship because he has doubts about how I'm feeling? That doesn't seem fair. Once we get our feelings together and get comfortable talking and discussing the future... Then I might worry if he's still having issues.

[Porte40]

Ok yeah.. i guess im only caring about your side.. if you feel sorry for a man of such.. its all cool but i wish you luck in gettinv your feelings together :) if you really want him well the universe has to create a sort of an attraction for you to lol... i just dont wish for melancholia between you guys if you reallh get together.. but from me.. just first think before you do.. think before you start feeling even though feelings can be misleading they can somehow be controlled :) <3

[Asker]

I can't speak for him but I'm already emotionally involved to a degree.

[forgottenmonkey]

This sounds really fishy, he is making physical contact but being shy about meeting up or having your number? Sounds like he likes someone else. You are probably just pretty and nice which is why he is looking and talking to you. But if he was really shy touching in anyway would freak him out more than anything else. Hell a number he could just ignore being in his phone.

[Asker]

He actually has my number and he doesn't talk to girls... So there's no one else. We have been talking for a while now. Months.

[forgottenmonkey]

Sorry just trying to get the lay of the land here. I was confused by what you wrote. Well if thats the case I would say maybe you are right and he is just shy. If that is the case take every open he gives you. If he has time after class take it. Don't pressure him to do things you want or ask him for things. Just let him test the waters in a way he feels ok with. Anyway you could talk long enough and ask him to walk with you to your car or tag along with him on his way to his. Also try to figure out what he likes and ask him about it. DO NOT invite him to do it or ask if you can tag along just talk about the thing/activity. If he is shy it will take time more than anything.

[Asker]

Why does everyone assume we are teenagers? We ate both late twenties... Him being older than me. Out of college. We both work full time. I seem him a few times a month.

[forgottenmonkey]

because you said lecture and Im assuming you are college age not a teen. lol

[Loudon]

He sounds nervous (or interested in someone else) He might like the idea of you and likes to look at you but when in your presence reality sets in and he doesn't feel anything and if he tried it would be a lustfull feeling.. he can make small talk, has your number but hasn't made a move bc he's not interested in you enough to commit to anything :/

Feel free to crush on someone cuter and that shows alittle/a lot more interest ;)

[Asker]

He doesn't talk to girls really. Trust me, I have had it checked out. There's not another girl.

[Editor]

It seems like he doesn't like using social media but knows you do, so he said he's getting better at it. That's probably why he doesn't deal with your invites -- he just doesn't deal with them. As for the play, he probably honestly doesn't like plays and doesn't see it as you do, as a way to spend time together. Ask to join him in something he likes to do and even a socially awkward guy should get the hint that you like him.

[Asker]

I sent the invite through the mail... Not social media... I'm just not sure. Why didn't he answer about if he wants invites.

[joey3tearz]

Seems to me he views you as an aqquantince maybe a potential friend that's it

[Asker]

Alright. Thanks for your input.

[joey3tearz]

No problem

[cluelessforlove]

Seems like he is not into you or at least don't want a relationship. He doesn't want to be completely rude. I have been there and done that. I am a quiet guy but I still like to take initiative and be in charge... I just like a woman who follows my pace. It might take me time to decide but when I decide I go for it. I personally find it a turn off when girls chase me. What is find attractive is that she responds positively to my moves. But again, I have to be the one making the moves.

[Asker]

I doubt he will ever do that. He's over 30 and never had a gf. And no, he's not gay or bi he's doesn't believe in either. He's religious.

[cluelessforlove]

That religious thing changes everything... I have met so many girls I become interested in them but because of their beliefs it is hard to move things forward into something more. That is the reason he doesn't have girls numbers. He sound more like extremely religious.

[Asker]

Yes, but he wants marriage.

[cluelessforlove]

Yeah, not sure what religion he is but I've met some Christians who do not date. Maybe you should try to talk more with him about his beliefs. He will feel you have a genuine interest and you will know if his religion is ok with you.

[Asker]

I've visited his church before. They are fine with it. I'm familiar with their beliefs.

[cluelessforlove]

I would think he is not into you then. I mean, for as quiet as he can be or shy or anything if you are being nice to him he should open with you eventually. I consider myself extremely quiet and sometimes very shy at first specially around girls I like but if she is nice to me and shows she don't care about my quietness then I open and if I am into this girl then I start making small moves to see how she responds but I mean... it does not matter how shy you are if you are over 30 and want to get married you make an effort when you see someone you like. That is what I think...

