How do I stop getting approached by sleazy men and attract a better class of man?

Question

I am intelligent and I want to come across this way without compromising my looks.

I keep getting approached by sleazy looking men and feel that my look does not appeal to good/intelligent/smart men and was wondering what I could do about it.

Is this something all women face or is there something I can do to stop it?

A lot of people tell me I'm attractive... but instead of normal or attractive men approaching me, I keep getting approached by such disgustingly sleazy men with sex on the brain.

Whilst many women tell me I'm pretty, I have a look which seems to really, really appeal to losers.

Let me make this clear: I am not discriminative of men based on how they look. Guys of my age who look average or even not hot are fine for me as long as they are well-intentioned.

But I am discriminative of men based on them having a look which says they should not be lusting after young girls.

The guys I'm talking about are often older, fat, slimey, lustful looking men. Not to be racist but they are usually ethnic minorities from countries that don't respect women.

So, my image:

I have long blonde hair, but only because my hair is naturally blonde and I can't afford to get it cut that often with the prices.

I wear non-provocative clothes i.e. trainers/sneakers, jeans, normal shirt and jacket.

I wear a little eye-liner, mascara and concealer. Not heavy make-up.

How do I attract the right kind of man? p.s. obviously I don't go to bars/clubs and expect to meet decent men. I'm talking about malls, internet cafes, libraries.

I'm petite and I think there is something about me which looks vulnerable. How do I counter this?

Does hair colour really make a difference in how men judge women (be honest)?

I'm a natural light blonde and as I'm so fair, I don't think dark hair would suit me but if it meant being taken seriously I would definitely do it.

Updates

+1 y

Let me make it clear that I'm 17 years old and I don't want to be approached by old, slimey men.

If you don't understand what a slimey man is and are purposely misunderstanding my question - don't answer.

jdcpa · Accepted Answer

First of all,

EVERYONE has sex on their brain. Just accept it. What you mean is, men who have MORE than JUST sex on their brain

If you'd like to attract a "better class" of men, then you just need to "be" (not act or pretend you are) a "better class" of woman

Women who are:

- Busy focusing on their looks

- Exclaiming that they're a lady

- That's they're "not easy" or "difficult"

- They're they're "worth it"

- That they have "a lot of value to offer"

- Verbalize a jumbo list of qualities they're looking for

Are women who basically communicate to a "better class of men", that they are losers

So the only men who end up giving them attention are:

- Male losers

- Sleaze-balls

- Creeps

- Weirdos

- Abusive a-holes/jerks (see: Male losers)

A "better class of men" are men who:

- Have a job

- That earns him more than $90,000 a year

- His job is secure

- He's financially intelligent & secure

- He's intellectual

- He's caring & understanding

- He communicates well

- He respects others

- He lacks ego

Men like this are earning assets. It makes no sense for them to bust their butt early in life, sacrifice their youth & fun years, to build up their human capital, earning potential & financial security, just to take care of an unproductive useless waste of life female loser. A man with value, who is worth it, (this should be obvious), also wants a woman with value, who is worth it

What does a "better class of woman" look like?

- She has a job that earns her more than $90,000 a year

- Her job is stable & secure

- She has no intentions of quitting to stay home & be a housewife

- She's a saver, not a spender

- She's financially intelligent & secure

- She's smart & creative

- She lacks ego

- She's caring & understanding

- She communicates well

- She respects him

I'm sorry, but as 17, you simply don't have anything to offer this type of guy; yet

This is why the guys that you want, are overlooking you. And the only guys who do give you attention, are guys you don't want

Please do yourself a favor, and stop focusing on your appearance. Guys that are worth it have x-ray vision & psychic powers. Seriously. It doesn't matter what you look like. They will size you up for your personality, and financial value almost instantly. If they like what they see, they'll be interested. Even if you're in sweat pants w/o any make-up on, and your hair is a mess. Believe me, to him, you'll be the most attractive & beautiful woman in the world

