Should I tell my crush I like her?

Question

I've had a crush on a girl for several months now and i feel like i want to tell her i like her. I've read a few articles online stating that you should tell someone you like them, it might be useful information. We know each other well and have been playful/flirty sometimes. She has a boyfriend though. She has said to her friends that she doesn't love him and never has. Should i tell her i like her?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

just gonna leave this response from another question that explain why you never chase a girl.

"Under no circumstances do you tell her that you like her.

Girls who play hard to get are driven (addicted even) to attention and validation. As my father used to say, "attention and validation is to women what sex is to men." What that means is, she doesn't need to have sex with you to feel the pleasure of you giving her acceptance and desire for her, or to validate how important she is. That's great for her, and not so great for you.

If you want to be cynical for a moment, and imagine a world where a bunch of insecure women go around looking to trade sex in return for attention and validation, but without incurring some "cost" to their "reputation" by "actually having sex" with guys... what is the dominant go to strategy for a girl? To be a tease. To play hard to get. To try and get something for nothing. To look for fools who are willing to give her what she wants for free.

When a girl plays hard to get, she is trying to "warm you up" (sales term, not meant in the sexual sense), "pull" you in, until you reach into your attention and validation wallet, and fork over your money. Once you've done that, she's got everything she wanted from you. You have given away your bargaining chips and power over to her. Now, you are powerless. Now, you are just left doing more and more, bidding against yourself in the "hope" that maybe she reciprocates.

It's sort of like jujitsu. She's trying to get you in a vulnerable position and put herself in a dominant position. The best way to counter a choke hold is to simply avoid getting into one. So, when you see her behaving that way, the last thing you want to do is reward or encourage that behavior. You definitely don't want to be giving up power with someone who is showing you that she's addicted to playing power games.

So, the best thing you can do with her is but your shameless emotionless cold and dispassionate hard bargaining negotiator hat on. She's no longer a woman. She's Donald Trump, and you're negotiating with Donald Trump. You have to be ready to say fuck you, not text back, not reach out to her, ignore her, and basically treat her like she doesn't matter. Once you nonverbally communicate our willingness to walk away and indifference to her, at a minimum, the power games should slow down or stop. If they start again, you go into Donald Trump mode again, until you condition her to respect you."

Fillyfolly5 · Accepted Answer

I say yes because if you tell her she'll know but if you wait it out most likely someone else may have slipped in there. Some people break up with someone when they know they have someone else they want to see. if you wait it out you risk someone else moving in and you're stuck still liking her without her knowing. Can't tell you how many times I've ended it with someone and started seeing someone else and a different person comes to me and says they've liked me from before. Plus if she is flirting with you she may be waiting on you. Just do it with integrity. Say you like her but out of respect if she ever is available you'd like to take her out.

MissLiftsHeavy · Accepted Answer

You need to tell her because it's always best to get things out in the open so no one has to play guessing games. Tell her "i wanted to tell you that I like you. I understand that you are in a relationship right now and my intention isn't to get between you two. I don't expect anything from you I just wanted to let you know how I feel." from there she can make her own decisions about what to do. If she truly likes you too she will leave that guy if not she won't. Don't wait around for her forever but give her a little bit to decide.

yourwinglady · Accepted Answer

I have some mixed feelings about this. For her to be in a relationship with someone she doesn't really care about, and to tell that information to other people, makes me a little uneasy. If she's not feelin' it, she shouldn't be leading her boyfriend on. I definitely think you need to wait until she's single if you choose to tell her anyway.

chaleesi · Accepted Answer

wait it out a little. because if she wasn't with her boyfriend i'd say go for it. try and talk to her get a little closer and see if she'll tell you anymore details about her relationship. if it sounds like she's about done with him then profess your feelings lol

morningdew · Accepted Answer

stay your feelings as lowkey as possible. although it'd hard but just keep as a friend for now, if she broken up with her boyfriend, make her aware of your presence. things could work better that way. to ruin a relationship is one of the most guilty-ing things.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

All you need to tell her is, "If you didn't have a boyfriend, I would ask you for a date."

LucienFolter · Answer

I wouldn't for 2 reasons:
1) You'll take on every bit of the baggage that she does when it comes to this guy. Even if he's not super serious about her, it's a pride thing. Being dumped for another guy will piss him off and depending on how he handles that it could put stress on things.
2) (This one is more important) Best case scenario: You tell her and she's totally on board, dumps the guy and he walks away without a care in the world. Y'all hit it off and things go great for a while but eventually she's going to make another guy friend at some point in her life. Somewhere in the back of your mind you'll probably start to wonder whether or not she's got romantic interests in him and since she did it to her ex it's not totally impossible that she'll do it to you.