[Keyspirits]

My best guess is that he likes u. Shy guys are shy and they are always and mostly sheltered so they don't go out very much so doing things like that can be alil uncomfortable for them. That's why they are shy right? They don't like staring at them cuz they always have that feeling go eventho when people aren't even staring.

[Asker]

Why tell me he won't call cuz he does like to have girls numbers? He has mine already actually... He took a business card from me a while back.

[Keyspirits]

I think shy guys prefer text over call. Shyness comes with social anxiety so they rather not call. It's their biggest fear socialising. Wait til he has become closer to u and feel more at ease being around u. Once he's comfortable enough, he will brk that barrier by himself.

[Asker]

I asked him to do that. He indicated he wouldn't text me either. The wrong impression thing which is what confused me so bad.

[Keyspirits]

Prob all that isn't his thing? Do u know if he text? Research him alil bit before maken assumptions ;P

[Asker]

So what is your suggestion? No.. He did indicate he's bad with replying at all. Hence his I just show up sometimes statement.

[Keyspirits]

Sum people Juz aren't into texting and all that. Have he told u straight up that he didn't like u or Juz friends? He wouldn't do all those things that he did he he didn't like u one bit >.>

[Asker]

No. He hasn't given me any straight answers. Even when I asked a simple do you want me to send you invites or is it bothering you... He never said either way...

[Keyspirits]

That means it diesnt bother him. He could careless or it doesn't even bother him at all. If he really dislike it, he wouldve told u so to stop.

[Asker]

Alright. I will still send them then. I assume he will tell me one day if he doesn't want them.

[Keyspirits]

Yesh if it's really bothering him, he wouldve. Who knows if he likes the fact that ur trying to get his attention. Who knows if he's also playen hard to get lel

[Anonymous]

Wow that guy is a mess but I know of similar experiences in which the guy just wants to be friends without upsetting you. I think it's dumb what he did, but I can tell he was just trying to let you down easily. It sucks when guys do that because they convince you that they sort of like just before they turn you down, but if you move on I'm sure this guy will shape up during the time you spend with some other dude.

[Asker]

I can't go on to other guys when I still have feelings. I am gonna back off, like the other guy said, extreme shyness can cause indecisiveness. If he sees I am not at his beck and call, maybe he will make a real decision. And no, he's never had a gf before.

[DawnWatcher]

I have 2 possibilities. First, did he give you signs that he likes you?

When he said "He does not want to give the wrong impression" maybe he means he doesn't know how to reply to girls (He is shy, remember?) which could mean you still have a chance; otherwise, it just means rejection.

Keep it casual. He does give good signs (his hand on your shoulder).

[Asker]

He touched me twice. He kept apologizing first for his sister not being there (at first I said I had told her I was coming when he said next time tell him I was) and for hurting my feelings for not replying about party. He also said he was working on getting better at replying... He was standing close... Had trouble with eye contact... He did laugh and smile when he briefly discussed sports. He said it was nice to talk to you ask end... That's the second time he touched me on shoulder... We talked for a good 15 min when he said he was busy.

[DawnWatcher]

It's a bit difficult to figure this out. Really. You put things in your context, but he has his own context on seeing things.

Only thing I can tell you is don't put him under pressure. He might have not realized you like him, but just keep things casual with him, talk to him, so he can loosen up.

[Asker]

Lol! Well... I've been talking to him for a couple months now... so its frustrating. I am emotional involved at this point.

[DawnWatcher]

Did he ever ask you out?

[Asker]

No. I'm not sure he even knows how. I don't think he's had a gf before.

[DawnWatcher]

In that case try to ask him if he'd like to go for a cup of coffee sometime, so you can get to know him.

[MyBabyAngels]

So i guess u liked the guy but if he's not trying then u should stop too. at least thats what i do, i give them hints n if they are " not catchin it" thats it. Am not the type to chase, n i dont expect to get chased either.

[Asker]

He's super shy and never had a gf and so I was told I would have to really try.

[MyBabyAngels]

Am not attracted to shy men, i like strong characters. But it will come to this.. u like him? Would u like him to be ur dude? Then i guess u gotta try a little harder since u say he a shy one. Brake him out he's shell. Why dont u invite him somewhere or ask him what he would like to do n make a a date. I hope he lets loose lol, if not girl just keep it moving. Sometimes when u pay em no mind they miss ur attention n they will come back around. :)

[Asker]

Yeah. I'm gonna do that pay no attention and not go around thing for a bit.