But as of now, you're not doing anything with your life. He sees you as a LIABILITY & EXPENSE, not as a PARTNER or TEAM-MATE that will contribute, earn & provide equally in a family & relationship

So the only men who are left, are guys who are ONLY interested in sex, and don't care about you being a liability & expense

Wildwoodnj2010 · Accepted Answer

I know your personality, I am almost the same, except the part about being approached by sleazy men lol.  The thing is, most guys are like this, once the get sex, they leave. You must be very careful, a guy might even come on slowly, then take a leap to sex.  We are very different in all of us.  You cannot just sit back and wait for decent looking men to find you.  You have to go out and get them!  If you see a decent looking man, go talk to him, maybe flirt with him a little, and boom you have yourself a date, the kind you want too!  Only idiots stereotype on hair color.  If guys still think the blondes are dumb, they are insecure and immature.  If you are shy, put up a front that blocks all communication with these slimy men.  To me you seem very pretty, so you should have no problem finding the right person.  A long time ago, love was love.  People didn't make whoopee until they were married and knew they truly wanted to start a life together, but sadly, things today are very different.  People that are still children are having sex and babies with each other, and it is truly repulsive.  You may think there aren't any of those well mannered, clean-cut guys around, but I am one of them.  Truthfully, I am young but I am not sleazy!  Relationships take time, and that's exactly what you need to give them, time!  Take it easy, you will find the right person.  Good Luck! -WW2010

choctawmicmac · Accepted Answer

It happens to women of all ages. I get it because people tell me I "look" 16. And as 42 with multiple college degrees including a law degree, that is NOT a compliment, believe me. Their excuse when I rake them over the coals for it, being, that I "looked young and stupid" - I don't know on what planet that was supposed to be "flattering" or a "compliment." (No place I'd want to know about, that's for sure.) And I'm Native American and overweight at that, so I attract "only a certain ethnicity that has no respect for women," too. It's not just you; I get treated like I look what I call "too stupid" to have a law degree, pretty much every single day of my life. In my case I assume it must be because they think I'm a "race" that everyone thinks is "too stupid for law school." Out in Indian Country you hear more of this rubbish coming out of white people's mouths - like I said, every single day. Or at least every single day that I see anyone or talk to people, so not including the days I don't go outside or talk to anyone.

Case in point: I will give an example. I'm over-40 and have been driving stickshift cars since 1989, but the other day when I was giving a guy a ride (because he said he'd pay for the gas) he was trying to TEACH ME HOW TO DRIVE A STICKSHIFT. And it's MY damn car. Geez. I practically pushed him out of the car, I got so mad, and his excuse was the aforementioned he'd thought I looked about 16. Wow.

So being blonde has nothing to do with it. Being Native American or Latina is way, way WORSE. Then we REALLY attract nothing but slimebags who think we look STUPID.

CKhan · Accepted Answer

That's because sleazy men are easy, and hit on any human being that walks. So you could get crutches OR You can just hold your head up high and go about your business, go to places where you think you'd meet dudes with your interests and values. Stop questioning yourself, this one is NOT on you! As for the sleazy individuals with their obnoxiousness, and toxic bad breath, those men are an extension of the cement, you know the part that the contractors forgot to clean up.

Just ignore 'em.

The men you want are NOT easy so they will not just hit on you in the street. They have class. But there is hope. You attract the right men by exuding positive energy, confidence, dressing appropriately which it sounds like you sure do, and just BEING YOURSELF. LOVING YOURSELF Some places have more sleezebags than others so just try not to go to sleeze-mart unless they happen to frequent the grocery store, you kinda got to go there, but don't be too hard on yourself or think it's you. Some dudes are ho-bags and like to talk to people. Keep a role of duct tape handy and use as necessary when they start to open their lame-ass mouths. Own your fabulousness! Own it!