Then again, she could have no romantic interest in you and by telling her things get awkward and the friendship suffers. I'd wait it out for a bit and see if she decides to leave the guy on her own and starts to put all of her attention on you. Then you know you're the object of her affection.

DonRomeo · Answer

See how long she needs to wait.
Many possible scenarios - such as you tell her you like her, she says she needs time, you get impatient and start being easy to get, and she likes the atrention and so keeps stringing you along while waiting for someone else like him.

A better scenario is you wait it out until she's ready (otherwise it could just be a rebound, and you say you 'like' her so that could give you the wrong impression), hang around, and bring the playfulness/flirting up by about 25%. Id say dont think 'I like you' is going to cut it - instead, use humour and show your confidence and playfulness. You want her brain to start to realise that you're a sexual option - Not a friend.

Thats why you keep flirting - to make sure she doesn't see you as platonic.

Heat up the flirting when it makes sense, and make a pretext to kiss her. Then you can tell if she wants more.

One more thing: the guy she was with, because she apparently didn't love him, probably fits into one of a few categories. Is he the bad-boy type, for example? Then thats what she goes for.

I dont fixate on one girl though, it compromises your position, best is to find new ones.

Good luck

SOUTHofZERO · Answer

If she doesn't love the guy... she might be looking for a change. You said you both know each other well, and play around a little. Make a plan to ask her out somewhere, something casual, no pressure yo., And plan a more active role, and tell her how you feel man. That you both like each other and have fun together, and that you want to be more than just friends. See what she says. Most important dude, if she says no, don't take it personally, or react negatively. She might just need time to absorb the information. But you'll never know if you don't start the conversation. And who knows, you might find yourself in a relationship with her.

Joshy · Answer

Depends on your intentions. Do you want to confess your feelings in hopes of destroying her current relationship, or are you simply getting it off your chest?

I had a severe crush on a girl who was in a relationship. It pained me to keep my emotions locked up to the point that I had to get it out. I confessed because being honest about my feelings was more important than maintaining a fake friendship with her. I went in with the assumption that I would be turned down, and then went on with my life.

That she's in a relationship with someone she never liked to begin with is a red flag if I ever saw one. If she can't be honest with her current partner then there's no guarantee she won't lie to you as well.

Either confess to her if you're mentally prepared to sacrifice your friendship and leave her to the current boyfriend... or wait things out till she learns to be honest about her feelings and leaves him. You'd also avoid being a homewrecker, just saying.

edbow99 · Answer

Okay, I chose wait it out.
Usually, I would say “You're living as if you're going to live forever. Your time is limited, so stop using it like there is no limit.” (go for it) however, she has a boyfriend - and if she could leave him for you, she could leave you for someone else.
I agree slightly with askcoco. Why would she be with someone she doesn't love?
See how she feels, not what her friends say, what she says.
If she truly doesn't enjoy her relationship, tell her that you like her. But don't push her to break up with this guy, just admit your feelings and see how she reacts. It has to be her decision to break up with the guy, so don't make it sound like your suggestion.

underconstuxion206 · Answer

Don't tell her you like her, just ask her out to dinner. Just telling her would be awkward in my opinion. If you ask her to dinner, it's implying you like her already, so you don't have to tell her, she know it by your actions, and if she doesn't like you, she'll just decline the dinner offer, she's not declining the fact that you like her. Actions speak louder than words, so you should just show her, in many different ways, if she doesn't like one way or another.

jp612612 · Answer

Here's the thing -- this is my personal style, but I actually don't think you should even tell her. I think you should just ask her out. Plan out a date and take her. Make it a daytime one to remove some of the date pressure and take her out. Go to the aquarium and look at fish. Walk around the waterfront and then make your way to some hipster restaurant for lunch where you pass on entrees and split three small plates. Telling someone that you're into them just puts them on the spot and pressures them to decide how they feel about you. Instead, show her what you're all about and see where that takes you.

kungpow89 · Answer

Hmmm... this is a tricky one. I'm pretty split actually. On the one hand, you don't want to be too aggressive and encourage her to break up with her boyfriend when she might have only been on the fence of doing so. On the other hand, this could be an opportunity for you to get with her. Additionally, unless she plans on leaving her boyfriend in the immediate future, I don't think that waiting it out will be of much use. If you really want to be with this girl, a good middle ground would be to confess your feelings to her, but not be too pushy. Let her know your feelings while noting that at the end of the day that no matter what happens, you just want her to be happy. That way, she knows how you feel, and she has all the information she needs to make a proper decision as to who she wants to be with: her current boyfriend or you. I think this will be a pretty reasonable approach. Hope this helped!