[Radon]

He is just not comfortable putting his cards on the table (admitting his emotions) every shy guy hates that about themselves but they either learn or get burned I guess, oof that brings back bad memories.

[Asker]

Yeah, well. I'm backing off and not gonna go drive over to his lecture hall for a while. He has the latest invite. He knows how to get a hold of me or send a message through mutual friends.

[Radon]

Shyness is a fucking curse, but that's your way of saying life goes on, so it does then :). You have nothing to worry about because you don't have to approach any guy, but with him (although its not your problem) he will go through the same procedure with every girl and fuck up again and again, and when he repetitively fucks up he becomes good at who he is... eventually he dies a virgin.

[Asker]

I have approached guys before. Got burned, made fun of and talked behind my back, so NO! Regardless of what I think of a guy, I don't do it. I know what it feels like. I wanted to curl up and die. I think he just doesn't know what to do or think. Maybe me not coming and all will force him to think about what he wants. If so, good. If not, his prob. He's older than me and I'm almost 30 so he's running low on time too.

[Radon]

You are right he doesn't know what to do and think because thats why I said shyness is a curse.. I am telling you that there is a very tiny percentage that guy will show up if he is the shy type. The thing about being shy is that the far away they are from what they fear the further away they go. But let him think at the same time don't expect him to show up.

[Asker]

I'm not but I gotta protect myself from pain too. I know what I can handle and I'm at the limit. This back and forth hope to hopeless is tearing me apart.

[Radon]

Just don't think he is playing hard to get, he is just not born a pick up artist, he doesn't know what to do, that's why I said don't expect him to make a move. I been there and have lost so many "fine" opportunities if it wasn't for shyness (curse), I would have probably had 5 kids by now. Look, you get on with your life if he comes he comes but don't expect him to.

[ajboarder]

I think the problem is that you're both pretty shy. Shy people just don't work together unless they know each other well. Take it slow, get to know him. Try to become friends first. THEN push the envelope.

[Asker]

We met over a year ago. No, we haven't talked every week. We are adults who have full time jobs and all.

[ajboarder]

If you don't talk regularly, I don't think you can consider yourself good friends. Like I said, try and get to know him better. It's clear that he's really shy. I'm a pretty shy guy, and most of my relationships stem from existing friendships.

[Asker]

We do monthly but its all me. Driving my behind over there to him. Its exhausting! For a year!!! I can't and won't keep doing it I he eont help somehow!

[ajboarder]

I talk to my crotchety neighbor more than once a month. You're not even friendly acquaintances really. Building a friendship requires frequent exposure. With extreme introverts, if you can't come right out and say, "Go on a date with me," and you really want a relationship, you have to first build a foundation for it.

[Asker]

Well its a couple times a month really but whatever. I think I'm over it. He should know by now if he wants to actually spend time with me in a group setting... Not a date. If he can't, then I'm over it. I want to have kids before I turn 40. Thank you.

[Asker]

That's the only way to get to know each other since he won't call and I don't have his number. So whatever. I'm done.

[ajboarder]

Maybe the thought of a group setting is too much for him. Maybe he has flipping social anxiety disorder or something. Honestly, my advice is to just woman-up and ask him out for coffee or a movie. One on one.

If you can't do that, or if he doesn't agree, then you're probably not right for each other.

[Asker]

He's old fashioned. He'd never agree to anything without at least one person. You know, chaperone kinda thing and its not like a bunch or people or all new faces. Some he knows.

[ajboarder]

Honestly, that just sounds like an excuse to avoid putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Not trying to offend or criticize, as I do the same thing frequently.

If you REALLY like this guy, but you dont want to go through the trouble of trying to be good friends first, just bite the bullet and tell him outright you're interested and ask him out. Shy people generally need a confident partner to take the iniative.

Or don't and move on with your life.

[Asker]

That's how he is. I think its a mix of family and religious teaching but believe what you will. He belongs in the Victorian or medieval area if you ask me. I did previously write him a letter as I got frustrated with trying to talk to him. I told him I care but felt I had read him wrong and we really weren't friends and lets discus it. He did initiate after that and then the aforementioned conversation. So, I've done all I feel I can right now. He needs to make a few decisions and he has some space and time.

[ajboarder]

Telling somone you care about them is NOT the same as saying you're interested. But I digress. If you feel it's his turn to make a move even though you know this guy is debilitatingly shy, and that it's the man's job to start a relationship, then that's how you feel. I'm not going to try and change your mind.