EstherThinks · Accepted Answer

Listen I'm a black female , 5"2 and I guess I'm pretty
I constantly get approached by old sleazy men too , of all races white , black , everything. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing , I've been approached my old men during the winter whilst wearing a heavy winter coat , during the summer whilst I'm jogging in an oversized shapeless top , during the library when I'm busy focusing on my studies and even while shopping I have been stalked and followed around by men. My sense of style is smart casual consisting of non- tight Jeans a smart top or jumper depending on the weather. I don't wear makeup that often. However I get approached by really old sleazy men , the thing is it's not our faults , being short and baby faced I could easily be mistaken for 15 years old but these men are sick in the head and whether you are smart and sophisticated or not , these idiots would still approach you , the only thing you can do is take self defence classes or walk around with a self defence tool in case on anything. I have been physically restrained by strangers and kissed by grimy old men without my consent and you're best of being safe rather than regretful.

Tamikaze · Accepted Answer

You may simply just be destined to attract guys like that. I am a slim, petite blonde and men of certain ethnicities from other countries do seem to like us more than we may realize. One way to avoid some of their attention is by not making eye contact and keeping to yourself. Other than that, just get good at ignoring them when they do make contact. You owe them nothing, no apology, no smile and you do not have to be rude but you do not need to talk to them.

So, I would not change my look, I just would do the above, which is what I have done for years now. You are not dressing provocatively and why should you change your hair color. If you cannot afford regular haircuts, you are not going to want to color your hair anyways.

Stefan_R · Answer

Laughing at armyant for the pointless comments and waste of space on this answer. I tend to be the type of guy that naturally has good looks and fitness for me is a must. I carry myself like an intelligent guy because of my european style. In my case I attract every kind of woman, and I do, just like you, look for girls who know how to carry themselves, who have ambition, and make first moves, and on and on. Honestly there is so much behind this question that it would take me days to explain to you the logic that you have and how women think. 99% of the men cannot understand the female brain, and always do the exact opposite of what women really want to hear and feel. It's not always about looks to women, its about how you make them feel. Women sleep and date rich, good looking, and famous men to please their physical desires. Unconsciously though, women want something different, they strive for it. Again, just like you, I love women with class and ones that have confidence in themselves. Here's one BIG tip that might help you... Think of the guy that you want to attract, imagine him, everything about him...and think about where he would be to look for women with class. The reason you are getting hit on by losers and pussies is because of the places you go to...that's where they go to look for an easy lay. I for example go and hang out at lounges, and places like cafe's or outdoor malls. That's where I find girls with a sense of style. Really think about where your imaginary fantasy guy would look for girls... If you want to know more details of how to find the right guy, or what to look for in a guy, don't feel afraid to talk to me...Trust me the last thing on my mind is hitting on girls, that already happens enough for me to even try anymore...so either way GOOD LUCK! I respect women who know what they look for, its rare!

bellybuttonlint · Answer

Creepy men come from all places but obviously you want to stay away from public transportation, bars, construction areas, car dealerships (a lot of mechanics are pervs), etc.

You can't avoid them really. It's how men were raised and women were raised. Women were raised to mostly be docile and dependent on the husband (I.E. chivalry) whereas guys are "suppose" to be the breadwinners and aggressive. Usually a good thing to do is say "Well, my boyfriend likes to cook so I just buy the food and he'll prepare." Mentioning boyfriend or husband is a GREAT way to put guys off. You can say "Well, my boyfriend and I are going to Cabo next week..." Stuff like that is a great slayer of sleazy guys.

As long as you go to public places, you can't avoid them because that's how they were raised. if you're willing and bold enough you might have to go out and fetch the guy yourself. I mean why sit back and have the poor selections come to you when you can go out and choose for yourself? Too much chivalry can be a bad thing.

armyant · Answer

"Let me make this clear: I am not discriminative of men based on how they look."

"But I am discriminative of men based on them having a look which says..."

"The guys I'm talking about are often older, fat, slimey, lustful looking men."

You're really ripping me off here because you've left me with a post for which I don't even need to write a response, rather I can just quote what you said and people will intuitively see that you are one shallow and self-contradictory yet proud and prejudiced retard.