Kaju4l · Answer

Personally, I wouldn't because she has a boyfriend right now. This is going to sound shady but that's not the intention. I would say you wait for her break up with her boyfriend and then say your feelings. It's all in how you do it though. Once she breaks up, If you tell that you feel bad that she feeling negative emotions (sad, upset, angry, etc) and then tell her you want to take her out somewhere (to help take her mind off of it), then, after the meeting, I would say "hey, I just want to let you know I enjoyed our time out and...(feelings)" don't get too clingy or weird about it. Just let her know you care and like her

awesometjgreen · Answer

I can't answer I know you want to tell her but usually when a girl says she hates her boyfriend she's really saying she likes him. I know a girl that's kinda attracted to me yet everytime we're touching each other (playfully) and I say something flirty she quickly says she has a Boyfriend yet she complains about him, that's why I keep my distance but I hang around just enough so if they brake up I can take his place. I think girls have this thing where they wanna change the person they're with that's why they stay with ass holes. hope I helped :-)

Mr-Kabuki · Answer

going to a girl and saying "I like you" usually never works. In my experience, you should just talk to the girl, flirt with her, make sure you dont get friend zoned. and then one day nonchalantly ask her out on a date and dont make a big deal out of it. if you go up to her say " Juliet my love!" dont expect a good response. this isn't definite but once you put it out there that youve been crushing on this girl for a very long time, it validates her, and she won't have any reason to be interested in you (unless she already was). but she has a boyfriend so i would say to leave it alone until she breaks up with him. maybe flirt a little though

Cuddlewolves · Answer

Respect her decision to be with her boyfriend for now. Don't assume anything based on what could be rumors. I'd say wait it out just because maybe it's not something she wants to hear when she is currently in a relationship...
But it's up to you honestly. My answer is simply based off of how you described the scenario. If you feel that she likes you, too, and you feel inclined to tell her, then go for it.

serious · Answer

That's a good question. You said you both know each other but she has a boyfriend, so I would say "NO" you shouldn't tell her that you like her. irrespective to whether she loves her boyfriend or not, she is still in a relationship with him and as long as she is still with him ( no matter what the reasons) you should never tell her that you like her.

Yes, once she breaks up with him then you can go ahead and tell her you like her.

Reza_sh · Answer

do not ruin soemone realationship even if you think its loveless or crapy... we are not to judge anyone , crush is not a real thing , crush is a limit that you set for your self to not to get out there and find the girl that matches u , get over it , meet new people

Erebos · Answer

I've been there before, just wait it out. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, be there for her, but do not allow yourself to be a rebound. Don't rush things. If you tell her now and she decides to break up with him and he finds out, he may get mad.

The most likely scenario will be you getting rejected if you admit it now.

Crunchy_Bacon · Answer

I don't think there is anything wrong with being honest about how you feel. She has obviously not completely friend zoned you if you two flirt. The worst that can happen is that she will tell you she doesn't feel the same, but she could also be waiting for a good reason to leave this boyfriend of hers that she doesn't love. You could be the reason she finally takes the leap. One word of caution though, her being tied down to someone and flirting with another man is also a little troublesome, make sure you are never in the same position with her as her current man is.

Paris13 · Answer

... She has a boyfriend though.
She may have a little crush on you Here, dear, but I Fear... She will Not, no Matter what you Say to her, Leave him any Day too soon.
And if she would Leave and Go with you Tomorrow, nothing but Sorrow. Triangle Threesome, where you are Way at the Top, Looking down, side to side, at the Both of them, Still... "Playful/Flirting Sometimes."
Thank you for the Kind Invite, and Find someone a bit less Complicated. xx

martyfellow · Answer

Let her know your feelings. Either that will spur her to break up with the boyfriend, or she will tell you to get lost... Either way, you're better off.

Or she might refuse to comment or respond, or tell you she's not sure of her feelings. But that's about where you are now, so you haven't lost anything.

newbie2015 · Answer

Why would you say you like her when you can invite her to do ssomething, like have coffee, or go see a movie. Friends do that. And of she is committed to him she'll say no and you won't lose the friendship by hitting on an unavailable woman. But if she says yes she will be one more step closer to be available. And then you can take time deciding if you REALLY like HER on the outting, opposed to during brief casual conversation.