Just don't be surprised if nothing comes of it.

[ajboarder]

Anyway, goodluck.

[Asker]

If he can't be bothered to do anything at all to help then, I doubt he will be able to support and maintain a family either. Besides, I don't deserve to cry into my pillow at night. I seriously doubt he cares enough to be anywhere on that level where I am.

[ajboarder]

Uh no.

My Dad has social anxiety disorder and is painfully shy. My mother, a social butterfly, did all the work beginning their relationship almost 40 years ago. She basically stalked him. He's a wonderful father, and he loves my mum beyond measure. So I kindly, but 100% disagree with you.

I sincerely hope it works out for you... but with that defeatist attitude, you're not doing yourself any favors.

Peace, I'm outtie.

[Asker]

Both my parents suffer depression. I can't take a lot emotionally. I can't do every single little thing without help from someone or something. My friend who introduced us won't lift a damn finger and he won't. He's happily on with his life, prob not even giving me a 2nd thought and I'm in tears and on here pathetically asking strangers for advice. So whose worse off? He won't even notice in not coming anymore! At least ill have my sanity back.

[ajboarder]

This will be my last post on the subject, and I've only continued to post because I genuinely feel bad for you.

I think you need to find yourself a nice confident highly-extroverted guy, because you don't really seem equipped to deal with dating an extreme introvert. Introverts don't suddenly stop being introverts when they meet someone they like, which is what you seem to want.

If you're not in love with this guy, move on with your life. Maybe he'll come around, but don't expect him too.

If he's all you think about night and day, either put in the work to establish a real friendship, or just make a move. A bold one. One that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination about your intentions.

Those are your options.

I'm done for real this time.

[collinniles]

He might like you, and the play probably isn't his thing. Ask him to hang in the park or something. Also try being honest and saying you like him. If it doesn't take off from there he doesn't like you.

[Asker]

Ummm he's like 31... Not sure the park idea would be good...

[collinniles]

I didn't mean playground

[Asker]

Lmao! I know you didn't... Although... he does tend to like to mess with the kidos... he might do the playground.😁

[collinniles]

Just like a chill hangout, anywhere you guys can just talk one-on-one with no pressure. Not a date.

[Asker]

I got it.

[genericname85]

"he didn't like to have girls numbers so as not to give wrong impression" this is pretty obvious to me... i wouldn´t say anything like that if i was interested.

[Asker]

Thats what I thought too.. But he actually already has my number... So it seemed silly to say... And why not just say he doesn't want invites? I just don't get it.

[genericname85]

XD then i guess it´s too hard to judge without having been there.

[Asker]

It's ok. I will survive. I had a good cry. Maybe now... Distance myself... No talking to his sister for couple weeks and maybe I will be able to speak to her without thinking of him.

[genericname85]

i mean if i was in your place, i´d try to be sure and not just assume that you got rejected...

[genericname85]

would be a pitty when it just appears to you like it because of the strange ways of a shy guys... i managed to give a crush the idea i just wanted to be friends once too xD it sucked.

[Asker]

I don't know. He pretty much said he wouldn't call or text because he didn't want to give the wrong impression. I don't know if you can get any clearer than that.

[genericname85]

it´s your decision ^^ but i mean it can´t get worse than rejection, can it?

[Asker]

Complete heart break... Wanting to curl up and die? Been there and done that... No wish to repeat.

[genericname85]

yeah i was there too xD (and still kind of am) but it´s better to be clear than to keep wondering "what if"

[Asker]

So what do you suggest I do? I am not fond of going back there right now. If I took what he said as a rejection so did anyone else nearby who heard...

[genericname85]

you have to talk to him alone. i mean i wouldn´t act natural, if a lot of people were nearby who could hear what i say XD

[Asker]

That's what I was trying to do... But he refused remember? I asked him to call or text and he went into his spill about not giving the wrong impression. I don't have any other way to have a private conversation with him. We don't live that close and we both work and he's busy... etc.. etc...

[genericname85]

well then call or text him ^^ don´t make him do this step. if you can´t because you don´t have his number, you should probably look for another guy :/

[Asker]

Well... I actually was gonna ask for his number but when he said that about the wrong impression, I got confused and didn't. I mean if he won't text me then how is me texting him any different right? Unless he's a hypocrite. 😃

[genericname85]

XD a try wouldn´t hurt, would it?