Bruce · Answer

I don't know where you live...nor do I care, but as a 17 year old...a minor, if you are having such a terrible time being approached by older men, it would seem that a criminal complaint would be in order...to keep this horrendous number of potential pedophiles at bay.

If you are encountering this kind of problem on a regular basis:

(I keep getting approached by such disgustingly sleazy men with sex on the brain.)

Perhaps your parents or court appointed guardian, should hire an around the clock body guard for you, or perhaps, have you escorted back and forth to your day care center in an armored car, with a police escort.

What a terrible problem you have there, lady, you have my heartfelt sympathy,

P.S. Check the Yellow Pages, under Psychiatry / family counselling/

Stephenabc · Answer

I'm going to go ahead and highlight the good answers and make a point off of the bad(of the guys', of course). Not much of my own to be made here anymore.

I'm afraid that the bad guys will always be the one's to not respect you enough to hit on you anyways, anywhere you go, virtually regardless of what you try to make yourself appear to be. They will only have one thing in mind and will pursue it. You're gonna have to deal with this for a while until you find the man you're looking for, and I'm very sorry for that.

On the side here, this is a very touchy topic to be on the offensive on: you've started a nice answer war here. That criticism is likely to continue, and you're gonna have to shrug that off too. The best that I can offer you is encouragement not to give up or ever be afraid to express yourself(which by your comments you're clearly not, just looking for answers.).

Oh. That and good luck. ;)

mortablunt · Answer

Have you tried going after the educated men? We decent men usually assume that an attractive girl is taken because back when we didn't have all the experiences to keep us in like, we tried to get the attractive girls back in middle school in high school. They however, were taken so we learned two things. Number 1: attractive girls are always taken. Number 2: attractive girls never want anything to do with us. Target the nice (and I mean seriously like treat you well nice not yandere I love you and you better love me nice) and single guys. Look for students of the Classics, as they tend to be both serious and have a dirty sexual side beneath it. Good luck to you.

useranonymous · Answer

Don't change who you are at all. Men usually go for immature features on women (let me explain): big eyes, small nose, full lips, small/refined jaw line, petite frame, long hair -- basically grown up little girls -- I know that's creepy, but it's evolutionary psychology.

From the sounds of it, you probably dont' wear make up because you don't need it, and you're petite, and have the long, light hair. You lucked out with being what men want, but also unfortunately are what men want.

Again, don't change. You're still young and once you get to college and everything you'll be around more guys your own age.

Marshall33 · Answer

First off the more makeup you wear the more likely you will attract men with sex on the brain. Your blond hair plays into the fantasies of many ethnic men that have fantasies about it. Take the initative of seeking a man out instead of waiting for a needle in a haystack so to speak. I think you must realize that you communicate a vulnerability to you by portraying someone that is waiting to be charmed and not communicating someone who is desiring to be respected and seen for who you are. Cease the stereotype look and dye your hair dark and reduce the makeup and that will definitely attract more serious candidates to your liking.

setcheck67 · Answer

More likely then not it is because you are very attractive that the sleazies want you. The problem you have is guys pretty much see a blond girl and don't see a real relationship with her. The stereotype is blonds are for the f***ing and trophy wives. The best thing for you to do in this situation is get rid of that stereotype that you're an airheaded girl who is easy to get in the sack. Try reading books more often in public and as bad as this sounds don't laugh as much around people and prevent yourself from stumbling at all costs. Start to build up an image of a girl that respects herself and demands respect from others. Once the good guys realize that you aren't what they foolishly believed you were they will approach you. They will see the loving beautiful girl under the blond hair.

missducky · Answer

The thing I though helped me is rings you can wear a cheap pretty ring or necklace and guys looking for a lay know rings mean commitment and normally lay off but a guy wanting something will ask about it or whose it is who you got it from ect lol mind you the ring I wear is from an ex who told me to keep it I'll still wear it because the rock is big and pretty but still really cheap lol

o and for malls cafes ect try having a friend with you they don't like approaching two people obviously together in a group or play a game on your phone and pause it so it looks like your texting someone lol and looking past any guys staring at or at a door out a window makes it look like you are waiting for someone :) sorry that's all I got