WaterRat · Answer

Follow your gut, seems lIke you have a burning desire to. It's hot to be inbetween 2 guys but more hot when you're with the guy you actually like. Honesty is great, not a sign of weakness. It's not stealing if she makes the choice to leave. You're not tying her up in the trunk of your car, hun ;)

Sapphirelovesyou · Answer

I think you should wait it out, get closer to her if you tell her you like her too early and she doesn't like you or doesn't feel like she knows you well enough she will just push you away to the point where you can't fix it, I know because I've done that to people and I feel bad but when someone I don't like likes me, I don't want to do anything to lead them on so it eventually leads to just separating completely,,, anyways if she does like you she will eventually show signs like flirting but again I think you should wait it out because of the boyfriend thing even though it sounds like she doesn't like her boyfriend anymore all relationships started off with something and it will take a while for it to go away

yoshi_wanna_ask · Answer

Not okay to date a girl that's already dating. If she doesn't like him it's up to her to bite the bullet and break up with him, otherwise she could just be talking crap to look big in front of her friends. Besides if she's willing to cheat/jump into another relationship, there's every chance she could do the same to you if you got together and things took a turn. Wait it out.

EvilAngel114 · Answer

I would leave her alone all together. Why is she even with her boyfriend if she feels that way. Playful/flirting will lead to other things and so on. So let's say you and her get together and she does the same with some other girl. If she was woman enough, she's just tell her boyfriend how she really feels. Someone that's just in a relationship to say they have someone... I wouldn't waste my time with them.

vonasaurus · Answer

she has a boyfriend; leave her alone (for now).

if she breaks up with him, then make your move. but not before you keep being the supportive, helpful, reliable friend you've always been (you don't want her thinking that you're taking advantage of her).

jaredletoisbae · Answer

If you willingly try to mess up a relationship, even if its supposedly "falling apart" or "so-and-so doesn't love him" its truly in bad taste. Would you like someone attempting to take your girlfriend away from you? Wait it out if you really care, or move on.

truthbeknown · Answer

Ok, that is article is terrible advice. You never admit feelings to someone who is already in a relationship. Don't be a girlfriend steeler and don't meddle in someone's relationship. Respect she is dating someone else and keep your mouth shut. The status of their relationship is none of your business, so just because so and so said they are on the rocks, doesn't give you justification to pry yourself in there like a weasel.

sjoes006 · Answer

As long her on a date before confessing feelings is my advice. If you ask we on a date and she declines you have your answer without the awkward heart pouring.

If she says yes to the date admit during the date to the crush. Keep it casual ina sense but let her know you intent is to build to a relationship.

marisoll_c · Answer

I believe you should. It's worth a try, although she has a boyfriend. Maybe her knowing you like her might make her feel better and she where the true love is. The reason why she might not like her boyfriend is because she probably likes you and is afraid to ruin your guys friendship. But go and tell her.

MysteriousMiracle · Answer

Definitely wait it out mate because it's not right to tell this to her now. I mean do empathy you were the guy and a guy told him that. I should add that if you wait it out you will actually have more chance.

creative_art · Answer

Hmmm... she has someone right now. This means she needs to decide first what she wants. Better wait and see what happens. It doesn't seem like a good idea to tell her you like her, at the moment. It might backfire on you. If you tell her prematurely, you don't want to end up tangled in a love triangle if she is indecisive between the two of you.

My 2cents

dolemite68 · Answer

Never straight up tell a girl you like her that's like showing everyone your cards in a poker game. Act interested but distant at the same time like you might consider kicking it with her if she started acting right but she's not the only girl in your life. If she breaks up with her boyfriend and starts flirting with you more make a move.

Anonymous · Answer

You might get in trouble for telling her something like that. There's a chance she won't be receptive because she has a boyfriend (even if she doesn't like him), and if he hears that, you're probably getting ya ass whooped. Don't try and be Don Juan and save her from a relationship she doesn't enjoy anymore, it probably won't end up the way you imagined it would.

Turkish_Delight · Answer

Yes, you should tell her. Otherwise she will never know. You say you've been flirting and you know each other, that's a big progress. I've heard of many guys declare their love suddenly and succeed. Good luck, I hope you'll get her!