[Asker]

Lol! I guess not but I didn't feel comfortable at that time after what he said.

[genericname85]

understandably so but you gotta do something xD

[Asker]

I suppose so. Just kinda drawing a blank. I'm not gonna visit soon. I think we both need a little space. He's taking for granted that I'm coming back. Obviously... I hate given that impression.

[Whatalife]

He's probably deciding if he's willing to be in a relationship at this moment maybe he just broke up with his ex and wants to take the time to make sure he's ready for the commitment before really going forward and spending time/energy on a relationship. Sometimes people do this and realize they aren't ready for it and just lead the other person on and it just ends pretty messy.

[Asker]

No, he's not had a gf.

[Whatalife]

Maybe he's to nervous to make a move?

[Asker]

Maybe.

[anotherdayps4]

1. He could be stalling. Maybe he really does want to be with you but doesn't want to be in a serious relationship yet because he is focusing on school or something.
2. He doesn't like plays or any type of musical. He was probably taking that time to think about how to tell you without it seeming like he wasn't into you. He definitely likes you though try to find his interests and see what you both like before you invite him to something else.

Could be one of the reasons above or both

[Asker]

No. He's out of college and stable job... I don't think he's had a gf before though. He was definitely not looking me in the eyes... I think my boobs. He turned red and looked away. Lol... And apologized for everything... It was weird... I wish he would advance from the safe shoulder touch to something else. Maybe I should have felt faint. Lol!

[anotherdayps4]

Ahh i didn't know that but i am sure he is interested Try not to force too many conversations maybe 2-3 in a week depending on the mood try to carry the conversation into a date when he is not busy he probably is trying to find what he really wants in life. the conversations should help with that

[Asker]

We don't have conversations every week. I don't see him that often. We both work remember. We don't work together.

[Asker]

Or with same company for that matter. We met at a party through a friend.

[anotherdayps4]

Ok my bad i got way off the question.

He likes you

But if you aren't seeing each other too much dont chase it

[Asker]

I won't. I'm sending an invitation and wrote a note to go along with it. He may do with it what he will. I tried to sound like I wanted him to come and he was welcome to go off and not stay with us the whole time if he felt like it.. and he could invite or bring who he wants. So.. if he declined that... well... I'm over it.

[Ghibli]

I'm sure he likes you maybe he's wondering if he sees you as someone he can be with for a very long period of time, that's why he's not trying to rush into the level of being your boyfriend yet.

[Asker]

Yeah, he's about your age. I'm pretty sure he wants serious and long term.

[weegin]

First you're over-thinking it.

Second, you're giving us a lot of information without reference or anything, it's hard for us to really judge the situation or know what's important.

[Asker]

What reference do you need?

[yourfriendforever]

I won't say he's not interested it's just that u'll have to put in a lot of efforts on this one
I guess he most probably likes and that's a reason why he's shy to talk to you
Or may be he's introvert
But it's normal i'd say

[Asker]

What about him saying he didn't like to have a lot of girls numbers so as to not give wrong impression? That's not a rejection?

[yourfriendforever]

No I won't say it's a rejection
May be he doesn't wants you to think of him as a player at all (may be that's what he means by "wrong impression")
Some guys find it really hard to exchange numbers and may be even talk a strange/new girl they like

[Asker]

We have been talking for a while... im not new or strange... And... He had my number. I gave it to him a while back. He's never used it...

[yourfriendforever]

Mmhm
Then I guess you can start the conversation so as to make him feel comfortable
I'd say he's afraid of being rejected or unwanted by you as a friend... u'll have to keep up the conversation going...
He wants to be with you more dan u want to be with him
Dont let him know that you want to make him comfortable and that he can talk to you
But just talk to him and in sometime he'll be fine
Just dont give up

[yourfriendforever]

And by initiate the conversation
I mean not just once or twice...
As I said you'll have to work hard and dont loose hope

[Asker]

I initiate all the time... For a couple months. We have talked like I don't know... 6, 7 times... He has started actually saying hi to me instead of his head nod thing from across the room.

[yourfriendforever]

So u mean to say you've progressed
You can even text him sometimes and i'm pretty sure he'll reply
But coming down to texting initially he'd be like whatever u ask he'd answer n dat's all but keep talking to him
He's either afraid cuz f some past experience or he's just shy
Text him and keep talking to him by whatever means so that he realises that he is also acceptable u know...

[Asker]

I don't have his number. I was afraid to ask for it after what he said.