Brando · Answer

That is going to be the majority of guys. They are the kind with a sex drive that needs to be satisfied and that's what is on their mind. So yeah, just learn to let it rillof your back. As for suggestions, try doing some approaching or at least dropping more than subtle hints. Try talking to that shy guy. Or that guy that's inexperienced with girls. Try flirting around with the guy that's chilled out, the one who has plenty of friends that are girls but doesn't express his interest in any. Assuming that you know that type and that he's not gay, he WILL be attracted to some of his girl friends he's just so laid back that he doesn't show it. So yeah, break from routine and talk to a guy that normally doesn't approach you. All you might have to do is provide him with enough clarity that you won't reject him and he'll gladly converstae with you :)

Kayne · Answer

You answered your own question.

People are going to approach you. It happens. You just have to learn to shrug it off and let them know to leave you be.

You will see it happens to most women. It just DOES.

There is nothing you can do to NOT be hit on by older men.

martyfellow · Answer

Tough when you're petitie and blond. The stereotype is that such girls are willing to go along with any proposition and/or won't fight back if accosted.

Aside from dying your hair and carrying a samurai sword, there's nothing you can do about it really except cultivate a cold stare. Some women really bring this off, no matter how small they are.

Bood luck...Time will take care of this, since you'll be approached less when yu're older.

Kisseeboo · Answer

I just realized "jdcpa" is a guy...oops!  What a sad answer coming from him.  Anyways, you are 17...Going to college?  Well, that's a great place to start!  Otherwise, hang out where these type of men you want to meet go.  From personal experience it won't be the library, or bookstore, probably not Starbuck's... they DO seem to be swarming with horny toads and weirdos. If you must go to coffee places and libraries then I suggest really sticking around Universities. I don't know where you live but the lake is a cool area too. That's a start.

browneyes9181 · Answer

I agree with some of the answers. If you want to attract smart, intelligent guys you have to go where they hang out. Also for the slimey guys it doesn't matter what you look like or if you wear provacitive clothes or not.

Those types of guys will always look at you and try to approach you and the reason is because perverts are perverts.

All you have to do is get a cold look on your face and in your eyes, letting them know you will stand for none of their nonsense.

gotc147 · Answer

I'd imagine most attractive women get this at least to some degree. Maybe it's something to do with where you live, or the company you keep, perhaps the places you go.

Where you should go to meet a guy that is decent depends on exactly what you're looking for in a guy, but be forwarned, most guys your age are thinking with their penis and not their heart.

m3TALchick · Answer

All women face a sleazy man once or more times in their life. If you want a hair cut, but can't afford one; go to a hair school. There isn't really anything you can do to stop attracting the "wrong" types of guys, and I definitely wouldn't recommend changing who are you. Just be patient, get to know the guy/or guys your dating very well. Look at the way he looks at you and what he talks about. Hope it works out for you.

b33t1t · Answer

hmmm...i'm gonna have to say don't go to places where "slimy guys" congregate. But there's really no one right answer to this question because there's always going to be those guys you consider to be "slimy" (your word, not mine) anywhere you go. Also, you try and dress more "upperclass" + "sophisticated"; that would probably filter out a lot of guys you don't like by intimidating them from approaching you right off the bat...

esahc88 · Answer

I understand but here is what I would take out of it is sometimes guys of all different kinds will approach you. You need to shake them off, andI realize that you can't change th kind of guys that will approach you. However, sometimes guys approach women that they think resemble themselves. You may try to dress more conservatively and try to hang out in places with more "educated men".

drunkdan · Answer

Intelligent men do like intelligent women. Just maybe dress down a little. As a smart guy myself I tend to assume that women dressed more casually are smart also and those dressed very nicely are rather dumb. I no its stupid but I assume that the better dressed women must be compensating for something, usually a lack of intelligence.

How do I stop getting approached by sleazy men and attract a better class of man?

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