How long does a Girl's crush last?

[Apope16]

Here is the story.

10 years ago when a girl was a Senior and I was a Freshman in college, we hung out together. We talked about how we had "feelings" for each other. I told her bluntly that I wasn't sure what I wanted and that I was confused after hanging out with her because I thought I liked another girl back at college. Well, a few months later, the girl found out through a casual conversation that I was seeing someone after I went away to college. She got angry and said "I never want to speak to you again."

I reached out to her best friend saying I felt bad. her bestie said it was okay and that she was a sensative Christian (im not religious). Low and behold, her best friend and i had chemistry. We date for a total of a year casually but monogamous. There was one break in between when I moved out of state. Then her best friend dumped me and I was devastated because I loved her.

Flash forward 10 years later...2017. We are grown up. The girl gets hired at my company. At her first corporate meeting she comes up to me smiling. She said hi & gave a hug. I was shocked. Then this week, we chatted after another meeting. I 4 some reason guessed right that her dad was 70 now. We chatted but I felt a weird energy vibe. She started bringing up us going to eat together 10 years ago. I had forgotten. Did she think it was a date?

Then leaving the mtg. room her 2 feet faced me and she said outloud she wanted a hug and threw both arms up laughing. My boss was in the room! I turned sideways and gave a side hug. I was starting to get turned on? I dont know why because her being religion bothers me. I dont want an innocent chic. she's too sensitive. But I am attracted. Now Im scared because she is still best friends with the girl that I fell in love with. She knows every embarrassing thing! Im trying to avoid her at work because I'm afraid people might notice this vibe we have together.

Is this girl over me? How long do girl crushes last? Im very conflicted.

[humann]

I'm in my 50s and recently ended a 6-year relationship with a woman I'd first dated back in the 80s. We hadn't seen each other in 23 years and she found me on FB, drove 120 miles to my house and within a half hour of her arrival we were having sex. We'd both been married, had a couple of kids each and gotten divorced in the interim.

I can't find it now but I once read some psychological research that claimed women take an average of 6 months to get over a relationship and men take 2 years.

There's a weird thing I've experienced three times while dating middle-aged and that is older women desperately wanting babies. My 80s girlfriend was no exception when she turned back up. She came right out and said it within the first week of getting back together. I told her no way was I having more kids, especially after she admitted that she wanted one more kid that "looked more like her". All four of the children we'd separately had are mixed race but she really wanted one that was blond/blue as we both are. Talk about feeling objectified! No, I never got her pregnant but I was pretty terrified by her regular "jokes" about sperm-stealing. She was so hilarious, with a brutal, bleak sense of humor to match my own, and the sex was so epic that it took six years for me to get tired enough of her control issues and manipulativeness to end it. When she made it clear that I had to choose between her wishes (move to another state) and my teenaged daughter's wishes (to stay in LA and finish high school with her friends), my choice was obvious.

Your situation sounds like it could *possibly* have a similar dynamic so I suggest you be careful. She clearly likes you but to what end? You're both in your early 30s I'm guessing? Do either of you already have kids? Because if you do and you're a good dad/provider that can be extra attractive. I was told that by one of the other women who tried to get pregnant with me when I was in my mid-40s.

I'm sure women will downvote this comment but I'm not saying all women do this. It is a thing that happens though and it's best to discuss it early in any relationship. No older guys ever warned me about it so I was absolutely astounded when it happened to me three times during my 40s.

[Apope16]

She is a couple years younger than me. I am 30. She is like a mouse. It sounds like you attract very strong willed and blunt women. That is what I typically attract. She is different.

I think what you missed in the comment section is that she is super duper Christian. She is the type that probably will wait until marriage to have sex. I ain't down with that. I like to check the engine before I buy the car.

[humann]

It sounds like you know her and know what you want. Just be super careful with the office politics and her hugs. If you hurt her feelings losing your job isn't the worst thing she could put you through. Women's hurt feelings are so easily weaponized these days I'm glad I'm retired.

[Apope16]

Yeah. I have never grown up as a hugger. I have never in my life given any hug in a corporate office. I have noticed that a l have noticed that a lot of women in the office ask me out for drinks. then I turn out to be the talk of many of the girls via gossip.

Anyways, I felt very uncomfortable. I think I have a crush on her again even though her values are the opposite in mind. She wanted a full frontal hug right in front of my boss. Uhm. Based on past feelings between us that is rather sensual. I dont know what my female boss would think. Thanks for your advice.

[Apope16]

Your reply gives me hope. Its a great story. I will pick it as most hopeful.

[altaxo]

Well, how long a girl's crush lasts depends on many reasons, some of which may be whether the guy she likes is single, whether her friends approve and whether she feels she could have a future with him. Most of my friends don't go over the 2 year thing, but if she's like me, maybe, since I've liked a guy since I met him (he was, and still is my first crush, 5+ years now), so it all really depends on what kind of a thing you two had.

[CheshireCat89]

She likely just feel awkward because of your history with both her and her friend.

The hug was probably meant to say that there are no hard feelings that should effect your work together.

[Apope16]

Thanks, yeah it was awkward because I started walking away. And said goodbye. Then she rushed out the door into the hallway, called after me breathlessly, then followed me all the way to the lunchroom. She was asking me details about what was knew with me and she is white so she blushes very easily. I just noticed an immediate change when i guessed how old her dad was correctly 10 years after last seeing her. She just got excited or something.

[daniel_shalome]

Small And Round World You Live In Dude!

[Apope16]

Dude you are witty like Oscar Wilde and hilarious to boot! you look like the dude too!

[daniel_shalome]

Thanks Bro *Blush*