[yourfriendforever]

Ohhh
Critical case :p
Bt still jst try to talk him anyhow
If u want to or jst let him go :)

[Asker]

That's the prob. I have go physically drive out there to see him and it takes a lot to get him to settle in for a conversation. He's constantly doing something. Although he did talk to me for a bit the other night.

[Anonymous]

Does he even have a phone?
Just ask him what does he like doing and listen and then talk about the things you enjoy doing during your spare time. Take it from there.

[Asker]

Baseball?

[Asker]

Yes, he has a phone. I personally saw it at a party when he called his sister. That's the only time, I have even seen it though.

[rocksongwriter]

Given this:

"I said text me. To which he said he didn't like to have girls numbers so as not to give wrong impression..."

... I don't think he's that into you.

[Asker]

He has my number already if you read update, which makes no sense to me but whatever. I am over it. He's wants to be indecisive and too shy to make any sort of decision, then I'm over it. He won't be seeing me for a while.

[sexyelephant]

He doesn't like to have girls numbers.. Sounds like there are all the girls and you just one of them, not special even a bit to make an exception.

[bryon]

In my opinion it seems as if he may want to get closer but hasn't seen the sign that it's ok from you yet

[Asker]

? What do you mean?

[bryon]

While he didn't go see the play with you , you made him pause to think it over. Maybe inquire of his friends and see if you can find more common ground , focus on small thinks and it will naturally progress and grow to more. You guys enjoy being you. Hope it all works out for you both

[Asker]

We haven't seen the play yet. I just mentioned it. He likes sports but baseball hasn't started yet. I wanted to try to get together before I turn gray and all.

[bryon]

Lol I understand that getting together at a retirement party is not what you had in mind. Maybe ask him if he would like to go walking or even take a drive some where. Granted it not a fancy get together but you will still get to enjoy each other's company

[Asker]

Lol! I don't think he would do anything with me alone. He's old fashioned... Like with a chaperone and all kind. Plus, we don't live real close together so walking is kinda out.

[bryon]

I actually didn't originally see the part where you two lived so far apart. That makes it more difficult. As far as the old fashion part , one could only hope that he will ease up on the reins just a little

[Asker]

I don't know. He's very polite. He apologized for his sister working and not being there, like he cam control that and kept apologizing for hurting my feelings. I never said he did... What's up with that?

[bryon]

In all honesty it sounds like he may be somewhat nervous around you. As time goes by he will become more relaxed around you and to be honest the more time you two can spend together the quicker it will come about. I was a bit shy in my younger day but I'm way over that crap now.

[Asker]

We have had several conversations. He's in his thirties... So... Is it some kind of shy thing to apologize for any and all things?

[bryon]

More nervous I think. Like he may be worried that you could be upset if he doesn't try to smooth everything over if that makes sense

[CatInLove]

I think you should move on. Even if he is shy, if he liked you he wouldn't think twice when invited him.

[Asker]

He's super shy and never had a gf so I don't know but this last invite is it. I'm not sending anymore.

[Anonymous]

You should ask him out because this guy is difficult to read if he didn't like you he wouldn't have acted the way he did but he shouldn't of acted the way he did if he did like you so there's some hit and miss things about this guy.

[Asker]

He's shy. Really shy, like never had a gf shy. I do know that.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not a shy guy so I can't really say what's going through his head that's why I'm thinking he may like you he may not I think you're going to have to go after him because this is some weird stuff he does some things which could mean he does like you but some things which could mean he doesn't like turning down your number was weird but he's a weird guy so I don't know.

[Asker]

He actually has my number already. Which made that statement weird. He's never called but he took a business card when we met.

[Opinion Owner]

Ya this guy is super weird I don't know what to tell you I think you're just going to have to call him and ask him out or something like that because I couldn't tell you 100% either way whether or not this guy liked you...

[ThisGuy42]

Dang your kind of like my older sister. You are overthinking it. I think he might like you. Only time can tell.

[Asker]

Time? Its been months... How much time? When I'm too old to have kids? I'm almost 30 by the way.

[ThisGuy42]

It says your 18-24. If you want to know for sure. Ask him out. It will make his day... probably... So anyway my answer is I think he likes you. He is just extremely shy and doesn't have much experience with girls. Good luck. I wish you the best.

[Asker]

I know. I hit wrong button when I signed up.

[DawnWatcher]

If he is not interested, just move on.

[ThisGuy42]

Yeah ask him out. And if he isn't interested... move on.

