My girlfriend flirts with him when I'm not there.

[braden08]

Okay, my girlfriend and I have been going out 9 months, I love her. but her "best friend" who is a guy and who also likes her always flirts with her even when I'm there with them. I have to restrain myself from kicking his ass because my girlfriend would get mad. But recently I have heard rumors that my girlfriend flirts with him as well when I'm not there. I have heard this from many different people including her other best friend. what should I do. I don't want to leave her but it depresses me I hear these things from other people. any words of advice?

[hisangel]

No you aren't overreacting. When I was younger I believed men and women could be friends with no sexual issues coming into it but I do not believe that anymore.

Men and women were not meant to be friends. They were meant to be partners. It's so odd to me how many people think that they can have a best friend who is of the opposite sex and it not become an issue. In my experience, when a man and woman are very close and they aren't in a relationship, at least one of them wants the relationship. I have never seen the Hollywood idea of a man and woman who are best buds their whole lives and they never had issues with desiring each other.

I would not be cool with my partner having very close girl friends and I would never have close guy friends. It's a consideration thing. It is too easy to have a bad day with the one you love and if you have "best friend" there to comfort you, it's just too easy to screw up. So I think you have every right to say something. If something really makes you uncomfortable, you always have every right to say something.

I would tell her that you respect her enough and care enough about her feelings not to develop close relationships with other women, but you understand this friendship has been a part of her life, but there need to be boundaries put in place. She doesn't get to flirt with any guy on the street does she? So she shouldn't be using the phrase "best friend" as a loophole to flirt.

But I'm more interested in the fact that you said "I don't want to leave her". It kind of hints that maybe you have thought about it. That's a pretty strong response for just one irritant in a relationship. So that makes me think you have probably several irritants. I think I also remember you posting that you were frustrated cause you wanted to move faster than she did in certain areas of the relationship. So I can see why her flirting is a huge issue.

I think you can deal with the flirting issue but I also think you should figure out if that desire to leave is a valid one.

[Skippy13]

I'm standing up and applauding! I couldn't say it better myself!

[krissadd]

I have to disagree with this. Men and women are meant to be attracted to each other yes. We are human, we will get more than likely get turned on by someone who is not of our significant other, friend, someone in a movie.... whatever it happens doesn't mean you act upon it. deal with it. have trust in your partner. have faith in yourself. grow up.

[hisangel]

Skippy, I'm not sure how you are applauding and typing. That is very impressive. :)

Seriously, thank you for the compliment.

Krissadd, I understand your point. Like I said, when I was young, I thought what you thought too.

[Skippy13]

I'm slapping my keyboard as I type...that counts as clapping...yeah to be young again...or at least younger...

[hisangel]

Hahaha Oh I see.

[greeneyedgal]

I agree with the other gentleman's advice that you should talk to her. But, I think you need to re-emphasize the fact that you are uncomfortable with her flirting with her friend. She is sending the wrong signals to him and most of all she is disrespecting you & the relationship. If she truly loves and values you then she should have no problems addressing and changing her behavior. In addition, if she continues to do it despite your objections then it might have to boil down to her losing you or the friend.

This is just my opinion but you proceed as you see fit. Good luck.

[allisonfreak]

Hi there. I am a girl, and I've been in pretty much the same position with my boyfriend. He thinks I flirt with my guy best friend, who flirts with me. I know my friend flirts with me, but we've always done that, even since before I started going out with my boyfriend. It's just the way we are. To be honest, I kind of like it when my boyfriend gets protective. Like, no matter how much a girl says that it bothers her, trust me, it's great. Nothing is hotter than a boy who really cares about his girl enough to be protective.

[godoggo]

19...how did I guess.

[godoggo]

Actually I was thinking 16, but close enough. Boy do you have a lot to learn about relationships.

[allisonfreak]

No need to be a jerk. It's how I feel. And no, I'm not nineteen, it's just what I put as my age, moron.

[dock1088]

kick his ass. teach his bitch ass some motherf***ing bounadries. And to your girl tell her that it bothers you. if she freaks out then it probably wasn't it

talk to your gril first and don't get the steps mixed up

[Anonymous]

talk to her

she needs to know that you feel like her friend isn't respecting your guys relationship and he needs to back off a bit

[braden08]

Yes I agree, I have done this before and he backed off a little,and now he's doing it again. I am more worried about her flirting with him.

[Opinion Owner]

Rumors are rumors

unless she's done something that makes you think she's cheating, you've got to have trust in her. just be on the look out for behavior changes or other signs

[krissadd]

My bestfriends where guys when I met my boyfriend. I flirted with them it was very innocent and harmless, I love my boyfriend or I wouldn't have been with him, I would have been with my guy friends, I understand if your girlfriend is touching them or doing other physical things, but flirting is innocent. It just makes you feel good.

[Kacie]

But isn't it kinda disrespectful and selfish? Because it makes you feel good but it makes your partner very upset. I understand what you're saying though.

[krissadd]

Haha well I understand the way he feels, it kills me when my boyfriend like says, hey she's hot, or something like that, but I guess were just open about stuff like that and know we really love its others so I dunno.. haha I mean, its not like we tell other people oh your sexy or something like that, like usually its just like that shirt looks nice on you, you should wear it more often or something.

[Il_Fonz]

Flirting for men is not innocent. A man would never flirt with a woman he didn't want to have sex with. Women need to be more like men in this respect. It would clear up a lot of confusion.

[krissadd]

I don't think you can generalize that flirting for men is not innocent. All men are different as all girls are.

[Anonymous]

you are overreacting. If all they do is flirt, it's nothing.

[Opinion Owner]

YOung people are more jealous than older people. You should try to get a handle on it before it gets you in trouble.