To guys, how long do your unfulfilled crushes on girls last?

[Anonymous]

Hello boys. I wonder if you can help me with this ...if you have a crush on a girl, and for whatever reason you can't be with her - say you have to move away or she does - how long do you continue to have a crush on her? Imagine she's not turned you down, or anything like that - you just never got the chance to get close to her.

How long does it take you to switch off her? Does she have any chance with you after a month? a few months? a year? Thank you answerers... x

Updates

+1 y

Thank you all - I am surprised at the loyalty that you guys feel towards a crush (apart from one lol!). Not so much because girls don't feel that way about a big crush, but in fact because WE DO. I just didn't imagine you would feel the same way...

Updates

+1 y

Quick question again - if anyone's still reading :) Do you keep your crushes going in the hope that you will get the girl at some point, or is it more because it's become a comfortable thought and there's nothing else to detract your attention? thx

[markml]

Well, you know Newton's First Law about things in motion tending to stay in motion...unless something happens to change their direction?

My guess is that a guy's crush will last at least as long as it takes him to meet someone else he likes a lot. The only other thing that could hurt a crush is if you do something that is a complete turn-off to him and makes him look at you differently, but that is unlikely and does not seem to be the case you describe.

So if he's remained single, there's a very very strong possibility he still has the crush on you, no matter how much time has gone by. The crush may not be as strong as when he first met you, but it will still be there.

Of course, if you don't know if he's met anyone else, the question you may really be asking is how long will the crush be so strong that he will reject other girls he meets in hope of fulfilling the crush. Well, that depends on a number of factors, such as how strong the crush was to begin with...

I'll tell you that the strongest crush I had was when I was 13. I was very inexperienced to the realities of love then. I'd see this girl almost everyday, and had to sit right next to her a lot too, so I was constantly thinking about her. But I was too shy to even speak to her. It got to the point where I really felt it was hopeless...even though I'd not even made a move, I felt that I'd never get that courage and she probably didn't even notice me.

A little over a year went by, and that was the point where I'd lost so much hope that I felt I could finally get over her...by that, I don't mean that the crush would be over, but I could stop thinking about her all the time and try to move on with my life. It was the point where I could accept that the crush would never be fulfilled. And I would have moved on and probably eventually pursued someone else...except, right then, out-of-the-blue she decided to tell me she liked me...I bet you can imagine how that would feel!

I don't think I've ever had or will have a crush like that again, because it takes a certain childish ignorant view of the world to have a crush that strong. That was also the first strong crush I ever had. I do still get pretty strong crushes but just not quite as strong.

So something that might be a little similar to your situation...I met this girl I like who is separated by huge distance from me. When I first met her, I was getting very positive signals but now I'm getting negative signals...so I think she's turning me down but I don't know for sure. This is I guess different from your situation, because you say you haven't actually turned this guy down. Well, anyway...I'm kind of in this stage where I'm not over this girl, but it doesn't seem like there's a lot of hope, but I don't really feel like pursuing any other girls at the moment. I have a lot of emotional energy invested, and I feel like if that was all for nothing, then at this point, I just want to take a break. I've felt this way for a month.

[Asker]

Wow - what an excellent answer. Thank you. My situation is only slightly similar to yours in that there is distance involved, but it sounds like you are actually still in touch with your crush - I'm not really. We were acquaintances in the process of becoming friends and both had a huge twinkle in the eye for each other though it was never spoken about, and then he had to move away and - at least currently - is unable to keep in contact.

[Asker]

We're likely to be in touch again, but it's difficult to make that step up from where we were without going through the usual steps, and without physical contact. All I have to hope is that he felt the crush in the same way I did, and that it lasts until we get to see each other again. Pah, distance. Who'd have it.

Thanks again for your excellent answer. And good luck to you!

[markml]

We actually have been out of contact for over a month, although I feel things are still unresolved, so I have some small hope but I haven't done anything because of my uncertainty and the distance.

Depending how much time has gone by, he may have assumed that you must have moved on, and he of course probably didn't know how you felt about him. But if he's single, your chances are still good because guy's crushes don't have automatic expiration dates.

[Asker]

That's the problem with LDRs and LD crushes, they bring uncertainty and the other person is not there for reassurance. My fear is that this uncertainty, self inflicted or not, is what then eats away at our conscience, affects our commitment to the crush and can potentially destroy it. That's why I asked this question, really. I find it reassuring that so many people remain commited to their crush, puts my mind at ease a little. I say a month isn't that long. Can you instigate contact?

[markml]

Yeah, I'm going to try -- I've been kind of nervous about finding out, and if she doesn't reply I don't know what to do.

Agreed about the uncertainty, but I don't think that alone will end a crush.

[Asker]

Let me know how you get on with that call. All the best and thanks again. x

[ForgottenHero]

I met a girl 6 years ago. I took ONE look into her eyes and to this day I STILL can't shake her from my head. I've had to watch her date abusive girls and abusive guys and I KNOW I would treat her right but she will always be out of my league. i lost over 100 pounds of pure fat for her. I've overcome severe alcoholism in her name. And if she told me she wanted me I would drop EVERYTHING in my life and come running to her and completely give up all my plans for anything she wanted. I used to dream about her, about holding her. And before she could ever get the chance to kiss me I woke up intentionally and would drug myself so I was just unconscious not asleep. Eventually as my body got used to it she came back in my dreams so I trained in harsh conditions to become an insomniac. The dream wasn't bad, in fact it was the most beautiful thing in the world, love. But to see something so beautiful that I know I'll never have even though to this very second I would give everything to have is so incredibly painful that it has almost brought me to suicide so many times I've lost count. It's not just some crush anymore, it's like loving someone who will never love you back and you can't just let her go. She's everything you need in this world but you can never have her. So yeah, it never fades when you wish you could be married to her instead of going on a couple dates with her.