[Supermosh1990]

Well it sounds like he likes you, try ask him to hang out with you in a casual place make sure to flirt to him, make sure he knows you really like him! If you have any additional questions please ask.

[Asker]

Wouldn't he agree to call or text me though? And why can't he give a straight answer on if he wants my invites or not?

[Supermosh1990]

Make it more comfortable with you then try asking him again to exchange numbers. Make it clear that you like him. Question him why he won't except your invite. If he doesn't do either for weeks then he isn't worth your time.

[Asker]

I don't see him every week.

[Supermosh1990]

I k then give him time is all I am saying.

[Asker]

I'm trying too but its been several months and I just don't get it. I am the type who will say yes or no... He seems to reject without actually saying no. I would have called him on his not straight answer but we had been talking for a bit and he had something to do and he was being kind enough to talk when I said I needed him too.

[serp777]

Yeah... Maybe he... just doesn't like... ellipses...

[Asker]

? I'm confused.

[serp777]

Well... He... Just doesn't... Find... Lots of ellipses... very attractive... I think... a bunch of ellipses... are annoying too... just like this...

[Asker]

Oh. Sorry. I got you now.

[BritishPrincess]

By the sounds of things, he needs to get his act together until he can decide what he wants... If he is still like this, then I would advise just moving on... xx

[Asker]

I am. I'm not gonna put myself into his path for time being.

[chrisbigman]

Just ask him, so you get a straight-out, flat answer from him.

[Asker]

If I get a chance to I will but dang... How clearer could I have been? I said I don't want to bother you with invites you don't want... You would think he would have said... yeah I'm not into what you are... or its not a bother... Something...

[55328]

Well, some guys like me are not very tech savy or don't check their devises that much, so maybe he just forgot and got embarrassed about it>

[Asker]

No... I have his address, not his email or cell. It wasn't that, and he works in it.

[bigbucksrgr8]

I've had plenty of girls do this to me, just ask him if he likes you. It's puts us on the spot but he won't lie unless he's really shy

[Asker]

Yeah... He's pretty shy.

[Anonymous]

tbh this just comes down to whether he is attracted to you he could be trying to play cool but dosent know how so he makes you feel unwanted

[Asker]

Lol.

[DANTExno]

it seems to me that he wants to say something but he's kind of shy or just scared

[Asker]

He's pretty shy yes.

[Splithead]

He's gaming you... extremely well. ABORT

[Asker]

? He's not a player. I don't agree to be introduced to that sort and I trust the people who introduced us.

[Splithead]

well then he's just a guy who's somewhat interested in you but is either not sure how much he likes you, though he is aware of you, or doesn't know how to engage you in the next logical step. Maybe he's just busy.

[Asker]

I think all of the above applies to him.

[johnflamel]

Is it possible he likes men?

[Asker]

No. I know that for a fact.

[johnflamel]

Does he have a girlfriend?

[Asker]

Nope.

[Asker]

He is extremely shy... I think he had a past experience... which made him very...

[Asker]

There was people around us... I just don't get why he wouldn't give me a straight answer.. On if I'm bothering him by my invites... Or how I'm supposed to tell him I'm coming or give him invites... Just doesn't make sense. When I said your sister knew I was coming... He then apologized and said she works all over... Which wasn't the point... The point was. She could have told him I was coming...

[johnflamel]

Tell me his background, what type of guy is he and his interests. It might explain his confusing nature.

[Asker]

What do you mean? He's shy... At least around me... He doesn't talk to ladies much... Unless he knows them or they are married to his friends... He seems to have no problem talking to others... like most guys he's into sports... Which I already knew but he said it anyways when he declined the play... He mentioned sometimes he gets down and doesn't want to do things or other things come up in his long winded explanation of why he didn't respond to my invite...

[johnflamel]

Does he have depression?

[johnflamel]

He could like you but his interests are different than yours. It would make sense just to start getting to know him that you'd actually understand him explaining things.

[johnflamel]

So my suggestion is get to know him better before moving forward. It would be the best for both of you.

[Asker]

Yeah... Exactly how do I do that? He won't text me or call... so... We live in neighboring towns but between work and all... Its not like I can get over there often.

[Asker]

Based on what he said... I take it he suffers the blues sometimes... I think most of us do nowadays.

[johnflamel]

If that's the case, he might be interested in you then not interested in anything. It's also possible he is trying to give you warning because he doesn't want to bother you with his depression.