SadpersonT · Answer

Yes, you may as well. You don't lose anything if nothing happens. I don't know how many times I've wished that a guy would just tell me he liked me rather than be shy. Even if he wasn't my type or whatever, I'd appreciate his guts.

NeverAloneKi · Answer

I said no, since she has a boyfriend, but actually, you should wait until she ends with her boyfriend. If she doesn't, and she's truly claiming she doesn't love him, I think it proves a huge thing about her as a person.

Kitten967 · Answer

I'd tell her since you'll probably regret it if you don't. Just keep in mind she may reject you since she has a boyfriend but if she's not in love with him there is always the chance she will leave him for you. Just don't end up being the side guy

melodybluesy · Answer

Don't you worry that she may be in a relationship and say the same about you as she does with her current boyfriend? she is disrespectful of her own relationship. she should end things first before you make a move.

Sami365 · Answer

Yes. Tell her how you feel, but let her know that you don't expect anything from her and just need to get it off your chest.

If she likes you as well, she will bring it up at some point during/after. If not, you can both move on.

CreativeMumble · Answer

Wait it out.
If she is going to break up with her boyfriend, let it be on her own terms, not because of you.
But be careful, if she does break up with him and you confess to her early on, you might end up becoming her rebound.

vishna · Answer

Don't be a homewrecker, even if she has admitted her distaste for her partner. The best thing you can do is be with a girl who wouldn't tell everyone that and would break up with her partner maturely, I hope that makes sense.

askcoco · Answer

Honestly as a man you should absolutely pursue the girl your interested in.. but in this case I feel like if this girl feels the same way about you.. she would have ended things with her boyfriend don't u think? Why be with someone you don't love? Be careful with who u give ur heart to.. goodluck!

SarahsSummer · Answer

Ordinarily, I'd say tell her but She has a boyfriend. And tells everyone she doesn't love him? Wtf? U should ask her about that before telling her you like her.

AequitasEquitas · Answer

My personal opinion is to never mess with a taken girl or guy. It's a potentially really messy situation you'd be walking into. Proceed with patience and caution.

ClothingOptional · Answer

Tell her. Live in the moment and take risks that are worth taking. Don't live to regret later. Do it man!! Good luck sweetie!!

TheLuckyPizzaDog · Answer

She's with a guy that she claims she doesn't love and never has? Then why is she with him?

lalzi · Answer

I say wait it out. She is in a relationship even if she doesn't love him. If you go to her and tell her you like her the most probable thing to happen is you two sneaking around for a few weeks and she leaving you to be with her boyfriend. Also remember whatever she can do to her current boyfriend she can do to you and probably will.

Anna96 · Answer

You should definitely tell her but after she got rid of her boyfriend. Otherwise it might start a fight between the two of you and that's most certainly not what you want.

lostgirl_searching · Answer

No, just wait. If she's saying this, she should just break up with him, so obviously she still likes him.  She's still in a relationship with the guy so respect it, until she breaks up with him.

deraz24 · Answer

I'd say to wait it out but if you need to tell her go ahead I guess, if she indeed still feels some type of way towards her boyfriend it won't really matter.

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

Yep. Do it. You'll regret it if you don't and miss out on the potential for something great. Even if you get rejected you have your answer and can move on from there.

Unit1 · Answer

If she has a boyfriend, then there is nothing to be done about it.

I mean think about it: If you manage to make them break up, then someone else will manage to make you both break up too!

Leave it be and find another crush.

Kamay · Answer

If she's willing to leave him for you then she'll be willing to leave you for someone else

t_time · Answer

she should break up with her boyfriend 1st. why should she be dragging it on? I say you should but you don't want to be the rebound

Anonymous · Answer

from my experience if you're friends with her tell her how you feel but say you also love being her friend. that way if she says no its not awkward af, and if she does say no she still has that information next time she's single ;).

Warmapplecrumble · Answer

You don't have anything to lose just tell her before someone else takes her. Then all you would remember is you not trying.

aoifeislovable · Answer

Do it, she Dosent love her boyfriend and could just be waiting for a sign to break up with him!!! Do it now

Neverneverland · Answer

I think you should tell her but not actually try to "steal" her.

hazoplmeught · Answer

I accidently pressed no, wait until the breakup and dnt a homewrecker. Once they break up then you can make a move

ThisDudeHere · Answer

Kind of odd for her to remain with a boyfriend whom she does not love. What are the guarantees that she won't treat you in a similar way?

Should I tell my crush I like her?

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