[Ruckyco]

Your post makes me want to hug you I wish I was that girl, I would hold you and let you rest from life in my arms. I actually sign up just to tell you that. But, it sounds more like an obsession to me now. I have abuse my medication and become addicted to different stuff because they simply made me feel normal and gave me some kind of joy. Your situation sounds the same to me. I have beeen addicted to people in the past and it is the most paintful situation to be in.

[markml]

"Do you keep your crushes going in the hope that you will get the girl at some point, or is it more because it's become a comfortable thought and there's nothing else to detract your attention?"

It's more the opposite. Crushes, particularly strong ones, are not what I would call comfortable...

In fact, all crushes, even when there's a reasonable amount of hope, can be downright frustrating. But there's not much you can do. You can't just wake up one day and decide you don't feel a certain way about someone anymore. Well...at least if you're a guy, it doesn't work that way.

Denial doesn't work, and usually just makes you more frustrated. If you're already really frustrated, you may fight to do anything to take your mind off of a crush, but denial won't work.

In terms of hoping to get with the girl, it really depends how big of a factor that is in a crush. In the beginning, there's usually a mixture of a lot of hope but also fear. When the crush is very intense, sometimes the hope will rise and sometimes the fear will rise, and it will swing back and forth between the two.

Over time, both the hope and fear will fade. The feelings you had for the person don't just die though. You just end up saying to yourself, "Whatever will be, will be" and try to move on with your life. You still dream about the person every now and then though.

[Asker]

You're right, they are frustrating, but at the same time don't you love to indulge in thoughts and fantasies and quests for information about the other person? I know I do and I love that part of a crush. That's how I ended up on this website after all. I have so much work to do and so many things other I should be doing, and instead I'm on the internet doing "does he like me" searches! : o

[Asker]

I like that you say "you can't just wake up one day and decide you don't feel that way about someone anymore" . I sort of thought, ignorantly perhaps, that boys were better than girls at talking themselves out of a negative situation. In my mind all boys are Mr Fixits so I figured..... OK, so I figured wrongly. It's reassuring to know that.

[markml]

It's funny because I thought girls were that way!

[NerdyJock]

Well I've had the hugest crush on this one girl for over 3 years now, I've had it ever since the first time I saw her and looked into her eye's. I tried to shake her from my mind but can't seem to, every time I see a beautiful girl it just makes me think of her. She'll pop up in my dreams every now and then and then I wake up disappointed.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply. Three years is a long time. When you think about her what exactly do you think? Do you still imagine a life together?

[NerdyJock]

I just think about holding her hand, holding her, I think God made her to be my perfect girl, she's everything I want in a women plus so much more

[NerdyJock]

To answer the update yeah I do hope that one day I'll be able to have her, it's my number 1 goal,

[Asker]

Wow. That is some serious conviction. You see, this is the sort of reaction that surprises me (in a good way!). Good for you - I hope you reach your goal someday.

[sa230e]

I'm going on 10, maybe 11 years now. It doesn't affect my mood so adversely any more but I can never quite manage to forget her.

[Asker]

11 years!!! and if she offered herself to you now, would you still drop everything to be with her?

[Stuarto]

Couple week maybe. I mind when I moved I sorta forgot after a week.

[Asker]

Lol, a fast mover!

[YouKeepDoingYou]

Never stoped loving my first love. At one point I just learned to deal with it. 20 now, I remember meeting her at age 12. Doesn’t mean I don’t want a committed relationship with someone though.

[Chilalii]

My situation is almost the same :(
How did it go on? Did you get to be together? Did you stay in touch?
If you don't mind sharing your experience :)

[swesh]

mine last 7 years and today i met her as scared as i was first time but still hope we meet again

[23tdmoss]

id still like her it woudnt change unless I see her again...

[Asker]

You'd continue to like her - for how long? and what would happen if you saw her again? (admission, I pressed the wrong arrow by mistake, I'll figure out a way to level out your answer to a +ve - sorry!)

[23tdmoss]

-.-..................i meant like ill have a crush on her because shed always be my mind until I see her again aftewr a long time

because it will be so long my impression of her might change and that downie hurt my feelings

[Asker]

I think I get you - you mean that you'd like her in your mind but you'd reconsider your feelings after meeting her again in case, as you said, anything had changed. That's probably very sensible. I mean, crushes are ultimately fantasies in our own heads, I do sometimes worry I make them better than the reality!

[23tdmoss]

Hahaha yeee now you get it

i think my anwser is better then the essay posted as best anwser :)

[Asker]

Ahh, but he gets 10/10 for effort! girls like evidence of effort :)

[23tdmoss]

You mean like actually putting the condom on??

im joking... I thought it was very funny though

[Asker]

....erm, there's nothing like a man who laughs at his own jokes! ;)

[23tdmoss]

Ohhh so you didn't laugh.....-.-

[wootamandawoot41]

how wouldi know? lol