[mukheef]

If he turned you down a few times, move on.

[Asker]

Only the one time. I guess ill try one more time...

[mukheef]

One thing about guys.
If we really want you, we will try over and over again to hang out with you. So try two more times. If he keeps giving you excuses, then move on.

[Asker]

He'd shy, very shy. I do know that for a fact.

[Immainlove]

Don't give him attention for a few days maybe

[Asker]

We are not in school... We are older... so we don't see each other that often.

[rocelot]

What ever happened to sentence structure? Or paragraphs?

[Asker]

Its late. I'm tired... Could you please answer the? Or just don't reply at all. I need advice.

[rocelot]

Well if you talk in any similar matter in the way you type than I'd imagine he'd be equally as confused.

[Asker]

Nevermind. Obviously you aren't gonna be ant real help.

[rocelot]

Speaking for myself but if you in anyway talk like that there is no way I'd be interested in you. May advice would be to actually talk to this person. I hope you know what I mean by that.

[Asker]

Our conversation was just fine. Quit being a jerk since you don't want to give advice on what I asked for.

[rocelot]

Life lesson 101: sometimes people give you advice you don't want to hear, that in of itself doesn't dismiss such advice. As for me being a jerk look at Internet 101.

[AlexCab]

Seems as a no but mixed signals. Try ignoring him

[Asker]

That's hardly an issue as I don't see him that much unless I'm visiting my friend.

[AlexCab]

so if you don't have the ability to be close to him... no issues right? at all, regardless of how he reacts I mean.

[Asker]

Yeah. I just wanted a straight answer and all I got was more questions... He was soo worried about hurting my feelings... Does he realize that letting me think he wants to possibly spend time he's doing just that?

[AlexCab]

Straight answer: I don't think he knows what he's doing. Just reacting.

[Asker]

Obviously... telling me he doesn't like to give the wrong impression by texting or calling girls but touching me and standing pretty close... And laughing... Doesn't make sense.

[Mariahhh_xo]

Guys are seriously so weird ! I don't get them lol

[Asker]

The shy ones are on a whole different level to top that off. Oh well... He doesn't want me, fine. His loss. I was willing to take it slow and all as long as he put in SOME effort.

[Mariahhh_xo]

Yes his loss! trust me when you no longer pay attention to him anymore the tables will turn he will eventually notice that your no longer after him & he will start liking you that's just the way it is. Guys are weird, I say that you already did what you could & like you said it's his loss. Enjoy life & do you & you might even find some one better ! (:

[GooDDuude99]

first of all nobody wants to go watch a boring play xD

[Asker]

I beg you pardon. Broadway is pretty popular and lots of guys go. Just cause you don't... If that's all you got to add. Don't bother to answer. No one is forcing you.

[hypno-trip]

he's probably not decided on what he wants.

[Asker]

He's like early thirties'. He should know by now.

[Insignis]

Holy cow so many thoughts! My head would explode!

[Asker]

I get tired of typing all that to everyone that ask but no one is forcing you to answer dude.

[Insignis]

What I'm saying is, "relax." No one is insulting you.

[Asker]

What's that got to do with the question?

[Insignis]

The thing is, you're making the situation more complicated than it has to be. It shouldn't require this much thought if you have fun.

[Asker]

If I had fun? Huh? It was a conversation. Some of it a little serious when I was trying to discover if he wanted me to send invites or if it was a bother. Which he didn't actually answer...

[Moazzzz]

Yes He likes u
These Things
I have done them

[Asker]

Huh?

[Moazzzz]

I did these things in past

[Asker]

Well it seems to be a contradiction between what he says and does.

[Moazzzz]

Because He likes You and He is A shy guy
So, He feels shy talking to u

[GoodToBeWithGuy]

Try giving him less attention for few days.

[Asker]

I don't see him every day... So I don't think that would work.

[Anonymous]

really interesting questin

[Asker]

Really interesting answer.

[Opinion Owner]

tyvm

[Anonymous]

to many excuses. he not interested

[Asker]

Lol! I know right? He's seems to have an aversion to actually saying no for some reason. He's never told me no, just... I'm not really that kind of guy etc... I'd rather him say no then that tbh.

[allmenaredogs]

he is a girl

[Asker]

Bahahahahaha! The first thing to make me laugh today!

[Anonymous]

Sounds unbalanced

[Asker]

Huh? Sounds like mixed signals to me.

[Anonymous]

I have no clue.. tbh